Tag: Dunkin Donuts

Bill Burr Crushed It In This Sam Adams Skit On SNL

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It’s hard to believe last weekend was Bill Burr’s first time ever hosting Saturday Night Live considering the man has been an A-list comedian for years. He had Comedy Central specials back when those were a thing and obviously was a key guy off the bench on Chapelle’s Show back in the early 2000s.

So I was pretty jazzed to see old Billy Red Face take the stage at 30 Rockefeller Plaza. His monologue got the most attention because it did what Burr does best, it pissed off a ton of people, it made others uncomfortable, but it was all genuinely hilarious. But the best part of his episode had to be the Sam Adams commercial.

“Yea it’s kinda sweet and shit, but there’s nothing else to drink” had me howling. That and when Burr chugs the entire glass, then looks on in disgust only to say “I don’t like that.”

It’s nice to see SNL playing to the strengths of the actors and their backgrounds for a change rather than forcing everyone into quirky situations or another hamfisted political skit. I don’t know what it is, maybe it’s just me being provincial, but SNL always seems to kill it with the Boston skits. I mean how can we forget Casey Affleck’s Dunkin Donuts commercial?

I fuckin love Dunkin, guy.

NJ Transit is in Shambles and It’s All Dunkin Donuts’ Fault

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If you ever have the opportunity to ride NJ Transit, my advice would be to just stay home. Notoriously shitty, delays out the ass, to call it unreliable would be an understatement.

So this morning I’m sitting here minding my own business scrolling through Twitter and I see this exchange between angry patrons and the poor schlub who has to field responses to these miserable people.

Pretty harmless, aside from mild rudeness. Here’s where it gets good.

Wait, wait, wait. You’re telling me that Dunkin Donuts is responsible for this madness? Why on earth is Dunkin Fuckin Donuts responsible for opening a train station every day? Who thought this was smart business? You’re telling me that you’re entrusting the commutes of hundreds of thousands of people into the hands of some most likely 17 year old making minimum wage slinging coffee on his four hour shift before he goes home to play XBox and hot box his Mom’s basement while she’s at work? Insanity. And how about NJ Transit just completely deflecting blame. “Don’t look at us. It’s Dunkin’s fault you’ll never get anywhere on time.” What a wild world we live in. Also, majorly bad look for Dunkin considering their slogan is America Runs on Dunkin. Better add a 15-20 minute delay to that commute time.

Harpoon and Dunkin Donuts Teamed Up to Steal Drew Carrey’s Buzz Beer Concept and I Won’t Stand for It

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WCVB – Two Boston beverage powerhouses are joining forces to launch a new drink for fall. Dunkin’ and Harpoon Brewery combined Dunkin’s Espresso Blend Coffee and Harpoon beer to create Harpoon Dunkin’ Coffee Porter.

I think my rise to beer snob has been well documented on this blog. I was once a green college student jumping at the chance to buy as much beer as possible for as cheap as possible. That usually was a case of Busch Lattes, but one time I was at a liquor store in the Bronx and bought a case of tallboys of FAMOSA because it was like $5.

I’ve yet to ever see that brand of beer anywhere ever again because it was probably straight poison. But over the years I’ve grown into a sophisticated adult getting drunk on nothing but IPAs, DIPAs, Sours, Stouts and more.

So when this news story about Harpoon’s latest concoction came across my desk I had to address the situation.

Coffee flavored beer?! Ever heard of it? I have because my good friend Drew Carey came up with the idea way back in 1996 when he invented Buzz Beer TWENTY TWO YEARS AGO. Fuck, I’m old.

Now Harpoon and Dunkin Donuts are teaming up to swoop in and steal Drew’s idea? i won’t stand for it. Drew may be flush in all that Price is Right money, but all us fans of mediocre 90s sitcoms remember who the true innovator was here.

To be honest, I feel like Kramer when Calvin Klein stole his ocean scented cologne idea.

PS – I can’t do basic math for shit, but I can remember plot lines of TV sitcoms from 1996. Some kind of useless Snapple Facts trivia brain I have apparently.

 

Dunkin’ Donuts Rebranding as Dunkin’ is Just Factually Inaccurate

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Boston Magazine – Dunkin’ Donuts is launching an “unprecedented” overhaul of its Boston locations, rebranding dozens of them as “Dunkin,‘” and there is absolutely nothing you or I or anyone else can do about it.

The coffee chain, which got its start in Massachusetts, is announcing the spread of its new modern concept at a Dunkin’-themed extravaganza today from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. at the newly remodeled Dunkin’ near City Hall…According to a release ahead of the celebration, Dunkin’ Donuts will be bringing its modern new design and truncated logo to 30 of its Boston locations. It says it’s re-imagining its coffee shops with “a modern in-store experience and new technology to make running on Dunkin’ faster and more convenient than ever before.”

I don’t know one single fucking person that calls Dunkin Donuts “Dunkin” and neither do you. If you tell me that you call this beacon of Boston by the nickname “Dunkin” then you are lying. It’s “Dunkies.” Always has been always will be, regardless of what the silly orange and pink sign says. Dunkies corporate offices really missed the mark on this one.

You want proof you say? Look no further than this Casey Affleck SNL skit. Hilarious, but inaccurate. “I love Dunkin, guy” is a line only a shoobie would write.

I rest my case.

Dunkin’ Unveils Double Dollar Menu

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WCVB 5 – Dunkin’ Donuts is bringing an updated menu of $2 snack items nationwide, after what the company called “a successful test” earlier this year.

The Dunkin’ Run menu includes the company’s first gluten-free product: an individually wrapped fudge brownie… The menu also includes the company’s Donut Fries, which began being offered in its stores nationwide in July. They are described as warm croissant-style donut sticks tossed in cinnamon sugar.

Other items on the new menu are ham and cheese roll-ups, pretzel bites with mustard and waffle-breaded chicken tenders.

I’m all in favor of fast food restaurants taking chances and I have no problem with fast food restaurants trying to branch out beyond their category. I love Taco Bell breakfast and their nacho fries are great. I’m not saying Dunkin’ should be restricted to selling just coffee and donuts (as Denis Leary once said), but can we hold off on throwing a parade just because they added supermarket checkout lane fudge brownies to their menu?

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I’m also firmly in favor of value menus (as opposed to “value” meals.) I appreciate Dunkin’s strategy here, but I question their execution. These chicken tenders look like something from a bag at the bottom of my freezer…

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Why would I spend two bucks on microwaved chicken patties when I could get 10 chicken nuggets or nine chicken fries at Burger King for $1.69? Sorry Dunkin’. I’m not mad. Just a little disappointed.

PS – This post does not apply to Donut Fries. Those look delicious.

Dunkin’ Does It Again!

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boston.com – Lifestyle running brand Saucony… has teamed up with Dunkin’ Donuts to create an orange and magenta-infused version of its Kinvara 9 in anticipation of the Boston Marathon. The collaboration honors the “symbiotic relationship between running, coffee and donuts,” according to a press release…

The Saucony X Dunkin’ Kinvara 9 is available to pre-order for both men and women starting Tuesday for $120. The orders will ship April 3, when the shoe will also be available at Marathon Sports locations and on marathonsports.com.

$120! That’s it? When I saw these bad boys on Twitter I thought the price would easily be higher than $300. I might have to stock up on these kicks because they are fresh.

I’ve always admired the “America Runs on Dunkin” campaign and this latest move fits that campaign, and their brand, to a T. Orange and magenta running shoes with donuts on them? That’s kind of funny! It’s good to see Dunkin’ not taking itself too seriously. I can’t imagine putting on a pair of running shoes with this lady staring at me:

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That logo would feel more at home on the iPad case of the self-important guy at Starbucks who sits there for three hours a day to complain about Brookline zoning laws on Twitter.

With a price of $120, these shoes might actually end up on the feet of some normal, everyday Dunkin’ drinkers. A win for the common man! Compare that to the Pizza Hut Pie Tops. One pair of Pie Tops on eBay is currently going for $2750. Any one who can afford a pair of Pie Tops probably hasn’t eaten Pizza Hut in decades.

Dunkin’ piggy backing on the Boston Marathon is another a great move. America runs on Dunkin’, but Boston is Dunkin’s home base. As a Bostonian, I love seeing Dunkin’ embrace its roots. I’d also love to see how many Dunkin’s are on the marathon route.

 

PS – This commercial is more than a decade old but I still can’t get this song out of my head. You’re welcome.

Dunkin’s Menu Goes on a Diet

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boston.com – Regulars at Dunkin’ Donuts may begin noticing parts of the menu disappear this week.

The Canton-based company began testing a “simplified menu” in a number of markets last summer, eventually expanding the pared-down offerings to roughly 11 percent of their stores.

Now, beginning this Monday in New England and upstate New York, the reduced menu will be rolled out nationwide. The company expects all stores will feature the new menu by the end of March…

Dunkin’ Donuts says that the reduced menu will result in “faster, more accurate service and a more consistent consumer experience from store to store.”

The Dunkin’ Donuts menu is going on a diet and I don’t hate it. Here’s the full list of items getting the ax (for now):

The only item on that list that I’ve ordered more than once is the Steak & Egg Breakfast Sandwich. Not filet mignon, but a nice change of pace from the usual breakfast meats. Other than that I can’t say that I’ll miss anything that’s getting the ax. If you want a smoothie, don’t go to Dunkin’ Donuts. If you want a turkey, ham or tuna sandwich for lunch there are literally dozens of better places to go to.

I love the move to drop some flavor shots. What maniac is ordering peach coffee? Also, any move to reduce the number of flavor shots/swirls on the menu is a good move. In fact, I’m in favor of dropping all flavor swirls other than mocha. Try ordering a hazelnut iced coffee outside of New England with cream and sugar. You won’t even be able to taste the coffee if they put that sugary sweet hazelnut flavor swirl in there, which they will. If you ask for the standard, original flavor shot you will have to ask them to make it at least twice. I speak from experience.

Dunkin’s attempt to provide “faster, more accurate service and a more consistent consumer experience from store to store” will be appreciated outside of New England. Again, try ordering a flavored iced coffee at a Dunkin’ that hasn’t been around for 20 years and you’ll see what I mean. I’m firmly on Team Dunkin’, but I’ve never had to explain my order more than once at Starbucks.

Of course we’ll have to wait and see how long this menu diet lasts. McDonald’s made news about three years ago as it trimmed its menu, but it’s been beefed back up lately with the new $1-$2-$3 menu. It’s a step in the right direction for Dunkin’, though. As long as we don’t see pizza back on their menu in six months.

New Patriots Lineman Ricky Jean-Francois Already Owns 30 Dunkin Donuts Locations

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CBS Sports – “Will Ricky Jean-Francois show up to his first practice at Gillette Stadium with donuts and coffee? After all, the 30-year-old defensive lineman reportedly signed by the New England Patriots on Tuesday owns more than two dozen Dunkin’ Donuts franchises….Jean-Francois met with Dunkin’ Donuts CEO Nigel Travis before taking on his first store in Savannah, Georgia. He told FOX Sports Radio in September that he’s up to 30 stores. His goal is to operate 50 Dunkin’ Donuts before he retires, according to Packers.com.”

Here’s a guy that just gets it. These dudes are making millions of dollars to play a kids game, but most of them don’t realize they probably aren’t going to have a 15+ year career like my guy Tom Brady. You how long the average NFL careers actually is? According to the NFLPA its 3.3 years. The NFL says its closer to 6, but either way thats not very long. Most guys seem to forget that, which is why so many of them go broke and end up on 30 for 30 documentaries.

So rather than balling out and living like a maniac for 5 years, lets be pragmatic and buy up some Dunkies franchises. Diversify yo bonds. Now if Ricky takes a bad hit and his playing career is over he can always fall back on going to those annual D&D franchisee meetings in like Cedar Rapids and just run his coffee empire.

I know next to nothing about this guy, but he already seems like a smart dude and those are the types of players that always seem to thrive on Bill Belichick coached teams. Time to make the donuts indeed.

Is Jimmy Garoppolo Insane for Asking for this at Dunkin Donuts?

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So Patriots All Access teased an upcoming segment about Jimmy Garoppolo’s first trip to Dunkin Donuts, which can border on a religious experience for a lot of people in Boston. Welp, swing and a miss for ya boy.


A vanilla long-john? A what? Is that code for drugs? Are you trying to score some smack at Dunkies, Jimmy?

I remember going to school down in CT where it was a mashup of New England, New York, and New Jersey kids so there was plenty of occurrences like this. People would look at me like I was having a stroke when I said “lets go to the packy.” So I get it, but Jimmy my man, this is nonsensical stuff. We’re gonna have to get the heads of Chicago together and talk about this. Grab Kanye, Chance, and Carl Winslow so they can put a stop to this before it goes too far.

The 300s Reviews: Dunkin Donuts Energy Punch Powered by Monster

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First off, before we get into this review, props to Dunkies for actually trying something new for a change. I don’t know how many more shitty breakfast sandwich variations I can take on different types of old bread. But, back to the Monster Energy Punch. It would seem Dunkies is looking to crack into the market of under 30 that may prefer Red Bulls to black coffees. Or the Friday night Allston pre-game crowd. Same thing, I guess.

I think the best way to describe this is probably…….pure poison. I am not a health nut by any means, when I’m at the dentist getting my 8th cavity filled I know why and I have no regrets. But, when I first ordered the thing I was a little unsettled when they slapped a Double Gulp down on the table. No sizes to choose from; this is the one you get. This is 64 ounces of pure sugar so theres no dipping your toes in the water here. Hold you nose and dive in.

Lets go through a timeline of events just to give a little perspective.

8:15 am: Went with the Blue Raspberry. First sip? Actually not terrible. Its pretty sweet, but I mean thats to be expected when you mix a can of Monster (using the green flavor over the sugar free blue can is where this starts to go wrong) with a goddamn fruit Coolatta.

8:30 am: Took a few sips of this behemoth on my drive to work, but immediately its apparent that this is not a drink you’re going to chug, no matter how badly you need a caffeine fix.

8:50 am: I am feeling the buzz. I highly doubt its the caffeine. As a habitual abuser of energy drinks, I know this shit is not energy. This is a sugar high felt only by the likes of a toddler on Halloween. Alright, lets ride this out.

9:10 am: I am starting to question my life choices. I’ve drank maybe 10% of the Monster Energy Punch and the buzz is already starting to fade.

9:20 am: I am full on hungover from sugar and hesitant to put any more of this concoction in my body.

9:45 am: We have thrown in the white flag. Do not want. Get this shit out of my face as fast as possible.

While I tip my hat to Dunkies for jumping into something new with both feet, holy hell how did this make it past the fucking test kitchen?

This is unsurprisingly a diabetes BOMB and you would have to be a degenerate to put down the entire Gatorade cooler worth of punch they give you. Can’t recommend it, but if you choose to tackle this drink you do so at your own risk. I still love Dunkin, guy.