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Joey Ballgame

I'd like to take this chance to apologize to absolutely nobody.

Views from the 617.

Primarily MMA and pop culture takes from down in the rabbit hole. Sports straight out of left field.

Nate Diaz and Dustin Poirier Have Decided They’re Fighting for a New 165lb Title for Their Own Damn Selves

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Well look what we have here folks, a good old fashioned case of MMA Constanza-ing. Just go ahead and do it, make it known you’re doing tit, and don’t stop until someone physically stops you.

Now, Dana White has indeed done just that, stating these lunatics have in no way, shape, or form the power to make this match or create this title, let alone sanction it. Still, you never know. “The Diamond” and the 209’s favorite younger brother could go all baclyard wrestling on our asses and just say fuck you, slap together their own title belt and call it the 165lb title. Come to think of it Eddie Alvaez would probably LOVE that idea, tell ONE , who he has been in deep talks with, to go fuck themselves, and race back to the U.S to fight the winner. Soon enough Dana will have a full-fledged mutiny on his hands as the best 155ers and smaller 170lbers will be clamoring to fight seemingly random guys for a fake title. CHAOS JERRY! CHAOS!

So maybe I got a little carried away there but still, it is pretty funny that out of frustration with the UFC trying to make something out of jack shit to call a “main event” when the co-main is made up of two studs, these guys have said fuck you we are claiming main event status. Straight up UFC PPV prima nocte. I’m into too. I don’t want to get too heavy into the subject but I’m not one of these wads who says there are already too many divisons. Fuck that. Why not have more titles and healthier fighters? 165 is a great idea. So is 225.

Either way, the real main event for UFC 230 is now Diaz-Poirier for the People’s 165lb Title. Death or glory, people. Death or glory.

The 300s Bloggers’ Baker Mayfield Invitational Fantasy Football Round Up – Week 3

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Dearest Readers,

I hope this column is enjoyable and an easy read, not a Vance McDonald stiff arm to the skull.

Briefly,

-Joey B.

Papa Giorgio

1-2 for me this week. Fournette and Dalvin Cook being hurt sunk one of my teams as I had to field some garbage RBs. Drew Brees was electric for me though. My one piece of fantasy advice is if you ever have anyone on your roster from the NFC South and two of the teams are playing each other that week, start them. Saints/Falcons always seem to end in some ridiculous score and the wilder the finish, the more fantasy points you’re going to get. Also, my real life Bills thrashed the Vikings so even though I didn’t have the greatest fantasy week, Bills Mafia was reborn under Josh Allen.


Joey B

So I lost in week 3 but find solace in the fact that it took Gronk, both RBs, and my defense shitting the bed, changing the sheets, and then shitting the bed again for that to happen. Stafford played well (against the fucking Pats) and Michael Thomas continues to have the same success on the football field that Dave Thomas had in the fast food industry


Red

We’re swimming in a sea of mediocrity folks as I got my first win of the season but split on my two leagues, bringing my season record to an underwhelming 1-5. On a more somber note; a roster spot just opened up on my squad as my dude Jimmy G tore his ACL on Sunday. I may just keep him on my roster out of respect. A fantasy football moratorium if you will.

Big Z

The Big Z Fantasy Empire improved to 2-1 in Week 3, but boy did I have to sweat it out. I didn’t take my first lead of the week until the fourth quarter of the Monday night game when James Conner put me over the top. I only needed 7 points to win, and he took almost 60 minutes to put up the 9 points that gave me a three-point win.

Oh, and did I mention this was all while Matt Ryan was on my bench? Ryan put up 40 points while Russell Wilson got me 15. Instead of having a Toilet Bowl for last place every year, they should just give a trophy of a horse’s ass to the player with the most bench points. I’d be well on my way to that trophy this season.

As much as I hate a fantasy QB controversy, I may have to make the switch this week. I’ll also have to survive Christian McCaffrey’s bye week, so Week 4 looks like a daunting battle already

 

Mattes

Got the double victory this week for the first time in 2018! Although I would NEVER root for my fantasy team over my real-life team, maaaaybe Brady having one of the worst games of his life this week didn’t turn out all that bad for me. Considering Brady was projected to score 20 more points than he did and I beat my opponent by 19, at least there’s a silver lining. I also only had one guy score less than six points, which was Amari Cooper, who could quite possibly be the most frustrating player to own in fantasy right now. The guy should be a stud, but has gone from two points in Week 1 to 16 points in Week 2 then right back down to two this week. Maddening. Carlos Hyde is looking like a fifth-round STEAL for me as well, especially with Baker now running the show in Cleveland. Also, my sneaky ROY candidate, Kerryon Johnson, looks like he’s ready to take over in the Motor City and may be coming off my bench for the first time this week. It was a rough 0-2 start, but things are now looking up for the Purple Cobras.

My other team continued to roll as well, even with Kirk Cousins and Larry Fitzgerald combining for a measly 13 points. Cousins will bounce back, and I am praying to everything holy that Josh Rosen can turn the Cardinals offense around, because I also have an incredibly disappointing David Johnson, whose week was fortunately salvaged with a receiving TD. Michael Thomas and Jarvis Landry are a nasty WR1 and WR2 in a full-point PPR, and somehow I was able to add Matt Breida on waivers last week. He got me 14 points on Sunday and will be a great FLEX option moving forward along with guys like John Brown and Bilal Powell. Catch City Bitch is now 2-1 and feeling good.

BAKER MAYFIELD IS PLAYING COMPETITIVE FOOTBALL TURN ON YOUR TV’S RIGHT NOW

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….Ok so it is half time so he isn’t playing right this second. However as of right now the hypothetical QB1 under center for the Cleveland football Browns is Baker Reagan Mayfield. Spurned Texas Tech walk-on. Oklahoma Sooner Legend. Sworn enemy of Domestic Violence Bowl Champion Ohio State Buckeyes. He’s a gamer, he has it, he is Baker Mayfield.

I have NEVER seen the Cleveland Brown’s stadium (dk the name of it) have energy. I normally would say “that much energy” but I’ve never seen it/felt it have any at all. Even during the decent Derek Anderson/Braylon Edwards year it had an air of tragic inevitability. You knew the success was fleeting. BUT NOW IT IS BAKER TIME. The place was rocking. He threw a seed for a first down. Then another. Then fumbled. It was recovered by the Browns. Then he threw another 8 yard strike. Then had one batted down that would have been complete and led his WR out of bounds had he gotten it just thiiiis much closer to the sidelines. To complete the miracle drive, the Cleveland kicker actually made a Goddam field goal. Baker manifests points.

I can’t remember being this excited about a rookie QB. It’s not even the Patriots. Let’s fucking go indeed.

There are Rumors Abound That the Pats are Going to Sign Colin Kaepernick

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I know that this is not the most reputable source but this is the same account that had the Gordon news before just about anybody than Rap, you’ll have to just trust me.

When I saw this I sat back and kind of just said, “well how about that.” Believe it or not when I hear Kaepernick’s name the first thing I think of is still a 24 year old Joey B watching him carve up the NFC and come within a pick of making it to the Super Bowl. He could run, he had an arm, his choice of pet was a turtle, the whole shebang.

Now, sticking to football, he could have not given less of a fuck about learning to read defenses or look off his receivers, which is a tad bit of an issue in the NFL. There was some SERIOUS flaws to his game. With all of that said I still always thought he could be a reclamation project if a team could lock him in the film room.

So how do I feel now that he may be New England’s new back up/3rd string. I feel fine. He has a similar skill-set to Brissett and I am sure the Pats could come up with some McTrickery to include him in. TB12 could show him how to be a professional, possibly excluding the rub and tugs from Alex Gonzalez, and who knows, at 30(ish?) he still could have a few solid years left. Maybe at least become a trade piece.

Ball is ball.

-Joey B.

The 300s Bloggers’ Fantasy Football Round Up – Week 2

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Hi Friends.

Week 2 is now in the books and I’d say we are one week away from really seeing what our squads “are”? Don’t you love those questions and answers? “We still don’t know what Jimmy G is.” “We will find out tonight what these 2008 *insert team here* are? But ya, horribly hard to be a T.V analyst.

To go along with Week 2 we have our second addition of the recap of how our bloggers did in their respective league(s). As with Week 1, every blogger has submitted a small blurb on their successes and failures. Let’s get to it…


Papa Giorgio

Well, I got absolutely shellacked this weekend. 0-3 across all my leagues. Fournette being out did not help in the slightest. It will be interesting to see how Josh Gordon does for me now that he’s been traded to the Patriots. I have him in two leagues and if the guy can get healthy and live up to his potential my teams should be able to get back on track in the quest for some titles. Otherwise, if things continue to go south I may have to pull a Vontae Davis and get the hell out of Dodge. 

(Joey B Note: Something about a Bill’s fan drafting the most volatile player possibly in league history makes me happy.)


Big Z

Fantasy football is a prime example of where it is better to be lucky than good. I was thisclose to dropping Chris Hogan in favor of Phillip Dorsett this week. I ultimately decided against streaming my WR/TE flex position and stuck with Hogan after a lackluster Week 1. At halftime it looked like they would both post underwhelming Week 2 numbers, but I was rewarded with two late TDs by Hogan. Thank god.

As I’ve written before, defense should be taken out of fantasy football. Until that happens, though, I will continue to stream defenses in fantasy football. This week I dropped Green Bay to pick up New England. Whoops! Thankfully the move only cost me eight points. After an early defensive touchdown by Green Bay it looked like it could’ve been a whole lot worse.

Up 89-88 going into Monday night, my opponent was done and I only had Russell Wilson left. I thought about benching him, but when’s the last time a QB got negative points? I don’t know, but Wilson made me sweat it out, turning the ball over a few times in the second half. A garbage-time TD put me at the century mark, though, and cemented my Week 2 W.

So with a Brandin Cooks, Christian McCaffrey and a little luck, the Big Z Fantasy Empire is on the board in 2018.


Red

(Joey B’s Note: This first sentence is laugh out loud funny. This is the beauty of fantasy: you can taste the bitterness)

If I have any piece of advice from another dogshit start to my fantasy season it’s this; stick to the guys you drafted as long as you can. After a disastrous 4 INT game in Week 1, I benched Matt Stafford for Jimmy G and Stafford went off for 32 points compared to Garoppolo’s 20. Naturally I lost by just a hair under 12 points this week.

I also lost in my other league wasting a 27 point, 14 catch, 100 yard performance from Christian McCaffrey. So all in all I am a combined 0-4 to start the fantasy season. Oh and I bet the Patriots to cover on Sunday while I was down in the great state of NJ and obviously lost that bet. So my gambling advice is radioactive right now. Stay away.


Joey B

The bitch of fantasy football is that sometimes what happens in real-life outweighs fantasy. In this case, Gronk having a bad day fantasy-wise was not nearly as bad as that Patriots game overall. I still not only won but had high score thanks to, in part, another MONNNSTER game from Michael Thomas. Still, seeing that 2 points (or so) from Gronk and what it really represented hurt.


Mattes

If it weren’t for O.J. Howard benefitting from even more FitzMagic this week, it would have been a SAD day for the Purple Cobras. Granted, I did leave over 65 points on the bench this week, which included three guys with over 17-plus points each, each of whose performance would have been better than the four-point abomination I got from Ryan Grant in my flex. (Hey! He had nine targets in Week 1!) But alas, it would not have mattered anyway, as my opponent was the league’s high-scorer this week. Fortunately, those bench guys look like they could be forces moving forward, so hopefully I can start to right the ship in Week 3 after a rough (but not insurmountable!) 0-2 start.

As far as my other league goes, I was able to pull out a two-point victory thanks in large part to Captain Kirk Cousins, who went absolute H.A.M. sandwich in Green Bay on Sunday. Pairing him up with Philip Rivers in a two-QB league proved to be quite the boon this week. Michael Thomas also continues to be a PPR juggernaut, and the fact that Chris Carson didn’t get a carry in the second half killed any chance my opponent had of winning going into what was looking like a very advantageous Monday night scenario for him. If David Johnson, Larry Fitz, and the Cardinals offense ever wakes the hell up, I’d be feeling pretty damn good about this squad. I’ll take a 1-1 start for now.

 

A Bunch Of Stuff Has Happened Over The Last Couple Of Days So I’m Going To Comment On All Of It Here

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Image result for reading the newspaper

-First, sad news that broke early this morning/last night, Japanese MMA legend Norifumi “Kid” Yamamoto has passed away after a battle with cancer. He was 41 and only announced he was fighting the disease in late August. Kid wracked up a 17-1 record, defeating Caol Uno, Bibiano Fernandes, Genki Sudo, and Rani Yahya, among others, before retiring in 2007. He came back 2 years later not even half the fighter he once was and had mixed results, including 4 losses in the UFC. However at 5’3 and about 140 lbs naturally, Kid fought at Lightweight (155lbs) most of his career and was an absolute beast. Rest easy to a true legend of the sport.

-In other MMA news, UFC Welterweight Champion Tyron Woodley was notified of a potential out of competition PED violation stemming from a test administered on 8/5, a little over a month before his successful title defense against Darren Till on 9/8. This could be a huge blow to Woodley personally as he has fought like hell to prove he is legit. Pissing hot is not going to help his case and will only strengthen the voice of his detractors. Good thing USADA ties these situations up quickly….

-Any jackass who says Joaquin Phoenix could even sniff Heath Ledger’s jock when it comes to playing the Joker should not be allowed to produce offspring. This would be like having someone else play Daniel Plainview.

-To stick with entertainment, “Game of Thrones” took down Best Series and my motherfucking MAN Peter Dinklage aka Tyrion Lannister took down Best Supporting Actor in a very well deserved nod considering the work he has put in on that show. I remember, two or three seasons ago, some MIT kids did some formulas and IDK some shit with beakers or something and determined the three “main” characters of “Game Of Thrones” were actually Khaleesi, Arya, and believe it or not, Tyrion, and his many internal and external struggles. The greatest achievement in TV history (notice I didn’t say “best show”, relax) wouldn’t be the same without him.

-Bill Hader also won for “Barry” (which you should watch) but Jessica Biel and Bill Pullman both got the shaft for “The Sinner” (which you should realllllllly watch).

-I love the Pats’ acquisition of Josh Gordon. I’ve heard the “he hasn’t done anything in 5 years take” and am infatuated with how dumb it is. He’s still only 27, did not take any hits during his time away from the game, and has showed in the glimpses we HAVE seen him that he is probably the most physically gifted receiver in the NFL. Think about it this way: literally all he has to do to not make this a colossal mistake on New England’s part is to just not kill like, 4 people. Legit that’s it and we’ve already broken even. NOT SO HARD JOSH.

-I’m just seeing this but RIP to Marcus Smart’s mom and a big “hang in there” to Smart from us at the 300’s. Brutal loss. She raised one hell of a player.

-In news from Capitol Hill….haha nah I’m playin.

 

Conor McGregor and Khabib Nurmagomedov are Finally Having a Press Conference

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MMAJunkie – To this point, things have been quiet on the promotional front for the UFC 229 lightweight title fight between champion Khabib Nurmagomedov and Conor McGregor.

That’s about to change.

The UFC announced today that next week, Sept. 20, a press conference with UFC President Dana White, Nurmagomedov and McGregor will be held at Radio City Music Hall in New York.

There are two, no three, actually four things to consider at the outset of this story:

1.) This very well may be the biggest fight in UFC history.
2.) The UFC has become known for promoting the hell out of their bigger fights; cooking up absolute juggernauts to throw gigantic bankrolls behind in order to reap the even bigger returns.
3.) Conor himself usually subsidizes the UFC’s promotion with his own tidal wave of social media shit talking, interview soliloquy’s, and released, ominous training footage.
4.) There has been precisely MINIMAL promotion for this fight so far. Not from the UFC. Not from Conor. Not from Conor’s “team” (I hate that concept and phrase) who are also usually a promotion vehicle in and of themselves. Virtual radio silence on the part of everyone.

So this press conference was announced this week and by the time it occurs we will be a little more than two weeks out from the fight itself. That is, again, possibly the biggest fight in UFC history. At Madison Square Garden. For Conor to stay quiet is one thing. He has that whole “throwing a dolly at a bus and injuring people” thing to deal with. Sure, he is still Conor Fucking McGregor and so it is a bit odd for him to stay silent because of anything. I can’t help but wonder if he has something saved up his sleeve for when the fight is that much more imminent.

While we have excuses and possible explanations for Conor, for those that follow the business-side of MMA and the art form that is the UFC promoting MMA, the company’s silence is absolutely mind boggling. Barely any social media coverage. No “On Demand” ads that I’ve seen so far. I don’t want to go so far as to question whether or not the UFC has faith the fight will go down, but what the hell else explains this? For Mayweather-McGregor there was a 6 month, international press tour. This may not be THAT big, objectively, but it is the biggest thing MMA has to offer and features 2 internationally born and beloved fighters, so what gives?

I don’t know. I honestly don’t have a clue except to maybe speculate that Conor and the UFC are on the same page and are going to see what happens when they wait for a couple weeks out to both light the fire and throw 310 pounds of gas on it. But is that even enough time to REALLY get people excited? I’m not sure it is.

We can ask, wonder, ruminate, and ponder all we want but in the end on September 20th the two best 155ers in the world will be on the same stage, speaking in wonderfully distinct accents, discussing what should be a monumental fight and a bona fide game changer in terms of the landscape of 155 pounds and beyond. Nothing will be the same after the first Saturday in October.

Here. We. Go.

-Joey B.

 

With Shaqiem Griffin in Seattle, Patriots Sign Their Own One-Handed Player in Corey Coleman

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ProFootballTalk – Corey Coleman is getting his third chance in the NFL.
The Patriots are signing Coleman, Ian Rapoport of NFL Network reports.

So for all those OBSESSING over how the Patriots are going to supplement their depleted wide receiver corps, here is your answer. The Pats have added their third former first round pick in Corey Coleman, who joins Cordarrelle Patterson and Philip Dorsett on our personal island of secondhand Lexus. He comes to Foxboro via the couch, as Coleman was inauspiciously cut in training camp this year by the Bills seemingly minutes after being traded to Buffalo by the team that drafted him, the Browns.

To address the headline, Corey Coleman has broken his right hand twice. In 2 seasons. And I am no expert in human biology nor a pro athlete, but I believe you may need a right hand to play Wide Receiver, otherwise known as catching, in the NFL. If you break your right hand twice, there is simply no fuckin way that thing still works. Corey Coleman is a one-handed wide receiver, plain and simple. Therefore, unless we plan to get him the ball via end-arounds and other “gadget plays” (coughhandoffscough) then I really am curious as to how the hell this is going to work.

In the end, I suppose my loquacious colleague was correct when he said we are better off with Coleman than Dez Bryant. The more that I think about it, I can’t remember a bigger possession receiver like Bryant really adding much to the Pat’s, aside from Brandon LaFell, who also bought ALL THE WAY IN to the Patriot way. Maybe Coleman will too. Better than buying into Buffalo or Cleveland.

-Joey B.

The 300s Bloggers’ Fantasy Football Round Up – Week 1

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Hey Everybody,

So I am going to start posting this every week. An opportunity for you the reader  to both revel and commiserate with your favorite (Me, maybe Big Z) or least favorite (Bills Fan) 300s blogger. So without further or do……….

Papa Giorgio
(Joey B’s Note: PG’s starting quarterback IRL is Nathan Peterman)

“Two words: Total Domination. Was it easy? No. Did I almost throw up blood when Aaron Rodgers was carted off the field with a knee injury? You betcha! Someone I managed to come out of week one 3-0 in all my leagues combined. As someone who does not take fantasy football too seriously, it was a nice start to what inevitably will be a horrifying, disastrous finish.”

Big Z

“I kept Le’Veon Bell in My keeper league. I picked up James Conner as his handcuff, but played Devonta Freeman instead in Week 1. Figured Pittsburgh had lots of other weapons, and might not lean too heavily on the second year player. Conner outscored Freeman by a cool 28 points, as I lost my Week 1 matchup by 12.”

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Joey B

I had a solid, straightforward week 1 win. I only do one team because I honestly just can’t keep track of more than one. Team-wise, I grabbed Gronk in the first because it’s smart and I picked up/started James Connor because the Steelers have relied heavily on the run since Lincoln still had the back of his head. The only thing grinding my gears a bit is that I lost out on the league high score for the week because rather than having even an underwhelming, sub-average game Matthew Stafford shat the bed completely. Oh well, 1-0.

Now we get to the absolute novels written by Red and MATTES GOOOODDDAMN. Asked these guys for a blurb on their fantasy football week and I got Will Hunting’s thesis on the market economy in the southern colonies.

Red

“Ya know, I was initially pretty upset about accidentally drafting Matt Stafford in the 8th round because time ran out on my pick, but now? Well now I’m fucking furious. Thats what I get for playing chicken with the Yahoo fantasy football draft pick timer.

I won a fantasy league I was in with Donovan McNabb as my QB that I picked up in like the 15th round. It was his last year in Philly and his last year as a productive NFL starter, which was perfect for me. Drafting a QB late has been my template ever since. Welp, not this year.

Sure you could attribute my opening day loss to lack of preparation (I didn’t buy an $11 draft magazine this year) or the fact that I continue to rely on Seahawks running backs not named Marshawn Lynch prior to 2015, but I prefer to point out that Matthew Stafford threw 4 picks in the same week Alvin Kamara dropped 38 points on me.

Here’s to hoping Sam Darnold continues to do just what I had hoped and throw the ball to my sleeper pick, Quincy Enunwa, more than anyone else on the Jets. Quincy had 10 targets last night compared to 11 for the rest of the team combined.

On my bench, of course.

Goddamnit, why do I play this game?”

 

Mattes

“I tell ya, it really sucks to be 0-2 after just one week of football. BOTH sqauds lost this weekend, and neither matchup was close in either league. Even worse is the fact I was expected to be the week’s high-scorer in my full-point PPR league – with guys like Larry Fitz, Michael Thomas, David Johnson, and Jarvis Landy – but only two of those guys actually showed up. There was a few fleeting minutes of hope in my matchup against our very own Papa Giorgio, when Aaron Rodgers looked like he was about to be placed on the shelf for the second straight season. But alas, the legend came back and put up another THIRTY-TWO points to crush my Week 1 dreams. Although, with Amari Cooper putting up two whole points on Monday night, maybe it wouldn’t have mattered anyway. It also didn’t help to have the Saints defense in both leagues, who fell victim to some serious FitzMagic and blew chunks in their home opener. In one league, the got me -4, and the other they got me -8.

So I literally would’ve been better off not even starting a D/ST this week. COOL. I did have one particular Saints player, though, who went absolutely BANANAS, catching 16 balls for 180 yards and a score; his name is Michael Thomas, as previously mentioned, and I’m glad I snagged him for the second year in a row. Jordan Howard and Carlos Hyde look like a decent back pairing in one league, but David Johnson and Alex Collins didn’t live up to expectations in the other. Hopefully Kerryon Johnson, my sneaky pick for Rookie of the Year, takes the job away from a hopefully-washed-up LeGarrette Blount and serves as a solid No. 3 behind Howard and Hyde. And if Rex Burkhead ends up being the Patriots offensive MVP, as I predicted in the Pats preview podcast, I could be OK in my other league, too. Russell Wilson also proved he’s matchup-proof, putting up over 30 against a nasty Broncos D. Philip Rivers and Kirk Cousins look like a solid pairing in my two-QB league as well, so I’m not getting too down after the first week. It can only go up from here…right?”

A New Game To The Site – Let’s Play: CONNECT. THAT. HEADLINE!

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So in this game, we are going to take a headline that smashes two stories into one like a freshman (or 29 year old blogger) with whiskey dick. Our first contestant, from Yahoo:

“Elon Musk revives claim that Thai cave rescue here is a “pedo” after denying he cried in interview“

Well now. Having fun yet? So there are really three stories here, as a special surprise for our first round. The stories are a.)Elon Musk, fuckhead extraordinaire, called the guy who rescued the kids from that cave in Thailand b.)He already had called said hero diver a pedo, but no one listened because of his extraordinary fuckheadedness, so he yelled it again from the rooftops c.)O and he got called out for crying in an interview so added that he in fact, had not cried.

We’ll pause so you can guess what transpired. Ready?

Soooo I breezed through the story because I am STEADFAST to our readers (Hi Mr. and Mrs. Z!) that I refuse to do research. But it would seem all of this went down on twitter and Yahoo has sort of just summed up a day of his 280 character word vomit. He actually brought the crying thing up first. I guess the New York Times said while being interviewed he began crying over not being able to see his kids enough. Naturally, this segued into, “speaking of kids, remember that fucking creepy hero diver guy?!”

First of all my guy, some kids lost in a cave in a 3rd world country is old news the day after their rescued. I don’t think they were even on Oprah and I’m pretty sure she even interviewed the raft Elian floated over on. 2nd of all to categorically deny missing your kids is just unecessary. I get you need to hold up your robot reputation, but as the real Jeffrey Lebowski once said, strong men do cry.