— UDONTEVENKNOWMYREALNAMEIMTHE[bleep]LIZARDKING™ (@UnoCincoUno) February 24, 2019
Growing up as a kid in the late 90s-early 00s, I’ve always liked Ja Rule. Despite his infamous beefs with 50 Cent and Eminem, I’ve always enjoyed his music. But even on top of that he just seems like a funny, self aware dude.
In addition to his music though he was an absolute staple in great bad movies on HBO for basically my entire youth. He’s been in some absolutely god awful “awesomely bad” movies like Half Past Dead,
Half Past Dead is so disrespected that you can literally find the entire movie on YouTube 3 times in the first page of search results. YouTube don’t even care, pirate away.
Assault on Precinct 13,
and thats before we even get into his award winning role in the original Fast and the Furious.
So Jeffrey Atkins just seems like a chill dude who knows he’s got a sweet deal singing about Ashanti and still touring with her all these years later. Now, he comes off as a complete moron in the Fyre Festival documentary, but hey a lot of people got conned by that sociopath Billy McFarland.
The absolute disrespect by Giannis though has got to hurt Ja a little bit. Giannis is trying to win MVP and put Milwaukee on the map, he don’t have time to listen to I’m Real for the 1,000th time. But, he grew up in Greece and may not be as familiar with Ja’s work so I’ll allow it.
There’s a good 3.5 minutes left of halftime, Ja Rule is mid-song and Giannis is already out shooting. pic.twitter.com/sPoyVnpI7x
CNN – Nike is playing damage control after Duke basketball phenom Zion Williamson tore his sneaker in a game Wednesday evening. Nike’s (NKE) stock was down more than 1% on Thursday. Nike builds its reputation around creating premier shoes and clothes for athletes, but that image took a hit with Williamson’s sneaker snafu.
Zion Williamson’s Nike shoe just exploded on national TV!
I’m pretty sure I could hear Phil Knight pounding his fist on his desk all the way in Oregon when this happened the other night. Obviously Zion is not your typical consumer, but having your shoes explode on national TV injuring the guy NBA teams are blatantly tanking just for a chance to draft is a bad look.
Nike’s stock has fallen after the paper mâché shoe fell apart in front of the country. Makes you wonder, whatever happened to good, quality basketball sneakers? I’m not talking about that low top bullshit that Kobe nearly broke his ankle in either. No I’m talking about the GOAT basketball shoe; the Starbury.
The greatest shoe of all time, made by one of the wildest dudes in the history of the NBA in Stephon Marbury. All for the low, low price of $14.98. As a broke as college kid I appreciated the Starburys. Unfortunately I could never find my size in AJ Wright. Sigh. Even eBay hates us 5’8″ dudes. Stephon my man, hook me up with a size 10! I respect what Steph was trying to do though. A revolutionary if you ask me. If only Zion had the same pair of kicks we wouldn’t be talking about a knee injury, we’d be talking about the most dominant college basketball player in the country in a pair of shoes cheaper than a 30 rack of Natty Lite.
BREAKING: New England Pats owner Robert Kraft charged w/ soliciting a prostitute in Orchids of Asia day spa raid in Jupiter FL. Jupiter PD says they have video. Kraft has a residence in nearby Palm Beach. @NBC10Boston@NECNpic.twitter.com/8y5E3Rw27R
So this is awkward. According to a report by various news outlets Patriots owner Robert Kraft is being charged with “soliciting another to commit prostitution”…allegedly.
I knew a man with this much drip could only stay above the law for so long.
Until more details come out, and you know they will, I don’t want to speculate too much on this story. So I’ll just leave you with how I am imagining this scene unfolding in my head.
Your friend Joey B grew in the same fairly mundane, average middle class suburbia as most of my fellow cohorts here at The 300s and I am sure as a lot of our readership. School buses, neighborhoods, little league, etc. etc. you know the deal.
So you probably know what I am talking about when I say that it was not drugs, or the possibility of their children using them, that put the fear of God into my parents when I was 10 years old. It wasn’t gun violence, gangs, or bullies. It wasn’t the priests, as they had yet to be caught
It was Eminem.
Out of nowhere in late February of 1999 Aftermath Records by way of Interscope released the Michigan MC’s second studio and first major label album. The young adult audience down to kids my age were enchanted, enamored, and in awe.
Our parents were fucking terrified.
Their children had picked a new musical idol, a new pop culture craze that momentarily supplanted the absolute war machine that was Britney and the boy bands. And this new topic of every recess and lunchroom conversation was a skinny, white, bleach blond RAPPER from Detroit; constantly cursing his head off about painkillers, murder, homosexuals, rape, his beloved daughter, his hated mother, and killing himself. He was the actual aggregate of everything our parents feared we would become. And since there was nothing like him, before, during, and now, one could argue, after, they did not know what to do with him.
It really is wild to think about the juxtaposition between the reactions of Eminem’s initial fans vs. his initial detractors. On the “we really fucking love this” side, The Slim Shady LP has made all sorts of “Greatest…Album” lists compiled by reputable sources, won the man himself two Grammys (“Best Rap Album” and “Best Rap Solo Performance” for the first single, “My Name Is”), and has to this day sold over 18 million copies worldwide. On the other hand, well, as I’ve mentioned a couple of times there was some…dissent. There was the famous lawsuit brought by his mother, Debbie, who was made out to be a neglectful pill popper on that (and a few other) Eminem record(s). There was Billboard Editor Timothy White, who one could see as the forefather of the interweb’s White Knights and SJWs, claiming that Slim Shady himself was “making money by exploiting the world’s misery”. That is not only a hysterically worded thing to say, but, if you think about, yes Timothy something everyone in the entertainment, liquor, and recreational drug business does. We have holes in our lives and souls; these people fill them. Lastly, and I can’t say for sure when young Marshall Bruce Mathers III pushed her over the edge, Tipper Gore got herself infamously involved in the battle against Eminem. Gore, the wife of Ex-Vice President and internet creator Al Gore and famed proponent of not having fun, basically lambasted Shady as the devil and wanted him either silenced or executed. Not really sure which.
Basically we loved it, they hated it. Eminem himself famously could not have given a flying fuck either way, with both middle fingers extended high in the air at all times. It was chaos in the streets and it was amazing.
As for the music, it’s important to start by noting this is some of the best production work Dr. Dre has ever done, which is obviously saying something. Eminem came from the freestyle rap and rap battle worlds. He also has famously, both a lightning-speed flow and kind of herky jerky cadence. That can’t be an easy basis to make beats for. But Dre did. He architected track after track, providing a smooth infrastructure around which Eminem could weave his tails of debauchery and horror. He combined a never before seen gift of wordplay with the aforementioned lewd, lascivious, and downright disturbing subject matter to create visuals in our heads of what it was like to grow up and be Slim Shady, at least through his eyes. Most famously, we got the first introduction to his second-to-none ability to rhyme scheme, which is to say, rhyme words that don’t rhyme at all. He literally makes the syllables that form the English language his bitch. In the Slim Shady LP, Eminem basically starts out with a brief bio on himself, including some hard choices he was currently having to make (“My brain’s dead weight/I’m tryin’ to get my head straight/But I can’t figure out which Spice Girl I want to impregnate”). In “Role Model” he assumed he was a hero to all (“I got genitals warts and it burns when I pee/Don’t you wanna grow up to be just like me?”) In “Guilty Conscience,” his duet with Dre, he plays the devil on three different characters shoulders while they decide whether or not to make a terrible choice. Dre plays the angel begging the characters not to. Eminem wins 2/3.
I think at this point one could argue the follow up, The Marshall Mathers LP, is his better known and more acclaimed work. There wouldn’t be too much argument here. But this, The Slim Shady LP, was the first time we heard this stuff. The intensity. The anger. The frustration. The constant threat of a legit break from reality. The angst of a broke, white trash kid with way too much talent and a fist full of drugs. It welcomed us into a world we’ve now been visiting for two whole decades. A world Eminem created to release both his music and emotions to the world. To “make it” in the industry….Right?
ESPN – Safety Devin McCourty, who said he might retire if the Patriots won Super Bowl LIII, will be back for a 10th season in New England.
“Yeah, I’m gonna play,” McCourty told the Sports Spectrum podcast in an interview published Thursday.
Phewwwwwwwwwwww. That’s a big one off of our shoulders. No matter what we always are going to go through the free agency “shit our pants and wait” process every few years with the Pats – we’ll we worry about losing key FAs, lose them, get pissed at Belichick, and then end up winning anyway and realizing he’s smarter than us at football. But losing a key piece of our “D” to just flat out retiring out of nowhere, that would suck.
McCourty has been an anchor on our D and a leader overall for this team for awhile now. He had to be. There were some rough times on the non-Brady side of the ball. But whether it has been playing center field, strong safety, in the box, or basically as a coverage corner, McCourty has showed up and done his damn job. He’s not always perfect, but he gives it 120% no matter what.
We still have to wonder about the end of the line for #32. His brother, Jason, said Devin was just being dramatic when he said he might retire with a Super Bowl win this year. But the fact is that he is now a three-time Super Bowl champ, a two-time Pro Bowler, and an eight-time team captain. There is not a lot left for him to accomplish and by the end (and actually the beginning) of this season he’ll be 32 years old and will have played 10 years. That could be enough.
But for now we have our defensive stalwart back. We can turn our full worries to FA Trey Flowers and company. The original star from Rutgers remains safely at the back end of our “D” where he belongs.
OK. I’ll admit the headline is pure yellow journalism, at its finest, but I’m not exaggerating at all when I say the Sox’s young lefthander has been getting a lot of attention in spring training so far. Like A LOT.
Last week, the team held its first official workout, and it’s still incredibly early to start making any real predictions for the upcoming season. But that hasn’t stopped coaches, teammates, and writers alike from gushing about the 25-year-old, who is apparently in “the best shape of his life”:
Alex Cora just offered some very early thoughts from Red Sox camp, among them that Eduardo Rodriguez looks great. “Everyone is in the best shape of their life in spring training but he really is in the best shape of his life.”
After a breakout rookie campaign four years ago – during which he posted a 3.85 ERA with 10 wins across 121.2 innings – Rodriguez posted a combined 4.42 ERA over the next two seasons, leading some to believe his first go-round was a fluke. Yet the southpaw battled back to post a 3.82 ERA as a back-end starter in 2018, and he also saw his K/9 increase for a fourth season in a row, settling in at a more than respectable 10.1 by season’s end. He did miss all of August and most of July with an ankle issue, but overall it was a solid year.
E-Rod had a rough postseason run, though, finishing with an 8.10 ERA across 10 frames. Sadly, the lasting image of him from last season was the mini-hissy fit he threw on the mound in Game 4 of the World Series after giving up a meatball home run to Yasiel Puig, which put the Dodgers up 4-0 in the game. The Sox eventually ended up winning the game – AND the series! – and I still think that he might’ve taken too much heat for the reaction. But it only furthered the notion that perhaps the young fella didn’t have everything he needed between the ears to take the next step in his development.
That wasn’t a great moment for the kid, but he’s already over it, and we all should be too.
That is, until this spring.
Seriously, just Google the name “Eduardo Rodriguez,” and you’ll be treated to a PLETHORA of articles about how great he’s looked so far. Not only does he look more trim, but reports are that he also wowed his fellow teammates during his first live batting practice session on Tuesday.
Apparently, the key to his success has been adding a much more refined slider to his repertoire. He’s always possessed a pretty lethal fastball/changeup combo, but his inability to master a third pitch has held him back. Now, after working with staff ace Chris Sale, he’s ready to unveil a whole new arsenal to the world in 2019:
“I worked with Sale and most of the guys, asked everyone the way they throw the curveball and slider and how they finish,” Rodriguez said. “But mostly Sale, because he has the best (expletive) slider in the game, so that’s how we do it.” (h/t Boston Herald)
Obviously, anyone outside of Fort Meyers has yet to see the new pitch, but the kid seems pretty freakin’ fired up about.
Eddy is ready!
Sale himself added to the praise by saying that E-Rod has displayed some noticeable “drive” this offseason, and Nathan Eovaldi added, “I feel like he’s taken it to a whole new level.”
So, after what had to be the most boring offseason in Major League Baseball (or even major professional sports) history, we finally have a little something to get excited about for the upcoming season. Especially for a rotation that does not come without its questions and concerns, the early news out of camp about Rodriguez is extremely encouraging. Fingers crossed!
The Sox are set to kick off the preseason campaign on Friday against Northeastern before a showdown with the Yankees on Saturday afternoon.
At a press conference in Montreal, Quebec on Thursday morning, St. Pierre sat down in front of cameras with two Ultimate Fighting Championship belts flanking him at his table. Without any notes or written statements other than the contents of his cell phone, St. Pierre stated that he did not want to have to keep referring to a piece of paper because it could get “boring.”
Starting the press conference purely in French, St. Pierre (26-2) went on to apologize for having to do this in multiple languages, and then translated his remarks into English for the audience.
He opened, saying, “It takes a lot of discipline to retire on top….”
Sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, “farewell to a King.” To, in my mind, the best to ever do it. A truly vicious, technical Muay Thai striker who transformed himself into one of if not the most effective functional wrestler in UFC history. Seriously, in a world of NCAA Champions and Olympians GSP came to MMA with no wrestling background and became THE take-down artist. On top of all that, he is indeed a BJJ blackbelt and a master positional control. The fight always occurred where GSP wanted it to.
St. Pierre started out as great, wanting to be great. Then he suffered his 2nd career loss, to Matt Serra, and a switch inside him got flipped. He was embarrassed. A true martial artist who was always disciplined when it came to his training, GSP became as focused as one could in all other aspect of his career as an MMA fighter – he quit partying, went on a diet that would make TB12 blush, and dedicated himself to not being great, but the best. The slick, cocky striker became a brick shithouse of a kickboxing wrestler who mauled every opponent he faced from then on out. Sure, there weren’t many finishes to come by, but this more had to do with “Rush” being more of competitor, a champion, than a fighter. He always hated hurting people.
Now he sails off into the sunset, having beat some of the best. Hughes, Koscheck, and Sherk. Penn, Diaz, and Bisping. He won titles in two weight classes, leaving as, technically, the linear Welterweight Champion. GSP wanted to fight Khabib Nurmagomedov as his final bow, one last great challenge against a fighter with a similar style. It’s not crazy to think he maybe saw a younger version of himself in “The Eagle”. It wasn’t to be though, for who knows how many bureaucratic reasons, Instead, St. Pierre retires still fairly young (37), financially secure for life, and free of the crushing anxiety he always felt leading up to a fight – his least favorite part of the job, ironically.
Between his intelligent, classy way of addressing the media and fans (admittedly subsidized by his French-Canadian accent), his preference to wear a suit to press conferences, his chiseled physique, his work ethic, and his utter fucking dominance, I don’t think we’ll see another like Georges St. Pierre. How can you ever have another of the first? So “Rush,” “GSP,” our favorite fighting Quebecois, we now say “a plus tard.” It’s been a hell of a ride.
More than any other Marvel film, the first two Thor movies require so much explanation right out of the gates. Theres definitely a lot going on, but it’s never a great start when the first 5 minutes of the movie require an Anthony Hopkins voiceover to explain the background. Especially after we’ve already met Thor and the whole crew just 2 years prior.
I haven’t watched Thor 2 since I saw it in theaters in 2013. All I remembered about this movie was that all kinds of stuff got destroyed in London. Thats it.
Before we get into the review though I have to point out one thing. THANK GOD THEY FIXED THOR’S EYEBROWS. I mentioned it in my review of Thor 1, but it’s something that bothered me for a decade because I could never quite put my finger on what it was.
Thor 1
Thor 2
Okay now that thats been addressed we can move on amicably.
So we begin with Loki being sentenced to a lifetime of prison in the Asgardian tombs for his crimes in Thor 1 and The Avengers.
Thor drops into save the day on another battle that his team is fighting for some reason or another. Apparently after the bifrost was destroyed (its fixed now) all the other realms rebelled for some reason so the Asgardians are trying to get all nine realms to bend the knee once again. In a common theme in this movie, it doesn’t really matter why.
Back on Earth Jane (Natalie Portman) is in London investigating science stuff (again doesn’t matter why) when she stumbles upon a rift in dimensions of some sort. Gravity is all wonky and they discover a wormhole of sorts when they throw trash, bricks, and car keys into the portal only to have them disappear entirely. Jane then gets sucked into one of these wormholes and comes into contact with a dark force. Doing so appears to have awoken the Dark Elves that Thor’s grandfather banished so many years ago.
It’s only when Thor goes to talk with Heimdall and asks about Jane do they realize somethings wrong; Heimdall can’t see her. So Thor bombs down to London to check on her. When the cops show up and try to arrest Jane for trespassing she goes Super Saiyan and nearly blows the guy away. Unsure of what the hell is going on Thor takes her back to Asgard for help. Odin recognizes this dark force as the Aether, which his voiceover from the beginning of the film explains how the Dark Elves weaponized thousands of years ago.
“Their leader, Malekith, made a weapon out of that darkness, it was called the Aether. While the other relics often appear as stones, the Aether is fluid, and ever changing. It changes matter into dark matter, and seeks out host bodies, drawing strength from their life force.”
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; Asgard has the absolute WORST security in all of the MCU. In each of the Thor movies a villain sneaks into Asgard somehow undetected and sets off an explosion. In. every. single. movie. In this instance, one of the Dark Elves poses as a prisoner being transported to Asgard Jail. Anddd about 10 minutes later this Dark Elf breaks out (with an explosion) and starts a full scale prison riot.
“It is as if they resent being in prison,” one of Thor’s warriors hilariously quips.
Heimdall spotting an invisible ship trying to sneak into Asgard and taking it down with a nothing but a couple of daggers is low key the best scene in the movie.
Thanks to the prison riot distraction the Dark Elf faux prisoner is able to knock out the Asgardian castle’s defenses so Malekith and his army can roll right up to the front door. He’s looking for the Aether, which currently lives inside Natalie Portman.
Now in return for helping hide Natalie Portman from Malekith, Thor’s mom is rewarded with a sword through the back. Thor chases Malekith and the dark elves out of Asgard. With their defenses destroyed Oden opts to wait for the intruders to return leaving Asgard and its people as sitting ducks.
Thor doesn’t exactly agree with his father and concocts a plan to use Jane as bait to draw Malekith out of hiding. With the bifrost closed and the Tesseract locked away, Thor needs a little help sneaking off Asgard.
Quick aside: Scottish actors have an absolute lock on these Viking roles as the Mrs. sniped Game of Thrones actor Clive Russell as one of Oden’s Asgardian generals, who is best known for playing the Blackfish.
I understand that Viking culture is Viking culture, but there are a lot of similarities to Game of Thrones in this movie. Welp, turns out the director of Thor 2, Alan Taylor, has also directed several episodes of Thrones. Small world.
Anyways, with a little help from Sif and the Warriors Three, Thor is able to get off Asgard alongside Loki and Jane.
Back on Earth: Another annoying thing about this movie is that Professor Erik Selvig is legitimately crazy the entire movie, running around naked at one point before getting arrested,
only to become completely normal again in the final act of the movie. The only explanation given is his quip “I’ve had a God in my brain, I don’t recommend it” and him throwing out a bag of prescription pills he’s been popping. I guesss Loki’s mind control from The Avengers is having some residual effects, but I don’t know. Again, doesn’t really matter why.
Time to science.
Now that Thor and Loki are on the Dark World, they need to defeat Malekith and destroy the Aether. Loki breaks out some A+ trickery in the final 30 minutes here stabbing his brother and chopping off Thor’s hand as a ploy to catch Malekith off guard as he pulls the Aether from Jane. (This whole movie has a very X-Men 3: Dark Phoenix vibe to it and thats not a good thing.) Except it doesn’t really work. Malekith takes the Aether and jets while Loki dies protecting Thor, or so we’re led to believe.
Stuck on this random Dark World with no way home Marvel introduces the most blatant deus ex machina that I’ve ever seen. Remember that random portal Jane and friends were throwing trash into in the beginning of the movie? Welp it’s a direct gateway from London to the random Dark World cave that Thor and Jane are in right now!
It’s not really until the end of the movie that I even understood what Malekith’s motives are and why the final battle is in London. Basically all nine realms are converging and when that happens it’s like a massive solar eclipse. It also gives him the opportunity to bring darkness (destroy?) all of the realms at once. Bringing it back to the heyday of the dark elves, who actually ruled the universe before Thor’s grandfather defeated them. Well the center point for this whole convergence is Greenwich, London.
I’m shocked they didn’t go with the Powerman 5000 soundtrack for the final scene of the movie when worlds literally collide.
Final battle between Thor and Malekith ensues. Thor defeats the bad guy and contains the Aether.
A nice twist at the end though as Thor goes to tell his father he will refuse the throne and as he walks away we see that it is actually Loki posing as Oden!
Mid credits scene: We are introduced to The Collector for the first time and it’s revealed that the Aether is in fact an Infinity Stone as Sif leaves it with him for safe keeping.
Post credits scene: Thor returns to London for some smooches. Thor will return.
Final Rating: 6/10
This movie isn’t bad per se, it’s just a bit nonsensical at times and overall forgettable. Chris Hemsworth and Tom Hiddleston’s likeability are the only thing that really redeem the movie because the plot is confusing, the villain is a faceless bore, and the motives of everyone involved are murky. But due to the brilliant rapport of Hemsworth and Hiddleston the movie is a decent way to kill 2 hours.
Up next in The 300s Marvel Cinematic Rewind is Captain America: The Winter Solider!
This song dropped in 1998, but in true white bro fashion I first heard it in 2004 in an episode of Entourage.
That is the true definition of a who with no middle ground; you either love Entourage or you hate it with the passion of a thousand suns. Where do I stand on it? Well Big Z and I have an episode of The 300s Podcast devoted entirely to Entourage in the works.
Aiyyo I’m gonna be on ti-dop, that’s all my eyes can see Victory is mine, yeah surprisingly I’ve been laying, waiting for your next mistake I put in work, and watch my status escalate
The 300s 