“The Bubble”

Never before has an actual, sort of physical thing become a metaphor for itself and the panic surrounding it.

As sports league were trying their damnedest to return from the hiatus Covid caused, the idea and then implementation of “the bubble” came to fruition. Using the NBA as an example, all players, coaches, staff, and anyone else allowed in were to stay in a designed area (I believe just the hotel and arena) and were only permitted to have contact with their team and whoever they saw on the court that night. That’s it. For as long as the rest of the season lasted, they could not see or interact with another soul.

Now, you see, there’s a problem with that. Because NBA players are used to traveling from one city and arriving at another already having lined up what is probably a laundry list of booty calls. From strip club daliances to hotel room rendezvous, the men in the NBA put in some serious work over the course of a season. I mean, there is a reason Wilt Chamberlain was believed to reach his 20,000th conquest before all was said and done. And that was before the DM. Lord have mercy.

So now you take that group of successful young men, who have so much money and fame, and who to their credit have a lot of stress they need to burn off, and you try and lock them in….”the bubble”. How was that ever going to work?

Nothing short of a litany of players were caught sneaking women into the bubble. A couple more were caught sneaking out of the bubble and going to strip clubs. Here we were, in the midst of a deadly pandemic, the NBA barely able to find a way to finish the season, and these guys were going to be damned if they weren’t going to get their Ds wet anyway. It’s inspiring really.

But no other defiance of bubble protocol, in any sport, holds a candle to that of Seattle Seahawks rookie cornerback Kehmah Siverand this past training camp. Or should I say, very much former Seattle Seahawks cornerback. Siverand, an undrafted rookie out of Oklahoma State, risked the longshot opportunity that the Seahawks gave him for the almighty P, and lost his chance for it. But it wasn’t just that glaring lack of decision making ability that makes Siverand’s discretion the most notable. It’s the means by which he went about it. You see, rather than simply trying to skirt bubble security, the young lady accompanying Kehmah Siverand tried the old Trojan Horse-cum-guy on another guy’s shoulders approach. She dressed up in full Seahawks warm ups and basically tried to pass herself off as just a teammate of Siverand’s entering the hotel with him. Don’t mind me Mr. Security Officer sir, just about to go to sleep before a long day of training camping tomorrow. The only issue was that this lass was all of 5’2 and I’m guessing not muscular in build, as opposed to a normal NFL player who, no matter their height, are built like brick shit houses. Needless to say security wasn’t fooled and as alluded to earlier, Siverand was cut.

Although the bubbles are just about a thing of the past (the NHL has gone with a sort of macro concept of the bubble where each team is only playing their division) there are still protocols about where players can go and they are still being broken. Especially by James Harden. James Harden just hates rules and following them. So the lesson learned no matter how deadly of a plague we are facing, trying to keep pro athletes from the fairer sex is pointless. And quite frankly they are too large for any of us to protest. Let them live.

-Joey B.