Time to Make the Donuts: Red Sox Get a Walk Off Win Over the Cardinals

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Mookie Betts doing Mookie Betts things last night in a walkoff win over the Cardinals. Just battling and grinding with 2 outs in the 9th before smoking a 3-2 pitch off the wall to knock in 2 runs and get the walk off win.

What made this all the sweeter was witnessing the Cardinals have an absolute meltdown in the 9th inning over some pretty minor shit. Just wilting under the pressure of the Sox mounting a comeback in the bottom of the 9th.

Molina snapped in the 9th when the home plate umpire called time after reliever John Brebbia held onto the ball for what felt like 10 seconds. Literally yelling in the ump’s face, all while the Cardinals are still up by 1 in the 9th inning. Cardinals manager Mike Matheny comes out to argue and ends up getting ejected. Less than 5 minutes later the Sox complete the comeback and walk off with the win. Thanks St. Louis!

PS – Nothing beats a walk off win, but don’t think I didn’t notice Jackie Bradley Jr. getting gunned down at the plate. Except Yadier Molina couldn’t handle the throw and JBJ was safe. If Molina handles that cleanly then JBJ is out by a MILE and we’re all yet again roasting the Red Sox for their abysmal base running. Just something to keep an eye on and remember when a gigantic base running error totally fucks them in the playoffs.

Phil Kessel Gets the Last Laugh by Crushing Hot Dogs Out of the Stanley Cup

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Now THAT is how you clap back at the haters. If this were Beyonce or Rihanna responding to people on Instagram for fat shaming this picture would be on Good Morning America. But nay, since its Phil Kessel its just for us bloggers to champion.

For anyone unfamiliar with the reference, this is in response to the Toronto Sun hockey writers shitting on Kessel on his way out the door after the Maple Leafs traded him.

“The hot dog vendor who parks daily at Front and John Sts. just lost his most reliable customer. Almost every afternoon at 2:30 p.m., often wearing a toque, Phil Kessel would wander from his neighbourhood condominium to consume his daily snack.”

That was the lede of the story! Keep doing you man, pound those dogs like your on Coney Island on the fucking 4th of July. If only the Bruins could get players like Kessel.

Time to Make the Donuts: Red Sox Turned a Triple Play Last Night

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So the Red Sox turned a triple play against the Cardinals last night, their first one in 6 years. Sure having Yadier Molina running in his snowshoes helped, but hey a triple play is a triple play.

The first triple play I can remember watching live was back in like 2006 when Hanley Ramirez turned an unassisted triple play in spring training. It was glorious. He leaped high to snag a line drive, ran over to second and threw to first to grab all 3 outs himself. Then the Sox traded him shortly after and I didn’t get to see him play at Fenway for another 10 years. I’d show you guys, but this one doesn’t seem to be in the interwebs catalogues so you’ll have to take my word for it. This was before Hanley became the defensive liability we know him as today and had to move to third base, then left field and now first base (read: DH). I’ll never forget reading the scouting report on Double-A prospect Hanley Ramirez’s defense at SS: “He’ll make a competent outfielder one day.” Kind of!

Shoutout to Dentists for Legitimately Just Giving Up On Getting People to Floss

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You know when you go to the dentist and after they destroy your mouth they send you home with a little care package? They usually send you home with the bag full of new swag; a new toothbrush, some toothpase, maybe a few coupons and of course floss. Well, no more my friends. After years of going to the dentist and being interrogated under that hot light on when was the last time I flossed.

After years of that passive aggressive approach, it would appear the dental community has said fuck it, we’re not going to waste any more floss on you heathens.

Got in my car, went to check my bag and there was no floss to be found. Not even one of those fluoride sticks. It would seem dentists have had enough. We appease them, we tell them we floss, but they know we’re lying. They’re literally inside your mouth, they can tell you haven’t flossed since the Bush administration.

And now they just do not care any more. I gotta say, its kind of refreshing. Its the first time I thought, well shit I may have to go buy some floss at the store, ever. We’re all just children anyways, put the onus on us and maybe we’ll do it. But give me a free mile of floss? That shit ends up in the trash before I even make it home. Reverse psychology at its finest.

Time to Make the Donuts: Rafael Devers Goes Deep Twice Last Night

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So in what is becoming a recurring theme around here, Rafael Devers is still absolutely raking and has helped save this team from the crater sized hole the goddamn Panda left at third base. After taking a 103 mph Aroldis Chapman fastball yard in the 9th inning at Yankee Stadium the other night, Devers followed that up with a 2 HR performance last night.

The kid continues to display stupid power for a 20 year old as once again he hit what looked like a towering pop fly to left field that just carried and carried until it was over the Monster. John Henry must be thanking the gods that he didn’t let Dave Dombrowski trade this kid.

Soon to Be Miami Marlins Owner Derek Jeter Wants to Remove the Home Run Sculpture

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Yahoo – On Friday, a group led by Yankees legend Derek Jeter and New York businessman Bruce Sherman agreed to buy the Miami Marlins from Jeffrey Loria for $1.2 billion. The agreement was confirmed by the Marlins on Saturday, but is still weeks away from being approved by the other MLB owners. But that doesn’t mean Jeter and company aren’t already putting thought into their future plans. Among those plans could be a significant change to the landscape at Marlins Park. That’s the word from FanRag Sports’ Jon Heyman, who says Jeter’s group is giving serious consideration to removing the infamous home-run sculpture.

Before I get into this, did anyone else realize this sculpture that goes off after every home run cost $2.5 MILLION DOLLARS. That is fucking bananas. The sculpture that looks like Miami Vice got drunk and puked in a coy pond. The thing that looks like a mashup between the New York Mets apple in center field and the old Lets Go Fishin game.

Yes, that thing cost $2.5 Million Dollars.

So as much as I love ridiculous shit, I’m not gonna cry if Jeets rips this thing out of the ground. With that being said though I hope the guy who literally used to give gift baskets to chicks after scoring (thats a baseball pun), I hope that guy doesn’t turn the Marlins into a fun-less baseball factory like his Yankees because every stadium needs some ridiculous shit to make it unique.

 

I Am Officially Spooked About Dustin Pedroia’s Knee

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NESN – For the second time this month, Red Sox second baseman Dustin Pedroia has been placed on the 10-day disabled list with left knee inflammation. Pedroia had surgery on the knee last October, but it has been problematic for much of this season. The move back to the DL on Saturday comes just four days after Pedroia was activated. Pedroia served as the designated hitter on Tuesday at Tropicana Field and was out of the lineup on Wednesday and again on Friday following an off-day for the Red Sox.

I feel like this is a story line thats flown under the radar because the Red Sox have been killing it lately. Particularly the guys that have been shuffling around to fill in for Dustin Pedroia like Eduardo Nunez and Rafael Devers have been playing especially well. So people haven’t really seemed too concerned with Pedroia as of late. Except he just went back on the DL with the same knee injury, less than a week after coming off the DL. Four days after being activated to be exact. I am officially spooked.

This all goes back to the first time Pedroia went on the DL and Dave Dombrowski dropped a quote that made me do a double take. He said Pedroia’s knee injury is something that Dustin will have to monitor for “the rest of his career”

After just thinking the injury was related to that dickhead Manny Machado spiking him at second base earlier this year, Dombrowski basically turned me into a frantic soccer mom with one sentence. Whether Dombrowski intentionally revealed that or if it was just a slip of the tongue, you’ve got to seriously wonder what is going on with Pedroia’s knee.

Being a guy thats played through a multitude of injuries over the years, I think people take that for granted. People just expect him to come back and play through injuries regardless of what they are. He is a smaller guy who takes a beating playing his position very aggressively and those little nagging injuries eventually catch up with you and turn into larger debilitating injuries and spawn trips to the DL.

Hopefully its just an instance of one injury flaring up on him and not the beginning of the decline. Especially for a guy who prides himself on being out there (he’s played 135+ games 5 out of the last 6 years) the Red Sox could be forced to more carefully monitor Pedroia’s innings. Remember when Pedey busted his foot, the guy was out at second taking BP ground balls on his knees? He’s signed for 4 more years through 2021 so the Red Sox are going to want to make sure he’s good to go rather than just running him into the ground. In the meantime, doesn’t hurt to have your replacement batting a cool .400

Falcons Coach Dan Quinn Channeling Michael Scott With His New Weird Clock

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Even a broken clock is right twice a day, right Dan Quinn? I think Dan Quinn is a good coach, but I think he may be bringing over a little too much of the zany Pete Carroll stuff. This weird The Time is Now clock sounds like a Michael Scott motivational poster.

We always hear about how professional athletes are grown ass men that don’t need extra motivation and sometimes even tune out a coach who is too rah rah. Well, bootleg Nike slogans on a clock are probably right up there. And this all comes after his Embrace the Suck after their Super Bowl loss to the Patriots and then of course Matt Ryan cucking himself with that Gatorade commercial getting stomped in said Super Bowl.

But who knows, maybe his players enjoy this stuff. Maybe I’m a jaded robot after 16+ years with emotionless Bill Belichick and the Patriot Way and Do Your Job. Hey if it ain’t broke don’t fix it. And while I thoroughly enjoy watching loud, bombastic coaches on the sidelines, after 5 Super Bowl titles I’ll take the stoic hoodie over Pete Carroll dabbing on the sidelines any day of the week.

Introducing the MLB Players Weekend Hats AKA Straight Acid Trip Apparel

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To go along with Players Weekend and the nicknames jerseys, MLB is also rolling out some new wacky hats to match. This is some straight up acid trip apparel that I am unfamiliar with. Are the managers going to be required to wear Kramer’s technicolor dreamcoat?

But seriously, these are some wacky color combos. I’m 100% a jaded man and see this is a blatant marketing cash grab, disguised as a fun, quirky gimmick to show how fun baseball is. Now unsurprisingly you’ve got your usual suspects of teams that did the bare minimum like the Yankees, the Giants, and the Angels.

The Giants and the Angels basically just rolled out their normal hats. Good job, good effort guys.

Then you’ve got teams who said, “Acid? Why not make it 2 tabs, lets fucking go!”

Now theres actually a few pretty sharp hats in here too that take advantage of the wild color schemes and use it to create something fun and eye catching:

This is a choice hat by the Rockies going with their secondary logo, that is a great goddamn hat.

Doesn’t matter if you’re the worst team in baseball if you look slick in a new cap and the Liberty Bell logo here does that as both bold yet minimalist.

Really solid hat here for Minnesota, combining the state outline with the Twin Cities logo.

Unfortunately the Red Sox were not one of those teams, which hurts to say coming from a HUGE hat guy like myself. The Sox Players Weekend hat is a decidedly mediocre “meh.”

The other contenders for “hats I would potentially buy.”

You can never go wrong with a sexy throwback A’s hat. Pair this with a bushy mustache and a YUCK t-shirt to go full Dennis Eckersley and David Price legitimately may fight you on Yawkey Way.

Pirates usually have some pretty solid caps as I am the proud owner of the throwback striped pillbox hat.

This is a solid effort from the Pirates for Players Weekend, probably could’ve used a black brim though to even things out a bit.

Despite the fact I just deducted points from Pittsburgh for going too yellow, the Rays embrace it with the still ridiculous sunburst logo to make an exceptionally loud hat.

Now THAT is how you break down the apparel of professional sports teams. Your move, Uni Watch.