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Joey Ballgame

I'd like to take this chance to apologize to absolutely nobody.

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Primarily MMA and pop culture takes from down in the rabbit hole. Sports straight out of left field.

Ohio State Seeks to Trademark the Word “The”

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ESPN.com – Ohio State is seeking a trademark on one of the most common words in the English language.

The school, formally known as The Ohio State University, is seeking a trademark on the word “The” for use on clothing and hats. According to the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office, the filing was made Thursday.

I guess….Ughh…I guess I could just add my “Idiocracy” introduction to every blog I write now. Certainly to this one.

We’ve all heard it. Some love it and feel it encapsulates the pure spirit and bonds of college sports. Some hate it and see it as a pretentious thumb of the nose from a school that has a number of very solid programs but only reaches truly great heights once a decade or so. Personally I’m just not bought into college sports (save hockey) enough to give a fuck.

I am of course talking about THE Ohio State University.

For the life of me I can’t imagine how this got started. I suppose there was Ohio State and Ohio University. Maybe way back when there were a couple of different state school systems in Ohio and one decided to stick it’s tongue and/or denoting article out at the other. Who knows (probably every fucking rabid Ohio State fan).

Anyway, it would seem Ohio State sees it as such an important part of their identity that they now wish to copyright the word “The” in order to financially capitalize on what is probably the most used word in the English language.

There are just too many questions to get into with this but my main ones are:

1.) Did Ohio State really think they were going to get away with this?
2.) …Wait are they?

It SHOULD NOT be possible for Ohio State to own the word “the.” I get that they are sort of trying to protect their signature propensity to add it douchebaggedly to the beginning of their name, but let’s be reasonable. If Washington State realllly wants to start going by THE Washington State then go ahead and let then. They’ll be ridiculed and derided into stopping the practice faster than Drew Bledsoe and Ryan Leaf’s average 40 time. It’s Ohio State’s thing, and, begrudgingly or not, people get that.

But you have to imagine that such a huge school has a team of lawyers, etc. who know this stuff. So do they actually have a shot? Are we in danger of losing the word the? No other school or semi-competing entity could use that on merch etc.? What a bonkers thing to think about.

Anyway, we’ll see how this plays out. Hopefully US Patent law has sections dedicated to, idk, colleges copyrighting extremely popular words used in titles and beginnings of sentences. If not I might have to hate Mike Vrabel.

-Joey B.

Ed Reed Might Want to Be the Patriots DB Coach?

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::RECORD SCRATCH:: Uhhhh what?

For my money, being the dumb, economy and morality killing millennial that I am, Ed Reed is the best to ever play the Safety position. He made playing what is sometimes an afterthought of a position into art. The Ravens D of the 00’s was something fierce. It was laden with talent all over the field from Reed to Terrell Suggs to Haloti Ngata to Ray Lewis. Quick aside: it also featured CB Chris McAlister, who locked people the fuck down at a Hall Of Fame rate but will probably never get to Canton because he wasn’t a ballhawk. He didn’t fill up the stat sheet, just quietly sent wide receivers home empty handed. Anyway, the Ravens ran a fairly complex 3-4. Like the Patriots D everyone had a job. So it is a testament to how incredible Ed Reed was that at the back end of that defense he was allowed to really do whatever he wanted. O I’m supposed to drop into a cover-2 but I could tell the second they broke the huddle the guy broken out wide on my side is going to run a flag? Ok, then I think I’ll just drift over there and pick it off. NBD.

What’s wild about Reed’s sentiments here is that the Ravens and the Patriots….have not always seen eye to eye. They have been bitter rivals for a longtime now and it hasn’t always always translated into respect the way ESPN’s 30 For 30 division would like it to. Terrell Suggs in fact hates us with a passion. Just despises the very air we breathe. Doesn’t care for New England, its professional football team, or its inhabitants one stinkin bit, sir. So it is curious that Ed Reed would want to come coach our DBs. I don’t have enough of a tinfoil hat to think it’s some sort of sabotage plan or scheme to leak info to Baltimore – particularly considering none of Reed’s teammates, to my knowledge, are still on the Ravens. I would think he just wants to get a start in coaching so why not do it for a first rate organization.

And then there is of course Coach Belichick himself. Working under the Hooded One and earning his stamp of approval on the first stop of your coaching career would be a huge feather in one’s cap. For a “football guy” like Ed Reed, absorbing all that knowledge and Belichick’s approach to the game would be invaluable as well. He’d possibly leave New England a head coaching candidate. Imagine a world, even, where Ed fucking Reed took over for Belichick? I’m getting ahead of myself.

Obviously this isn’t a “right now” thing. But it is still cool to see that such remarkable players see so much value in “the Patriot way” and that the organization has been successful. Good sign of  things to come, even past…..deep breath…..the current era.

Let’s get a ring.

-Joey B

 

“Euphoria” is Worth Your Time

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Warning: Mild spoilers ahead.

Particularly in this day and age, people like to discuss what they are currently watching on T.V. I say particularly in this day and age, and I specify “currently”, because we’ve passed the time when there is a “TV season” of sorts that lasts from the fall through the spring and then you’re stuck watching either a handful of summer shows or reruns. The advent of streaming services and On Demand means that at any given time you could be at the beginning, middle, or end of your ingestion of a brand new show, whether it is still running, just ended, or has long since gone to the TV heaven in the sky (sup Twin Peaks?).

Perhaps the most satisfying part of discussing T.V is suggesting a show to a friend, having them actually watch it, and then having them actually enjoy. If you go 3/3 then that is legitimately cathartic, but convincing someone to allow your suggestion to skip their predictably endless queue is a reward in itself. But it’s a tricky science, there’s some salesmanship involved. The sugestee has to be willing and the suggestor has to have enough of a hook to make the show worth giving a shot to. Indeed I’ve tried in vain to convince my own EIC to watch Peaky Blinders for years now to no avail.

A common question one might receive when suggesting a T.V show is “what is it like?” Someone asking this is looking for a reference point. An example in their memory bank they can leverage to determine if said program is worth taking time out of their busy schedule to indulge in. And this is where I get to the point of the blog. Because although shows like Euphoria have come along before, it indeed has its unique qualities, most notably in the production and presentation, that makes the “what is it like?” question an interesting one.

Firstly, to get this out there, we don’t, and won’t stick to T.V here with these comparisons, to use the plural of “comparison” should I ever play this game again. It’s fair game to reference movies as well. As the only difference, from 1,000 ft., is the amount of time those involved wish to take to tell a story.  Cool? Cool.

But with that said, to bring up past showcases of teenage disenchantment, struggles, issues, and longing, we should start with a couple of small screen predecessors all the same. While I don’t see a ton of similarities with the two big names from the 90’s, Freaks and Geeks and My So Called Life, they did feature female leads who are sort of outcasts, and of course totally over it. That sarcasm that evokes the 90s never went away, particularly when it involves teenage girls. There are some tiny similarities between Euphoria and The O.C, in terms of economic status being a key pillar of high school coolness, but that could be said of legit 50% of T.V and movies that focus on human interaction. Then there is Degrassi, which Euphoria has been compared to a lot. I just don’t see it. While the long-running Canadian show was possibly the first to dive into issues as deep as teenage domestic violence, the entire feeling of the show wastoo sentimental, at least to me. As I’ll get to later, Euphoria isn’t want to sentimentality.

In terms of having a couple of characters from each archetype represented and explored, it is easy to start out on the movie side of things with “The Breakfast Club”. I see a lot of the Hughes classic in Euphoria. The major difference of course is while the new HBO hit deals with substance abuse, sexuality, and volatile relationships, the ultimate 80’s movie dealt with angst and pretty much angst only. It’d be too easy to look at a movie like Thirteen and make connections. That movie, however, did not aspire to find hope the way Euphoria does.

So where does that leave us?

If you asked me, Joseph of the House Ballgame, Scriber of the Outrageous, Fighter of the Inanimate, the “what is it like?” question, I’d bring up two examples.

1. Skins
2. “Rules Of Attraction”

If you’ve read any of my stuff or have seen my avatar, you know I’m an ardent fan of Skins, the mid-00’s to early 10’s anthology about the life of hard-partying, harder-loving teenagers in Bristol, England. I describe it to friends as a more blue-collar, degenerate, debaucherous version of the The O.C, but that is just simplify things for an ignorant audience. Skins consisted of three pairs of two season (plus an odd “where are they now”-ish season). Each consisted of  an (almost) entirely new cast, centered around a group of (sometimes unlikely) friends in their last two years of high school. They drank. They fucked. They loved. They hated. It got both really real and completely over the top, to speak from the perspective of someone who has been through high school before. Where it really intersects with Euphoria is where it uses a single character for the centerpiece of each episode, seeing the events of that episode through their lens and allowing the audience to feel their feelings. Due to the fact that it was located in Europe and not the US, and Europeans are in fact not pussies, it also dove into issues much more problematic for audiences to process. From abuse, to abandonment, to eating disorders, to substance abuse, to mental illness WELL BEFORE it became such a common topic, Skins feared no unturned stone. It also had a way of being honest with who its characters were. Even when complete assholes were given redemption stories, the show never shied away from the fact that they were indeed still assholes.

“Rules Of Attraction” may have come as a bit of a curve ball on my list of two comparisons. Mostly because it is about college students. However, it does share a couple of common elements with Euphoria. The first is that like Skins, it focuses in on a character at a time, dissecting them down to the marrow. You see what led them to that moment in time, the good and the bad. Whether you want to know or not.

The second part of what makes the Bret Easton E;lis adaptation so similar to Euphoria, at least for me, is a bit more nuanced. Despite the hope and dare I say underlying inspiration that Euphoria seemingly wants to purvey at times, it also presents. in my opinion, its character breakdowns in a cold, clinical way. These are their backgrounds, these are their traits. These are their flaws, that probably won’t be fixed. Not matter how sad, how terrifying. How fatal. “Rules Of Attraction” features the same, emotionless description of the players involved, though perhaps with even a hint of menace.

So at this point you’re probably asking yourself why the hell you should watch this show. To see the youth of today in such turmoil can’t possibly be a source of entertainment can it?

Yes, yes it can.

To more fully flesh out the plot, Euphoria is told through the voice of Rue, a Jr. in high school who takes us through her struggle to get and try and stay sober (opiates is implied as her drug of choice) by describing the lives and circumstances of a number of her as mentioned archetyped high school classmates, only a few months removed from a near fatal overdose. How she weaves her tale of High School’s complicated universe and ties it all back to her own life and harrowing journey is where the magic lies. Is she telling us all this because she sees a little of herself in everyone? Is she worried that she might? Or is she embittered that they all think they have it so bad but none have it as bad as her? I know, teenagers, amirite?

There’s something to be said of all options, for as in depth as Rue examines her peers, she allows us to see her own self examination as well – the losses she’s suffered, her  undefined sexuality, her vacillation between apathy and deeply caring about her sobriety. Most of the time you can’t help but care for kid. But sometimes, ya, she’s kind of an asshole.

The show builds and progresses well, although it eschews episode-to-episode cliffhangers for slower builds and mid-installment twists and conclusions. You’ll be happy for Rue and her crew one moment, especially best friend and possible love interest, trans free spirit Jules, and you’ll be crushed and afraid for them the next.

Euphoria has been picked up for a seasons 2 and as I hear the actress that plays Rue’s stock is skyrocketing it could be last which is a shame. I don’t get why they had to end Skins (fucking Brits letting the ratings drop more than all that tea probably. Zinggggg). There’s no reason they can’t morph Euphoria itself into a similar anthology-type show should the Rue character not be sustainable. That said, HBO is not as attached to long runs the way Showtime is so that isn’t probable. But I digress. Watch the damn show. Feel some feels. Maybe you went through some similar shit or maybe you observed it from afar. Either way maybe you’ll learn something about yourself, in hindsight.

-Joey B.

American Basketball Player in Europe Submits A Drug Test, Finds Out He’s Pregnant

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Yahoo – …..The former Ohio University standout never made it, however, and was instead handed a two-year suspension from FIBA for failing a drug test. But it wasn’t performance enhancing drugs, recreational drugs or any of the other usual suspects that thwarted Cooper.

His drug test, according to Eurohoops.net, revealed that he was pregnant.

The test on the urine that Cooper provided revealed the presence of human chorionic gonadotropin, or hCG, which is a hormone made by the placenta during pregnancy. That urine, per the report, actually belonged to his girlfriend — who likely didn’t know she was pregnant at the time.

I honestly don’t know what is worse here, failing the drug test in such comically disastrous fashion or finding out your going to be a father at the same time.

Add that to the fact that D.J Cooper then had to go back to said girlfriend and probably have a very awkward “soooo….” conversation, littered with vague questions about how she’s been feeling, if she’s been drinking, etc. She probably got annoyed by all his inquiries. Maybe even thought he was trying to coax an infidelity confession out of her and began berating him. He then maybe had to hop on his “baby chill” horse and explain that his questions were indeed brought on by a blessing. He had the ultimate trump card.

I will say this though and that is with the females I see socially I try and keep things sexy. Which means nottttt a ton of discussion regarding bodily functions. Hopefully fucking none if we’re being honest. So I couldn’t help but grimace a little at the thought of asking my main squeeze to piss in a cup for me. Like did he not have anyone else? I know it’s not the NBA but from what I know AC Monaco is a pretty solid club, do they not have Yes Men? Are lackies not a thing in Europe? Surely there had to be SOMEONE Cooper could have asked for a quantity of human urine before the object of his affection.

There have been promises made on this blog that I would never lie to or deceive you, the readers, nor intentionally keep anything from you. Therefore I must confess that the first thing I thought upon reading this harrowing tail was that maybe Thad Castle was right. Maybe the oil change is the only way to go.

-Joey B

Quick Reminder Robbie Lawler Fights Saturday and Here is Why You Should Watch

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I know Red would prefer I add some “writing and/or blogging” to this but the Ruthless one kind of needs no further exposition.

He faces a complete asshat in Colby Covington in the main event of UFC Newark. Lawler gets to murk someone else if he wins. Covington gets a title shot if he gets his hand raised.

This gets said a lot but you don’t want to miss this one.

Who do you got? hit me @300sJoeyb to let me know.

Michael Thomas Becomes the NFL’s Highest Paid Receiver

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I’d be completely lying and also deceiving the readers here if I didn’t confess that my first thought upon reading this was that the highest paid WR in the NFL now makes the same as a sixth man in the NBA. That’s how astronomical the contracts have become on the hardwood. But I digress from the jump.

Michael Thomas,  a fairly unheralded (2nd round pick) Wide Receiver out of Ohio State just became the NFL’s most paid receiver a mere three years into his career. This past year, the big, rangy target (6’3) caught 125 balls for over 1,400 yards and found the end zone 9 times. And it’s the catches, along with a more derived characteristic we’ll get into later, where you really see #13’s value. He rarely drops a ball that comes his way (I think he literally had three or four drops last year) and gives his gracefully aging, but aging nonetheless, QB a large, ultra-reliable target to throw the ball to.

In terms of the contract itself, Thomas’ $20,000,000 yearly average puts him above Beckham, Brown, Green, and Evans in terms of big Wide Receiver deals. Overall, all positions included, I’d guess this would put him in the top-20, above some eyebrow-raising names but below most elite QBs and some perennially nasty pass rushers. The deal includes $61,000,000 guaranteed, so going by yearly averages the Saints can consider cutting bait after three years without feeling horrible about themselves.

I don’t think they will.

That’s the beauty of Michael Thomas. Apart from the 125 catches, a 1,400/9 yearly stat line is excellent but maybe not eye popping. I believe Julio Jones had over 1,700 yards last year (to go along with his 2 TDs)(just kidding Julio). I also know, via recent fantasy football research, that a young man by the name of Tyler Lockett caught 10 TD passes last year, so Thomas’ 9, while a fantastic number, doesn’t wow you in necessarily.

But he is so. Goddam. Consistent. That is what the Saints are committing to. They are aren’t dumping a ton of money into a player who will go awwwfffff a couple of times a year for a few years. They are paying a premium for a player that will, week in and week out be one the most, consistent Wide Receivers in football. In looking at my fantasy line up from last year, I see Thomas hit:T

The 90 yard mark 6 times
The 70 yard mark 10 times
The 5 catch mark 12 times
The 10+ catch mark 4 times.

I know the scoring could improve, and I’m guessing it will, but basically he gets it done. Add this to the fact that he is a legit deep threat (remember when he torched Marcus Peters, one of the games best CBs, for a 72 yard catch and run?), he is only 26, and that off the field he’s been no trouble so far (knock on every wood) and this is the exact kind of guy I’d want my team to spend this kind of money on.

Anyway, what will be interesting to see is what this means for the next wave of talented, productive Wide Receivers. Juju Smith-Schuster (UFA in 2021) and Tyler Boyd (free agent in 2023 after his 4-year extension) are names that come to mind. Hell, if he has a bonkers year Mr. 99 in Madden, DeAndre Hopkins, could decide the deal he signed about two years ago is weak compared to his contemporary Thomas and demand that Jamal Murray money (kidding). Either way this really table sets for the next wave of skill position players.

So congrats to Michael Thomas for securing the bag. And to Drew Brees for having a top-5 target for his remaining seasons. Maybe there’s still one miracle left in Music City.

-Joey B.

Phillip Rivers Just Phillip Rivers’d Melvin Gordon

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ProFootballTalk – “They’re going to get a lot of work,” Rivers said, via the Los Angeles Times. “It certainly is a deep position for us, and those guys all love to play and work hard. We love Melvin, but we’re going to go with what we’ve got. It’s a pretty dang good group.”

I know what I’m about to say is not a popular opinion in the upper right-hand quadrant of the United States. I know we had quite the little rivalry with the formerly San Diego Chargers in the mid-to-late 2000’s. LT even talked some shit about our professionalism, giving way to a decent amount of New England hatred for the greatest back of our time, and maybe ever. I also know we don’t take kindly to cocky, fiery athletes that are not our own. It’s a contraction we own and even feed off of.

But I fucking love Phillip Rivers.

From his uber passionate style of play to his toughness – I believe it was the 06′ AFC title game he played with a torn ACL – to his weird ass hobby of having a thousand kids to him being the most underrated quarterback ever in my opinion. I just fuckin love the guy.

Most of all I love that Phillip can talk. That. Shit. Whether it’s about an opponent or someone in his organization. Man woman or child. Directly, or in this case, in the style of a passive aggressive brick, he is the best to do it of his generation. He reminds me A TON of Josh Beckett in this way. I’m good, this is the way I feel, so fuck you. That’s it.

And so here we are. Phillip Rivers has had a very successful individual and, for the most part, team-related career with countless teammates playing a role. That includes the best of the best and the just ok of backfield-mates. So do you think for one second he’s going to just let it slide that some hotshot RB is going to hold out and not let the guy know that Ol’ Papa Rivs considers him 1000% replaceable? Naht Toooooday. Not in this lifetime.

I actually can imagine this was the last thing Melvin Gordon had to consider before he decided to hold out. “There is no going back with Phillip. Him and his 23 kids are going to have my ass.” And he was right. He was always right.

The hardest part of digesting this whole situation is deciding what is the funniest aspect. It’s one of two:

1.) That you KNEW Phillip Rivers was going to speak on it, and even knowing so, it didn’t take away from how magical what he said was. He fucking delivered in spades.
2.) This is probably a solvable situation and that means Gordon is going to have to come back into that locker room, look Rivers in the eyes, and either say absolutely nothing or maybe even apologize. That’s his team kid.

So hate me if you want, o readers. I’ll be a Phillip Rivers guy as long as he’s slangin balls with the weirdest motion this side of Nantucket and cussing out anyone and everyone he sees fit. He’s just #goodforforball.
-Joey B

Jalen Ramsey Arrives at Camp in an Armored Truck

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ESPN – Looking for a raise, Jacksonville Jaguars defensive back Jalen Ramsey showed up at training camp in an armored bank truck Wednesday.

At least he showed up. Defensive end Yannick Ngakoue did not report to the team facility with the rest of his teammates because he wants a new contract, a league source told ESPN’s Adam Schefter.

Ramsey said after June’s mandatory minicamp practice that his agent told him the Jaguars will not give him a contract extension in 2019. Roughly an hour later, Ramsey joked on social media that he’s going to “ask for so much money, they have to put me on lay-away.”

Us sports fans are sort of blatant contradiction. Lots of folks try to at least say out loud that at least 95% of their interest in sports lies in the games themselves. In their teams and wins and losses. In successes and failures.

They/we try and say that the rest of what goes into sports – the drama between players and coaches, contract disputes, off the field tomfoolery, doesn’t peak our interest. If it’s not the product on the field/ice/court it is of noooo concern to us. No sir.

At the same time, we all know that is a lie.  We discuss amongst ourselves ad nauseum all that drama and gossip as if we just started season 1 of “Gossip Girl” and are trying to figure out the true identity of this mysterious scribe. It is the worst kept secret in fandom.

One of the specific items of interest of late concerns NFL players and their handling of dissatisfaction with their contracts. Arguably the league’s best Running Back, Le’Veon Bell, sat out all of last season losing an entire years pay, rather than play for the Steelers who he decided were not compensating nor treating him fairly. Before that season began, NO ONE would have believed you had you said Bell would forego the whole year to make his point. But he did.

So now it’s pure exhilaration watching contract disputes because the guy might show up or he may just take paddle boarding lessons in San Diego for a year. Who the fuck knows?

Which brings us to our headline. Jalen Ramsay, never one for the subtle or understated, showed up to training camp in an armored car. He quite literally showed his team that he wants them to “back the Brinks truck up” as a sign of his value. What. A. Move. It’s one thing to hold out, like his teammate Yannick Ngakoue. It’s another to tweet. Another to give interviews. But to roll up ready to get ripped off by Affleck, Renner, and the boys is a different play altogether.

Now obviously it is a massive question whether or not this pays off (GET IT!?) for Jalen Ramsey. Does forgoing a respectable luxury car, sports car, limo, or any other normative means of transportation in favor of hopping out of the back of an armored car drive the point home enough? Does it make Jaguars execs look at Ramsey and say, “you know what, he’s right. Pay him,”? I don’t know. Sure am glad I don’t have to make that decision though.

The rest of this preseason should be chock full of contract and roster drama. We’ll all find it fun, even when we pretend we’d rather talk about the 2-0 pitchers duel the Red Sox just put us through in 95 degree heat. We’ll all even know better.

Maybe that’s just it.

 

-Joey B.

N’Keal Harry Was Not Happy One Iota Regarding the Patriots Rookie Head Shaving Ritual

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Arizonasports.com – It appears former Arizona State Sun Devils wide receiver N’Keal Harry is not aware of some of his potential rookie duties coming soon in the NFL.

While joining “Fair Game with Kristine Leahy” on Fox Sports 1, Harry was asked by Leahy which bad haircut he would rather have.

Harry was perplexed by the oddity of the question coming out of nowhere, which left Leahy compelled to make sure he knew of the New England Patriots’ tradition of giving rookies terrible haircuts.

Crushed. Devastated. Inconsolable beyond belief. Those are just a words and phrases to describe N’Keal Harry’s face in the screenshot from this interview. He looks like a friend-zoned kid who took the girl he’s secretly had a deep, profound crush on to the prom “as friends” only to have to watch her dance with someone else, possibly with some roaming hands involved.

I myself, like a couple of other folks here at The 300s, take my hair seriously. It’s a part of how I present myself. But I see Harry as someone who truly sees it as part of his identity. And now at the hands of Dont’a Hightower, Julian Edelman, Patrick Chung or otherwise ruthlessly mischievous veteran, his identity may just be male pattern baldness or whatever the inverse of a high top fade is. Someone might just yell out “GIVE HIM THE HAIRCUT VERSION OF THE UPSIDE DOWN” and leave it to the pro football player/amateur barber to interpret.

I for one enjoy me a little hazing as long as it doesn’t cross the line into assault, which this doesn’t. For these guys their lives now need to be about the team and football, not their hair, which is what this ritual represents in a way. So my advice to a man such as N’Keal Harry is to, in a way, cherish the atrocities about to be committed to your luscious locks, as only a very select people ever achieve the greatness necessary to earn it.

And then there are some people like Rex Burkhead who are genetically predisposed to avoid it altogether. That probably sucks worse.

-Joey B.