Category: NFL

We’ve Been Pronouncing Bill Belichick’s Name Wrong This Whole Time And I For One Am SHOOK

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Wellllll this is awkward. You mean to tell us for the last 17+ years we have been mispronouncing the football savior of New England’s name? There is just so much to this to address, to dissect, to apologize for. Hard to even pick where to begin.

I guess first and foremost we have to admit this is the most egregious and disrespectful error ever right? Here this guy is delivering a downtrodden, teased fan-base a dynasty laden with 5 titles in 17 years and how is he repaid? By being refused the basic human dignity of having his Goddam name pronounced the right way. And I mean “Belichick” is by no means “Smith” but good Lord, we’ve had how long to get this right?

Next is the fact that Belichick has seen this occur; which means he is either the most graceful, gentle of leaders on that level of power or, on the other hand, possibly the most Snape-like – showing utter contempt for a group of people but never giving even a hint as to the completely intangible reason why. On the gentle side of the coin, I know of another leader with as much consolidated power as Belichick, a Dear one in fact, who if faced with such lazy nomenclature would execute every last one of us via anti-aircraft gun. Sound fun? Didn’t think so. Which makes BB that much more of a saint for putting up with our butchery. On the quietly vindictive side, this could be why he has treated any and all public inquiries directed his way as something between an annoyance and an enraging betrayal or attack on his very existence. Maybe if we just pronounced his surname right once, just once, he’d be happy as pie to tell us what is exactly wrong with Tom Brady’s achilles or why didn’t put in Brian Hoyer at the end of the Buffalo game. (Just kidding).

Last, and the most puzzling, and somewhat disconcerting, aspect of this whole revelation, is, while hearing this occur repeatedly, Belichick never really did correct us all these years. I say never really because I’m half expecting a dusty artifact of Boston sports media to excitedly prmulgate a quote they got from Belichick in the wee 00’s, correcting our pronouncing of his house name, as if they are Charlie finding the last fucking golden ticket. But it’s 2017 and no one remembers now nor cared then about your quarter-page, slow-Tuesday piece in the thicket of the Herald sports section. It stands that in the age of hyper-advanced and social media, through 2 late-stage Belichick/Brady Super Bowls and all the press conferences that came with it, the greatest football coach and football mind of all time (Shut the fuck up, fine, at least of this era) never even bothered to correct the pronunciation of his shallowly regarded last name. I guess it does makes sense, and is almost poetic in a way. His name has nothing to do with who should be the left side gunner when punting from our 41 or where Pat Chung should be lined up on 3rd and 3 just outside of our red zone with the opposing team running 22 personnel, so it really doesn’t matter. However the aforementioned disconcerting aspect is that this could be all part of a diabolical plot of Bill Belichick’s: let them shit on my family tree for 20 years and then I’ll take Tom, go back to Cleveland, and win titles year after year until he’s in his 60’s and I have an oxygen tank on the sideline.

God help us all.

 

 

PS:

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┻┳|•.•)    Massholes mispronounce everything so this is kinda much ado about  nothing.
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Sean Payton Was Mad As Hell On Thursday Night

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CBS Sports – It’s not often that an NFL coach gets called for a pivotal penalty, but that’s exactly what happened to Sean Payton on Thursday. 

With just 65 seconds left in Atlanta’s wild 20-17 win over New Orleans, Payton got called for a controversial unsportsmanlike conduct penalty that gave the Falcons a first down and killed any chance the Saints had of winning the game. 

You could be forgiven if you didn’t stay up until almost midnight for the end of a Thursday Night, NFC South, Color Rush spectacle. But if you did stay up for the end of it, you saw just the latest example of why Bill Belichick is the best coach in the league and why it’s not even close.

Belichick is like the card counter at the blackjack table. It doesn’t mean he is going to win every hand or game, but he’s never going to do something stupid to hurt his chances of winning. Like split 10’s. Or run on to the field like a jerk and get flagged for a 15-yard penalty.

Even if the Saints got the ball back around their 30-yard line with 18 seconds left to play they probably weren’t going to win the game. But if Brees could get lucky on one sideline pass the Saints could have attempted a long-range field goal to tie the game. Assuming they could line up right. Then who knows what happens in overtime. Instead of getting to play one more hand, though, Payton essentially called the dealer an asshole and got bounced from the table.

Thursday Night Football goes to Indianapolis next week when the 3-9 Colts will host the 3-9 Broncos. If that doesn’t excite you right now, just wait. SKY CAM WILL BE BACK!!!

Defenses Should Not Win Fantasy Football Championships

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With another fantasy football regular season in the books and the playoffs starting tonight, it’s time for me to share my biggest takeaway from the 2017 campaign.  The time has come for the Defense/Special Teams position in fantasy football to be completely reevaluated and be massively overhauled or eliminated completely.

The NFL is constantly evolving. The NFL is not afraid to make changes that make the game more exciting, fairer and (hopefully) safer. In just the last few years extra points have been moved out to the 15-yard line, overtime has been made (slightly) more equitable, and kickoffs and touchbacks have been moved around. It’s time for fantasy football to show that same ingenuity.

The top scoring defensive unit in fantasy football last week was Miami. In a standard Yahoo! league, the Miami defense posted 28 points and was the fourth-highest scorer of the week. The same Miami defense that is 15th in real football against the pass, 21st against the run and 24th in points allowed.

Among the top 20 scorers in fantasy football last week, 7 were quarterbacks, 6 were running backs, 3 were wide receivers, 1 was a tight end and 3 were defenses. I know the Dolphins were playing against the rudderless Denver Broncos offense – making them a smart waiver wire pick up – but are you comfortable with a defense being as important to a fantasy football lineup as every other position? I’m not. Especially considering how fickle fantasy defenses can be.

The top defense in fantasy football this season, Jacksonville, has had four weeks with 20+ points, five weeks with 10-19 points, two weeks with 0-9 points and one week with negative points. On what planet does it make sense that they scored 15 points in a 23-20 loss to the Jets and only 5 points in a 20-17 win over the Chargers? I thought football was a results oriented business? I don’t care how many sacks or interceptions my team has, I’ll take the 20-17 win over the 23-20 loss every damn week.

How do we solve this problem? I’d be fine eliminating the position from fantasy football all together. Picking up Miami last week may have been smart, but I say it was more like winning on a scratch ticket. Don’t tell me there is skill in fantasy football and then tell me the goddam Dolphins defense was the fourth-best play of the week. A defensive unit owned in a whopping 11% of leagues last week.

I’d also be fine going back to the old days and only awarding points for safeties and defensive touchdowns. Denver gave up 35 points to Miami, but did manage a pick six. It’s akin to a quarterback throwing TD passes when his team is down by four touchdowns in the fourth quarter. It still got on the scoreboard.

My last proposal would be for defenses to go head-to-head. If my opponent played the Minnesota Defense (9 points allowed) last week and I played the New England Defense (3 points allowed), only my team would score points at the defense position. It could be a set point total every week, such as 1, 3 or 6, to keep defenses from becoming more important than real position players. Or it could be the difference in points allowed (6 in this example). That would value actual, real-world defense. Not fluky kick returns and flashy INTs.

If you have any better ideas, please let me know.

Giants Clean House and Fire EVERYBODY. Eli to Start on Sunday Now.

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ESPN – The New York Giants cleaned house on Monday, firing coach Ben McAdoo and general manager Jerry Reese in the midst of a 2-10 season…Mara said he and co-owner Steve Tisch met and “agreed it was pointless to wait any longer to make these changes.” “This has been the perfect storm this season,” Mara said. “Everything that could have gone wrong this season has gone wrong.”

This is like the market having a correction. Eli was not playing well, but the entire Giants organization is a dumpster fire currently so to bench him for a 27-year-old Geno Smith was not the solution. It was handled so poorly that the coach got fucking fired for it a week later. So did the GM! Look, if the Giants had some young 1st round pick riding the pine, I would have been totally fine with seeing what the kid’s got. Its basically how Eli got his start, with the Giants benching veteran QB and Super Bowl champion Kurt Warner. But to bench him for the guy we all already know is trash, even the guy who drafted him in Rex Ryan said so, is just laughable.

So what do the Giants do? Fire EVERYBODY. Geno actually played pretty decent, but the Giants still lost. And being a head coach in the NFL is a lot more than just x’s and o’s. You are essentially the CEO. Its more like being a politician. You have to keep certain constituencies happy, you have to make tough choices, and then you also have to perform. The only guy who gets away with being a clown to the media is Bill Belichick and thats because he’s been to SEVEN fucking Super Bowls in the past 16 years. He gets the benefit of the doubt. Ben McAdoo does not get that same privilege. So when he created an absolute shit storm and made national headlines for benching the best QB in franchise history with the same tact as a high school coach, it was only a matter of time until he got the ax.

Benny with the good hair flew a little too close to the sun and he got burned. Dude started feeling himself just a bit too much. Once McAdoo went from this:

to this:

you just knew it was curtains for this guy. Can’t walk around pretending to be The Cooler from Road House and start 2-9 then bench the beloved franchise QB and live to talk about it.

PS – If I was Eli Manning, this just pisses me off even more. Oh you mean that 200+ games started streak that I earned over the course of 10+ years, we pissed that away to let Geno start for a week and then bring me back after you fired everybody? All those consecutive starts down the tubes just for a one week vacation? Yea cool, no problem, I won’t hold ANY resentment towards you guys for that one. Players can say records and numbers don’t matter, but its bullshit because they do.

The Return of Joseph Q. Ballgame – New York Media Having A Meltdown Over A Bad Player Getting Benched (Not The Name Of A Novel)

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Image result for eli manning manning face

 

“The FCC won’t let me be or let me be me so let me see. They try’n shut me down on MTV but it just feels so empty without me.”
– Marshall Bruce Mathers III

 

There are very, very few stories that could have brought me back here. I left my post at the 300’s due to the pro-Bieber regime’s constraints on this peacock’s ability to fly. I said I would never come back and I didn’t. Not when 100000 Patriots went down for the year. Not when UFC 217 saw 3 titles change hands, eye-rollingly becoming the most overrated PPV of all time (Cody-TJ could have gone either way, JJ gets hit every fight, just never got stopped, GSP is GSP, stfu), I think Tiger came and went 4 times but I can’t keep up. My point is through all of this, with entire blogs written in my head I stayed dormant, a keyboard-laden Bruce Wayne choosing to hole up in Wayne Manor rather than engage in internet battles I was deemed unworthy to fight in. That ends here. That ends now.

The New York Giants have decided to bench Eli Manning to give Geno Smith a look down the home stretch of a lost, fruitless season. And the New York sports media is FUCKING. OUTRAGED. They are saying the Giants are ending the Eli era in the most “ugly way possible”, which must mean they are taking a Manning family photo at some point in the near future. They’re bitterly saying Ben McAdoo only did this to save his job, as if Geno going 5-0 and leading the Giants to a playoff-less 7-9 season will do the trick. Mike Francesa is hitting the organization with school yard insults and may march up to Giants HQ with an angry mob and torches demanding the Beast release Belle. They’re saying this is at the wrong way to treat a man of class and grace, as if Eli isn’t just a robot that does what Daddy tells him (It just dawned on me the Manning Brothers are just two versions of the QB from “Mr. Deeds”.) The NY sports media is butthurt. They’re angry. They’re legitimately throwing a shit fit like only the has-been sports media can. It’s fucking bizarre. Anyway, I understand I’m a Pats fan and it’s easy to say I’m just biased, but look:

I get it.

The not-originator-but-master of the Manning Incredulous Facial Expression was the face of the only two NY teams to win anything in the past decade. Throw in Jersey and Connecticut and I believe Thanksgiving Day has been the only other cause of a parade in the Tri-State area for a long time. He threw two iconic Hail Mary’s to win two Super Bowls – the fact that two anonymous receivers made a pair of obscene catches on kind of lousy throws seems irrelevant for some reason, but I digress.

And so I get it.

The things is, the two years the Giants won the Super Bowl it took a GIGANTIC team effort, not just Eli pulling David Tyrees out of a hat. Their defense in particular played out of their tree’s both years. Additionally, since that 2011 Super Bowl Eli has gone one-and-done at best in the playoffs, missing them completely in the years he doesn’t bow out after one game. He has led the league in interceptions three times, his passer rating sucks year in and year out, and OH IN CASE YOU FORGOT, the Giants would never have to be these “legendary,” Cinderella teams if he didn’t always play like particular ass the first eight weeks of every Goddam season.

In the end, if we could all settle down a moment, the real truth of this whole overblown mess is pretty clear: There are five games left in a lost season. There’s a former 2nd Round pick with some natural gifts sitting on the bench. There are some other pieces on the team, but also some other holes that may be more worth addressing with early draft picks than the Quarterback position if either Geno Smith or Davis Webb could be the answer there. I understand your 37 year old “Aw, Shucks” looking QB has semi-inexplicably become some sort of icon in the way so many New York icons have, but he sucks. And he has sucked. And don’t get me started with this ridiculous “Games Consecutively Started Streak.” It reminds me of when we had a competition in high school over who could wear the same pair of pants the longest number of days in a row. Plus, would you rather this or sit him for the last game at the Meadowlands? Maybe cut him in the offseason to little fanfare? You can’t even answer that question, can you Tri-City?

Aw, shucks.

The New York Giants Will Start Geno Smith Over Eli Manning at QB This Week. BAHAHAHA

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Giants.com – Coach Ben McAdoo announced today that Geno Smith will start in place of Eli Manning when the Giants face the Raiders in Oakland on Sunday. Rookie Davis Webb will also play, if not this week, then sometime before the end of the season. “Geno will start this week,” McAdoo said. “Over the last five games, we will take a look at Geno, and we will also give Davis an opportunity.” Manning has started 210 consecutive regular-season games, the second-longest streak by a quarterback in NFL history, behind Brett Favre’s 297. He has started every Giants game since Nov. 21, 2004, when he took over for veteran Kurt Warner in the 10th game of his rookie season. Manning has also started 12 postseason games, and twice led the Giants to Super Bowl victories.

BAHAHAHA! What a sad, confused little franchise. Sure, Eli Manning sucks. I’ll be the first one to say that, but benching him in favor of GENO SMITH? Its not like he’s some rookie who could be good, no its Geno Smith. We all KNOW that guy sucks.

The man with the sterling career completion percentage of 57.7% The man with a career 28/36 TD to INT ratio? Thats the guy you turn the reigns over to? Man, Ben McAdoo is fucked in the head. Its like Costanza just doing everything he can intentionally trying to get fired.

But seriously though, Geno Smith played on the same exact fucking field as you guys for four years. Literally nobody aside from Todd Bowles has seen more of Geno than the Giants. But, yea lets throw that guy in there and really piss *everyone* off. Eli may not be Peyton, but the Giants have a whole shit ton of problems bigger than the QB play. Like having 19 guys on IR. Not to mention, most of the Giants fans I know love Eli because he, ya know, won two Super Bowls. How does McAdoo handle that situation?

Manning was given the option of starting against the Raiders to keep the streak alive, but declined. “Coach McAdoo told me I could continue to start while Geno and Davis are given an opportunity to play,” Manning said. “My feeling is that if you are going to play the other guys, play them. Starting just to keep the streak going and knowing you won’t finish the game and have a chance to win it is pointless to me, and it tarnishes the streak.

Benches the best QB in Giants history and then offers to keep his consecutive starts streak alive by having him take the first series and then mixing in Geno and 3rd stringer Davis Webb like its fucking Texas Tech. Props to Eli for basically telling Benny Mac to go piss up a rope.

Yes, the Giants beat us in the Super Bowl (twice), but again I find myself saying thank god I am a Patriots fan as we march towards Minneapolis and Super Bowl title No. 6.

ICYMI The Dallas Cowboys Doctor is a Damn Cowboy Himself

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I would expect nothing less from the fine people of Texas. This guy definitely walked in wearing a 10 gallon hat and Jerry Jones shouted YOU’RE HIRED before he could even sit down. Jerry probably didn’t even bother to ask if the guy actually went to medical school. Shoot first ask questions later, thats how Jerry built his empire.

Travis Kelce is Bizarro Ben Watson After Big Timing His Own Team

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In another edition of Thank God I’m a Patriots fan, we have Travis Kelce completely big timing his own team after another shitty Alex Smith interception.

Listen it must be enraging to play with Alex Smith. The guy sucks, then he doesn’t, then he plays at an MVP level at the beginning of this season, but it seems like he’s finally turned back into a pumpkin. And for a really good tight end like Kelce thats gotta be a pain in the ass to deal with, but you’re also a captain my man so being a massive dickhead by throwing your arms up in the air and giving up on a play is not a good look.

In contrast lets take a look at the classic play by Ben Watson against the Broncos years ago when Brady threw an absolute back breaker of an interception.

Unlike Kelce, Watson busts his balls, running from the other side of the field and sprinting around defenders to chase down All-Pro cornerback Champ Bailey at the Patriots goal line. Watson runs at least 110 yards full speed to catch one of the best athletes of our generation and fucking SMOKE Bailey to force the fumble. Didn’t win us the game, but was an all effort play that basically gave Watson a free pass in my brain for all those passes he dropped over the years. Hell I used to joke with my brother that I wonder if Ben Watson’s wife lets him hold the baby. But after that play, I’ll let it slide. Not to mention he’s STILL in the league, playing for the Ravens now. So, long story short, Travis Kelce is bizarro Ben Watson.

PS – In the interest of full disclosure I must confess to having watched several episodes of Catching Kelce while hungover on the couch. Goddamn VH1 just makes such awesomely bad shows I binge watch the shit out of while nursing a hangover.

I also have seen many episodes of Eric Decker’s VH1 show Eric & Jessie.

Okay, now I feel better.

 

Greg Olsen to Broadcast Week 11 Game for FOX

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At first glance, the Vikings look like giant whiners here. Don’t want an injured Panther broadcasting your game? Deal with it. What is he going to see in person that millions of other people at home won’t see on television? You’re acting like George Costanza with his ATM code.

Taking a moment to think about it, though, I’m with the Vikings on this one. They might be a little paranoid, but this is not an unreasonable request. And even if Greg Olsen won’t see anything that the people at home won’t see, it’s still a bad look for the league. If the NFL were half as concerned with the integrity of the game as they claim they are, they would step in and quash this.

Can you imagine the outcry if an injured Patriots player were scheduled to broadcast the Dolphins game this week? Adam Gase would have Hard Rock Stadium swept for bugs. The Patriots would get crushed on ESPN for once again going outside of what is acceptable and decent to gain even a slight edge over an opponent. Draft picks would be seized, congressional probes would be launched.

Of course, Bill Belichick would never allow an injured player to broadcast another NFL game. I bet the Vikings get more intel out of Olsen rambling on the air for three hours than he gets out of them seeing them from the broadcast booth.

Brock Osweiler May Have Killed a Guy Last Night With This Errant Throw

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I was watching the Patriots smother Brock Osweiler all night, but when I saw that blue hat FLY up into the air after this throw I had to rewind it. When I realized it was some poor shmuck getting smoked right in the head I had to watch it about 5 more times and cackle like a maniac each time. There’s really only one way to sum this up.

This will suffice as well.