Category: NFL

Patriots Center David Andrews Hospitalized in a Scary Situation

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ProFootballTalk – Patriots center David Andrews is dealing with a major health scare.

Andrews has been hospitalized with blood clots in his lungs his season is in jeopardy, according to Jeff Howe of TheAthletic.com.

Scary, scary shit man. I feel bad even addressing the football piece when it would appear Andrews’ health is so compromised. Needless to say, he has been instrumental to the Patriots success in the latest chapter in the Brady-Belichick era. He has quietly and dare I say, humbly locked down the Center position providing a steady hand for Brady to handle snaps from and identify defenses

Now he has blood clots in his lungs, which just sounds terrifying. Guy is just 27 years old and he’s dealing with something so daunting. I think I speak for everyone when I say the hell with the football part of things. Who cares if ever plays another snap. Let’s just hope he gets healthy.

Heal up big fella. We’re rooting for ya.

-Joey B.

More Thoughts on the Retirement of Andrew Luck

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When I saw this tweet Saturday night, I checked it five times to make sure it wasn’t from Adarn Schefter. I was just as shocked as everyone else when I saw the news. I knew Andrew Luck had battled injuries for most of his professional career, but he was coming off one of his best seasons as a pro. After missing all of 2017, Luck threw for 39 touchdowns and almost 4600 yards in 2018. But now that I’ve had a day to process the news, here are a few of my thoughts on the matter.

  • Anyone who questions why Luck is retiring instead of trying to battle through his injuries is a jackass. Here’s just the most blatant example of jackassery:

    That lazy millennial jab won’t go over too well with most of the people on this site either.

    Andrew Luck should not sacrifice one bit of his post-football quality of life for our entertainment. The people out there who think he owes it to the fans or his teammates to take a beating again this year should tell us how much fun they have at work the next time their job makes them     piss blood.

  • There seems to be a stark difference between the reaction to Luck’s retirement and the reaction to Rob Gronkowski’s retirement, and I’m not sure why. Both guys decided to hang ’em up at age 29 to avoid further wear and tear on their bodies. A lot of the scorn directed at Luck is likely due to the sheer surprise of his announcement. With three Super Bowl rings, fans probably believe Gronk had less left to prove. Still, Luck doesn’t doesn’t deserve any of the grief he is getting. No one should question either player’s decision to retire, but especially not people who didn’t question Gronk’s decision.
  • Again, Luck doesn’t deserve any of the grief he is getting but I can’t get too mad at fans booing. Luck said hearing the boos hurt and I believe him, but as Reggie Jackson once said, fans don’t boo nobodies. The fans that booed had to sit through a full preseason football game and likely hadn’t heard most of the details yet. I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt on this one. Unless fans are booing a player getting carted off with an ACL injury, I try not to get too worked up over the appropriateness of booing.
  • Hindsight is 20/20, but do you think anyone in the Colts organization today regrets moving on from Peyton Manning when they did? Should they? Luck was supposed to be the future, the guy who would run the show for the next 13 years. Instead, they only got seven years and six seasons out of him. Peyton played four seasons in Denver, three at a very high level (including the best season of his career in 2013 at age 37), took the Broncos to two Super Bowls, and won them a Super Bowl in his final season at age 39. Imagine if the Patriots had decided to move on from Tom Brady after the season he missed due to injury. That of course seems laughable. Will people look back on the Colts decision to move on from the second-greatest quarterback of all time and find it almost as laughable?

Whatever’s next for you, Andrew…

Doug Gottlieb Blames Millennials for Andrew Luck Retiring, Torrey Smith Dunks on Him

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So as you are probably aware, Andrew Luck has indeed retired at the age of 29. The guy has dealt with a ton of injuries over the years and Luck himself inferred that he just couldn’t live his life the way he wanted to with the constant injuries, pain, and subsequent rehab so he decided to call it a career. No shame in that at all. Unless you’re Doug Gouttlieb and oh what a glorious dickhead Gottlieb is here.

You don’t even want to know how many stolen credit card jokes people were able to shoehorn into Gottlieb’s mentions, but Torrey Smith one shot KO’d him here.

The Twitter equivalent of the Conor McGregor Jose Aldo fight; over in 10 seconds.

Then Troy Aikman came in to straight up eviscerate Dougie.

Its bad enough to rag on a clearly broken down and conflicted Andrew Luck for retiring from the only thing he’s ever done because of things beyond his control. But then to lay it at the feet of millennials because its another thing we ruined? What a moron. Thats what Gottlieb does though, stirs the pot and just drops outlandish takes to generate some buzz. Rob Parker, Gottlieb, Max Kellerman, and Chris Simms must all get together once a month to drink wine coolers and drunk dial Skip Bayless asking for guidance.

The tweet is in bad taste, but its also just ill informed as more players retire younger and younger rather than continue to give themselves brain damage. Luck was been sacked 174 times in his career and has suffered injuries ranging from a concussion to lacerated kidney, partially torn abdominal muscle, torn rib cartilage, not to mention all the shoulder injuries that had him unable to THROW. Andrew Luck isn’t a dummy, the guy graduated from Stanford. So he knows how many NFL athletes play until their body gives out on them and deal with the consequences for the rest of their lives. Just like I said when Gronk retired, if you want to retire early with your health in tact then good for you.

Take a seat, Gottlieb.

Andrew Luck is Retiring

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TheScore – Quarterback Andrew Luck has informed tbd Indiapolis Colts he intends to retire.

Uhhhh what?

According to headlines Andrew Luck has told the Colts he’s done. And you know what? I don’t blame him.

He’s one of the most talented players of our time. But he’s always hurt. I guess he just didn’t want to do it anymore.

So farewell Andrew. You fucked our drafts.

 

-Joey B.

Patrick Mahomes Links Up With Troy Polamalu for Commercial; Also, There is Zero Percent Chance Patrick Mahomes Knows Who Troy Polamalu Is

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This is where I’m starting to show my age as a rapidly aging millennial like some sort of reverse Benjamin Button. Patrick Mahomes is a stud, a Madden cover athlete, and a guy that almost stopped Tom Brady from returning to yet another Super Bowl, but he’s only 23. Troy Polamalu is one of the greatest defensive players in the history of the game, but he’s only 38 years old (side note: how many retired athletes look at TB12 and wish they stuck to QB?) and retired after the 2014 season, 3 years before Mahomes was even drafted, and well past his prime of the late 2000s.

My point being, unless Mahomes was a Madden fiend there is a very real chance he doesn’t even know who Troy Polamalu is. Video games are the only reason I can name the top 30 soccer players in the world from 2009-2010. I like soccer, but Xbox and booze fueled FIFA tournaments are so burned into my brain that I still hear “Schweinsteiger!” in my head any time I watch a game.

…well after doing the math, Polamalu was the best safety in the game and NFL Defensive Player of the Year in 2010, when Mahomes was 15 so if he was watching ball in high school it lines up, but doesn’t make me feel any better about being 30.

The 300s First-ish Fantasy Football Round Up Of The Year – Booms, Busts, and Sneaky Picks

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Welcome back, to your favorite fantasy blog as well as mine. It has been a wild ride in the NFL since last fantasy season ended and plenty of players changed teams, retired (COME BACK GRONK), and entered the fold.

With draft season already underway, to be honest (we have jobs leave us alone) we’ve picked the brains of the knowledgeable staff here at The 300s to bring you some players that are a sure thing, some to avoid, and a few to take fliers on later in your draft. Lezgetit.

Red

I am all in on James Conner this year because the guy is the real deal and even if he’s a JAG, he is still playing in Pittsburgh, which has produced a top 5 RB in each of the last 5 years with three different guys. BUY!

Avoid Antonio Brown like the plague this year. The guy has done everything but tell his infamously prickly coach to go shit in a hat. Shooting his way out of Pittsburgh, now the absurd helmet debacle, oh and lets not forget the guy wrecked his feet in a cryogenic chamber. Thats before we even get to the fact that Derek Carr is throwing him the ball, a guy that his own coach doesn’t even believe in. Pass.

My sleeper pick for this year is Ryan Fitzpatrick because you know for a fact he will post 3 or 4 straight weeks of 40 point games as the Dolphins get blown out by anyone and everyone. Pump and dump baby.

Dom (Who had one too many of his own craft cocktails to follow directions but gave some fantastic advice all the same)

I see this as the draft of the cuff running back. I’m buying on Ekeler and Jackson from SD, Henderson from StL, and Pollard from Dallas. It sounds like St Louis is wary of an ongoing injury for Gurley with all of their roster moves in the offseason, and if Gordon and Zeke continue to hold out, those other guys are there to fill the gap. So while I’m not necessarily calling anyone a bust or sleeper, that’s who I’m looking at.

Joey B

Red sort of stole my James Conner idea. He killed it for me last year. With him gone I’m going to go with David Njoku. Ya he’s a Tight End but there are only a handful that are going to produce at such significant levels as I think he will. Add that to Baker Mayfield is settled into year two and the former Hurricane is in for a big year.

I’m staying away from the Dallas football Cowboys. The whole team. It just sounds like a fucking disaster over there and God help them if anything happens to their vaunted offensive line.

For a sleeper I’m going with old friend Chris Hogan. Cam’s receivers occasionally have huge games and he never has had a consistent security blanket in the Hogan mold.

Lippa

Boom: Allen Robinson

People forget just how good Allen Robinson is. He put up 80/1400/14 with BLAKE BORTLES as his QB in 2015. The last two years have been rough for him injury wise, but all reports say that he looks healthy and has been a focal point of the Bears offense. If Trubisky and the Bears offense takes the next step, look out for a big time year from A-Raw.

Bust: Joe Mixon

I am not touching anything with the Cincinnati offense. The Bengals might have the worst offensive line in the league and with no A.J. Green to start the season, defenses will key on Mixon and give him little room to run. I’ll pass here at where he is typically getting drafted.

Sleeper: Damien Harris

So this may take a little while to pan out as Harris is not getting a ton of reps at training camp, but the Patriots took Harris in the third round for a reason. We all know Sony Michel has degenerative knee issues, so the smart bet will be that he isn’t going to hold up for 16 games. If the Patriots trade Rex Burkhead like I expect, Harris is going to be a must-own and will pay dividends as we get deeper into the fantasy season.


Mattes

BOOM/BUY: Kerryon Johnson, RB, Detroit Lions

I’m really hitching my wagon to my BOOM guy this year. Not only have I already chosen the second-year back as my keeper this season, but I’ve also already been telling everyone and their brother how good he is at pretty much every opportunity I’ve had this offseason. Some are sleeping on him after he played in just 10 games as a rookie last year. OK. Yet, when he was on the field, he still averaged 5.4 YPC and displayed the talent which helped him become the 2017 SEC Offensive Player of the Year at Auburn. He’s also a PPR monster, and with Theo Riddick now entirely out of the picture, he could easily approach 60-70 catches in 2019. Also, his new offensive coordinator, Darrell Bevell, loves running backs more than his own family and has seen his rushing attacks finish in the top five for each of the past six seasons he’s coached – including two-straight No. 1 finishes. The only thing I could see hurting Kerryon is C.J. Anderson, who could steal a few carries here and there, especially on the goal line. But it won’t be enough to prevent Kerryon from being a top-15 running back this season – if not even higher – especially in PPR formats.

 

BUST/AVOID: Phillip Lindsay, RB, Denver Broncos

Let me start by saying perhaps it’s a bit unfair to label an undrafted free agent who totaled almost 1,300 yards as a rookie as a BUST in any way. Lindsay was awesome last season. There’s no doubt about that. But this is about this season, where things have changed significantly out in the Mile High City. New coach. New quarterback. And above all, there’s much healthier direct competition than there was at any point last year. While Lindsay stole the show last year, he only had the chance to do so because the team’s other rookie running back, Royce Freeman – whom the Broncos actually drafted in the third round after a standout career at Oregon – was slowed by nagging injuries all year. Freeman’s been getting rave reviews all offseason for how good he’s looked, and the team has already said he’s going to get plenty more opportunities to showcase himself this year. Theo Riddick is also now in the picture, too. I’m not saying to avoid Lindsay entirely, and he could still end being a solid low-end RB2. But drafting him as a foolproof, bellcow RB1 this year is a big mistake.

 

SLEEPER/UNDERVALUED: Leonard Fournette, RB, Jacksonville Jaguars

It’s funny how just last season this guy was a locked-and-loaded first-round pick. Now, he has an ADP of 2.11 in half-point PPR leagues, and I’ve even seen some mocks where he’s not going until Round 3. Have people forgotten how good this dude is? He was an absolute animal at LSU, and he had a fantastic rookie season in 2017 before being slowed by injuries and dumb off-field behavior last year. Apparently, though, he’s learned from his past transgressions and is working hard to get back on track. There’s also reports that they’ve got big plans for him in the passing attack, and the team finally has a quarterback who is actually, ya know, GOOD at football. And above all: Fournette literally has ZERO competition. Seriously, I might even be able to crack the depth chart behind him. Fournette is someone whom I could easily see piling up 1,300 yards on the ground with 10-plus TDs and 40-50 catches to boot. I’m expecting a huge bounce-back year from this dude. Big time.

Christmas Came Early, the XFL Team Names and Logos are Here

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So the XFL announced the names of every team and unveiled their official logos today, which is pretty exciting considering its August 21st and the Patriots are still playing fauxball.

February 2020 cannot come soon enough. The Patriots will be coming off their 4th Super Bowl title in six years after repeating as champs and then we can coast into Vince McMahon’s little football experiment. The AAF failed because it was financed and run by people who had apparently never run a business a day in their lives. Vince has been running one of the most successful entertainment organizations ever for the past 30+ years. If nothing else the man knows how to put on a show.

I was cautiously optimistic about this announcement because these expansion leagues always seem to have the WORST team names. (Looking at you, Atlanta Legends)

So how’d Vince do? Lets break em down.

Houston Roughnecks – First off, I absolutely LOVE the Roughnecks logo, an excellent shoutout to the Oilers of the old days. We have an early favorite folks.

Dallas Renegades – Obviously you have to put at least one team in Texas considering high school football games in Texas draw bigger than some professional teams. The name Renegades screams expansion team though, weak name. Give me something spicy.

LA Wildcats – This sounds like the name of the Rams’ cheer squad. Boooo

New York Guardians – Meh. They’re a silent New York Guardian, a watchful protector, a dark knight that will probably lose a bunch of games by the sheer fact of being too close to the Knicks/Jets/Giants/Mets.

St. Louis BattleHawks – I have no idea what a BattleHawk is, nobody does really, but I fuck with it. Bad ass name.

Seattle Dragons – Any time a new team pulls the ole reliable “Dragon” name off the shelf, I can’t help but go back to Papa Giorgio’s hilarious story of how the Islanders came to have a bastard dragon for a mascot.

Tampa Bay Vipers – I will say the name Viper has come back into vogue thanks almost entirely to one Oberyn Martell before he (spoiler alert) met his untimely demise. Plus its Florida so encountering a pack of Vipers is a very real possibility. Vipers are OK by me.

DC Defenders – Alliteration! Decent idea, but poor exectution. What are they defending? Are they defending Vince McMahon’s idea to launch a bootleg football league for the second time in 20 years? Are they the Marvel Defenders? Prop bet idea: What gets cancelled quicker? The Defenders on Netflix or the DC Defenders of the XFL?

Now I just have to decide which team to stan for so I would like to announce that my XFL fanhood free agency period has officially opened. Let the bidding commence.

Rugby Player Turned 49ers Punter Just Laid the Wood on a Punt Returner

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We’ll probably never see another mammoth like Sebastian Janikowski out there, but we may start to see more “athletes” kicking with the influx of former players like Mitch Wishnowsky here. That is music to my ears because I live for kicker/punter tackle highlights. Its such a disrespected position that you know every kicker is a bottle of pent up rage just waiting to explode on someone.

Roll the Polish Cannon highlights!

One Foot in and One Foot Out: Patriots to Watch in the Third Preseason Game

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Patriots.com – The Patriots will square off this Thursday against the Carolina Panthers in a preseason Week 3 matchup for the fifth time in the last six years and for the second straight season. The Patriots played at Carolina last season, a 25-14 loss.

Week 3 of the preseason is often called the “dress rehearsal” for the regular season. It is where a lot of projected starters play for extended periods of time, most notably the Quarterback, and where we get a real glimpse into who could start Week 1.

Beyond that, based on this game we could also infer, both via playing time and whether or not they play at all, who is on the verge of making the Patriots roster and, well, who isn’t. So besides seeing two solid quarters of Tom Brady under center before he mayyyybe comes out for a hand off next week, there will be some drama unfolding Thursday night as we can attempt to read into who is playing what match ups and when and what is says about their chances to be on the squad this year.

Lets take a look at a few of those guys who have both made strides and fell behind in their quest to play home games in the Greater Providence area this fall.

Well, The Winters Are Cold Here Anyway

Duke Dawson – Like a budding summer romance, I still remember the elation in the wordsmithing of all the sportswriters who championed the Patriots’ pick of the Florida Gator last fall.  What a steal in the second round. He’s fast, he has a nose for the ball, and like any Belichick corner he can tackle. Well, so far really all we’ve been able to deduce is that he can get burnt like toast. Throw that in the pot with the revelation of Jonathan Jones and J.C Jackson and the drafting and then development of Joejuan Williams this spring, stir it up, bake it, and what comes out are Duke Dawson left out cupcakes. with all of that said, The Pats are known to make a surprising move or two every camp, and Belichick has shown a hesitance to cut his early picks so soon (Chad Jackson got two years on the squad. Chad. Jackson).

What to look for – If Dawson does see legitimate action against Carolina then it’s possible The Pats will keep him and jettison Jason McCourty, who has had a weird summer (we’ll get to that). If he doesn’t play much at all or sparingly it means that thanks to his pedigree and draft position that Belichick and Co are most likely fishing for a trade partner. If he is indeed relegated to mop up duty then well, it is simply the end of the road for one of our three alliteral cornerbacks.

Braxton Berrios – The feet Berrios was given for hands aside, you can’t help but kind of feel for the other second year player on this list. First, he came in with fans and media speculating, probably incorrectly, that he was the heir apparent to Julian Edelman. Just a true blue NFL legend and now Super Bowl MVP, no big deal. Then he tore his Achilles and missed all of his first year, a huge blow for a guy transitioning to the pros with such expectations on his shoulders. Finally this year, when he was supposed to come into training camp with a clean slate and work his way onto the depth chart, UDFA rookie WR Jakobi Meyers came out of the woodwork to become the star of the Patriots’ summer (more on him later). So let’s assume Edelman (1), captain clutch Philip Dorsett (2), and 1st Rounder N’Keal Harry (3) are locks. Let’s also say that the team is at least going to give Demariyus Thomas (4) a shot in the next two weeks considering they’ve kept him thus far. If Meyers (5) crushes it in preseason game three then that leaves, usually, one more slot (6). Berrios is going to have to battle journeyman Maurice Harris, a converted CB named Gunner Olszewski, and a couple of other unknowns for the last spot. That’s also assuming we keep six WRs out of camp, which we may not. Tough going for a guy we had high hopes for at one point. But hey, there is always what I mentioned before about Belichick giving his high picks every chance to shine.

What to look for – Simply put if we don’t see Berrios in the slot for any meaningful downs when Brady is on the field then that is probably it. With that said, if he goes on to get fed later in the game then it could just be he’s penciled in as WR #6 and the team didn’t want to waste meaningful TB12 reps on him.

Mike Pennel – Pennel had some substance abuse issues (I’m guessing weed) a few years back but otherwise has been a quite solid, stout DT for the Jets and Packers. So it has been a big disappointment that he has been outplayed, and thoroughly, by Byron Cowart and at other times by David Parry. This one is the hardest to predict as Belichick prefers his DTs meaty and Pennel really fits that bill (wink nudge). Still, my guess is his seat is getting a bit hot.

What to look for – Pennel to make a play, plain and simple. Maybe more than one. If he gets dominated at the line and pulled that could be it for him in New England.
What….Are You?

Derek Rivers – Another once highly celebrated pick who missed his rookie year with an injury. Once labelled a steal, Rivers has yet to make good on the promise he flashed. This preseason he has been moved off the line a bit as the Pats are possibly going to show a lot more 3-4 fronts. Early reports on his performance were good but now Rivers is hurt again. All indications are that he’ll probably make the back end of the Pats LB rotation but it may be hard to justify since he never, you know, plays.

What to look for – Tough call considering Rivers might not play due to the aforementioned injury suffered against the Titans. What that translates to is that I gueeeesss if we see guys at the dead back of the group like Munson getting a lot of snaps it could mean they are saving a seat for Rivers. If he plays, he better see some quality first half time and hear his name called.

Jason McCourty – For the second year in a row it seems like McCourty is fighting for his spot. Last year there was speculation he’d be cut before becoming a damn good CB during the Pats Super Bowl run. But the more things change, the more they stay the same and with the emergence of both J.C Jackson and Jonathan Jones, McCourty seems to be on uneasy footing, even getting a look at Safety to see if there is anything there. That said, I don’t think his spot is in jeopardy. Although this is the strongest group of corners I can remember the team having. McCourty’s veteran presence and ability to play more than one spot should keep him employed.

What to look for – If he indeed sees some significant snaps at safety, even later in the game, my eyebrows may threaten to rise. Same if he sees next to none at CB. Those extremes aside, McCourty should be fine.

On The Bright Side

Jakobi Meyers – ::Bigggg exhale:: Folks there was a training camp not so far back where an unheralded, unheard of rookie made plays all over the field and made us fans think we’d found a steal. Another Brady-esque diamond in the rough. His name was Zach Sudfeld, and he was nicknamed “Mini-Gronk”, a reference to his All-Everything counterpart in the Tight End room (despite being the taller of the two). Sudfeld indeed had a hell of a summer. And then was cut. He had a cup of coffee with the Jets and probably one or two more teams before never being heard from again. Such is preseason. So I am REALLY trying not to get onto this Meyers bandwagon only to get my heart broken. I probably look like a BFI employee hanging off the garbage truck. But man has he looked good. He’s just a “football player”. Great hands, great routes, even seems to have built a rapport with Brady. I’ll stop here.

What to look for – Big snaps and a big performance with the 1’s means he’s in. Anything else I REALLY DON’T FUCKING KNOW.

Damien Harris – For all the talent the Pats have at RB we don’t really have a true rock toter behind Sony Michel, who himself can be scheduled to miss a few games per year. Therefore, Harris could become our true #2, seeing 12ish touches per contest. The huge question mark is whose touches is he taking? My guess? The more expensive and oft-injured Rex Burkhead, who although I did not write up here, may be on his way out. Anyway, Harris has shown impressive vision among other things this preseason.

What to look for – If the kid just goes out and has some fun he could lock up the back up spot, starting when Michel is hurt (which I don’t wish for but come on).

Chase Winovich – Another rookie. Despite being a high selection Winovich was immediately declared a developmental prospect and kind of a tweener. Guess what? The Pats love tweeners. Since he put on pads all “Wino” has done is spend so much time in opposing backfields he has forgotten which team he plays for. With Rivers hurt, Michael Bennett probably on some sort of “pitch count”, and the Pats love of switching up looks, Winovich probably should plan to play a lot.

What to look for – I dunno just a crack a beer and enjoy man. Kid is a lot of fun to watch.

 

Training Camp Outside Foxboro: Colt McCoy, QB1 and Antonio Brown’s Feet Are Circumcised

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The Washington Post – “I feel like Colt, obviously, has the edge because he has the knowledge and ability as well,” Peterson said. “He’s been shown to have a really strong arm and been consistent as well.”

ProFootballTalk – “My feet is pretty much getting circumcised, right? Right? For real,” Brown said to the NFL Films cameras after pulling off his socks. “It’s kind of like a pull back right now. I’m [expletive] circumcised on my feet. Hopefully my feet are born again, and I figure to run faster. Feel sorry for me later.”

A couple of stories here to get you through the doldrums of Pats camp when you’ve read all you can that day. Sure, we all care most about what is happening with our Patriots, but it is never a bad idea to check in elsewhere. Actually, it is a cautionary tale, a reminder to savor the fact that we’ve had it so good for two decades. We could easily be part of the stories above.

Contestant number one has to come with the qualification that I am indeed a Colt McCoy fan. I think if he never got bumblefucked in the National Title Game to the point where he couldn’t feel his own damn arm and then was brought along gradually in the NFL he could have been a top 20-15 QB. Alas, it wasn’t to be. So now this headline is funny instead of tantalizing. The best part is of course we have AP inserting himself into a conversation he has no business in. If you weren’t aware, AP is kind of just an asshole like that. A bit of a pot stirrer. So now poor rookie Dwayne Haskins, from THE Ohio State University, has to look at his D-End sized RB every time he breaks and the huddle and know that the guy would rather have Ol’ Aw Shucks over there under center. Ain’t that a bitch?

And contestant number two features Antonio “The Biggest Diva Wide Receiver Since Keyshawn” Brown having no respect to ancient Jewish traditions. Circumcised feet? Never! Keep in mind this is a millionaire athlete who did not know how to properly insert the body he inhabits that is worth said millions into a cryo-therapy chamber. Nor did he think to ask the staff how to do it in order to not break said million dollar body. So he just said, “hey, how hard could it be?” and cost himself and his team 10 practices where he could have been building chemistry with Derek “I may now have too much trauma to succeed” Carr under the guise of notably batshit head coach Jon Gruden. AB, you’re a role model for every “scrappy” WR just “trying to make the team”.

-Joey B.