At this time I would like anyone who enjoys Iron Man 3 to vacate the premises because this film makes me physically ill. I’ve been dreading this movie in my re-watch from day one and lo and behold it’s just as terrible as I remember. Iron Man 3 was the first film to drop after The Avengers finally came to life on the big screen after years of teasing in the MCU. Yet, if Iron Man 3‘s job was to set the tone on what was to come in Phase Two, boy oh boy did it miss the mark. Let’s dive in.
Here’s a brief summary because I just can’t be bothered to relive this madness.
Iron Man 3 worried the hell out of me when I got out of the theatre. After all the hype surrounding The Avengers and us finally getting the amazing team up film we were all promised, we were back to individual movies and solo adventures for all our heroes. This was a brutal start. I honestly fully expected the MCU to fall apart after this movie, solely based on the reintroduction to stand alone films. My big problem with much of Phase Two was that it all feels like filler. We know at this point that Thanos is coming, and that the infinity stones will surely play a part in things to come. The problem is we were being set up for some complete waste of time films like Iron Man 3, Thor: The Dark World, and yes, even Avengers: Age of Ultron (I honestly couldn’t tell you a single thing that happens in Thor 2, so i’ll let Red tackle that next week).
Iron Man 3’s biggest flaw is that it does almost nothing to advance the plot of the MCU. It takes everything the first two Iron Man films did and turns it on it’s head. Remember how it was a big deal Tony had an arc reactor in his chest to keep the shrapnel in his body from entering his heart and killing him? Ah forget it, let’s just have surgery to remove it. Not necessary anymore. Wait, so why was that impossible the first two times around, but now it’s completely feasible? And don’t even get me started on The Mandarin.
You take one of the most badass villains in the Iron Man universe and you turn him into an actor pretending to be terrorist just so we the audience can look and say “ooooh” “aaaah” “classic bait and switch!” It totally nullifies the tension in the beginning of the film where for a second I thought we were about to get something totally insane from an MCU where good villains are tough to come by. Finally, how about Pepper turning into the Human Torch for a grand total of five minutes just to bypass the fact that she fell to her death. Oh, and they fixed her off screen by the way. Back to normal Pepper!
Honestly, Phase Two is incredibly hit or miss for me. I just thank my lucky stars that Iron Man 3 is behind me. Could have derailed the whole thing. At this point in time I would like to officially declare it to be the worst movie of the MCU.
Final Rating: 2.0 out of 10
And not to leave on a completely downer of a note, I present to you the one scene I enjoy in the movie.
We’ve come to the end of Phase 1 in The 300s Marvel Cinematic Rewind and while we’ve had some incredibly lofty highs, we’ve also had some pretty terrible lows. If not for the raging success that was the first Avengers, I could have seen this plan very easily getting shuttered. Iron Man and Avengers led the way with a 9.0 average rating from the guys here at The 300s, but the second and third films in the MCU, The Incredible Hulk and Iron Man 2 were a low point with ratings of 5.0 and 3.0 respectively. This whole thing could have gone off the rails if not for a strong 4th quarter surge from Thor (7.0), Captain America: The First Avenger (8.0) and Avengers.
Don’t believe me? The Infinity Stones aren’t even so much as referenced until the post-credits scene in Thor, which was the FOURTH movie in the MCU. Seems to me like the big wigs at Marvel had their finger on the eject button just in case fans didn’t take to these second tier heroes.
Some of these movies are incredibly strong, but the collective score is brought down by the abysmal Iron Man 2 and we’re left with a 6.8 average rating for Phase 1 of the MCU. Luckily for us, Marvel recognized they had a potential license to print money if they could just fine tune what worked well and what did not.
I’m going to start by saying that “The Avengers” is still, to this day, my favorite all-time MCU movie, and it’s not even close. Never before had we seen such a beautiful synergy of action, drama, and comedy all in one – not to mention it was the first blockbuster to feature a loaded cast of actors portraying some of the most beloved superhero characters everyone grew up idolizing ever since they first learned what a comic book even was.
#SQUADGOALS
After the MCU set the tone with standalone films for guys like Iron Man (who actually received two by this time), the Hulk (even though this is the first time we see Mark Ruffalo’s portrayal), Thor, and Captain America, they truly broke ground with this one in 2012. It was quite the leap for the MCU, as nobody had ever attempted a movie like this before, and they absolutely NAILED IT.
The movie starts off with who is still the best Marvel villain, Loki, speaking with “The Other,” the leader of an obscure alien race called the Chitauri. In exchange for Loki providing him with the Tesseract, the alien leader promises to provide the Asgardian A-hole with an army to help him take over Earth.
As awful as he can be, it’s hard not to actually like the guy at the same time.
Next we cut back to Earth, to a remote S.H.I.E.L.D. research facility, where Dr. Erik Selvig – of “Thor” fame – is working on some type of project involving the Tesseract (more on that in a bit). We also see the legendary SLJ as Nick Fury, along with his right-hand woman Maria Hill and good ole Hawkeye (aka Clint Barton) holding down the fort. We also see his right-hand man Phil Coulson (before, well…we’ll get to that in a bit).
Suddenly, the Tesseract starts acting all funky, and some sort of portal starts to break open. Then all hell breaks loose. Out comes Loki, who proceeds to go H.A.M. on various bystanding S.H.I.E.L.D. agents. He also uses his scepter to take over both Hawkeye’s and Dr. Selvig’s mind, forcing them to be under his complete control, before escaping with the Tesseract as the S.H.I.E.L.D facility implodes all around them. In response, Fury decides to enact “the Avengers initiative” (which we first learned about when he brings it up to Tony in the first “Iron Man” movie’s post-credit scene).
We then cut to a scene, somewhere overseas, where Black Widow is being interrogated by some reaaaaalllly dumb Russian dudes. We never learn exactly what it’s about, but we do determine, once and for all, that Natasha Romanoff is one baaaaad woman who cannot be messed with. (The flippy moves she pulls off to escape while tied to a chair are absolutely insane, and this truly might be the most bad-ass scene of the movie.)
Before the whole chair magic act, though, she receives a call from Coulson asking her to come in, a request she initially rebuffs. That is, until Coulson tells her that “Barton’s been compromised,” which was apparently all she needed to hear.
Then starts the flurry of Avengers recruitment scenes that would make even Nick Saban proud, as Natsha is sent to Calcutta to get Bruce Banner (ya know, the guy who turns all green and angry), Coulson goes off to New York City to get Tony Stark, and Fury ends up interrupting one of Steve Rogers’s workout sessions to try and pull in Cap. As you would expect, all three of them are skeptical at first, but with a little sweet-talking (and ego-poking) all three eventually acquiesce. (We also learn that Thor is currently “worlds away” at the time, per Fury.)
Everyone then meets up on the Helicarrier, one of the coolest pieces of aircraft you’ll ever see, to exchange salutations and learn more about what the hell is actually going on. As you can imagine, hubris and standoffish attitudes dominate the air, and it’s a giant you-know-what-showing contest before they can all get down to brass tacks. Fury then calls upon Cap to head to Germany, where Loki and Hawkeye are attempting to steal iridium, which is needed to harness the Tesseract’s power. This is where we get our first glimpse of the Avengers in action, as Cap and Tony (as Iron Man) team up, along with a little help from Natasha in the bird, to get Loki to surrender while he’s trying to preach to the masses out in a giant courtyard about being their new leader.
The crew than attempts to bring Loki back to the Helicarrier before we suddenly get our first appearance from the God of Thunder, as Thor drops down from the sky like a meteor on top of their plane. Thor then steals Loki in an effort to bring him back to Asgard, trying to sweet-talk him on a remote mountain top, before Tony comes flying in and spears Thor like a young Ray Lewis.
CUE THE FIRST MAJOR SUPERHERO FIGHT SCENE!!!
We then get some epic fighting action involving Iron Man, Thor, and Cap, which ends up clearing out half a forest (in a very non-green-friendly series of moves, as astutely pointed out by my girlfriend), eventually resulting in Thor agreeing to let the others take Loki back to the Helicarrier – with Thor tagging along as well, of course. (We also learn that Vibranium can apparently withstand a diesel strike from Thor’s hammer, Mjolnir):
Back to the chopper. Back to the ego-maniacal, selfish chirping. Yadda, yadda, yadda. All of which includes an awesome, role/relationship-defining exchange between Cap and Tony (including my favorite Tony Stark line of all-time):
However, amidst all the grandstanding, we learn a few key things:
S.H.I.E.L.D wasn’t just using the Tesseract in an effort to obtain infinite sustainable energy for the better of the planet; after all, if they were, why wouldn’t have Tony – who’s entire house runs on such a source – been brought in to consult? Rather, they were using it to build weapons of mass destruction (which, Fury quickly points out, was only being done to protect the planet after the whole Thor vs. the Destroyer incident from a year before).
Bruce actually tried to kill himself in the past. It’s a pretty blunt revelation on his part, and it’s one that helps to humanize the heroes we so often look to as entirely different than ourselves.
In a separate cut scene, we get a little more insight into Natasha’s nefarious past and her ongoing efforts to redeem herself. We also learn that it was Hawkeye who decided not to kill her when he had the chance as part of a covert S.H.I.E.L.D. mission years ago. (Hence the reason she’s so fond of Mr. Barton.) More importantly, she tricks Loki into revealing his true intentions of getting the Avengers to tear themselves apart from the inside.
Then suddenly, a still under-the-influence Hawkeye and a group of Loki’s flunkies swoop in and set off a series of explosions throughout the Helicarrier, almost causing it to crash to the ground. The commotion also causes the Hulk to be unleashed, as Loki intended, which also didn’t help matters one bit. Then a whole bunch of fighting ensues – including some cool shots between Hulk and Thor, before Hulk is tricked to jump off the ship – while Tony and Cap work together to save the Helicarrier from plummeting toward the earth. Natasha also helps to snap Hawkeye out of it, and Loki escapes due to system failure from the explosions.
AND THEN LOKI KILLS COULSON. (After Coulson got a little too big for his britches and threatened to kill Loki first.)
As awful as it was for Coulson himself, it was EXACTLY what the Avengers needed to rally together and get over themselves. After this, they all chase Loki off to NYC, where he attempts to open up a portal at the top of Stark Tower to let all the Chitauri in and start his takeover. And he’s pretty successful at first, as Cap, Thor, Black Widow, Hawkeye, and Tony all have their hands full for a bit before good ole Bruce shows up on a bike – and reveals that he’s actually been able to control the Hulk the whole time:
Together, they continue to stand their ground, but the Chitauri simply outnumber them a kajillion to six. And here’s where Tony – ya know, the “selfish” one – proves why he’s the best Avenger (yup, he’s my favorite), as he almost sacrifices himself when he grabs a nuke (sent by the World Council) intended to destroy Manhattan and redirects it (with himself attached) into the portal and out into space. Fortunately, the missile hits the Chitauri mothership directly, destroying everything (including the Chitauri on Earth), and Tony is able to fall back down to Earth before the portal closes. Loki’s plans are foiled, and the movie is then basically over.
We then see news clips of various people – from reporters to politicians to regular civilians – ranging from thankful to fearful to downright angry. One particular d-bag politician even calls for the Avengers to be punished for what happened. But in the end, they all go their separate ways, all knowing that they will soon be reunited once the next disaster happens.
POST-CREDIT SCENES
There are actually two post-credit scenes. The first features “The Other” talking to someone in a big chair, which is facing opposite the screen. He tells this being about how dangerous the Avengers are and that choosing to challenge them would be to “court death itself.” Said being then turns around, and – lo and behold – we get our first ever shot of Thanos in the MCU. Aaaand we all know how that one turns out…
The second one features the Avengers sitting down together and eating shwarma. Why? Well, because it’s a hilarious call back to one of Tony’s final lines in the movie (the vid in the link below actually splices the two scenes together, for reference):
Again, this movie still makes me feel like a kid again every time I watch it, and it solidified the MCU’s standing as a Hollywood megaverse. Bravo to all involved. I’ll never get sick of this one.
Final rating: 9.0 / 10
Next up for The 300s Marvel Cinematic Rewind, “Iron Man 3.” (But first, there’ll be a bonus “MCU Phase 1 Wrap-Up” podcast as well! Date and time to be announced soon.)
The first time I watched Captain America: The First Avenger, I had zero expectations. I was won over by Iron Man, disappointed by The Incredible Hulk, flat out angered by Iron Man 2, and bypassed Thor altogether. Hell, I didn’t even see this movie until two weeks before The Avengers hit theaters. The Avengers hype was in full swing at this point and I was struggling to get on board. Maybe this whole MCU thing just wasn’t for me? At the time I was living in Los Angeles with some friends and all we did was watch movies during the week, so eventually this was bound to be thrown on the TV some random night. I always enjoyed the work of Chris Evans, who at the time really wasn’t in a heck of a lot. I adored Sunshine (the highly underrated sci-fi thriller) and of course who could forget his starring role as Jake Wyler in the amazing Not Another Teen Movie (you did remember that was him, right?)
Captain America: The First Avenger is set in 1940s New York City and tells the story of Steve Rogers. Rogers, a Brooklyn native, has his heart set on joining the armed forces, but is consistently shot down based on his small physique and a laundry list of health issues. He attends the Stark Expo in Queens (as seen in Iron Man 2, albeit many years earlier) with his best friend Bucky Barnes. His plan there is to try once again to sign up for the military as he thinks by doing so there they’ll be a little more lenient on who they let in. Bucky, who is ready to ship out the next day, frowns upon Rogers idea and encourages him not to keep trying to enlist under different names, which he warns is highly illegal. Rogers expresses to Bucky just how badly he wants to join and feels he could be doing so much more for his country. Overhearing this conversation is Dr. Abraham Erskine (Stanley Tucci). Dr. Erskine approaches Rogers while taking his enlistment physical and offers him a “chance” at becoming something more.
Rogers then ships off to boot camp where he meets Colonel Chester Phillips and Agent Peggy Carter (the former played by Tommy Lee Jones and the latter Hayley Atwell). Agent Carter immediately takes a liking to Rogers and motivates him along the way while Colonel Phillips sees him as wasting his time. After a brief competition to show off his determination and character as an individual (a scene incredibly reminiscent of Will Smith in the beginning of Men In Black just without all the humor, and hey! Tommy Lee Jones was in that too!) Rogers is selected by Dr. Erskine to participate in the super soldier program that he’s been working on.
Rogers is transported to a secret facility in Brooklyn where many government officials are standing by to watch the experiment take place. Rogers is injected with a serum and placed in what could only be described as a coffin-looking chamber where he evolves like a Pokemon into the Captain America we all know and love.
Unbeknownst to everyone in attendance, a Hydra agent has infiltrated the facility and sets off an explosion, devastating the lab and killing Dr. Erskine in the process. The devastation prevents further experiments from taking place, causing Rogers to be the only one of his kind. Convenient!
Meanwhile on the other side of the pond, Red Skull, the leader of Hydra, is testing weapons based off the technology of the Tesseract, aka the Space Stone of Infinity Stone fame. He plans to overthrow Hitler and the Nazis and take over the world himself. His weapons technology has the ability to vaporize people with a single blast!
After the whole ordeal at the lab, Rogers is shunned by the military as some sort of science project gone wrong. He wants to help in the fight against the Nazis, but he is instead cast as the lead in a traveling stage show who’s purpose is to sell war bonds. Rogers is forced to wear a rather garish costume, a uniform he would later adopt into his Captain America persona. Rogers feels underutilized and wishes he could be making an actual difference. Agent Carter reminds him that she believes he is meant for more.
Rogers discovers his friend Bucky and his unit have been captured inside enemy lines. Against Colonel Phillips wishes, Rogers and a platoon of men go and rescue Bucky and his guys where they run into Red Skull, who narrowly escapes.
When they arrive back at the base, Phillips is incredibly impressed with Rogers and his whole attitude towards him changes. He learns to trust him as a leader and embraces him for the super soldier that he really is. Howard Stark then provides Rogers with the notorious shield Captain America fans have come to know and love. Rogers and his team go on to assault various Hyrda bases across Europe, but when the group attacks a train transporting Zola, Red Skull’s #2 henchman, Bucky falls to his death (well, not really, but we’ll get to that at some other point).
After interrogating Zola, the final Hydra base is discovered and Rogers decides to take on Red Skull once and for all. He boards a plane that contains bombs designated for various cities across the United States. In the ensuing fight, the Tesseract is damaged and a portal is opened to space where Red Skull is sucked in before it closes for good. With time running out, Rogers is forced to down the plane to save the lives of millions.
Flash forward 70 something years where Rogers wakes up in a “hospital room” that turns out to be a sound stage. Naturally freaking out and feeling something is off, Rogers flees and discovers he is in the year 2012 in the middle of Times Square. Nick Fury shows up just in time for the credits to roll.
I should probably go ahead and say I absolutely love this movie. It has the strongest plot, message, and cast out of any of the Marvel films at this point. The film felt like it served an actual purpose, unlike some of its predecessors. Doesn’t hurt that it was directed by Joe Johnston, of Jumanji, Honey, I Shrunk The Kids, and October Sky fame. So what did I like?
Chris Evans
He’s perfect for this role. They took a chance casting him and as I stated earlier, he really hadn’t been in a hell of a lot up until this point. Now obviously he’ll be known as Captain America forever.
Hayley Atwell
I adore Hayley Atwell for many, many reasons.
World War II Setting
I’m a sucker for all things World War II. It was a surprise considering we all knew The Avengers was on the horizon and I wasn’t really sure how it would line up without having Cap in a nursing home. The movie did patriotism well, without going completely overboard.
Captain America as a Franchise
While the MCU as a whole is awesome, my one complaint is that nothing aside from Infinity War/Endgame feels essential. We’ve been building for 11 years to a grand finale, yet each movie comes with the knowledge that there’s always a follow up film on the schedule. We’re constantly waiting to see what happens next while not giving enough merit to what’s currently on the screen in front of us. Think about it. Iron Man as a character is deeply loved by the community that enjoys these films, yet arguably there’s really only one good Iron Man movie. The sequels felt like filler, plagued with bad writing and just enough Tony Stark banter to distract us from realizing what we were watching wasn’t that essential. The Captain America films I would argue are the strongest standalone movies in the whole universe. They advanced the plot forward, yet are good enough to watch without thinking about what’s next in the queue. They also tend to have the most crossover with other characters from the universe. I mean, let’s be real, Civil War is an Avengers movie with a different title.
Final rating: 8.0 out 10.
Next up for The 300s Marvel Cinematic Rewind, The Avengers.
Okay first things first, this movie looks incredible, but it is such a bummer because it takes all of the suspense out of Avengers: Endgame. We all know what’s going to happen, but at least let us pretend to think differently. Having the actors for Black Panther, Spider-Man and others already signed on to do multiple sequels and then dropping the trailers for those movies while they’re still technically dead is a lame duck move. Kinda takes the venom (see what I did there?) out of this scene too.
But aside from all that, this movie looks awesome and Jake Gyllenhaal as Mysterio?
Can Marvel do what Sony failed to do over and over again? Build a universe around the Sinister Six? I don’t know, but this is a hell of a start from the small sample size we’ve seen.
We also get some always welcomed Nick Fury in this movie, which I was not expecting.
Clearly this movie is going to have a much larger impact on the MCU as a whole, which makes sense since some key Avengers are definitely going to die in Endgame. We might be looking at Spidey taking on the mantle as one of the leaders of the Avengers moving forward and Nick Fury will help launch us into that next Phase of movies.
This spring and summer is going to be an adrenaline shot to the chest if you’re a fan of the MUC with Captain Marvel coming out on March 8th, then Avengers: Endgame on April 26th, and then followed up shortly thereafter with Spider-Man: Far From Home on July 5th. Buckle up.
I remember I held off on seeing Thor until I had to no choice since it was a prerequisite for understanding the Avengers. Similar to when Iron Man first came out I had absolutely zero idea who the hell Thor was so I had pretty low expectations coming into this one. The story itself is a bit out there, but it presented the first opportunity for the MCU to really expand its grasp beyond that of Earth and it does it pretty well. It also does a great job of introducing SHIELD in a universal, nay galactic, role without totally shoehorning it into the movie. The highlight of the film though is definitely Chris Hemsworth, who was a complete unknown at this point, but became instantly enjoyable with his brash, aloof demi-god character.
Synopsis
Natalie Portman, Kat Dennings, and Stellan Skarsgård as Dr. Selvig are storm chasing, looking to unearth some type of astrological phenomenon, when they end up smoking an unidentified person with their van, who we learn is Chris Hemsworth falling from the sky.
An Anthony Hopkins voiceover explains the concept of life beyond Earth, officially introducing intergalactic characters into the MCU. The Frost Giants are introduced as the original big baddie with a weapon of mass destruction. This blue cube looks exactly like a lot of other colorful glowing cubes in the MCU, but this is *not* in fact an Infinity Stone. It’s actually The Casket of Ancient Winters.
(The first reference of an Infinity Stone in the MCU won’t be revealed until the end of this movie actually.) So as the Frost Giants tried to take over the universe, including Earth, Odin defeats them (and loses his eye in the process…just like his son would also do years later!) and returns home to Asgard with the ancient relic for safe keeping.
Years later Thor is on the precipice of being crowned the new king of Asgard and Loki is visibly bullshit. But, wait! Before Odin can officially say the words to make Thor king the Frost Giants have “somehow” snuck into Asgard and they want their blue cube back.
We also meet The Destroyer, who protects all of Odin’s dangerous toys and subsequently kills the Frost Giant intruders. Don’t sleep on this guy because he’ll be back.
Thor defies his fathers wishes and goes to Jotunheim, home of the Frost Giants, looking for answers and starts a big old battle. Key scene here shows one of Thor’s warriors getting burned by a Frost Giant, yet when Loki gets touched his skin turns blue and we see the wheels start to turn in his head. The battle goes on before Odin not surprisingly has to come rescue the crew before banishing Thor for disobeying him.
I have to say, in the beginning of this movie, Thor sounds an awfulll lot like Prince Joffrey now that I rewatch it.
Full of arrogance, mean, and just itching to start a war before Odin shuts him down.
Back to Earth.
Along with Thor Odin sends his son’s hammer, Mjolnir, to Earth saying only he who is worthy of its power will be able to wield the weapon. (Not you, Loki)
In a direct reference to Excalibur (the director has a fondness for Shakespeare and such), Thor’s hammer lands in the New Mexico desert and people come from all over trying to pull it from the ground before SHIELD quarantines the entire area.
Natalie Portman has all of her scientific research confiscated by SHIELD and now that her and Hemsworth are acquainted, Thor promises to give her all the answers she seeks if she drives him out to the crash site where Mjolnir currently sits.
We’re also introduced to Hawkeye for the very first time in this scene as Thor tries to fight through the SHIELD base to get his hammer back.
How about Jeremy Renner? Remember when he was tapped to be the next biggest movie star on the planet? He was in The Town, Thor, Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, and the Avengers back to back to back to back. Thats four absolute heaters in a row he starred in before making the snooze fest that was The Bourne Legacy followed up by Hansel and Gretel. WHO IS HIS AGENT?
Unfortunately Thor comes to learn without his powers he is unable to lift Mjolnir, which is what finally breaks his spirit from the cocky warrior that he has been. Luckily Dr. Selvig talks his way into getting Thor out of SHIELD custody.
THIS IS WHERE THE MOVIE HITS THE WRAP IT UP BOX
Thor’s righthand men and women (Lady Sif and the Warriors Three) take the bifrost bridge and teleport to Earth as they look to bring back their rightful king, which Loki doesn’t appreciate so he send the Defender to Earth to destroy them all. Once Thor’s crew promptly gets their asses kicked, the Thunder God offers his own life to spare the others. His apparent death is the selfless act necessary to grant the return of his powers and Mjolnir. Thor then makes quick work of the robot from The Day the Earth Stood Still.
This is where things get a little confusing. Loki cuts a deal with the Frost Giants to let them into Asgard so they can kill Odin…so he can become king…I guess. Then despite opening the goddamn door for them, Loki kills the Frost Giant before it can kill Odin. A cunning trickster indeed.
Loki reveals his grand plan is to open up the bifrost to destroy the Jotunheim.
Huh?
His plan was to rescue his father and then wipe the Frost Giants out to earn his father’s respect and become the true heir. I think? By starting war and committing genocide, which Odin was openly against from the start of the movie and is exactly what got Thor banished in the first place.
I don’t know, this never gets explained very well.
I’m pretty sure the third act of this movie is used solely to set up Thor’s reason for even being around during the Avengers. To stop Loki, Thor is forced to destroy the bifrost.
Odin wakes up from his dirt nap and a defeated Loki lets himself fall from the broken bridge as we’re left to wonder where he went.
Apropos of Nothing:
Heimdall is still the best. It’s a shame how criminally underused Idris Alba was in the whole MCU.
Loki really is one of the best anti-heroes in comic book history. After learning of his Frost Giant heritage he flips out on Odin and gives us one of the most popular GIFs of all time:
The whole exchange gives Odin a heart attack and as he drops Loki cries out for the guards. Despite all the evil shit Loki does in the following movies, you can’t help but feel for the guy.
The Breadcrumbs of the MCU…
“I knew this scientist, the pioneer in gamma radiation. SHIELD showed up and he wasn’t heard from again.”
What Has Aged Well
The one liners still land remarkably well.
Thor walks into a pet store and yells “I need a horse.”
“That still doesn’t explain how he was able to tear through our defenses?”
“STEROIDS!”
“Is that one of Stark’s?”
“I don’t know, he doesn’t tell me anything anymore.”
Thor calling Agent Coulson “Son of Cole.”
Thursday = Thor’s Day
What Has Not Aged Well
It took me seven years to figure it out, but I finally realized why Chris Hemsworth looks so weird in Thor 1 compared to all of the other movies he’s in. They died his goddamn eyebrows for some reason in the first movie, but then never did it again.
Thor 1:
Avengers 1:
Thor 2:
Oh my god the product placement. I must have seen that 7/11 sign no less than 30 times.
Asgard has fucking TERRIBLE security as the whole realm gets invaded in 2/3rds of Thor’s standalone films.
The Frost Giants look a hell of a lot like the White Walkers. Thor came out a month after Game of Thrones officially premiered, so GoT technically got the jump. After 7 seasons of Thrones they have the icy blue look on lock.
Rating
Thor was the first pleasant surprise of the MCU. Iron Man was great, but we had literally zero expectations for that. Hulk was always a disaster so anything after the Eric Bana mess would have been good enough. Thor was the first MCU movie that I was actively not looking forward to at all. A space god with long blonde hair directed by Sir Kenneth Branagh, a guy best known for Henry V, Hamlet, and Shakespeare? Sounded like a recipe for a disaster, but ended up being very entertaining. Thor holds up surprisingly well seven years later and sets up the MCU to tackle stories beyond that of just Earth.
Let me start off by saying that Iron Man 2 is probably the worst film in the MCU. It bothers the living hell out of me, especially coming off of what I consider one of the best Marvel movies period, the first Iron Man. Ask most Marvel fans and they’ll probably rank this one near or at the bottom of their list which is totally valid. There are some incredible lows in this film, and i’ll do my best to break them down and sort them out for you.
Iron Man 2 is the 3rd installment of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, released on May 7th, 2010. By all means, this is the first true step in building towards The Avengers, as it features Scarlett Johansson as Black Widow, Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury, and Clark Gregg as Agent Coulson. To quickly summarize, Iron Man 2 starts off with Tony at the Stark Expo in Queens, NY. He’s showboating his Iron Man suit, as he often does, but it’s also revealed that he’s dying, poisoned by the very thing keeping him alive, his chest arc reactor. Watching on television somewhere in Russia, the sinister Ivan Vanko, played by Mickey Rourke, is working away on his own version of the arc reactor, based on plans crafted by his father and Tony’s dad, Howard. He ambushes Tony at the Monaco Grand Prix, debuting his alter ego Whiplash. This is met with curiosity from Tony’s rival arms dealer, Justin Hammer, played by Sam Rockwell. Hammer breaks Whiplash out of prison and hires him to build a fleet of Iron Man-like suits for him to win back his government arms contract. Vanko does build Hammer his suits, but is also secretly working on improving his Whiplash armor, very similar to the way Stark secretly built his Iron Man armor in captivity in the first installment of the franchise. The film culminates with a battle at the Stark expo, and with the help of Don Cheadle’s War Machine, Tony saves the day once again. Oh, and remember how Tony was dying? Yeah, he just magically creates a brand new element that has the power to save him. He’s really smart guys.
You’ll notice how I left out a lot of what happens in the middle of the movie. There’s a reason for that. It’s pure trash.
There’s so much happening in the second act of this movie that is painful to the eyes and ears.
Let’s start with Rhodey becoming War Machine because Tony Stark was too drunk in his Iron Man suit. Riiiiiiiight. Just try and watch this nonsense with a straight face. Also, shout out to a cameo by DJ AM. RIP.
“I want my bird.” Vanko insists on Hammer getting him his bird, and he seems pretty damn serious about it. Yet, later in the movie he gets a random bird and….
….it immediately gets bagged in hilarious fashion! Also, what the hell is with Sam Rockwell in this movie? He is insanely bad and overacting the shit out of this thing. Mickey Rourke looks bored to death at every turn, and that’s saying something coming from an actor who was pretty much blacklisted from Hollywood for like a decade before this.
I only put this here because John Favreau stinks at acting. Decent director, stinky actor. Also, are we really not supposed to think ScarJo is Black Widow? Why even bother trying to hide it and play this game?
Finally, I’d like to shout out to Kate Mara for being in this thing for a total of 30 seconds.
I honestly could go on and on and nitpick this movie to death. Iron Man 3 stinks just as bad which is kind of crazy to think that for as much acclaim this series has, it only really has one good entry.
My final review: 3.0 out of 10. I’ve included the trailer just in case you wanted to test it out yourself. Godspeed.
Stay tuned for our next entry in The 300s Marvel Cinematic Rewind, Thor.
Raise your hand if you completely forgot this film was a part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Trust me, from time to time I forget it too. A month after Iron Man hit theaters in May 2008, The Incredible Hulk burst onto the scene to keep the Marvel momentum alive. To be fair to all those involved in making this movie, it’s not as a bad as most people remember. In fact, I think many forget this film’s ties to the MCU mainly because Ed Norton (who is a great actor by the way) was almost immediately replaced with Mark Ruffalo. It once again had something to do with a contract dispute (Norton wanted more creative control over the finished product and it caused a lot of headaches behind the scenes) so Marvel went in a different direction to get Bruce Banner ready for his Avengers debut.
So recently I sat down and re-watched this forgotten gem just to see how well it held up. This was only my second viewing of the film as I had not seen it since it was playing in theaters. Still, we promised a Marvel Cinematic Rewind, which means watching even some of the more obscure entries in the universe.
To quickly summarize, The Incredible Hulk is the second entry in the MCU. It follows Bruce Banner, a brilliant scientist who’s experiment goes wrong, turning him into one of the most dangerous and fearsome players in comic book history. The movie starts with Banner on the run in Brazil, laying low chatting up online with a mysterious Mr. Blue, who is trying to help cure him. By day, Banner is helping out in a bottling plant (where they produce green soda!) and naturally some of his blood gets mixed in a shipment causing Stan Lee to get Gamma radiation poisoning, leading the government to track down his whereabouts. Still with me so far? Banner barely gets away when the SWAT team kicks in his door and a chase ensues around the city. He narrowly escapes and decides to head back to America, hitchhiking and bumming it on foot from Brazil all the way back to Virginia, in a cool 16 days.You’re still with me right? The head SWAT guy, played by Tim Roth, doesn’t like this very much and winds up taking a dose of super soldier serum mixed with a little Banner blood and becomes Abomination. They do battle, Hulk wins, and Banner once again goes on the run.
The Incredible Hulk definitely sits near the bottom of my MCU rankings. The entire movie is essentially just a cat and mouse game with the government consistently trying to bring Banner in, only to finally utilize him to stop Abomination. While I normally like Ed Norton, his Banner is, well, boring. This is definitely the beginning of the lazy villain stereotype that has plagued Marvel films. Tim Roth brings little to the table as Abomination, who probably has a total of 10 minutes screen time. And while i’m not particularly drawn to any specific aspect of this film, it is at least what most would refer to as a good popcorn movie. Good action sequences, paced pretty well, and it keeps your attention. Hey, at least it’s not that god awful 2003 Hulk. I still have nightmares about that one. If this movie proved anything though, it’s that i’m completely content with just one standalone Hulk movie in the MCU.
I never knew I needed to see another Men in Black movie until now, let alone another one without Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones. The most recent entry into the series, MIB 3, was excellent and an absolute tearjerker with Thanos, I mean Josh Brolin, starring as a young Tommy Lee.
I thought that would have been the perfect sendoff, but hey studios gotta make money right? Thankfully Men in Black International actually looks like a fun, self aware, action comedy, which is exactly what made the first MIB so good. Chris Hemsworth takes the mantle as the young veteran MIB agent and brings on Valkyrie, I mean Tessa Thompson, as the rookie hotshot.
Not sold yet? Well good because I’m not done. Rounding out the cast is the go to action/deadpan comedy actor of our generation in Liam Neeson.
This came out of left field entirely for me as I thought Men in Black had gotten shelved entirely after the whole Sony email leak revealed plans to create a crossover event with 21 Jump Street. That movie would have been fucking awesome, but it seems like that got canned, for now at least. But Chris Hemsworth showed in Thor: Ragnarok that he has some serious comedy chops that he’s dying to put to use so I am all in on this movie.
Men in Black International releases on June 14, 2019.
A little over 10 years ago I walked into the movie theater with some friends. I had just finished my freshman year of college and was home for a couple of months. That summer promised some insanely popular movies, namely the second installment of the Christopher Nolan Batman franchise, The Dark Knight. To say that Iron Man was anywhere on my radar would have been a complete lie. While I always considered myself a fan of comic book movies, I was never what you would consider a die-hard. You have to figure, this was 2008, way before we were able to see what the Marvel Cinematic Universe would become. Hell, just a year earlier we were given the much maligned Spider-Man 3. It was a different time back then. So when I sat down in my seat in the theater that day, I had no idea what was about to happen. I was about to enter a world that would engross me for the next decade.
In case you somehow forgot, Iron Man started it all. We were introduced to Tony Stark, a genius billionaire playboy philanthropist (his words, not mine) played by Robert Downey Jr., who at the time was coming off a rough battle with substance abuse. The casting of Downey Jr. was definitely a bit out of left field, especially to lead what Marvel Studios hoped would launch a franchise. Keep in mind though, this was before Disney acquired Marvel and the distribution was still handled by Paramount. Suffice it to say they absolutely nailed the casting. I mean, could you imagine anyone else in the role?
To sum it up quickly, Iron Man follows Stark to the Middle East where he is conducting weapons tests for his company, Stark Industries. While overseeing the development, he is kidnapped by terrorists and instructed to create a weapon for them. Using his genius and the materials provided, he constructs a crude version of the Iron Man suit and unleashes holy hell on the terrorists. He escapes and returns home, set on changing how his company operates and with a passion to do good in the world. Naturally, shit hits the fan when his business partner, Obadiah Stane, catches wind of Starks’ plan to exit the arms dealing industry and learns of his Iron Man persona. Stane becomes Iron Monger with the help of Tony’s old suit, they battle, and naturally Tony wins and saves the day. After the credits, Nick Fury shows up to plant the seed of the Avengers initiative, and the rest is history.
I remember when I first saw the post-credits scene, I had no idea what Marvel’s plans were. In fact, I don’t think I had ever seen a post-credits scene before this point. Marvel then obviously perfected it, always leaving us hanging for the next installment. Where else do you see an entire audience stay in their seats through all the credits just to see a clip that will inevitably wind up on youtube the next day? It was revolutionary and changed the game.
So what did I like?
Robert Downey Jr.
I became an instant fan when I saw this movie. He was hilarious and believable in the part. The guy obviously had a great number of films before this and it encouraged me to go back and watch movies like Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and Zodiac (I also completely forgot he was in the underrated gem, Bowfinger).
Terrence Howard
Talk about shitty luck, huh? Howard played the original Colonel James “Rhodey” Rhodes (aka War Machine) who was later replaced with actor Don Cheadle. It’s not clear why he didn’t return, but it had something to do with a contract dispute. I thought Howard and Downey Jr. played well off of each other and was looking forward to seeing him in the sequels. No disrespect to the Cheadle.
The Plot
I really loved how self-contained the story was. At the time I guess it wasn’t really that important, but now that we live in a world where there are already three Avengers films out with a fourth on the way, it’s nice to look back at a time when the only hero in town was Iron Man. Now any time a Marvel movie comes out and it’s a stand alone film, I always wonder where the hell everyone else is and why they can’t help out.
19 more MCU films have been released since 2008, yet unsurprisingly, Iron Man still remains one of my favorite Marvel films. It’s been cool to see the evolution of the character over the past decade and I am just praying to god he doesn’t meet his demise in Avengers: Endgame.
Final Verdict: 9.0 out of 10
On that note, I leave you with this gem. RIP Obadiah.
The 300s 