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Joey Ballgame

I'd like to take this chance to apologize to absolutely nobody.

Views from the 617.

Primarily MMA and pop culture takes from down in the rabbit hole. Sports straight out of left field.

SUPER BOWL WEEK DISTRACTION – Breaking Down Gronk’s Senior Basketball Profile

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Blogger’s Note: I meant to start these yesterday as we lead up to the game on Sunday. This is the most stressful week of (almost) every year and we could all use a distraction or 7. This one is Pats-related but  I promise the remaining three will be absolute nonsense and will take your mind off things….

To leverage one of the most prolifically used, intoxicating television quotes of all time, “He is a loathsome, offensive brute. Yet I can’t look away.”

That line, first used to describe not just a painting, but a perfect encapsulation of the essence of Cosmo Kramer, also applies seamlessly to this Portrait of a Young Gronk. From the head to the answers to the rest of the pose, this would give an alien who randomly landed on earth this very day an accurate representation of what the greatest TE of all time was and grew to be.

To start with the picture, I’d like to first point out that Gronk barely ages. If you look at this picture and then a picture of him now, his shaven head, which is a choice, is really the only difference. I’m sure people would point to other features of his face, but what I see is a kid still half asleep at probably 8:00am, dragged into a gym and told to put his uniform on for team pictures. The Gronk abides. Then we get to the hair. I have no doubt Gronk’s hair looked exactly like this all through high school. Papa G would agree this is known as the “Mark Hoppus circa 2004”. In Gronk’s case however, he isn’t a pop punk God who just tapped into his love for the Cure, he’s a 17 year old man-child pre-programmed to dominate varsity athletics and who doesn’t care what his hair looks like because it will either be smashed inside a helmet or matted with sweat at some point in the day any way. Probably multiple times.

Then there is the pose. HO MAN the pose. Can you imagine the energy that radiated through Robert James Gronkowski when he found out that he was invited to give everyone a sneak peek to the gun show on an otherwise unremarkable week day morning? He probably found some small dumb bells, or some resistance bands, or a freshman and got a few quick sets in to give himself some pump and tone. He through on that jersey and flexed, giving his best Blue Steel for the camera. Amazing.

Finally we have his answers. His “parents’ names” are, I suppose, not noteworthy if it wasn’t for the fact that they weren’t a bit out place. In 2019 that would be called a majjjjjor info sec breach. For “college choice” not only does Gronk peacock that he is leaving the dreary Northeast for the University of Arizona, but he is doing it on a full athletic scholarship. I can imagine he actually told the person asking him these questions (0% chance he wrote them out himself) something like “full boat for football” and the transcriber cleaned the answer up a bit. No harm no foul. Then comes the last question. The piece de resistance. Rob Gronkowski’s “hobbies”. I mentioned he was a pre-programmed sports machine and indeed he mentions sports as his #2 hobby.  That is, of course, only because #1 is working out, i.e preparing to dominate in said sports more efficiently. Then comes #3. The last but certainly not least. Chicks. Nothing in particular. Just chicks. Gronk like to talk about them. Gronk likes to talk to them. Gronk likes to do un-Christian things with them in back seats. It is and always will be his passion, his calling. If Belichick ever got him to take a vow of celibacy he’d probably go off for 120/1800/25 every year. He was close as it is.

So that is it folks. Your daily distraction in the form of breaking down a hoops profile of a young Gronk. Yo soy fiesta indeed.

-Joey B.

James Gandolfini’s Son Tapped to Play a Young Tony in “The Sopranos” Prequel

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Deadline – The Sopranos creator David Chase has found his Tony Soprano. Michael Gandolfini has been set to play the future New Jersey organized crime family boss in The Many Saints of Newark, the feature prequel to Chase’s groundbreaking TV series The Sopranos that Alan Taylor is directing for New Line.

If you read my blog on The Sopranos 20th Anniversary a week or two ago or in general follow entertainment even passingly,  then you know a prequel movie is being made surrounding the world of the masterpiece HBO series. Basically, it will give us a glimpse into the yesteryear of the criminal world Tony Soprano lived in, the past that he resentfully regaled his guys of, craving for how things used to be. Or at least used to seem, to him.

The two key characters will be Dicky Moltisanti, Christopher’s late father and one of Tony’s idols, as well as Tony’s own Dad and hero, Johnny “Boy” Soprano. On the 20th anniversary, David Chase, the creator, revealed as a sort of gift to the fans and tribute to the since passed Gandolfini, that a young Tony Soprano would also be featured. They had even seemed to of already picked an actor to play him, although I can no longer find the kid’s name via a quick Google search.

That is because, as of yesterday, James Gandolfini’s own son, Michael, has been tapped to play the younger version of his Dad’s monumental role. I can’t imagine what it must feel like not just for Michael and the Gandolfini family, but also the cast of Sopranos, who never miss an opportunity to mention how much they miss their old friend, that the role is being assumed by the son of the man himself. They are keeping it in the family, as Tony himself would have wanted. Poetic justice indeed.

If I’m doing my math right, Michael would be about 20 now, having been on an 8th grade trip with his father when the elder Gandolfini suddenly died from a heart attack in 2013. This makes him a bit old for the role as I think the time period they were shooting for would have implied a pre-pubescent to teenage Tony. That said I just got done binging a Netflix show where actors and actresses as old as 26 were playing high school kids and I don’t think anyone really cares anymore.

To answer the other lingering question, yes Michael Gandolfini is an actor with actual credits to his name. He has a reoccurring role on “The Deuce”, the excellent David Simon/James Franco show about the early days of porn I’ve failed to keep up with. So the chops are there. He is the spitting image of his Dad. Add Jon Bernthal and Vera Farmiga, among others, to the list and we have ourselves a stud cast for this thing.

Fuhgettaboutit.

-Joey B

P.S – I didn’t say “fuck” once in this blog. 2019 is about growth kids.

A Quick Word On Rex Burkhead

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So I know there has been enough Pats-related #content here over the last few days, weeks, and months to last a lifetime, but this has been kind of sticking on my mind. It’s one of those things where I figure that if it has stayed with me this long, maybe it is worth putting out there. Whatever the case I won’t be bashing Oprah or telling the story of the time a kid I loosely knew robbed a 7-11 so I’m guessing Red will publish it and maybe you’ll read it.

Rex Burkhead does not get a lot of ink. It’s fairly understandable why. For the most part, he is a “sum of the parts greater than the whole” type back that can spell Michel when he needs a breather during one of his packages and can do the same for James White in an identical capacity. He has also been hurt a bunch so his name just hasn’t come up a lot. With all of that said, he can do a lot of things and Brady seems to be able to trust him, which one could argue is more important to TB12 than skill, athleticism, etc., so he has become a fairly important part of our offense.

Then came the AFC Championship and the worst fucking 4th down run of all time and I was ready to let Rex Burkhead to be the scapegoat, to let he and he alone hold the L, as the kids say. I mean, sure it was a bad call altogether. One of those 1-2 a game that McDaniels has been guilty of all season, a puzzling abnormality that he seems to of picked up this year. Burkhead didn’t help though. Kevin Sorensen, who the Patriots made look like a cross between Ed Reed and Sean Taylor all fucking game even though he barely belongs on an NFL roster, was shooting the gap Burkhead was supposed to run in. He could have cut back and at least tried to churn behind his O-line and see what he could get. His vision failed him though (I’m not RB savvy enough to tell you if vision is always a problem for Burkhead) and Patrick Willis Sorensen form tackled him for a loss. It stunk to high heavens.

What did Rex Burkhead do? He shook it off. He basically acted like it never happened. He went on to make more than a couple of key plays, including the game-winning touchdown run, to force us to completely forget about that garbage run. He put his head down and “did his job” as the Patriots always require and it paid dividends. To be honest I think even without the win, we would have forgiven him after the way he closed the game out.

So hats off to Rex Burkhead, our favorite ‘Husker. We’ll need him two Sundays from now more than ever. Just cut back next time, ok?

The Patriots Broke the Record for Most Wins in a Decade…Previously Held by the Patriots

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ProFootballTalk – The New England Patriots on Sunday won their 127th game since 2010, which makes this the winningest decade in NFL history. Breaking a record set by the Patriots last decade.

As noted by the Patriots’ Twitter, the previous record for most wins in a decade was 126, set by the Patriots from 2000 to 2009.

Strength of schedule. Strength of division. In-season injuries to opponents. I feel like every year opposing fans have a different excuse as to why the Pats succeeded that season, some barely tangible proof that they aren’t as good as meets the eye.

Well, through the past decade, where over at least 160 games I would think the variables involved in all 32 NFL teams’ success cancel each other out to an extent, the Patriots have won more than any other team in NFL history. Over a full ten years, they have had more success and earned more victories than any previous team in that same, long, frame of reference. They won 127 times.

O, in case you were wondering whether or not the Patriots were truly a dynasty? I mean sure someone is trying to form as argument stating that this sustained success was is sort of smoke and mirrors. I mean we did go what, 10 years between Super Bowls? Sure. But the previous most successful team decade over decade? That would also be the Patriots, of the decade prior. From 2000 through 2009, we had 126 wins. In summary, we’ve had 20 straight years of running shit in the NFL AND I CANNOT WAIT for people like poor Bobby Kravitz to call the wambulance about a guy with a video camera and a few underinflated footballs. Because I am SURE that is how we’ve logged 253 wins since George W. Bush’s presidency began.

As we enter, as we seemingly do every year, the most important week of our football fandom careers, let’s quickly reflect. For those of us old enough to remember, times weren’t always good. We had some shitty teams, man – Drew Bledsoe trying to single-handedly win despite barely being mobile enough to do a 5 step drop, Terry Allen being signed at like 40 years old as a stop gap at RB, every promising pick we made, defense or offense, either busting out or suffering some sort of freak injury. But we stood strong. Every Sunday as our Dads and Uncles and whoever would crack a beer, we’d sit on the couch and nurse an apple juice and imagine what it would be like to be the Cowboys or the 9ers, and briefly the Packers, Broncos, or Rams.

And guess what? We transcended that. We smashed through that ceiling and now have the two winningest decades in football history. No one can take that away. So as we go into this weekend, watching our boys march in Arrowhead as underdogs. The scarred, outgunned veterans against an army of fast, young warriors, remember that we’ve been playing this very same game for 20 years straight. And we usually win.

Let’s fucking go Pats nation. Let’s fucking go.

-Joey B.

The Consistency in Which Tom Brady Makes the AFC Championship Game is Unparalleled in the Most Literal Sense of the Word

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To recap and present optically so that this can be easily digested:

Rate Category                                                                                 Percentage

-Tom Brady making the AFC Championship game                        76.5%
-NFL QB (Drew Brees) completing passes, per season                  74.4%
-Lebron James making free throws (because ESPN                       73%
is required to talk about Lebron James every story)
-Best putter in PGA between 5ft-10ft makes putt, 2018 season     68%

Let’s really let that sink in. To do that, you have to remember that every other category other than Brady’s is measured in single occurrences. A golfer putts once. The ball is only thrown once per attempt. Queen James only shoots once, and probably draws a foul from the foul line because an opposing player looked at him too aggressively.

Now think that in Brady’s category, he had to win 17 OR 18 professional football games to to work his way to a 76.5% percentage rate. Floyd Mayweather is 50-0 currently right? He beat 50 different opponents (with the exception of a couple rematches) one time on one night without ever losing. Now imagine if he had to fight 17 or 18 guys on those one nights to earn that “1” win. THAT IS FUCKING PREPOSTEROUS.

Now dig deeper and think about the times we layed eggs against the Colts and the Ravens and how this number could very well be even higher. For us, Pats Nation, that are numb to Tom Brady’s greatness and consistency; who have long since lost gratitude for the blessing of having him Quarterback our team for so long, this data puts things back in perspective. Thomas Edward Patrick Brady brings us within a hair of a championship at a more regular clip than a safe and sound golfer shielded from so much as a PEEP OF CROWD NOISE is able to tap a ball into a hole from 5ft-10ft. Brady does what he does with 300lb men trying to murder him and threats to his family and genitals being rained down upon him from the crowd.

So next time someone who has not seen a clenched fist, a field, a court, a sheet of ice, or in Max Kellerman’s case, the outside of a pilates studio, since they were 10 tried to come at the GOAT, Just remind, say, Max Kellerman that Tom Brady “dinks and dunks” his way to the AFC Championship game at a better clip than he gets shutdown by FS1 hair stylists.

LONG MAY HE REIGN.

-Joey B.

The Thunder Are Retiring Nick Collison’s Number….Huh?

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NBA.com – The Oklahoma City Thunder announced today that the team will retire Nick Collison’s No. 4 on Wednesday, March 20 when the Thunder hosts the Toronto Raptors at Chesapeake Energy Arena.

Six points, five rebounds, one block. If you use round numbers, those are Nick Collison’s career averages. And on the back of that historic, never before seen stat-line, the Thunder are going to retire his number.

In terms of publicity stunts and good will gestures, this has to be one of the more absurd things I’ve heard of a franchise doing. I mean, this is technically the same franchise that Gary Payton and Shawn Kemp played for. But Nick Collison’s number is going to hang from the rafters? Oooook.

And I get he played that he played his whole, fifteen year career there. I get he probably did stuff like “gave back to the community” and was most likely “a consummate pro”. But do you see the Celtics retiring Leon Powe’s jersey? No you do not. And no Powe did not play for the Celtics for 15 years but he arguably contributed more to, ya know, their actual success than Collison did for the Thunder.

The only reason this is blogable is because of the question of “where is the bar?” Much like the Colts putting up a banner every time they win a game outside of the calendar year that the season began in, are NBA teams just going to start retiring number for no discernible reason? It kind of takes the wind out of the sales of these kinds of things when it is done for players who, ya know, actually deserve it.

Last thing, you know when this news went out, this conversation was had:

Brian Scalabrine: Hey you think maybe…
Mike Gorman: No.

-Joey B.

Will The Mass. Pike Overhaul in Allston Lead Red to Finally Have a Mental Breakdown?

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Boston.com – After years of debate, state transportation officials Thursday announced the final design on the biggest highway project in Boston in a generation: rebuilding the Massachusetts Turnpike at ground level in Allston and elevating a section of Soldiers Field Road along the Charles River onto a new viaduct above the highway.

I think one of the cooler daily blogs (I think it is the only daily blog) that we put out here at The 300s is Red’s #RushHourRap blog. It’s always sweet to learn about some old school hip hop you don’t know about.

What you may not have gathered from that blog is that the reason Red has a knack for musical discoveries is that he spends half of his waking life stuck dead in traffic commuting to and from work, surfing satellite radio for anything that will entertain him enough to keep his finger off the detonator of a suicide vest. It is the brutal, tedious way so many of us go through our Corporate American life. It is especially draining in the avant garde design of the Boston commute infrastructure. It is the bottleneck of the rat race.

And now, the state is sure going to make it worse. Not only are they going to conduct construction in around the areas Red has to navigate Monday through Friday, but Massachusetts has a rich history of completely fucking these kinds of problems up. So not only we staring down the barrel of typical construction traffic, we are looking at a full fledged clusterfuck of heavy equipment, detail cops, and broken dreams that will for sure go about 100x over budget, which currently stands at $1.1 billion.

So is this it? Is this the “improvement” that finally sends our Founder and EIC over the edge? Is he going to be found Kony 2012’ng down Storrow Drive after having moved 100 feet in three hours? I hope not, but I won’t hold my breath.

T’s and P’s old friend, T’s and Ps.

Kyler Murray Declares for the NFL Draft

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ProFootballTalk – The Oakland Athletics expect Oklahoma quarterback Kyler Murray to declare for the NFL Draft this weekend….The report cites a source saying Murray is leaning toward playing football.

You know how the old saying goes, “the NFL Draft gets real shaken up when the Heisman Trophy winner suddenly decides to declare.” And that is exactly what is apparently the case folks. Rather than go play pro baseball for the Oakland A’s, who drafted him 8th overall, Kyler Murray intends to to enter the NFL Draft and possibly play pro football instead. The general public has been begging him to do this, as you know, he’s a Heisman winner, so while this is surprising it’s a logical choice.

What might be a little surprising is that Murray seems to be seen by many teams as a 1st round prospect. While other smaller, mobile QBs such as Baker Mayfield were denounced until the day of the draft because of their stature, Murray seems to have a clear path to Round 1. I mean, in this weak QB class he may now be the top talent to some teams. It could be that due to the success of Mayfield and a couple others, maybe pure stature just isn’t being looked at as much as long as the signal caller can make all the throws. Makes sense to me. Unless you have a 6’7″ center. Then no bueno.

There is also the possibility that teams don’t just see Murray as a QB. Maybe some team will look at the modern NBA and realize not all positions and players have to be concrete and static. A smart team may look at Murray and see a guy they can give a package of plays to at QB, which defenses will have to respect due to his arm and ability, and otherwise use at RB and WR. Think of any of the duel threat RBs in the league now, but then give them an arm and a lifetime of playing QB. Scary right?

This also puts a lot of question marks over the heads of incumbent starters on teams that have a new Head Coach. For instance, I know Kliff Kingsbury sang Josh Rosen’s praises, but would it be out of the realm of possibility that he has a thing for Murray and his ability to both run and pass? I for one can’t say “no” for sure.

Editor’s note: Some are speculating that Kingsbury could even trade Rosen and take Kyler No. 1 overall.

The next hurdle for Murray is whether or not the A’s allow him to go to the combine, which is scheduled for when he should in camp with the team. This would also require the approval of the MLB, which just LOVES aberrations from the norm.

Let the drama begin.

-Joey B.

The Sopranos Debuted 20 Years Ago Today

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This is one of the difficult things I’ve ever written. Not in the eulogy sense – I’m not getting choked up or lost in a trance of nostalgia. It’s just, how do you reflect on the debut of, in the opinion of many, the greatest television show of all time and one of the most impactful occurrences in pop culture history.

20 years ago today the first episode of “The Sopranos” aired. It starred little known actor James Gandolfini as Tony Soprano, a physically imposing, violent, scheming, yet emotionally complicated and psychologically, crumbling gangster prince from New Jersey. We followed Tony through his exploits, criminal and (semi-)legal, and daily life, flanked by fellow non-A-listers (at the time) such as Edie Falco, of HBO’s most recent hit at that point “Oz” fame, as Tony’s wife Carmella; The E Street Band Guitarist Steven Van Zandt as Tony’s right-hand man Silvio Dante; and Dominic Chianese, formerly known as Johnny Ola in “The Godfather Pt II”, as Tony’s Uncle and, reluctantly for both sides, mentor Corrado “Junior” Soprano. It should be noted that this cast was largely filled out by Mafia medium veterans such as Tony Sirico (“Gotti”, “Love and Money”), Kathrine Narducci (“A Bronx Tale”), and a crew of actors from “Goodfellas” including Michael Imperioli, Lorraine Bracco, and Frank “Now get your fuckin’ shinebox” Vincent. To go off on a bit of a tangent because I missed this earlier, Sirico of course was also in “Goodfellas”. In the show, he played fan (and my) favorite,  Tony’s soldier, Paulie “Walnuts” Gualtieri.

Audiences became infatuated with Tony’s gangster life but also, and maybe even more so, his relationships. They were sometimes loving, but mostly violent and almost always manipulative. We came to know Tony’s view of the world and people around him in just pre- to post-9/11 Metro NY not just through observing his bull-in-a-china shop pirouette to power, but also through his sessions with his psychiatrist, Dr. Jennifer Melfi(Bracco). Indeed this was one of the most important plots of the show, for those both behind and in front of the fourth wall, if not the genesis for the story being told: How could someone who finds success and fortune via a complete apathy towards the vicious and Machiavellian also need to seek therapy for severe panic attacks and bouts of manic depression? Could it be that just like so many out there, Tony’s flaws and undoing was simply caused by a toxic relationship with his mother, Livia (Nancy Marchand)? To us, particularly at a time when mental health was not as much at the dead front of the public consciousness as it is now, this was as intriguing as it was perplexing. It was a most startling juxtaposition and one that could have only been brought to life by a brooding, smoldering James Gandolfini, who was so invested in his performance of a lifetime that he admitted to being troubled by his character’s frequent callousness and malicious indifference

I think in the end what truly drew us to the show, the plot, and the man himself, as well what not so ironically what brought the Tony to see Dr. Melfi, is how torn he was. Was he a doting albeit expectant father to his daughter and son (Jamie Lynn Sigler, Robert Iler)? Was he a larger-than-life leader to his crew, as well as sometimes mentor to his “nephew”, Christopher Moltisanti (Imperioli)? Did he see himself as a Tony Montana-esque force of nature who would be the king no matter who lost their head? Or, in the end, was he just sick of it all? Of the path he chose for himself and that his father chose before him. Of the monotony and tediousness in the packs of cigarettes and trunks of stereos that came with being a gangster. Of the killing of the aloof and just-post adolescent that sometimes came with the job description. Could he be all of that at once? Could any human being contain that much contradiction? For parts of nine years and over 6 (the sixth being a double) seasons, viewers asked themselves this. Audiences obsessed over this question as if they could put Tony at peace if they could answer it. They became so engrossed in the on goings of these North Jersey gangsters that for an hour at a time, we forgot we weren’t a part of it. Full disclosure: Sopranos came out as I finished elementary school. I saw an episode here and there but then truly binged and digested the show when I was 25. My own anecdote of immersion is that I would save this tantalizing, life-changing show for Sundays, where I would binge 6+ episodes at a time. And what would I order to accompany it? Pasta. My blood is 100% Celtic but for the majority of the day every Sunday for a financial quarter (I missed a day here and there), I was a Pisan in my own mind.

The legacy of the “The Sopranos” is, basically, the absence there of. After David Chase’s tidal wave came and then went in 2007, Mafia shows and movies were put on hold, scrapped altogether, or simply never even considered. The genre was all but a taboo. Why? Because how could you top it? One could argue that, over a decade after it went off the air, the mob genre in Hollywood still hasn’t regained traction in “The Sopranos” shadow. I mean, “The Departed”, easily the most successful gangster movie since, killed off the Italians straight off the bat. I suppose you could make an argument with “Boardwalk Empire”, but that was as much of a period piece and a tale of political corruption than it was about the mob, despite having Mafia characters. The success, popularity, and perfection of “The Sopranos” have simply been, too much for Hollywood to top, at least head on.

After the show went off the air, and even during its final days, there were rumors and whispers, maybe just glorified hopes, of a possible movie. There usually is with shows that become as omnipresent in the day’s pop culture as Sopranos was. Those dreams died with James Gandolfini, who passed away tragically and suddenly of a heart attack in 2013. He was 51 years old. With Gandolfini, who brought Tony Soprano to life as Chase could have only dreamed, went our hopes of ever finding out what happened to Tony after “Don’t Stop Believing” and the final scene ever simply and without warning cut to black. It just wasn’t meant to be. David Chase is, however, now working on a movie prequel called “The Many Saints of Newark”. This will follow the story of Tony’s father and idol, Johnny aka “Johnny Boy”, Soprano as well as Christopher’s father Dickie Moltisanti and a host of other names Tony bemoaned as being from the past hey-day of “this thing of theirs”.

As of yesterday, it was even confirmed a young Tony Soprano would make an appearance.

Don’t fuck this up kid. Salut.

-Joseph “Joey Ballgame” B.

I am FLOORED the Cleveland Browns Did Not Mess This Up

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First of all yes, I know, I am putting pen to paper twice in one day. Fairly reckless. Nonetheless….

Secondly, I don’t have a ton to add to this other than the headline. THE BROWNS DID NOT COMPLETELY FUCK THIS UP. The guy who has seemingly made Baker Mayfield a competent NFL starter is going to be named the head coach. Freddie Kitchens will become the latest in a string of “young QB guru” HC hires such as Sean McVay. If the Browns can now add a half decent D-Coordinator to oversee the plethora of talent they have on that side of the ball Cleveland might have a competent football team. REREAD THAT SENTENCE.

I am honestly awestruck that one of the most out-to-lunch franchises in pro sports made such a safe, solid decision operationally. It borderline does not make sense, possibly even stinking to high heaven.

But let Cleveland have this for now. Cheers, Browns fan.

-Joey B