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Joey Ballgame

I'd like to take this chance to apologize to absolutely nobody.

Views from the 617.

Primarily MMA and pop culture takes from down in the rabbit hole. Sports straight out of left field.

Who Lives and Dies On Game of Thrones? Predictions for The Battle of Winterfell

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Blogger’s Note: This probably containers spoliers/implied knowledge of things that happened through S8E2 of “Game Of Thrones”. So, if you have not caught up or just generally don’t like reading predictions I’d stop here. I will say I did my best to avoid using anyone else’s prediction or outside knowledge (the books, interviews with show execs) of the show.

As I start writing this it dawned on me that it is kind of ironic that this fight is now happening, as Jon Snow has been to an almost annoying degree shouting from the rooftops it would, before the battle for the Seven Kingdoms. We spent so much time caring about the deft political maneuvering and violent means to political ends in this show we almost forgot about the army of the dead.  As a matter of fact, we were so consumed with what the final outcome of the war for control of the realm, we probably did forget at times.

But here we are. The battle of Man vs. The Dead. Good Vs. Evil. And things don’t look so great, as we knew they didn’t. To reference a hero from a different classic of the fantasy genre, much like Harry Potter knew for a long time he had to die to kill Voldemort, we’ve known for awhile that many of the characters we’ve come to love would die in the war against the dead. It’s just how it was to be.

This is “Game Of Thrones” though. Predicting who is going to die when and why and how has always been about as easy as predicting which way a chicken will run after its head gets chopped off. I think we’ve learned a little though – there have been nuances, signs, and lines we’ve been trained to pick up on. For some audience members, there have been gut feelings they’ve been trained to either carefully listen to or harshly ignore.

Without any further fanfare, here are my predictions for the fate of many of our favorite characters. I’ve organized them into the following categories of post-Battle Of Winterfell status:

Definitely Dead
Probably Dead
I Have No Fucking Idea
Probably Alive
Definitely Alive

Now I know a philosopher would question the difference between the two “probably” categories”, but the difference is easy: I have an inkling either way. A feeling. Something deep down that is telling me either that that character is as good as dead or has a few more breaths to take.

 

Definitely Dead

Jamie Lannister – The show’s incestual first true villain gets to die a hero. I mean, he has one hand that he still can’t fight for shit with. This will probably play into Cersei saying the baby is Euron’s.

Theon Greyjoy – Like Jamie, Theon finds his redemption in death. Out in the woods guarding Bran, Theon’s newfound bravery will allow him to go out on his shield. One of the more complicated legacies the show leaves behind.

Edd – Other than Samwell Tarly, Edd is Jon Snow’s last remaining Night’s Watch brother who is given any recognition/a speaking part. It sucks he survived the attack on Castle Black for this but I don’t see him going any further.

Beric Dondarrion – With his last life used up thanks to Thoros of Myr dying, it’s curtains for Beric. Him and his flaming sword will give it a ride and it will unfortunately run out of gas,

Bran – Soooo this is an odd one because can Bran reallllyyyy die? Is he totally a mortal? He’s kind of half-man hald-Giver who answers questions likes he’s a teenager on mushrooms being questioned by a cop. So idk if “dies” if quite the word but Bran’s shit is getting fucked up.


Probably Dead

Ser Davos Seaworth – He’s notably noted that he’s notably bad at fighting 100 times. There is also just not much use left in the plot for the Onion Knight. The only reason I didn’t sail Davis past the “probably” and “definitely” section and straight to “I’m flying to Winterfell and killing him myself to put him out of his misery” is because the show has inexplicably kept him alive this long.

Sansa Stark – I just can’t see the showrunners deciding to throw this party and not give us one true, blue heartbreak. Sansa would be a huge one. The whole “the dead are coming but you’ll be totally safe hiding amongst a bunch of dead people” thing doesn’t help her chances. I could say the same for a few more but I have a feeling about Sansa.

Jorah Mormont – Another tough pill to swallow. Is cured of the incurable just to die this way. In an odd sense, his death is similar to Jamie/Theon in that he has definitely redeemed himself by giving his life, but IMO he’s redeemed by now anyway.


I Have No Fucking Idea

Arya – Arya’s whole storyline, if you think about it, does little for the plot. However for some reason I think the show keeps her and her still lengthy list in play for reasons I’ll get to later.

Tormund – Like Davos, there aren’t a ton of reasons they’ve kept him around this long except for comic relief. I could see this going either way, especially, like Arya, if another key character makes it. More on that later.

Varys – Yo where is he?

Ser Brienne Of Tarth – This one I’m the most unsure of in this category (not overall….). The amount of times she’s pledged her life to the Stark girls makes me think she bites it, but the fact that I’m not sure both/either/or die makes me wonder.

Tyrion – The loss of Tyrion would absolutely fucking suck. He has been the breakout character of the whole show. But in terms of those heartbreakers I mentioned before, this is another one I’m not convinced they don’t have up their sleeves. He also made a cryptic to comment to Jorah and I thinnnnnk Greyworm(?) about taking his job soon? At the same time, I thinkhis wit just might be too important to kill off.

Probably Alive

Jon Snow – It would seem unlikely that they’d kill him right after revealing his lineage, but in the past this show has taken “unlikely”, popped a few viagra into it, and fucked us with it. He could also play into the same reasons as Arya and Tormund that I mentioned I’ll get into later. I’m just not ruling Jon dying out completely.

The Hound – This is nothing but pure instinct. As I write this I now see him getting ripped to shreds a la Hodor but I’m sticking with my gut. They’ve kept him alive, time after time, for a reason and unlike poor Davos he can actually fight.

Samwell Tarly – Another gut pick but I think Sam serves one more purpose at some point, using his knowledge and bookishness.

Greyworm – Between Jorah and Greyworm, I feel like one has to live, for reasons below. I’ll go with Greyworm. I’m saying it now I’m least sure of this pick out of all of them.


Definitely Alive

Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, First of Her Name, the Unburnt, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons – Here’s the thing folks. This is episode three. There are six episodes total. EVEN IF this battle carries into episode four there are two + episodes left for a showdown with Cersei Lannister. So Man, as in Mankind….kind of has to win? Unless there is a complete and utter curveball where the dead wipe out the North and the rest of the show is White Walkers vs. Cersei? Anddd let me tell you the spinoff “Cersei” would be about as interesting and would work about as well as “Joey”. This directly relates to Jon, Arya, and Tormund and whether or not they live or die, as I alluded to above. If indeed mankind triumphs, why not keep Arya in the mix and try and cross a couple more names off her list when she makes it down south? Why not let the lovers/Aunt and Nephew go together? If Jon is still around he’ll need the Wildling army and to have that he needs Tormund’s influence. The fates of all those folks are intertwined.

That was emotional, I’m not going to lie. I have a buddy who is an actuary and I kind of feel like him right now. Hedging whether or not folks bite the bullet or not. But this is “Game Of Thrones”. This is what we signed up for. Valar Morghulis.

-Joey B.

 

Final Predictions On Who the Patriots Will Draft (By Need)

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So here we are folks. The eve of the first round of the 2019 NFL Draft. A little more than 24 hours until we begin the selections of 200+ young, hungry players to new teams, additions that will either breathe new lives into those franchises or rip them apart like an affair to a marriage.

But here at El 300s, we care mostly about around 10 of those selections, the ones belonging to the Patriots of House New England**, and I am here today to talk about specifically the first one of those picks. The first round is, obviously, where the perceived best players go. The Pats unfortunately have the last pick (32nd) of that round, owing to the fact that they are very good at professional football. Quite the catch-22. With Tua T. coming out next year, maybe they even tank this year before winning banner number eight, but I digress.

I come to you today as a relapsed draft nerd to make a handful of predictions related to the Pats’ 32nd overall pick in the draft and what they will do with it if they address one of their four major needs: Defensive Tackle, Wide Receiver, Tight End, and some sort of Defensive End/Elephant Backer (from here on out we’ll just label this position EDGE as a lot of sites do now although it seems to be an acronym that stands for nothing and sends my OCD into a tailspin). I am going to eschew things like the Pats trading up down left or right in this one and simply concentrate on the above, grave areas of need. Let’s do it.

Scene: Roger Goodell glides on stage smiling and waving, get’s hit in the face with a brick thrown from the gallery. He is immediately pronounced dead and Chris Slade rushes on stage to read the Pats pick, just in the nick of time…..

Defensive Tackle
With the 32nd pick of the 2019 NFL Draft, the New England Patriots select…
Dexter Lawrence (6’4, 342lbs), DT, Clemson
In Lawrence, the Belichick might finally find the gigantic lane-clogger he’s long since desired post-Vince Wilfork. Like Wilfork, Lawrence is not only powerful at the point of attack, but sneaky-nimble and athletic. Most years I am not sure Lawrence would last, but with the league getting more and more pass happy and at least three DTs (Wilkins, Williams, Oliver) slated to go above him, the Pats could get their man.

Wide Receiver
With the 32nd pick of the 2019 NFL Draft, The New England Patriots select…
AJ Brown (6’0. 226lbs), WR, Ole Miss
Like a lot of years, it is going to be a crap shoot in terms of what receiver is taken when. D.K Metcalf will be the first off the board because he lifts a lot and runs fast so who cares about anything else (don’t hate him, just the ignorance in loving him to death is unparalleled). After that who knows, honest to God. With all of that said, here is to hoping AJ Brown is still around. He has a thick frame and can get down the feel better than a lot of people think he can. It’s been a badly kept secret for years that Belichick loves Anquan Boldin, and although not tough as Q, seemingly, YET, with his build Brown could be a successor to the Man From Miami.

EDGE
With the 32nd pick of the 2019 NFL Draft, The New England Patriots select…
Brian Burns (6’5, 249lbs), DE/OLB, Florida State; Zach Allen (6’4 280 lbs), DE, BC
This is the one and only position I am going to put down two names for. It is also, not coincidentally one of the more fluid positions on the Pats’ D. As I’ve said before, we are blessed with a team that runs its D by what personnel it has, not vice versa. So this pick depends on the Pats looking at what they current have and laying an egg on what they want to do. Burns, size and skillset-wise, is like a wealthy, aristocratic man’s John Simon. From day 1 the team could send him off the edge on passing downs, either from a three-point stance or from a 3-4 LB type positioning. Eventually, with his 4.53 speed, there’s a chance he can learn to cover backs in the flats and what not. Maybe. It’s important to lastly note Burns is the kind of guy who could shoot up draft boards and go Top-15 by Thursday. Zach Allen’s game, on the other hand, is a lot like Trey Flowers. He could immediately cause problems off the end and probably could be popped in the middle a la Flowers on passing downs. Another nifty thing about the former Eagle, and we know Belichick loves nifty things, is he has a knack for swatting passes as well.

Tight End
With the 32nd pick of the 2019 NFL Draft, The New England Patriots select…
Jace Sternberger (6’4, 250lbs), Tight End, Texas Agricultural & Mining
This probably appears to be a reach, I know, but the Pats are not as reach-averse as legend has it (Dominique Easley, Isaiah Wynn). But would this even be a reach? Allow yourself a quick history lesson….

Twice in American history, most notably right after WWI, there occurred something called the “Red Scare”. Basically society saw Russia, and more to the point, communism, as some sort of boogeyman and so we all started calling each other communists and locking everyone up. Legit if you shared something and got caught you’d go to jail. My whole kindergarten class minus that asshole Kevin would be in the clink.

My point is this: I could see one of the two Iowa TEs getting picked high and teams suddenly FREAKING OUT that they’d lose out on the remaining Iowa TE or Irv Smith Jr., resulting in all three going a little higher than expected, say 9, 12, 18. That gives 13 picks where teams try not to freak out about their TE need as well, knowing there are guys like Caleb Wilson and Kahale Warring out there, allowing the Pats to land Sternberger. He has good size and length and runs really fluid routes. Most importantly, to our blood pressure and to Coach Belichick, he has excellent hands. He won’t be the blocker Gronk was, right now, but hell maybe with a few more pounds of muscle and a couple of 1-on-1s with Scarnecchia and who knows.

So that wraps it up folks. I have a bagel with my name on it. In my opinion this is one of the most important drafts for the Pats in awhile as they need depth in a number of key areas to continue contending. Buckle up.

P.S – They’re just gonna trade back 6 times and we’re going to have 12 5th round picks in 2023.

**This is how I’ll be naming things for four more weeks.

-Joey B

Imagine Paying That Much for Russell Freaking Wilson?

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ESPN – The Seattle Seahawks and Russell Wilson have reached agreement on a four-year, $140 million extension that includes a $65 million signing bonus and makes the quarterback the highest-paid player in the NFL, a source told ESPN’s Adam Schefter on Tuesday morning.

I heard this today and just laughed. Honestly just laughed. Making Russell Wilson the highest paid quarterback in NFL history is maybe the dumbest decision a professional sports franchise has ever made? Why? Because he is not the best quarterback of all time, or even of HIS time.

Over the last four years, the Seahawks have never had a record higher than 10-6, have lost in the divisional round of the playoffs once, and FAILED TO MAKE THEM once. I know, I know, this isn’t all on the quarterback, but it sort of kind of is right? A good QB is supposed to be able to position any team to win. Look at some of the garbage D’s Brady has carried. Rodgers and Brees have consistently succeeded without a slew of All-Pros on the other side of the ball from them. And it isn’t like the Seahawks didn’t try and give Wilson the weapons as well. He and Jimmy Graham couldn’t have connected playing fuckin catch in the backyard, let alone in a pro football game.

The bottom line is that other than honey moon period with Pete Carroll in 13′ and 14′ Wilson has not proven himself to be able to get it done when it matters. He actually finished outside the Top-10 in Total QBR this year. I HATE modern stats because I think they tell crooked stories, but QBR is one I rely on to say whether or a guy actually executes vs padding his stats with a couple deep balls.

So congrats to the Seahawks and their 12th Man squad. You just gave NBA money to a guy who doesn’t really get it done. But hey on the bright side pro athletes tend to play better after they are given outrageous deals.

-Joey B.

In Honor of Game of Thrones Returning, I Give You The Top 5 GOT Characters

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As everyone except those living a Ted Kaczynski-esque existence in the northern frontier of our nation knows, “Game Of Thrones” returns this Sunday for its 8th season. As most of those people understand, this will also be the final season and, indeed, the end of an era. The $50 million dollar gamble (which sounds cheap compared to later seasons) almost immediately cemented itself in the upper echelons of pop culture, becoming as well know for driving plot lines with not exactly relatable subjects such as incest, witchcraft, and castration as it has for weaving one of the most magnetic stories television has ever seen over the course of almost a decade.

While the dragons soared, the battles fought, and the bastards brooded, the latest classic delivered by the Home Box Office (“The Wire,” “The Sopranos,” GOT this is getting ridiculous) produced, as their shows tend to do, some absolutely classic characters. Ones you can quote. Ones you want to have a beer with. Ones you want to beat the ever loving shit out of. Characters that just evoke intense, human reactions and emotions from the millions upon millions of people that have watched the show.

So I’ve decided to give you a Top 5. The top 5 best characters. Now, you are not getting a surface-level “most screen time,” “who drives the story the most?” list here. No, while things like how much they are are actually on the show were accounted for, I really wanted to dive deep into these characters’ Id. Of the endless faces and names (for sure not the same count, after all) we have seen since 2011, I wanted to deduce who really reeled us in to their mind, body, and soul the most. Who made us sit up whenever they went to give a monologue? Who did we realize in our borderline-insane attempt at a six week re-watch was as indispensable as the Wall?

With the help of a few of my fellow bloggers I set out to answer those questions and more. Enjoy.

Honorable Mentions
Tormund Gianstsbane
Blogger Note: I hate to not rank Tormund, both because I love the character and Dom helped me out with the blog. But I just couldn’t justify a top 5 spot. Every man has a code.
Dom: “Gotta love Tormund Giantsbane. In addition to being a brute and a warrior, he’s also one of those guys who can actually tell the difference between good and evil. On top of that, he’s fucking hilarious. From creepy side eyes at Brienne to life advice for Jon Snow to this amazing conversation with the Hound, he’s pure gold all the time.”

Missandei and Greyworm
The realms true “couple goals” culminated in what I can only imagine was some voracious foreplay, judging by Khaleesi and Missandei’s giggling fit. Either way, the bond these two have coming from broken backgrounds and ending up at the side of the most powerful woman in their world is pretty special. Every time they interact they seem like they aren’t expecting to see each other ever again and it is both heartbreaking and endearing.

Quote:
Greyworm: Wounded in war, there is no shame for this. I am ashamed because when the knife go in and I fall to the ground, I am afraid.
Missandei: All men fear death
Greyworm: No, not death. I fear I never again see Missandei from the Isle of Naath.

The Top 5

5.) Ser Davos Seaworth


I know, I know, I spurn Tormund then rank Ser Davos. What the fuck, right? But bear with me. Davos from day one represented the purest intentions with the strongest of convictions in the 7 kingdoms. He began as the fiercely loyal right hand to a man he knew to be as flawed as he was great and has continued on as an older foil to Jon Snow’s Starkian code of only the most undiluted honor. When he speaks you listen, because it is nothing but blue collar, honest truth he is spitting.

Quote:
(With the mutineers breaking down the door) “I’m not much of a fighter…Apologies for what you’re about to see.”

4.) Bronn (Ser Bronn of the Blackwater)


Red: “I gotta go with Bronn. He’s what every man wants to be; careless, reckless, and often legless. Bronn is also sneaky one of the most dangerous men in the 7 kingdoms. Throw in some killer one liners and Bronn is the clear choice as the best character in Game of Thrones.”

Quote:
Bronn:  There’s this knight, uh, Leygood. Got thunderbolts on his shield?
Jaime: Uh-huh.
Bronn: Right here is where I fuck his wife. She’s a screamer, that one. If they don’t hear her, they won’t hear us.

3.) Robb Stark

Yup, that’s right, a guy who died years ago. I don’t care. During my re-watch I was reminded just how good Robb Stark was. Above all else, he was intense. That is such an overused, cliched word but everything King Robb said was layered in desperation, frustration, urgency, and at the same time deep contemplation. He wasn’t just fighting a war, he was trying to mentally and emotionally will his way to victory. There was just something so human about how badly he wanted what he wanted because he thought it was right and made sense. Damn.

Quote:
Rob Stark: “I asked him, How can a man be brave if he’s afraid? That is the only time a man can be brave, he told me.”

2.) Tyrion Lannister


You just can’t leave him off this no matter which way you spin it. The Imp. The Half-man. The Dwarf. He is a half-pint of vice yet a barrel of ethical vigor. He uses sarcasm and condescension as a weapon to mask that deep down he is the only one among his family members who is kind, loving, and even tender and gentle. He likewise has an inner fury that he’ll aim at those who strike down upon the lowly, as he has been struck down on so much in his life. He also fucks a lot which is cool.

Quote:
Missandei: How do you know this?
Tyrion: That’s what I do. I drink, and I know things.

1.) Lord Tywin Lannister

BOMBSHELL. BSHHHHHHH. Ya I know. Me too. I texted Red this the other day and I’m sticking to it. Tywin is the best character on the show. He is the Vince McMahon of the realm. He leaves for a few scenes and then his music hits and you’re like ooo shit. Either with his army or his tongue he is going to carve someone the fuck in half. O and if he just doesn’t feel like he needs to use either he has a smirk or otherwise deadly facial expression to rip you to pieces with. He was a motherfucker, yes. An absolute piece of shit at times. He did it for his family in the end though. He never lost sight of his one rule. Kind of have to respect that.

Quote:
Tywin Lannister: “Any man who must say, ‘I am the king’ is no true king.”

So I hope you enjoyed that. Maybe you love or hate me for the picks. Either way we like to have fun around here. Enjoy Season 8. Winter is here.

-Joey B.

 

 

Not That Anybody Cares But Jordan Burroughs vs. Ben Askren Is Apparently A Done Deal

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So I’m not going to waste a shit ton of ink on this but this is a pretty big deal to anyone that follows amateur wrestling or MMA.

Ben Askren, easily top-5 biggest dbag in MMA but vaunted and decorated wrestler all the same will go up against Jordan Burroughs, long considered one of the better mat men our country has to offer, for the first time ever in May. They will be face off as part of a bigger, Madison Square Garden-centered event for Beat The Streets, an org aimed at directing urban youth towards wrestling. The rest of the event will feature various members of Team USA vs. Various NCAA Champions. Pretty cool stuff all around.

As for this match up, which will definitely be the most marquee, it is an interesting one. Askren, known as a downright confounding grappler in MMA, is actually the less decorated of the two. Using his “funk” style of flow and physical momentum-based wrestling, he was indeed a four-time All American and two-time NCAA champion at Missouri. He also qualified but did not medal at the 2008 Olympics in Beijing. After the 08′ games, Askren by and large stopped competing in wrestling, aside from an occasional tournament, to pursue MMA.

Burroughs, as I mentioned, is one of the bigger names in USA Wrestling point blank period. His collegiate accolades are similar to Askren’s as he was a three time All American and two-time, undefeated NCAA Champion at Nebraska. However their paths diverge post-college. Since graduating from Lincoln, Burroughs has earned one Olympic gold medal as well as four World Championships, with three 3rd place finishes in the Worlds to boot. He also has collected four golds across various Pan-American tournaments as well. I guess it’s important to note that he has a few confusing results, such as his 9th place finish in Rio, but shit happens.

The outlying factor in all of this, really what makes this so interesting, is that Askren is bigger. Burroughs wrestles at 74kg, which is roughly 165 lb. Askren wrestled at 84kg, which is roughly 185lb, so ya. That said, Askren fights at 170lb so maybe he’s slimmed down over the years, but he is used to fighting, and moving. much larger men. Their match will be wrestled at a sort of catchweight of 79kg, or ~174lb. I don’t think this really matters except for the fact that Burroughs might be able to pack on some muscle or, at least, not have to cut down so much.

All in all it’s a cool and intriguing match up for what seems to be a growing sport in wrestling. Hopefully some people catch wind of it and gain some interest.

If you’re still reading this know any good books?

-Joey B.

The 2019 Masters is Here – So What We Got?

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CBSSports –  With an 87-man field featuring generational talent going head-to-head at Augusta National, rarely has such a call ever been more difficult.

All eyes are on Rory McIlroy this year as The Ulsterman looks to complete his career grand slam, but there’s some stiff competition throughout the field, namely from many of his young contemporaries like Dustin Johnson, Justin Thomas and Rickie Fowler. Of course, we would be remiss without mentioning Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson, both of whom are among a litany of names looking to add another green jacket to their respective collections.

That time of year again indeed. Golf’s most important and most blowhardy tournament kicks off in Augusta to see who wins the Green Jacket. You have the best of the world on the links, pimento cheese sandwiches, and Jim Nantz engaging in acts of self-oral copulation the likes of which the world has never seen before.

As a casual but steady golf fan I have to say this season has so far gone by….quietly. Normally by this time I am FIRED up for tournaments like this but this year I am barely getting into the swing of things (pun unintended). I think it is a mixture of 2019 sort of crawling along, the weather sucking, feting Red in Vegas sucking the soul out of me, and not having made it out onto the course myself that has made this season a bit more inconspicuous than normal.

The odds-on for this one, as I’ve listened and read the past week or so, is Rory McIlroy. He hasn’t finished outside of the top ten this year, or in the last few tournaments, or something and has always done exceptionally at Augusta historically. Although to a casual observer it may have seemed like Rory fell off the past couple of years, he actually has finished pretty well. I also think he was a bit banged up here and there whereas he now appears to be 100%.

Justin “The new breed of hating fun” Thomas is also a name to watch. He’s just been riding a hot hand for awhile now so you can never really count him out. Same goes for ‘Cesco Molinari who won the British last year and another big one earlier this year, I forget which.

In terms of dark horse names to watch, I’ll toss you a couple. Cameron Smith has seemingly come out of nowhere to be a pain in the ass in the past few tournaments. He’s faded down the stretch also but should start pretty hot. Old Eldrick Woods is definitely going to come out gunning although we’ll see for how long. A few other old names like Schwartzel, DJ, and Adam Scott could also make a run at this. And you can’t forget about the most talented receding hairline of all-time, Jordan Spieth.

So sit back, crack a beer, avoid any and all contact with Patrick Reed and his family, and enjoy. Let’s hope it’s a nail-biter to the end and we get some fun golf. Otherwise the tournament will be boring and we’ll never hear the end of Patty Blackout’s bitching.

See you out there.

-Joey B.

And Here We Have Lou Merloni Being The World’s Lamest Human/Wettest Blanket

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Boston.com – “You won the World Series, your banner’s going up, you’re getting rings. That’s it. End of story, end of story” exclaimed Merloni from a Red Sox standpoint. “No Patriots. Sorry, it’s stupid.”

So I’ll be honest I went looking for the link to this NOT DOING RESEARCH and was surprised to see how many people agreed with Lou Merloni, who has somehow parlayed way too long of a playing career into way too long of a broadcasting career. On the flip side agreeing with him were people like Scott Zolak and other raging jackasses from old guy Boston sports media sooooooo.

I personally like that the Sox did this since it is the same fan base. Plus the Pats win only happened a couple of months ago. To be honest I think Merloni’s point of view is just coming from the same barber shop that produces every “old man yells at cloud” opinion when it comes to America’s (former) game. “Baseball purists” I believe they’re called. People who hate fun basically.

But look, Framingham’s Favorite Son is entitled to his opinion, I suppose. My point is: who fucking cares? Is it really ruining opening day/your day that the Sox honored the Pats? Did they even televise it (nerd alert if you can answer this)? After I’d say pitch two everyone and anyone with a brain (and a couple beers) forgot it happened. Although I’d say there were a few kids at Fenway who someday will get to say they got to see BOTH of their teams who won the previous season honored, which is pretty cool.

Either way, for Lou Merloni to decide to die on the hill that the Pats should not be mentioned on an ugly ass April day is kind of preposterous. You got opening day, Marathon Monday in a week, a college admissions scandal. SO MUCH TO CHOOSE FROM LOU. Let a little extra frivolity go.

-Joey B.

 

TJ Dillashaw Suspended Two Years By USADA

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ESPN – The United States Anti-Doping Agency has suspended former UFC champion TJ Dillashaw for two years for testing positive for recombinant human erythropoietin (EPO) before a flyweight title fight against Henry Cejudo on Jan. 19 in New York.

Thus ends T.J Dillashaw’s run of Michael Scott-ing this story. He is no longer in front of it. As a matter of fact, as much as I respect Dillashaw for relinquishing his title ahead of time, this story is still steamrolling him.

It would seem he tested positive for one of the most, for lack of a better word, sinister kinds of PEDs. To paraphrase Jeff Novitsky himself, EPO isn’t something you find in a tainted supplement or something. It’s a red blood cell picker upper you inject into yourself, and sort of have to be aware you’re doing it. That’s that. Novitsky may have recently compromised himself by putting over Jon Jones’ “cleanliness”, but he still knows his stuff.

To my knowledge Dillashaw has not come out and made a statement since this suspension was announced (he got a year, concurrent, from New York). However it has been already stated he won’t fight it, which is a statement in and of itself. It’s fair enough, I suppose to speculate on his career now, both past, present, and of course, future.

After he big brother’d Renan Barao, the longtime Bantamweight king, in two consecutive fights with an immaculate and to be honest surprising displaying of world class kickboxing, I honestly thought Dillashaw had a shot at becoming one of the GOATs. That sounds ridiculous but I’m not kidding. His display of MMA was truly an “art” form, pun intended. Now he’s been knocked out by Cejudo and may have been one of the MOST performance enhancing substances when he beat Cody Garbrandt as well. Soooo what then? How do we look at his accomplishments? Furthermore, let’s say he pisses clean for the next two years and then comes back. He’ll be 35 then. The years aren’t as kind to the smaller guys as they are to the bigger ones. Sure there are fighters like Assuncao that solider on, but you can bet even he wishes he was getting the chances he is now when he was younger. Dillashaw’s own ex-teammate Chad Mendes came back two years after testing positive, a very similar situation, fought once and retired quietly. Given Mendes was on a bit of a slide already, but you can’t help but see the comparison.

So we’ll see what happens next. Maybe T.J Dillashaw stays quiet for a couple of years and tries to make a come back. Maybe he asks for his release and goes and fights abroad. Maybe he and Duane Bang open a head shop. Not too sure. Stay tuned.

-Joey B.

Scouting Reports On The 300s Staff’s Chances In Vegas Are In

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As has been alluded to and addressed, a number of folks from The 300s along with a crew of additional compadres will descend upon the city of sin this weekend to celebrate Red’s last few weeks as a man.

Now in reality, getting married is just another excuse for Red to refuse to go out and do anything fun; much like getting a dog, getting engaged, growing a beard, buying a grill, etc. However, society has deemed this one valid so there’s not much I or anything else can do or say about it.

We have an eclectic crew heading out for our weekend of drinking, gambling, professional hockey, tasteful prostitution, and more drinking. Not all men are made equal, especially when it comes to bachelor parties. There’s a weird “on a bachelor party” effect where folks tend to just slip into some sort of alter ego, no two which are the same. I can only imagine that this is only magnified in Las Vegas, a place I have never been but have ingested the lore of in great quantities.

So to prognosticate what will become of our conquering heroes, I partnered with a Professional Sports Scout to look at the game tape, read between the lines, scrutinize some measurements, and come to some conclusions.

Here’s what we drew up.

Big Z – Center Fielder, Stay-at-home Defenseman, OLB, 3-and-D Small Forward
Most tenured veteran of the bunch…saw a dip in production over last few years….recently showed he still has “it”…committed to living and training in the elements to prepare….very willing when it comes to taking a gamble….locker room guy who can keep things organized and together….can he last the whole season?

Mattes – 2nd or 3rd Starter, Left Winger, Free Safety, 2 Guard Gunner
Another prestigious career…workman-like through and through…sometimes apprehensive to give up the rock…still has gas left in the tank that he can call on…keeps fit with the use of herbal remedies, huge dedication to his physical condition….will prosper with a little change of scenery….huge team guy, could be a key clubhouse decision maker….may need a mid-game nap.

Papa Giorgio – Third Baseman, Enforcer/4th Line Something, Strong Safety, Small Ball 4
The personality and force of the group….has mellowed as late….one might say he’s just dormant as of now….will pick his spots….not afraid to leave it all out there, then immediately head home….will perform best with the right tunes played….has taken up fun running, which has nothing to do with this….recent move has him reinvigorated…dark horse MVP candidate.

Red – Shortstop, Offensive Defenseman, Scat Back, Point Guard
Long known as the glue guy…. the brain to Giorgio’s brawn…has played sparingly of late on his own accord….does he still love the game?….does he only love craft sports?…..one last shot at glory, will he go for it?….Known as a 5-tool player….can do it all, might feel like he has something to prove…odds-on All-Pro.

Joey B – 2nd Baseman, Right Wing, Wildcat QB, Small Ball 3
Has signed a “Do Not Resuscitate” order.

Conor McGregor Has Tweeted He’s Retired. Is He Really Though?

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So at 1:18am Eastern Standard Time Conor Anthony McGregor “broke the internet” with this tweet, his second of such a message. Remember, almost three years ago he dropped a very similar bombshell.

 

So is that it? Is “The Notorious” done fighting? It wouldn’t not make sense. He’s made boatloads of money and turned himself into an international brand in the process. If he is smart in his business ventures, which he seems to be, he can continue to grow his vast fortune without getting punched in the face.

But that’s where people get it a little twisted. You see, not many people enter a career where their source of income is to get punched in the face unless they enjoy the carnage, competition, and blast of adrenaline that comes with it. Sure, there are the Derrick Lewis-types who just have big, heavy hands, and see fighting as a much more lucrative alternative to changing tires. But for a lot of fighters, McGregor included, this is in their blood. Especially when, although he now has financial pursuits outside of the cage, he indeed can still make a hell of lot inside of it too.

Conor McGregor is not done fighting. It just isn’t in the cards, yet.

So what is he on about here? Why is he dropping this and what is he trying to accomplish? Well, I think the first question is simple enough to answer and the second could have a few possible explanations.

The problem with Conor the Fighter now is that the illusion of Conor the Fighter is gone. He was a Goddam world beater. For a time he was unstoppable. Mystic Mac. He knocked out one of the most dominant fighters of his generation in Jose Aldo, and he did it in mere seconds. But then came Chad Mendes, and some holes were exposed in an eventual victory. Then came Nate Diaz, and he got beat. Then came Nate Diaz again, and he slinked by. Then came Khabib Nurmagodmedov and he got steamrolled.  So instead of being a Demigod with two belts Conor McGregor is now a very talented, ultra charismatic lightweight with no belts. It is to the point where Dana White did not want McGregor vs. Donald Cerrone, a very popular fighter in his own right, to headline an event. Coming off a loss and without a belt McGregor may just have not been that kind of draw anymore.

So to answer the first question of “why?”, he is quite literally leaving us wanting more. He wants the fans and media to remember the good times and beg for him back. And when he does come back it will be with a heroes welcome and a roar of the crowd. He may have even seen the reaction to Gronk’s recent retirement and said, “hey, look at that.”

But what is his end game? Ultimately what does he seek in his return? Well, there’s a few possibilities.

1.) He wants a share in the UFC
Conor said, I’m pretty sure last week, that he really doesn’t care if he fights in the ME or on the pre-lims as long as he is paid what he is worth, which includes a partnership in the company. It makes sense in a way. Even if he is not the ME, a large number of those PPV buys will be for Conor McGregor, so he should get a cut of that. But this scenario is simply not going to happen in my opinion. For Dana White, this would just open way too much of a floodgate.

2.) He is luring out Nate Diaz
Even though Diaz vs. McGregor III would be the most financially lucrative fight for both men right now, Diaz has actually sounded like he is not as interested as of late. He tweeted/IG’d out something recently that he beat Conor’s ass twice already and that Dustin Poirier was, in fact, a pussy (Remember Poirier dropped out of a recent Diaz-Poirier match up. Beyond that I am not sure why he was caught in Nate’s cross-hairs. O well). So maybe Conor is walking away to get Nate’s attention? Maybe this sets off a patented Diaz social media attack and gets the fighters, the fans, the media, and the UFC bought into this third match up? It wouldn’t be the worst idea in the world and one that comes with a big pay day.

3.) He is taking a page out of Nate Diaz’s book and simply shelving himself until they desperately need him to save a card
This is 100% what Nate Diaz is doing by the way. The nixed Poirier fight aside, Nate Diaz is keeping in shape, talking some occasional shit, and waiting for a main or co-main to fall through on short notice so that the UFC needs a big name to save it and is willing to cut a big check to get them to do so. To that end, Conor is kind of back-dooring his old nemesis here. 9/10 if the 155lb division needs someone to step in the Irishman would be the first choice. Not always, however. If the Fight Gods smile on the upcoming Poirier-Holloway Interim Lightweight Title Fight in April, then the winner ostensibly fights Khabib when he returns in the fall for the real belt. This is a huge if by the way as both fighters have pulled out of past fights. Anyway, should Dagestan’s favorite son’s challenger fall out of the unification bout, I can’t see them giving Conor another crack after the mauling he took. Not before he wins again. So Nate could get that fight, although his dormancy is becoming more and more of an issue.

But that fight itself? Poirier-Holloway? Giving one of those guys a rematch against the phenom who slowed their ascent when they wore a younger man’s clothes? Sure. What about the Iaquinta-Cerrone fight? Imagine Conor saying “fuck it” and fighting on a Fox card to earn his possible, eventual rematch with Khabib?

Whichever way you spin it, I see either reason 2 or 3 as the most plausible for McGregor’s random tweet. Sure, he could have accomplished either end without tweeting out his retirement but this makes it all that much more dramatic.

If Jordan never came back with the 45, would it have been such a come back?

-Joey B.