Tag: San Francisco

This is Why You Don’t Gamble Kids

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Last night was the most entertaining Thursday Night Football game I can ever remember watching. Now obviously these go back to like 2006, but that was a great game that I did not expect. First off, fire flames Color Rush jerseys by the Rams.

Props to them for actually wearing an absurdly loud uniform like the Bills and Jets original Color Rush jerseys before all the blindos complained.

BUT, if you had money on the Rams then you were well within your rights to smash everything in the house. The Rams were a (-2.5) point favorite, meaning they had to win by at least 3 to cover, which we said they would in our Week 3 picks.

So, after a Sammy Watkins’ TD catch midway through the 4th quarter the Rams go up by 15 with a little under 9 minutes left in the game. At that point I’m feeling pretty good about my pick.

That tweet was where it all started to unravel. After the Watkins TD the two sides exchanged punts and then the 49ers get the ball back with a little over 6 minutes left. From there on out it was Brian Hoyer time. Dude completes a 59 yard BOMB to Pierre Garcon in stride.

Now I’m getting a little nervous.

Hoyer promptly throws for another TD, the kick is good, and now the Niners are down 8 with a little over 5 mins to go.

OK, Todd Gurley time to run out the clock. Grind time baby. Oh wait nevermind, the Rams fucking FUMBLE the ball on the kickoff return. Niners ball. On a short field the Niners take 8 plays for Carlos Hyde to punch it in for a 1-yard TD with 2:17 left in the game.

The 49ers are now down 2 before they elect to go for the 2-point conversion. At this point I am PRAYING that they convert so the Rams will actually have a reason to move the ball and score again. Nope, of course Brian Hoyer throws a goddamn pick and they don’t convert the 2-point attempt. Shit.

The 49ers onside kick it and the ball perfectly bounces off a guys head before the Niners RECOVER IT! We’re back in business baby! If the Niners score then the Rams have to go all out. Lets see what you got Hoyer.

Two incompletions. Offensive holding penalty. Incompletion. Sacked on 4th down. Game over. Rams win by 2 points.

Barry Zito Surprises No One by Saying He Loves Music More Than He Ever Loved Baseball

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Yahoo – The former pitcher for the Oakland Athletics and San Francisco Giants has fully transitioned from a life in baseball to a life making music (he released his first EP of six songs back in January, and it reached No. 39 on the Billboard country chart),..Oh, and he laid down this blazing hot personal take on his post-baseball life. “I think I’m just genuinely more in love with what I do now than I probably ever have been.” That’s a bold statement for a guy who won a Cy Young award, went to three All-Star Games, and won some very important postseason contests — including a World Series game that led to a ring. But Zito’s career had a lot of ups and downs. He was left off the 2010 postseason roster, and that Giants team went on to win the World Series. He had some bad years, and didn’t pitch at all in 2014. Then he spent most of 2015 pitching for the A’s Triple-A team in Nashville.

Barry Zito is without a doubt in the Hall of Fame for mailing it in. This is a guy who had a couple of DOMINANT seasons for the Oakland Athletics, won a Cy Young in 2002 with that absolutely filthy curveball.

Then he cashed IN with a $126 million contract from the San Francisco Giants. In 2006 Zito’s deal was the largest contract for a pitcher ever (LOL David Price got $217 million 10 years later). Zito then almost immediately turned into a colossal bust, never lived up to the hype and ultimately became a bullpen guy for the Giants.

Which is gross to type because the Red Sox were apparently the runner ups for Zito and are now basically living out the same exact situation a decade later. Highest paid pitcher ever, underwhelming performance etc.

But anyways, with Zito he always seemed like a total surfer dude who just happened to be really good at baseball. Like if Johnny Utah hadn’t blown out his knee and went on to NFL stardom.

So towards the end of his career Zito was always seen playing the guitar all while shitting the bed as he backed his way into the last few years of his historic contract. In 7 seasons with the Giants he never ONCE had an ERA under 4 and had an ERA over 5 three times. Yuck, indeed.

Well good for that dude for doing what he loves and chasing the dream, not the money. Ya know, after already banking $100+ million dollars. Guy Moneyballed his way to the top. Respect.

Smokin Jay Cutler is Back!

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You thought this guy was going to go quietly into the night? I don’t think so. Not if there’s a $10 million offer on the table from the Miami Dolphins. I think Jay Cutler is a better QB than he’s ever gotten credit for, but I also think his biggest problem has always been perception. He looks like a guy that does not give a shit and doesn’t really want to play. Whether thats actually true or not nobody except maybe Kristin Cavallari knows, but hey perception is reality.

Which is why Cutler signing with the Dolphins is very interesting. Its the best team he’s been on, at least offensively, in years plus its in the warm and comfortable city of Miami. Maybe he puts the Menthols down for a few months and has a mini career resurgence a la Kurt Warner in Arizona. Or maybe he collects $10 Million to half-ass a season before going into the FOX booth.

Cutler started his career off as a promising young QB, then became salty as fuck when new Denver coach Josh McDaniels tried to trade him for Matt Cassel, forced a trade, landed with the Bears, played pretty well there for a couple of years with Brandon Marshall, then the team started to get worse before bottoming out last year and becoming a complete dumpster fire. Add all that to the fact that Chicago is a miserably cold city during the football season and I can see how Smokin Jay Cutler was born.

BUT, Cutler’s also only thrown for 4,000+ yards once in a season, and thrown 25+ TDs 3 times in 10 years. For a quick AFC East comparison, Tom Brady has thrown for 4,000+ yards 8 different times and has thrown 25+ TDs 12 times in his career. So Tom Brady he is not.

But the Dolphins don’t really need him to be. They just need him to be similar, if not better, than the level of production they were getting out of Ryan Tannehill. I think its a pretty safe bet to assume most Dolphins fans are pretty lukewarm on Tannehill. He’s been good, not great. He hasn’t made the jump to a top tier QB like most hoped he would. Again for comparisons sake, Tannehill has thrown for 4,000+ yards twice in five years and thrown 25+ TDs just once in his career. His career completion percentage of 62.7 is just a tick higher than Cutler’s 61.9. Tannehill is more mobile, but the difference is not as much as you would think. The last four years Tannehill has rushed for 164, 141, 311, 238 and 211 yards (4.9 Yards per Attempt for his career) with 6 TDs. In that same timespan Cutler has rushed for 24 (limited to 5 games by injury), 201, 191, 118, and 233 (4.5 Yards per Attempt for his career) with 3 TDs. So not a huge difference.

My point is the Dolphins aren’t completely and totally fucked. Cutler is not Tom Brady, but he’s better than most people think.

Okay, okay, you want to see how he stacks up against the most famous free agent QB ever in Colin Kaepernick too? Despite his gazelle like speed, Kaepernick “only” averages 6.1 Yards per Rushing Attempt. People remember those who huge runs in the playoffs a few years back and it skews perception. In the 2012 playoffs he rushed for 264 yards and in the 2013 playoffs he rushed for 243 yards and 4 total TDs, which is 9.9 Yards per Attempt). Overall though? Not that much better. Not so much better you want to deal with bitchy questions from everyone holding a microphone for the next 6 months. His passing stats? Career completion percentage of 59.8 (lower than both Cutler and Tannehill). He’s never thrown for 4,000+ yards. He’s never thrown for 3,500+ yards. Never threw 25+ TDs, he’s only topped 20 once. Kaepernick obviously has a much smaller sample size of games started than Cutler, but those are the numbers guys.

So if anything the Dolphins will be interesting to watch, assuming Jay Cutler wants to do more than just collect a paycheck. But if he truly just wanted to snake another check, Cutler could have signed with the Jets months ago. Maybe he sees a legit opportunity here with Miami. The Patriots have had the AFC East on lock for a while now so its not like they will suddenly contend for the division. But similar to the Vikings getting Sam Bradford last year, except much better because Miami didn’t have to give up a FIRST round draft pick to get Cutler, brining in a solid, veteran QB probably keeps them in contention for a Wild Card spot. Smokin Jay Cutler is back indeed.

People In The Bay Area Are Returning Huskies At An Alarming Rate Once They Realize They Do Not Want Their Own Direwolf

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ABC – A Bay Area dog rescue club says the popular show, ‘Game of Thrones’ is leading to more dog surrenders, especially ones that look like the show’s popular Direwolves. “They’d be like, ‘Oh wow, Direwolves.'” Patty LaCava could barely make it around a San Francisco block with her two huskies when “Game of Thrones” debuted.

As I pondered this article upon reading it, the “Game Of Thrones” theme music began playing in my head, as it tends to do. That foreboding musical preview of a bloody, relentless fight for power flowed note for note through my cranium, and I imagined it ending with an opening scene set not in a medieval village or castle where Lords and Ladies argued over alliances, battles, and political strategy, but in a hip coffee shop on a hill where a beat poet rallied against climate change and techies discussed new frontiers of engineering and, well, political strategy.

Needless to say it didn’t fit. And neither does large fucking wolf-dogs in the middle of a city. Huskies need room to exercise and wander and the like. A 1 bedroom apartment that may be near a BART stop but that adds up to a generous 300 sq feet isn’t exactly ideal, even if it is close to the same dog park the cute girl from the biergarten goes to.

This reminds me of when “Sons Of Anarchy” was popular and all of a sudden “Jackson” shot to the top of the list of most popular baby names. All of us on the outside looking in sort of just chuckled knowing that a.) in a a few years context would be forgotten or embarrassingly ignored and b.)these people would some day have to explain to their kid they were named after a murderous biker their parents for some reason deified. Nice work.

So word to the wise folks, don’t get caught up in the majesty of GOT. Don’t buy a Husky if you live in a studio and don’t buy a sword. At all. Leave the adventures in high-fantasy to the people best suited for it – highly paid actors who prefer Shih Tzus.

Joe Thomas Nails It On Why Colin Kaepernick is Still a Free Agent

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Joe Thomas is the beacon of truth in the NFL. He is beyond refreshing as a currently active and actually elite player speaking out on all kinds of issues. Obviously him roasting Roger Goodell on the absurdity of Deflategate created a whole new region of fans championing him. All that aside, I encourage every player to speak out, there’s nothing I hate more in sports than the bullshit canned responses from players that answer absolutely nothing. Regardess of how you feel about Colin Kaepernick kneeling for the national anthem doesn’t matter here. Joe Thomas hits the nail on the head as to why the former 49ers QB is unemployed.

Oh right, because he was on TV every single day. Not for highlight reel plays. Not for winning games. For personal reasons. And again whether you’re with Kaep or not isn’t the point here. NFL teams do not want to deal with media scrutiny, questions, protests, backlash etc. ESPECIALLY if you suck. If Tom Brady were drumming up all kinds of shit for, oh I don’t know, say an alleged cheating scandal, the team backs their guy or at the very least deals with it because he’s the GOAT.

Colin Kaepernick wasn’t even the best QB on his team while surrounded by bums like Blaine Gabbert.

So yea, NFL teams don’t want to hear any shit from a borderline starter in the league. But then Joe Thomas brings it home with the one thing that is true of all good teams, none better at it than the New England Patriots.

I think the whole “Patriot Way” thing gets blown out of proportion because of the Patriots level of success and their perceived arrogance. So when they go out and sign a questionable guy, everyone rails against them because apparently the Patriot Way means you only sign choir boys, when in reality it means you Do. Your. Job. The Patriots are a goddamn machine. We had assholes like Corey Dillon. We had bad dudes like Albert Haynesworth. We had media storms like TIM TEBOW. We had an (alleged) MASS MURDERER in Aaron Hernandez. Bill deals with it and moves on. No distractions. Just Do. Your. Job.

Being all over TV for a cause you believe in is admirable, but when you don’t have the leverage (being a good quarterback), then you aren’t going to have the same platform. Thats why Colin Kaepernick doesn’t have a job.

Everyone’s Favorite Crazy Closer Brian Wilson Planning Comeback as a Knuckleballer

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ESPN – Former reliever Brian Wilson is planning a comeback — as a knuckleballer. Wilson hasn’t pitched professionally since 2014 with the Los Angeles Dodgers, but he recently has thrown for at least two teams, Yahoo Sports reports.

If there is anyone who deserves to have a second career as a knuckleballer it’s Brian Wilson. That guy is batshit crazy in the mold of someone like Bill the Spaceman Lee. Coming off his second Tommy John surgery, the days of Wilson throwing triple digits are in the rear view mirror. So we need Wilson to get good at knuckleballs and fast. Knuckleballers are notoriously a little odd, probably just because its one of those positions that so few people can relate to. You’re basically on your own trying to figure out how to make this whiffle ball pitch good enough to strike out major league hitters while throwing 60 mph meatballs.

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There’s so few pitchers that have been good at consistently throwing knuckleballs that its almost impossible to groom in a player. I mean the Red Sox had one of the best knuckleball pitchers ever in Tim Wakefield so a guy like Steven Wright definitely had a huge advantage.

As a knuckleballer, Wilson likely would attempt to move from relief to a starting role. “I can already see myself out there,” he told Yahoo, “throwing up some waffles.”

But can you imagine a former flamethrower in Wilson, a guy who used to throw up some sort of UFC/MMA “X” with his arms after nailing down a save, a guy who legit painted his beard with shoe polish so it would be jet black, that guy coming back as a slow pitch softball player on the mound? Just lofting knuckles hoping they don’t get hit to the goddamn moon? Would be A+ viewing material. Plus he’s a New Hampshire guy, so he’s definitely already a little bit off. He was born for this.

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Chip Kelly is Meeting with Belichick and the Patriots After Not Getting Jaguars OC Job

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Man I feel like I saw someone predicting this weeks ago. Oh right it was me.

Sure McDaniels may not be off to San Francisco, but tell me the Patriots and his good friend Bill Belichick would not welcome the offensive brain of Chip Kelly. I predicted Chip coming on as an offensive analyst for the Patriots earlier this month after SF dumped him. The guy needs to reboot his career after a couple of rocky years in San Fran and Philadelphia. Most of the NFL jobs are already dried up and I don’t think he wants to go back to college. Plus Oregon hired a new coach like 2 weeks before he got fired by the 49ers, which may be the only reason he’s not back in the NCAA ranks already.

Bill has a history of bringing on guys he trusts during playoff runs too. In 2011 he brought McDaniels on as an offensive analyst while Bill O’Brien was still the OC. Maybe it doesn’t happen in the playoffs, but I still see him ultimately joining the Patriots staff. It just makes too much sense.

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Does Chip Kelly Firing Pave the Way for Him as the Next Patriots Offensive Coordinator?

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Black Monday came early this year with several coaches getting axed, some more deserving than others (looking at you Gus Bradley w/ the 14-48 record). Among those was Chip Kelly who got fired after just one year as the 49ers head coach. The 49ers are starting over again after the abortion that was the Jim Tomsula 12 month era. Props to the reporter for asking the owner why he shouldn’t be fired himself and drawing this hilariously tone-deaf response:

On the other end of the spectrum we have Josh McDaniels who is getting tons of interest from other teams (which I touched on a few weeks back) as a head coach. It would seem like McD is probably as good as gone, leaving a big void in the Patriots staff.

With all the history Bill Belichick and Chip Kelly have, it doesn’t take a huge leap to see BB inviting him to come join the best team in the league. These guys go back a long way as they’ve always seemed to admire the other’s football innovations. Back when Chip was at Oregon, Belichick would regularly have him in to talk shop. And it wasn’t just for show, you regularly saw the Pats adopting offensive philosophies made popular by the run n gun Oregon Ducks. The 70+ plays a game running the no huddle almost exclusively throughout the game being the primary one. Lining up for a 2 pt conversion, to test the defense, only to audible back into a traditional extra point FG formation. A lot of things designed to keep the defense on its toes all game long. Now theres finally an opening for the two to work together?

Its a perfect scenario for Chip, who has repeatedly said he doesn’t want to go back to coaching in college. He gets to right his own ship by learning under the best coach in the NFL while also working with the best QB in the league. It’s tough to blame him for the 49ers lack of success this year with that disaster of a roster (49ers GM got canned too).

I always held out hope that Chip would continue to run Oregon, win a couple national championships until Belichick decided he wanted to retire and hand the keys to his buddy Chip.

Now the only thing standing in the way is actual historical precedent. Belichick almost always promotes from within. Matt Patricia, Josh McDaniels, Bill O’Brien, all the way back to Eric Mangini. It seems BB prefers to hire young guys, mold them to the system and then slowly promote them up the ranks. He rarely brings in a big name from outside the organization. Hell I remember a few years back the Patritots intentionally didn’t even have a defensive coordinator. Bill just left the role vacant and had his staff of younger coaches act as assistants while he took over a larger role in play calling.

So thats probably the most likely scenario if McDaniels does in fact take a HC job; we’ll see Chip potentially come in as an offensive assistant/analyst. Quack. Quack.

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