All that is man right here.
Whats the biggest size Fathead makes? Okay, double it and overnight that to me asap. Need this draping the entire side of my house before Super Bowl Sunday.
So the XFL is back, it’s football re-envisioned, no thongs or concussions yadda yadda ok great.
As I told Dougie earlier the novelty has already worn off and it’s been two hours. HOWEVER, coming up with a dream team? Brotha, I’m your man. As a recovering draft nerd, I still dabble in discovering fringe pro players who may be looking for work. Here’s how my team would play out:
QB1: Dominique Davis
Davis was a HUGE recruit for BC. A dual-threat QB, he failed at school in Chestnut Hill and then failed at football at East Carolina. I think he’d venture down from the CFL for the right opportunity.
Clipboard Holder: Brady Quinn
The pride of Dublin, OH. He knows the game. He’s good looking. He likes being on TV. Done deal.
Emergency QB: JaMarcus Russell
Someone has to throw the hail mary.
RB1: Peyton Hillis
Over-muscled and ill tempered, Hillis once graced the cover of Madden. I have no doubt he’d jump at the opportunity to grace the bargain bin of Game Stop as the poster boy for XFL 20′.
RB2: Denard Robinson
Shoelace himself. The fastest guy I’ve ever watched. a college QB turned RB. Great 3rd down guy, get the ball in his hands and let him fly. Or watch his shoes come off. Entertainment is the name of the XFL game.
FB: Glenn Gronkowski
Sticking with Dougie’s pick here. You need a Gronk in the league.
WR1: Adarius Bowman
My dream comes true. Adarius Bowman playing under the bright lights on US soil. Another CFL guy, Bowman was a draft crush of mine wayyy back when. He was a specimen (6’3 220ish) of a WR coming out of OK ST and then….well then he ran a 4.8 at the combine. No bueno. It’s comeback season baby.
WR2: Chad Jackson
Ole Action Jackson. The first in a long line of Bill Belichick WR draft busts comes to seek his revenge.
WR3: Armanti Edwards
The QB who led App St’s upset over Michigan actually showed enough promise to be drafted in the 3rd round by Carolina as a WR. He too, is now in Canada.
TE: Zak Sudfeld
MINIIIII GROOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNKKK. The greatest preseason player ever comes back as the greatest XFL TE ever.
“What would you do if you could reimagine the game of football?”
Vince McMahon always has been and always will be the ultimate showman. Oh that ill conceived football league I launched in 2001 that only lasted one season? Well guess what, we’re doubling down and bringing it back! Vince said he’s here to “give the game of football back to fans.” What does that mean? Nobody knows! But it sure as shit fuels the hype machine.
Vince made the announcement on Twitter dot com because he’s savvy like that before taking questions from reporters. Highlights from the #XFL2020 press conference below:
So Vince was super dodgy about giving any actual details on the league, why he’s bringing it back, what exactly will be different etc. but it seems like he’s going to be giving himself more time to actually get something quality in place. Rather than rushing it, the XFL will begin play in 2020, so thats a 2 year window for Vince to get it together. Vince referenced the quality of play as the No. 1 thing that was lacking the first time around so we’ll see if 2 years is enough time to get some decent talent together.
I’m sure plenty of details and rumors will flood in over the coming days. But for now, lets get to whats really important. Whats my starting lineup for my first game in the XFL? This is assuming nobody is going to leave the NFL unless they hate money, so we’re going to have to dig deeper with some castoffs or guys that may be on their way out of the NFL.
I had Money Manziel and Adrian Peterson penciled into my starting lineup, but then Vince dropped this line:
“You want someone who does not have any criminality whatsoever associated with them. In the XFL even if you have a DUI you will not play in the XFL so that would probably eliminate some of them…If Tim Tebow wants to play, he could very well play.”
So that probably eliminates Manziel, Peterson and basically half the available players out there. We’ll go with my guy Tim Tebow instead because they will let him do whatever the hell he wants. The first coach since Urban Meyers that will be willing to build an offense around Tebow. But in case he doesn’t want to leave his cushy job at ESPN/hitting cleanup for the Mets, then we’ll smuggle former Oregon QB Vernon Adams out of the CFL and let him do his damn thing. I cannot imagine anyone other than a running QB will have any success in the XFL.
Running the ball we’ve got old school thunder and lighting with my man Reggie Bush, who should have no problem carving up the scrub DII linebackers he’ll be playing against, and Toby Gerhart backing him up because…well…hey man slim pickings for running backs not on an NFL roster these days. The Pats have 5 running backs for christ’s sake.
We got Baby Gronk at fullback because how are you going to have the XFL without a Gronkowski in it?
Who are my go-to receivers? Easy. The first two guys I’m calling are T.O. and Ocho Cinco because ya just know those guys are rearing to go and would probably play for minimum wage at this point. T.O can still play, he’s just insufferable so nobody wanted him on their team….in the NFL. Then we got old reliable Wes Welker working the slot. Unless Vince is afraid of someone getting diagnosed with CTE in the first week of the season then he might not get cleared to play.
Then we got that bum Tim Wright playing TE because he’s another athletic freak that just has not been able to make it work in the NFL so to the XFL for you, Tim.
I’m sure theres plenty of names that will become available, but with Vince throwing a wrench into everything with his morality clause we could be seeing a lot of CFL or college players roaming the field.
2020 is so close, yet so far away. The XFL is back baby!
NESN – What Tom Brady is doing at age 40 defies all logic. The New England Patriots quarterback has a very real chance of finishing his age-40 season with an NFL MVP award, a Super Bowl MVP award and yet another Super Bowl championship. Most people attribute Brady’s incredible longevity to a combination of alternative wellness, all-time great coaching and, of course, skill. Some, like ESPN’s Dan Le Batard, wonder if there’s a more cynical theory, however. During Monday’s episode of “The Dan Le Batard Show,” the popular radio host essentially asked whether Brady is using performance-enhancing drugs. Le Batard tip-toed around the topic, and never specifically said “steroids” or PEDs,” but it was abundantly clear what he was talking about.
So Dan Le Batard took some time off from ugly crying on his own show to take a shot at the crown and insinuate Tom Brady is popping PEDs.
“And this is what I want to ask you: … When faced with a quarterback who is aging in a way that has no precedent in the history of aging, is there any particular reason that people aren’t questioning that?” Le Batard asked co-host Stugotz. “Man, we climbed into Peyton Manning … Peyton Manning doesn’t look the part on pharmaceuticals, and Al Jazeera was climbing around in his wife’s stuff, trying to get at the hormones. “And so what I’m asking you is, is it an unfair question to wonder whether, when facing something that has literally no precedent in the history of football or aging, to be like, ‘how?’“
What is Dan Le Batard even talking about here? We climbed into Peyton Manning? NO YOU DID NOT. This is exactly why people around here hate Peyton Manning. Guy got a total free pass from the media. The Peyton Manning comparison makes absolutely no sense. It was an absolute NON-STORY on ESPN, ya know Le Batard’s network, because the Manning Mafia hit the wrap it up box on that whole story real quick.
ESPN barely mentioned it and when they did they basically said, no you see Peyton wasn’t taking anything, his wife was just getting HGH shipments to a since-closed facility in a fucking strip mall in Indianapolis, even though they live in Denver.
And for the record, I don’t care if Peyton was taking horse tranquilizers from the Eastern Bloc. Do what you gotta do, especially if said remedies have you tossing 50+ TDs a year after a debilitating neck surgery.
I just know Brady would be on the cover of the New York Times and every other media outlet in the world would be screaming some nonsense about cheating if it came out he was having boxes of HGH shipped to Giselle.
Its times like these I need to remind myself and everyone around me to not do exactly what I’m doing right now and get all riled up. Tom Brady has 5 Super Bowl rings and people want to poke holes anywhere and everywhere they can. So Dan Le Batard, Rob Parker, and Max Kellerman can all go take a fat hike.
Tom Brady will be fine. Did you see his hands? They’re beautiful.
Although I gotta say that press conference today made me a little nervous. TB12 shows up rocking gloves again and then dodges any questions about not only the injury, but he was noncommittal on even playing Sunday.
A reporter asked Tom Brady how he hurt his hand. #Patriots #AFCChampionship
Tom Brady: I’m not talking about it. pic.twitter.com/W6Llv1Fm2S
— The 300s (@The300sBoston) January 19, 2018
This is either a nightmare scenario, or the funniest fuckin plan Bill Belichick has ever had.
— Danny Picard (@DannyPicard) January 19, 2018
Yahoo -Deuce Gruden is the son of Jon and the nephew of Jay, the coaches of the Oakland Raiders and Washington Redskins. He was part of the Redskins’ strength and conditioning staff. And even on an NFL sideline, Deuce Gruden stands out. He’s a powerlifting champion, and looks capable of bench pressing any player on his team. Even the linemen. Gruden was on the Redskins’ strength staff and it’s no surprise that he left Uncle Jay to go be on his dad’s new staff with the Raiders. Matt Schneidman of the Mercury News had the story.
Somebody get Ryan Seacrest on the line and get these two a reality show IMMEDIATELY. Can you imagine that? It would be A+, must see television. The only reason I think they don’t do it is because it would put the Kardashians ratings in the toilet. Hey, as Gary Vaynerchuk always says, you need to always be thinking of ways to put yourself out of business so somebody else doesn’t do it for you. Pull the trigger.
I’m just picturing the 5’5″ 300 pound Deuce hulking out on the sideline when some panzy can’t finish a tackle because he’s been slacking on his squats. Throw in Chucky and Mark Davis?
Holy hell, I’m getting excited now. What would you even call it?
Chucky and the Deuce: Road to Las Vegas.
Seacrest out.
So this article describes Aaron Hernandez, unsurprisingly, as a terrifying combination of a 6’1″ 245 lbs gang member with a penchant for hilarity. Ya know, like an actual sociopath. It basically sums up his time in prison as Rorschach from Watchmen:
Horrifying.
“Hernandez was sent a care package of two dozen honey buns in violation of prison policy; before officers could confiscate the buns, he ate 20 of them, saving the wrappers so he couldn’t be accused of passing them to other inmates. Guards denied his request to eat the last four.”
Hilarious.
“He called one officer a “scared bitch” after the officer denied him an extra meal, and threatened to kill the officer and his family after he got out of prison. (“I did not say I was going to kill him or his family,” Hernandez later said. “I said if I see COs that act tough in jail, out of jail, I’m going to slap the [expletive] out of them.”)
Horrifying.
“Corrections Officer Joshua Pacheco noted the ways in which Hernandez would consistently seek to get under the officers’ skin: “He is constantly kicking his cell door and screaming at the top of his lungs, utilizing profanity at times when he wants something, regardless of how minuscule it is. It is not uncommon for Hernandez to kick his cell door constantly until an officer approaches his cell merely to ask the officer for the current time. This to him is comical, causing a disruption in normal operation within the unit.”
Hilarious.
“Hernandez had a variety of encounters with guards that tiptoed right up to the edge of threats: challenging guards’ manhood, hinting at dreams in which Hernandez had hunted the guards, and so forth. All in all, of the 10 months he was in the prison, Hernandez spent 120 days in solitary confinement. (According to a Yahoo Sports review of prison documents, Hernandez was charged with 99 disciplinary offenses and 24 major incidents during his nearly four years of prison time at two facilities.) Once, while guards were securing him in his cell, Hernandez beat his chest and defiantly proclaimed himself to be “tough. I’m built for this [expletive].”
Horrifying.
What an enigma Aaron Hernandez was.
“Samson Simson, I STICK BY MY STORY!”
ProFootballTalk – At a time when all the top incoming rookies are picking their agents, former Oklahoma quarterback Baker Mayfield’s choice may be none of the above.
Via Liz Mullen of SportsBusiness Daily, the Heisman winner currently is trying to decide whether to hire an agent, and he possibly won’t.
This story flew sort of under the radar yesterday (as opposed to the subject of the story, who often flies too close to the sun, buh dun bshhh). Baker Mayfield, Heisman Trophy winner and hell-spawn amalgamation of Johnny Football and Phillip Rivers, may not sign with an agent. I know there are a number of NFL veterans out there that don’t work with an agent for reasons unto themselves, Russell Okung being possibly the biggest name among them, but a rookie flying solo is rare. The closest thing that comes to mind is when Ricky Williams allowed Master P to represent him in his rookie contract negotiations. It breaks my heart knowing I’m so old that a lot of people reading this have zero clue what that last sentence meant, or how bad of an idea it was both from the jump and upon seeing how said negotiations played out for Williams. Hint: It is often referred to as the worst deal for a player of all time. Baker Mayfield choosing to sign with no agent rather than a rapper is a little better than that arrangement but is still problematic for a couple of reasons.
I think the first thing of importance to note is that for rookies, which Baker Mayfield will be for approximately one year, an agent’s job can be seen from a high-level as administrative. They represent their client in the truest sense of the word – taking the calls and preparing the documents a professional athlete doesn’t want to deal with. This is because as of a couple years ago the NFL introduced a rookie wage scale that basically writes rookie deals themselves. With that said, a good agent can affect the rookie deal of a first round pick, which Mayfield very well may be, in a positive manner to some extent, exploiting what little wiggle room there is in terms of guaranteed money, etc. However, barring things like catastrophic injury, most of the money in rookie deals is what it is, and up to the player himself to earn.
The first of what I see as two major problems with Baker Mayfield not signing with an agent is the fact that, as I previously mentioned and as is widely known, you are a rookie for one year. Mayfield is entering the draft at the position of Quarterback, the most important position on a football field, and hopefully of the Franchise Quarterback variety as well. So, if all goes well and the Franchise Quarterback performs satisfactorily, on top of having bountiful endorsements to work out thanks to the player being the face of a franchise, a good agent could get to work pretty much right away on putting a bug in the team’s ear regarding an extension for more money over more years. Now, these extensions are rarely given before the 3rd year for 4 year rookie deals or the 4th year for 5 year deals, but the conversations could at least start taking place right? Will Baker Mayfield be taking time out of his, you know, professional football player schedule during week 3 of his 2nd year to discuss the future? Will his team really love him having to do that? That’s probably a no to both and thus bad business strategy for #6.
The 2nd, and definitely bigger problem for Baker Mayfield here, is that not signing with a professional agent, as every other rookie does and is advised to do, does not show, well, at least not emphatically good decision making in terms of the non-football playing part of his life. Poor decision making in terms of the non-football playing part of his life is sort of a major red flag in Mayfield’s file, really the most major one actually, so this really could bode poorly for his draft stock. To recap, he left Texas Tech due to a “miscommunication with coaches,” tried to drunkenly practice the 40 yard dash away from a cop, to no avail, and was booked for a drunk and disorderly thereafter, and then, in a passionate moment after throwing a TD against Kansas earlier this season, tugged at his crotch area and offered the Kansas sideline the opportunity to perform acts on said area. To decide that the fate of the millions of dollars coming his way would be best left to himself, Baker Mayfield, can arguably be seen as a not so great decision, which, given his height and perceived not-superior arm strength (I think that part is bullshit but w.e), he can’t afford going into the draft.
Agents serve their clients. There are no two ways around that. They are there for the athlete and the athlete is the boss. I know it probably chaps a lot of athlete’s asses that their agent takes 10% of the money the he/she earns from ravaging their body, but as a wise man once said, it’s the way of the road, Bubs. To that end, Baker Mayfield should, if nothing else, hire a mouthpiece, a certified NFLPA agent in a $1,000.00 dollar suit, to just “be his agent” under the conditions that Baker Mayfield is his own man. We already know that after all.
For a lot of football fans from my general age group, which I guess is to say people between the ages of about 26 – 33ish (?), one of the most beloved positions is that of the oversized Safety. As much as skill position players were revered growing up, men that could perform feats of athleticism on the football field that simply didn’t seem possible, there were also muscle-laden sentries patrolling the back end of a defense who were just as celebrated. They were there for the sole purpose of instilling the fear of death in those athletic touchdown seekers. There was John Lynch and Roy Williams. There was Brian Dawkins and Adrian Wilson. They were taller than other DBs. They were stronger than other DBs. They were there to hurt you.
A quick side note: This breed of safety is not to be confused with the new smaller LBs, often referred to as S/LB hyrbids, such as Deone Buccanon. Those guys are incredible but are just historically smaller Linebackers fitted into that position to adjust for the way athletic Tight Ends are used today, among other reasons.
Which brings us to Landon Collins, a player, as you can imagine, I have a great admiration for. He comes from that previous breed of SS. He is going to roam around in a zone, find you with the ball, and flick the hitstick upward as hard as humanly possible. He’s 6’0, about 220lbs, and doesn’t much care for the well-being of himself or others. It’s a delight.
There’s a caveat it seems though. When it comes to the business side of football, particularly who he’d want in his locker room, from an interpersonal angle, he’s a bit of a dumbass.
The Giants’, Geno Smith’s part-time team and Collins’ employer, have a Cornerback by the name of Eli Apple. He was drafted 10th overall, which is particularly high, last year out of Ohio State and proceeded to move to New York with his Mom, which may or may not be totally normal, to begin his successful NFL career. Not all went accordingly to plan. All of this season there were reports of Apple’s teammates resenting his attitude and effort. He seemed genuinely disliked and his play wasn’t exactly making up for his momma’s boy persona. Landon Collins, in his 3rd season and now a leader of not only the Giants but of the defense Apple also plays on, decided to publicly air out his grievances, saying that Apple needed to “grow up”. Although this isn’t something that someone like, I dunno, Bill Belichick, would want you to do, it’s a fairly boilerplate criticism. Things like this have been said before in the sports world and will be said again. One could have passed it off as Collins trying to use the media to motivate Apple.
Then Landon Collins doubled down. In late December, without naming Eli Apple but by singling him out by the power of deduction in naming other teammates, ole #21 straight up called Apple a “cancer” in an ESPN Radio interview. A “cancer”. The big “C”. Arguably the worst thing you could call a teammate. Being labelled a locker room cancer is a stink that sometimes never comes off a player. In my opinion it is the worst thing that can be on your athlete resume, on or off the field items included. However, Collins apologized to Apple. This was after a publicized meeting between him, the 2nd year corner, and DC Steve Spagnuolo. It seemed meaningful. It seemed they had turned a page. Collins even came out more recently and said he wants Eli Apple back his team, despite speculation that the Giants would cut the chord on the problem child. This is all great stuff. True Leadership from the receiver-seeking missile. Then, a plot twist.
Days after saying he wanted a guy he previously referred to as CANCER back on his team, Landon Collins, Professional Football Player, came out and said he wouldn’t want Bill Belichick as a coach. Collins said he’s too strict. He runs thing in a way that is not to Collins’ liking. That last part I get. As much as I love the jumbo sized Safeties of yore, they never did particularly care for things like “coverage” and “perfect tackling form”, things that Belichick has a soft spot in his heart, if not a hard on, for. The thing is, Bill Belichick is arguably the great coach of all time, and is definitely one of the most winning, and Eli Apple is an asshole who is bad at his job. Of Belichick, Collins actually said in that radio interview something along the lines of, and I’m paraphrasing, “ya it’s cool he wins and all, but…” That’s just plain problematic folks. When a leader of your D and someone that is often seen as very competitive makes a case to bring back the twerp he referred to as a 50/50 curable disease but doesn’t want this one guy to be his new coach because, even though he wins a fuckload, he’s a kinda strict, there is a huge issue in his thinking.
Everyone is entitled to his or her opinions. And when you are one of only a few, true Strong Safeties left in the NFL, I suppose you deserve the benefit of the doubt. If I were Landon Collins though, next time you take a clearly lesser parties side in an argument, don’t call them AIDS first. Bad look. Bad look indeed.
The 300s 