Tag: Florida

Tim Tebow’s Fantasy Camp of a Life Continues as Jaguars Sign Him as a Tight End

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ESPN – The Jacksonville Jaguars are expected to sign Tebow, 33, to a one-year contract later this week or next week to play tight end, a position he never played in high school, college or his previous three-year NFL career, a source confirmed to ESPN. A deal has not been agreed upon at this time. Once he signs, he will be reunited with Jaguars coach Urban Meyer, who coached Tebow at Florida and won a pair of national championships with the Gators.

Tim Tebow is approaching Cosmo Kramer levels of winning at life with this latest endeavor. Tebow has lived a life of unimaginable success in all facets of life, the ultimate jack of all trades master of none.

He was a five star QB recruit coming out of high school, won two national championships and a Heisman trophy at Florida, was a 1st round draft pick in the NFL, won a playoff game, moved on to broadcasting where he became a consistent face on ESPN covering college football, then tried his hand at professional baseball and made it to Triple-A, then married a legitimate Miss Universe, and now he will join the Jaguars 5+ years after the last time he strapped on a helmet, oh and he’ll be doing it as a tight end.

Truly a fantasy camp of a life.

Despite all that I love Tim Tebow, but I can understand anyone who might gag at the Captain America resume and truly absurd life this guy has lived. With that being said Tebow switching to tight end is something he should have done nearly a decade ago when the Patriots cut him after the pre-season in 2013. I admire a guy sticking to his guns and saying fuck that I’m a quarterback, but at some point we all have to realize our strengths and acknowledge our weaknesses and play the hand we’re dealt. Tebow looks to be in pretty good shape, but pretty good shape is not exactly NFL tight end shape and he’ll be 34 before the season starts, which is ancient in the NFL. So we might see some flashes but ultimately wonder bitterly what could have been if Tebow had been less stubborn back in the day. Maybe he could have been a reliable weapon for Tom Brady and the Patriots behind Gronk in two tight end sets. Who knows?

Either way it’s a smart move by the Jaguars though because they aren’t signing Tebow to be a backup tight end (they have 5 TE’s on the roster already), no they’re signing him to be a player-coach and to help install Urban Meyer’s team culture for his former University of Florida coach. Meyer is taking a huge gamble (mitigated mightily by having a once in a generation QB prospect in Trevor Lawrence) by jumping from the comfy confines of his college football success to the NFL. Just ask Nick Saban, arguably the greatest college coach of all time, how the NFL worked out for him. So Meyer is looking around for any advantage he can find and familiarity is one of the biggest advantages there is. If his former protege in Tebow can act as another coach on the field and help get other players to buy into Meyer’s system, then it’s absolutely worth the roster spot.

Plus as a guy who has dealt with an absolutely absurd level of attention and scrutiny in his career (hell, people went to Double-A baseball games just to watch him strike out), Tebow can help take some of the spotlight off of and help mentor Trevor Lawrence. Not to mention Tebow is originally from Jacksonville where he is a living legend so with that and Meyer in charge, it’s the perfect situation for him. If Tebow is effective in his role it would not surprise me at all to see him transition into a full-time coaching role as early as next season since this is only a one year deal.

But as a guy who purchased a Tim Tebow No. 5 Patriots t-shirt at the Allston Star Market in 2013, I’m just excited to see my guy back in the league.

Florida Man Wrestles Gator to Save His Dog

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Chubbs over here never even lost his cigar! This man is my spirit animal and is the perfect embodiment of old guy tough. This dude has seen some shit and was not about to let some wannabe dinosaur steal his best friend right in front of him.

If you’re a dog person you watched this video and just nodded your head in agreement. I’d throw hands with all kinds of wild life to protect my pup. I literally bought, what I termed, a “coyote knife” in case one of those little bastards is feeling froggy while I’m walking my own dog. Not today, coyote.

But all the credit in the world to this guy. He didn’t even hesitate, went right in and grabbed this goddamn thief. Probably made the alligator apologize afterwards. That is, if he didn’t take a souvenir as restitution.

Fire Flames Jersey Alert: Springfield AHL Team to Wear Ice-O-Topes Simpsons Jerseys

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NHL.com – The Ice-O-Topes are headed to Springfield. The Florida Panthers’ Massachusetts-based American Hockey League affiliate will become the Ice-O-Topes and wear spectacular uniforms for one week to celebrate the 30th anniversary of “The Simpsons.”

NEEEEED. Minor league teams love to run promotions based on the wacky jerseys they’re wearing and most of them are terrible, but some of them…some of them are special.

Just look at the attention to detail with the donut and nuclear symbol stripes!

If they auctions these off after the game like a lot of teams do then I may have to put this jersey on The 300s company card. It may also be the only reason I ever go to Springfield ever again. Now that the casino has opened up in Boston, just around the corner from my office, there really is no need to go west. Maybe if you want to take your kid to the Basketball Hall of Fame I suppose? Welp, the Panthers AHL team just put this on my list of places I would consider leaving my winter hibernation for.

Urban Meyer to Retire After the Rose Bowl….But For How Long?

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10TV – The Ohio State athletics department announces that head coach Urban Meyer will announce his retirement on Tuesday afternoon.

All in all this is just plain confusing. There was speculation Meyer was not feeling too hot a few weeks ago but to most non-lunatic eyes it looked like he was just another overly exasperated coach. Ho hum. Now he is retiring, on the precipice of a Rose Bowl, so maybe he wasn’t doing so hot? Or maybe getting players to come to fucking Ohio just isn’t as easy as Florida? Who knows.

Red doesn’t like me inserting my own biases to bash people on here, but I’m being about as neutral as possible when I say Urban Meyer is the most hateable person in college football next to Nick Saban. Between “leaving Florida for his health” after Tebow was gone to never actually developing his beloved Tebow to be an NFL QB in the first place, to kind of just coming off as a dbag, there really isn’t a whole lot to like. He’s been successful, sure, from Utah all the way up to Ohio State, but not without controversy (Aaron Hernandez, his asshole of a domestic abuser coach this year etc.) and not without just sort of rubbing people the wrong way.

So now that he is “retiring” from Ohio State, what is his next move really? One would assume his first stop is back in the TV studio/booth, but how about after that? My bet? I could see one of the premier teams that have about a season’s left of patience with their current coach reaching out to Urban Meyer after this year. Think LSU, Texas, USC, one of those. At that point he’ll be suddenly 100% healthy and ready to turn a blind eye to battering coaches and homicidal players alike.

I don’t know which would be less shocking, his come back or this “retirement”/

 

-Joey B

 

The Marlins Are Replacing the Ugly Home Run Statue With Irony

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That statue perfectly encapsulates the Miami Marlins; gaudy, over priced, and out of place. It’s one I’ve written about extensively in the past.

“Did anyone else realize this sculpture that goes off after every home run cost $2.5 MILLION DOLLARS. That is fucking bananas. The sculpture that looks like Miami Vice got drunk and puked in a coy pond. The thing that looks like a mashup between the New York Mets apple in center field and the old Lets Go Fishin game.”

You knew it was going to be the first thing Derek Jeter kicked to the curb when he moved in. Derek Jeter is a man of class and sophistication. The technicolor pyrotechnic fish statue?

Not so much. So the team that had 39 of the 50 lowest attended games in baseball last year is solving their problem by adding the one thing they absolutely don’t need….more seats.

The Marlins couldn’t fill a minor league ballpark and now they’re adding even more seats? Brilliant. The absolute definition of irony. Hey, at least it’ll drive ticket prices down even further than they already are if I’m ever in southern Florida like Big Z was.

Keep doing you, Jeets.

FIRE FLAMES JERSEY ALERT: Florida to Wear “Alligator” Unis This Weekend

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ESPN – Ben Hill Griffin Stadium is popularly known as The Swamp. And now the Florida Gators will look the part. For Saturday’s football game against Texas A&M, Florida will wear a new uniform designed to evoke the look and feel of an alligator. The uniform, which was under development for two years and was unveiled Monday night, features a “swamp green” jersey with an alligator-skin pattern. The helmet, pants and socks are rendered in the same color, but without the gator-skin treatment.

OH MY. What have we here? I feel like the wild jersey reveals have slowed down the last year or two. You used to see every school rocking wild combos of camo and chrome and neon and it was AWESOME. Feel like theres been less and less of that lately. Enter, the University of Florida.

You wanna be a Gator? Like the actual ferocious goddamn water dinosaur that is an alligator? Well, don’t talk about it. Be about it.

Fire flames, 10/10.