Tag: Bucs

Tom Brady Fails to Mention the Patriots, the Area, or the Fans in His 900+ Word Retirement Speech

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Although there isn’t much chance I bang my way through this without an ounce of bias, I am going to try my hardest to stick to the facts and be fair. I think I can do a pretty good job of that.

So here they are, the facts as they exist today

-Tom Brady played in the NFL for 22 seasons
-His first 20 were played in New England
-His last two were played in Tampa Bay
-He had kind words about New England when he left for his final two seasons (9% of his career)
-He had some nice words when he played New England this year
-He retired officially today
-In his 900+ word retirement speech, which lasted multiple scrolls of an IG post, he never once mentioned New England, the Patriots franchise, or the fans
-He thanked the Glazers (owner of the Bucs), coach Bruce Arians, Tampa, the Tamps fanbase profusely

Do you kind of see where I am going with this?

Tom Brady fans have defended him going to Tampa Bay since the moment it became official. I kind of found it odd. But I find a lot things a lot of humans do odd so I sort of ignored it, minus the occasional acidy remark when I got fed up with people talking about him like he still played here. It was just an odd time in Boston sports. Bruins, Celts, Sox, Pats, Tom Brady, for some. There were others like me too. He chose to leave and he was no longer on our team. Best of luck, but that’s it. Relationships of all kinds end. It’s just best to move on.

So I’ll admit I feel a bit vindicated now. Sad too. We did win six super bowls with the guy. People cherished Tom Brady. He was a beacon of hope in their dark worlds. And I get it man, I do. But he left. He didn’t care to stick around. He went to another city for two of the 22 years he has been in the league and the 44+ years he’s been on earth and the only people he thanked on the way out were the people who cheered him on in between dips in his pool at the AirBnb he rented for a couple of years.

He didn’t care about the people of New England. He didn’t mention us. He didn’t mention you. He didn’t mention Kraft. Regardless of his feelings for Belichick, Kraft and Brady always felt like family. They were, we thought, eternally linked. Kraft bringing this shitty franchise back from the brink with Brady at the front of the cavalry. And ya, he didn’t, as expected, thank Bill Belichick. That ended poorly. But Belichick gave him his shot all those years ago. Bledsoe was good to start the super bowl. An all-everything QB and Belichick went with the kid. What if he hadn’t? Who cares I guess. Thank you Bruce Arians.

Look, he has every right to write whatever thank you note he wants on his way out. I’m not criticizing that. I’m not criticizing him, actually. I’m criticizing everyone who called themselves a “Patriots fan” but still worshipped at the temple of Brady. Who thought they were anything other than someone who was cheering on their ex as they walked up the aisle with someone else. It was cringe-worthingly sad to begin with. Now that we know they had been cheating on you the whole time, that can’t feel good, and it makes it even more awkward.

With any luck though this is it. He’s gone. He’s retired. Hopefully locally at least that’s the last we hear of it. We have a new QB who I heard is pretty good. He led us to the playoffs and made the pro bowl. Maybe say a couple Hail Marys as penance and then come back to your team.

Just block your ex on facebook first.

One Year Ago Today Tom Brady Broke Our Hearts

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I can’t believe it’s already/only been a year since Tom Brady officially announced he was leaving the Patriots after 20 seasons. Less than a week later Boston Mayor Marty Walsh officially shut down the entire city and so began the worst year of all of our lives. Coincidence? I think not. Since then so much has happened including the absolutely apocalyptic global pandemic, every professional sports league pausing and resuming games, we had perhaps the most virulent Presidential election of our lifetime, rioters stormed the Capitol, Zoom became more common than brushing your teeth, everybody is going on their 2nd straight birthday in quarantine, oh and Tom Brady won yet another Super Bowl except this time for a different team. That all happened in just the last 365 days.

I actually just finished the excellent Patriots book by Jeff Benedict, The Dynasty, and while it definitely does have a friendly slant towards the Kraft family, it still may just be the most complete historical retelling of the entire Tom Brady/Bill Belichick/Robert Kraft era in New England. Benedict’s book does a superb job navigating through all of the drama, hearsay, history, the highs and the lows of the past 20 years and it really is nothing short of amazing the levels of success this franchise reached.

“The New England Patriots of the Tom Brady era are in the pantheon of greatest sports dynasties. No team in the twenty-first century formed a deeper emotional connection with its fans–or aroused more passionate disdain from opposing fans–than the Patriots under Robert Kraft, Bill Belichick, and Tom Brady. Together they created a golden era of football that started in the year of the 9/11 terror attacks and continued for two decades. If the Patriots’ dynasty had behaved like its football predecessors in Green Bay, Pittsburgh, and San Francisco, the run in Foxborough would have ended much sooner, perhaps as early as 2010 or 2011. But Kraft’s biggest achievement as an owner was keeping Belichick and Brady together for so long. They needed each other to reach heights that had previously seemed unimaginable.”

Well put.

Here’s what I wrote a year ago today about Brady officially leaving the Patriots.

I can’t believe the day has finally come. Tom Brady is leaving the New England Patriots. Despite days, months, and even years of preparing for this it still doesn’t feel real. I feel like Cameron in Ferris Bueller’s day off right now: catatonic.

We all knew this day was coming, but it still sucks to see the end of an era. I don’t fault Brady, especially if he did get a massive payday somewhere else and the Pats offered him peanuts. Can’t blame the guy for wanting to make market value after taking discounts his entire career. Especially if the Patriots and Belichick wanted him to sing for his supper just to lowball him again.

Then? Then Brady immediately proved Belichick and any remaining doubters wrong as he won his 7th Super Bowl only this time with an entirely new team. It only made it crystal clear that if the Patriots had put a better supporting cast around Brady that he could still be an elite, championship winning quarterback. So yes, I still have a lot of hard feelings about how it all ended, but everything ultimately runs its course and that’s what inevitably happened here. If you are one of the few fans out there who blames Brady for leaving then I highly recommend you read The Dynasty because that guy gave everything he had, which led to a legitimately heartbreaking final meeting with Robert Kraft.

Tom Brady may be living it up down in Tampa Bay, but now and forever, that’s my quarterback.

This Guy On Twitter Predicted Colin Cowherd’s Response to Baker Mayfield Seeing a UFO to a Tee

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I love Colin Cowherd, he’s one of the best in the business at what he does, but this guy on Twitter predicting Colin’s response to a wacky Baker Mayfield story is hilarious, yet telling. Maybe it’s time to punch up the script a little bit. Anyways Baker Mayfield claims to have seen a UFO the other night. Maybe he did, maybe he was high as a kite, I don’t know. But this fake Colin Cowherd quote in response to the UFO story made me laugh out loud.

Now here’s what Cowherd actually said just a few hours later…

Too easy, Colin.

It’s the backwards hat debate on steroids. Cowherd railed against Tony Romo for years and said he would never win a Super Bowl because he wore his hat backwards. That’t it. That was the pillar of the argument. CEOs don’t wear backwards hats vis a vis Tony Romo was a bum according to Colin. Anddd that’s where I get off.

At least Tom Brady was there to provide a little levity like a social media marketing snake in the grass just waiting for the perfect moment to strike and grab some retweets.

Russell Wilson Rumored to Be On the Trade Block and the Patriots Aren’t Even MENTIONED as a Landing Spot

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How is one of the most successful franchises in NFL history that has a gigantic, gaping hole at the quarterback position not even mentioned as a possible landing spot for an elite QB that is suddenly and unexpectedly on the trade block? Whether it was Deshaun Watson, Matthew Stafford, Carson Wentz, and now Russell Wilson the Patriots don’t seem to be in on any of them. Regardless of what you think of each and everyone of those guys, all of them have played at an MVP level yet the Pats have no interest. I know in New England we have somehow fetishized “value” and take pride in our team not overpaying for anything. Well, sometimes you need to overpay a little bit or you get stuck driving a ’95 Civic with cigarette holes in the armrests because you don’t wanna pay for a premium for a gently used 2018 SUV with leather seats.

This team has a lot of holes so understandably Bill Belichick isn’t doing cartwheels when thinking about having to trade 2-4 first rounders for a quarterback. Yes, Russell Wilson will turn 33 next season so thats a consideration as well. But the larger point to be made is there have been some solid to excellent QBs on the market this offseason and there hasn’t been a single peep about the Pats. Are they really that against overpaying to solidify the most important position in sports? Well…probably yes, considering they let Tom Brady walk out the door rather than give the man an extension and some roster input. And Tom Brady these other guys are not.

But maybe it’s something worse…has the allure of the Patriots gone out the door with TB12?

It was widely reported that Stafford specifically said he would not play in New England and we all called him a puss for it. But Adam Schefter also reported that “the Cowboys, Saints, Raiders, and Bears are the only teams Wilson would consider.” So if the Pats don’t want to dump a handful of first rounders into one position I don’t necessarily agree with it, but I understand. However, if it’s more of players simply not wanting to come here then that’s a much larger issue.

Above all else, I just would like to see some semblance of a plan from Belichick. Whether that’s going out and bringing back the prodigal son in Jimmy G, trading up in the draft to get a guy like Trey Lance, or bringing on a bridge QB like Marcus Mariota and then drafting another QB late. Something tangible to build towards. But bringing back Cam Newton on a veteran minimum contract after he threw 8 touchdowns last year is not a plan. That’s just allowing your environment to dictate your actions. It’s time to make a move.

Just a Little Avocado Tequila Shirt On Sale Now!

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Nothing to see here, just a little Avocado Tequila. Buy Now!

Tom Brady getting day drunk on the river, tossing the Lombardi Trophy from boat to boat is giving me all sorts of FOMO while I sit at my desk with a space heater freezing my ass off wishing the Patriots could find players like that. Either way, the must have t-shirt of 2021 has arrived. Buy Now!

Tom Brady May Have Had a Few Cocktails at the Bucs Super Bowl Parade

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THAT’S MY QUARTERBACK!

Tom Brady is HAMMERED and I love it. Throw in some of those forbidden nightshades and this man seems prepared to go on a Mike Napoli-esque bender.

As an adult with a fully functioning brain I am here to tell you the only thing better than day drinking is day drinking on a boat floating down the river. I’ve done the whole pontoon thing a couple of times in Chicago, which is the poor person equivalent of a Super Bowl boat parade, but it is the only way to drink in the summer. Not to mention Tom rolled up in his own $2 million dollar boat like an absolute legend.

I have to admit, I’ve been to a bunch of championship parades, albeit normally while freezing my ass off, so I’m not gonna complain, BUT this 80 degree boat parade seems like the way to do it.

Brady deserves to really let loose like this. His mentor/boss/coach for the last 20 years essentially forced him out of town because he thought he was done. So Brady goes down to Florida, becomes the de facto player-coach, makes the playoffs, goes through Drew Brees, Aaron Rodgers, and Patrick Mahomes, wins the Super Bowl, and yet another SB MVP. As I said the other day, I don’t think it’s humanly possible to feel more vindicated than Tom Brady feels right now. So enjoy this parade my man, you just dragged the corpse of a loser franchise to the pinnacle of football and somehow reached yet another level of personal legacy. The GOAT, indeed.

Oh and yes, everyone in or around this massive, maskless aquatic celebration is probably going to get Covid.

Julian Edelman is NOT Retiring. Here’s the Top 3 Key Factors

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There has been rampant speculation the last week or so that Julian Edelman may be calling it a career after a rather innocuous tweet, but hey the Patriots aren’t playing in January for the first time in forever so people are bored and reading more into things than they normally would. Despite missing the last 10 games of the season due to knee surgery, Edelman came out today and squashed any rumors of him retiring just yet. If you’ve been paying attention over the last decade or so, it’s hard to imagine him going out on Injured Reserve. With that being said, that time is coming sooner than later, so let’s take a look at some of the key factors that led to his return.

1.) Edelman has 1 year left on his contract

Despite being beat to all hell over the years, the guy just loves to ball. So with at least one year left where a team wants him to play football for them, I can’t see Edelman saying no to that. Whether he probably should retire or not with his long term health in mind is a different question. I know he’s pretty far behind Stanley Morgan in terms of Touchdowns and Receiving Yards (and games played), but with his 3 Super Bowl rings, his reliability on the field, his Jerry Rice-esque playoff stats, and his laundry list of clutch plays, Edelman is already the greatest receiver in Patriots history if you ask me. He’s also only 52 receptions behind Wes Welker for the all-time Patriots record so that could factor into him playing another season or two.

2.) Does Edelman want to retire a Patriot or rejoin Tom Brady?

In what seems to be a popular move these days a lot of former Patriots are finding their way down to Tampa. Whether thats through a pseudo-retirement like Gronk, which still doesn’t sit well with me, or even guys who only had a cup of coffee, albeit a wildly successful cup, with the Pats like Antonio Brown. There’s also speculation that more could join him like impending free agent James White, who would be an oh so perfect fit in Tampa. So with Edelman announcing he’ll be back that would seem to confirm he’s not going to try and force his way out of town to rejoin Tom in Florida. Now if he’s healthy and Tom is still playing, he could link up with him after *next* season, but those are two big ifs. Mostly because Edelman’s health is never a certainty, but also because Brady only signed a 2-year contract so he could actually, finally, be retired at that point.

But I think this is missing the entire point.

While Julian Edelman clearly reveres Tom Brady, people seem to forget how much he genuinely loves playing for Bill Belichick. If you’ve seen Edelman’s documentary or read any of his life story then you know Edelman’s dad was a Hall of Fame hard ass who worked Jules’ to the bone growing up and helped mold him into the guy he is today. And I genuinely believe that is something that Edelman not only appreciates, but he craves it. Not to mention Belichick is the only guy that gave Edelman a shot coming out of college and again putting him in a position to succeed in the NFL.

Plus few people have embraced living in Boston more than Edelman has. The guy still lives in the Back Bay, rides his skateboard around town, and is known to pop into random spots like Hojoko in Fenway for a burger. So yes the Pats were a dumpster fire last year while the Bucs are still playing for a Super Bowl berth, but with everything I just rattled off I truly think Edelman wants to retire as a Patriot.

3.) Slot Receiver History

Edelman will be 35 before the start of training camp with 11 seasons already under his belt and a litany of injuries over the years, but I can’t imagine a guy with a self produced documentary called “100%” and a biography called “Relentless” wanting to go out this way. Keep in mind, statistically he had literally his best game EVER in Week 2 against Seattle going off for 8 catches and 179 yards before nagging injuries caught up to him and the wheels fell off the Cam Newton experiment. So as of just a few months ago he still had elite production. However he is already past the expiration date we see on just about every slot receiver, who all take an inhumane level of abuse throughout their careers. Wes Welker retired at the age of 34, but had his last 50+ reception season at 32. The Jets’ all-time slot guy Wayne Chrebet retired at the age of 32. Troy Brown is probably the best Edelman comparison at this point as he caught his last pass at the age of 35 when he had 43 receptions for 384 yards and 4 Touchdowns. Obviously the talent devoid Patriots will need more from a 35-year-old Edelman than 43/384/4 if they’re going to be successful, but thats the measuring stick for 35-year-old slot receivers. Clearly it’s not fair to expect 100 receptions from a guy going into his 12 season, but that just goes to show you the situation the Pats have put themselves in with poor personnel moves (trading a 2nd for Mohamed Sanu) and even worst drafting (1st round WR N’Keal Harry).

While I have no idea if Belichick will do what I hope he does and execute Order 66 this offseason to get the Patriots back to where they need to be, I am glad we get to watch at least one more year of Julian Edelman.

Tom Brady Went From Belichick Criticizing Him Privately to Bruce Arians Dumping All Over Him Publicly

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Bruce Arians came out of the gates FIRING on Sunday after losing the first game of the Tom Brady era and if I were Brady I would be bullshit for getting thrown under the bus in Week ONE. I’m half expecting Brady and Gronk to drop a Hit Em Up remix dissing Arians before next weekend.

Its been widely reported that one of the reasons Tom Brady left New England, other than it was just time for a change of scenery, is that his relationship with Belichick had started to grate on him. Belichick treated Brady like a first year player (or Fucking Johnny Foxboro according to Giselle) and gave him just as much criticism as the next guy in the locker room. Except Belichick did it privately. You never heard a word about this in press conferences even if Brady played like garbage, which he rarely did. Welp, if getting criticized privately bothered Brady he must love whats going on in Tampa Bay right now.

Arians went out of his way to very publicly blame both interceptions on Brady. Now I’m no film geek so I’m not sitting here watching the All-22, but I would bet my non-existent house on the fact that Tom Brady is reading coverages better than Mike Evans.

To paraphrase the great Katt Williams “…maybe we should stop beating our kids……publicly.”

Even if it was TB12’s fault, you just overhauled your entire team and moved heaven and earth to bring the greatest player of all time to a city known for nothing but strip clubs and you immediately rip the guy the first chance you get? Now that he has a real QB in the room, Arians is like Kelly Kapoor in a blazer.

Granted, Brady isn’t going to just go into the tank and pout because his coach criticized him on TV, but uhhh this ain’t exactly helpful. I had this discussion with Big Z the other day, but this is literally the worst offseason ever for a 43-year-old QB to change teams. As Big Z put it, meetings were outlawed and preseason games cancelled.

Some people thought it came off as Arians yet again throwing his QB under the bus, most notably Emmanuel Acho was chirping the Bucs coach.

The problems went far beyond the QB for Tampa though as they were an undisciplined mess on Sunday with tons of penalties, miscommunications, and ugly plays like the muffed kickoff return that two Bucs had to legit work together to somehow pull off.

If, and this is a gigantic if, the Bucs can get their shit together they are obviously a very talented team and can do some damage in the NFC. I have never doubted Tom Brady once in my life, so I’m certainly not going to start now, but they better get organized.

My Fantasy QB Cam Newton is Dressing Bad, Playing Worse

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Look, sometimes I enjoy dressing like a dickhead too. Maybe throw on some white jeans when I’m in a beach town and have a couple crafties by the water. But Cam Newton cannot continue to dress like Audrey Hepburn if he is going to keep putting up these disastrous fantasy performances.

I honestly don’t know what I did to Ron Rivera to deserve such blatant disrespect for my fantasy team, but he’s about to get himself fired with bullshit play calls like this.

In reality he’s probably still hurt after offseason shoulder surgery and an ankle injury in the preseason because he missed throws that literally I could make on multiple occasions last night.

I give him credit for shouldering the blame, but I don’t know if he actually gets it. It sure as shit doesn’t seem like it with SNL worthy clips like this from his post game presser.

If we’re being honest I knew I was in trouble last week after I saw him strutting to the podium wearing a hat wrapped in barbed wire immediately following a 5 point performance.

Maybe this is all some abstract art project like the time Joaquin Phoenix pretended to lose his mind just because. I remember being legitimately concerned for the guy and it all turned out to be a hoax. Remember even David Letterman almost kicked his ass.

But hey, if I can’t win a fantasy football matchup, at least I can laugh at my own expense. Here are the best of the rest smoking Aunt May Cam Newton’s outfit last night.