Author Archives

Unknown's avatar

Big Z

Celebrity Jeopardy Is a Must Play on SNL This Week

By on • ( Leave a comment )

I could be totally wrong, but it feel’s like tomorrow night’s episode of Saturday Night Live will be something special. It’s the Thanksgiving show, Will Ferrell will be back, and he’ll be joining the Five-Timers Club. That being said, they have to do Celebrity Jeopardy. Celebrity Jeopardy not appearing on SNL tomorrow night would be an act of comedic malpractice.

If you’re in your thirties Will Ferrell is the best SNL cast member from your prime SNL viewing days and Celebrity Jeopardy was your favorite sketch. I watched every week in high school rooting for Celebrity Jeopardy to make an appearance and it never disappointed.

Related image

In addition to Ferrell being back in Studio 8H, Jeopardy is having a moment right now. As Alex Trebek bravely wages his battle against Pancreatic Cancer, Jeopardy James Holzhauer is doing his part to keep Jeopardy front-page news. Next month’s GOAT tournament will be the most anticipated game show event since Who Wants to Be a Millionaire made its first return in November of 1999. With Darrell Hammond in the house handling announcing duties, and Sean Connery pushing 90, why not trot out Trebek , Connery and the rest for (maybe, hopefully not) one last rodeo.

Come on, Lorne, America needs this.

Image result for lorne michaels snl

Taco Bell Has Gone Too Far

By on • ( 1 Comment )

CNN – For years, Thanksgiving feasts have featured bland roast turkeys, canned cranberry sauce and boxed stuffing mix. Thanks to Taco Bell, these painfully generic holiday dishes will plague American families no longer.

Instead, the food chain wants you to serve blended Taco Bell Rolled Chicken Tacos at your traditional holiday dinner…

Taco Bell has taken your mother’s beloved bisque recipe and turned it into its Rolled Chicken Tacos Bisque.

Image result for frank reynolds gif no

I love Taco Bell as much as anybody and part of what I love about them is their self-awareness. Taco Bell is not fine dining. It’s not even fast casual. It’s for when you’ve got $18 left in your checking account or are on your way home from the bars (or possibly both). They know that. You know that. They know that you know that, and they’re cool with it. That’s why this news is so disappointing.

Taco Bell is not fancy food for fancy people. So why are they trying to play to the stuffy, basic Friendsgiving crowd? Imagine bringing Taco Bell to Friendsgiving. Melissa would shade you so fast on Instagram your phone would die. Why is Taco Bell trying to play to this crowd? Do they actually think putting their product in a blender to make it more resemble vomit will win that crowd over?

Taco Bell has a long history of innovations with a couple of misses (like the Bell Beefer) but way more grand slams (like the Crunchwrap Supreme). So while I love that they’re willing try something so outrageous here, I can’t help but be amazed by how far off-brand it is.

Sure, White Castle has a similar vibe to Taco Bell and has had lots of success with it’s Thanksgiving stuffing, but that’s totally different. White Castle sliders are 75% bread and stuffing IS MADE OF BREAD. Also, the White Castle stuffing recipe gets points for not requiring a goddamn blender.

Sorry Taco Bell. I won’t be serving your bisque at my house next week.

Related image

Jeopardy! Giving the People Exactly What They Want

By on • ( 1 Comment )

USA TODAY – James Holzhauer just won the “Jeopardy!” Tournament of Champions, but you haven’t seen the last of him.

Holzhauer and the long-running quiz show’s two other biggest winners, Ken Jennings and Brad Rutter, will face off in a prime-time Greatest of All Time tournament on ABC in January…

But the GOAT tournament will be anything but typical: It consists of a series of two back-to-back games, airing weeknights (8 EST/PST) beginning Jan. 7. The player with the most combined winnings from the two games wins the “match,” and the play continues on successive nights (except Monday) until one of them has won three matches and takes home a $1 million prize. (The other finishers get $250,000 apiece). That means the tournament can last anywhere from three to seven days.

Sitting on the couch last Friday night after watching James Holzhauer win the 2019 Jeopardy! Tournament of Champions, I couldn’t help but wonder how Holzhauer would fare against Ken Jennings. Thankfully, Jeopardy! big wig Harry Friedman had the same thought. This January we’ll get to see Holzhauer and Jennings on the Jeopardy! stage together, along with Brad Rutter, in the ultimate best-of-seven Jeopardy! showdown.

It should be fascinating to see Holzhauer go up against Jennings. While both men won about $2.5 million in regular-season play, Holzhauer did it in just 32 games compared to Jennings’ 74. While Jennings gets the check mark for longevity, Holzhauer gets the check mark for absolutely steamrolling opponents. Holzhauer holds the record for the highest single-game total, $131,127, as well as the next 15 spots on that list. In other words, half of the 32 games he won were better than any other game played by any other contestant in the prior 35 years.

But while James Holzhauer and Ken Jennings may be the bigger household names, don’t sleep on Brad Rutter. Rutter is 21-0 in regular season and tournament Jeopardy! matches, having never lost to a human opponent (IBM’s Watson topped both Rutter and Jennings in a 2011 match, but the show considers that match to be an exhibition). Rutter’s only mistake was trying out for Jeopardy! before it eliminated the five-day limit for returning champions.

Since retiring as a five-day champ in 2000, Rutter has returned to the show and won the 2001 Tournament of Champions, the 2002 Million Dollar Masters Tournament, the 2005 Ultimate Tournament of Champions and the 2014 Battle of the Decades tournament. Just for good measure, he also captained the winning team in the 2019 Jeopardy! All-Star Games. He is the Jeopardy Jordan and the king of American game shows.

While I’m looking forward to the Holzhauer/Jennings dynamic heading into the GOAT tourney, this could be a great grudge match for Jennings against Rutter. Rutter has topped Jennings in two tournaments and the 2019 team tournament. It’s hard to believe that the man who won 74 straight games in 2004 has never won a Jeopardy tournament.

Will the Greatest of All Time tournament be where Jennings takes back the ultimate Jeopardy! crown? Will Rutter continue to dominate and remain undefeated? Or will Holzhauer continue his torrid pace and assume the Jeopardy! throne? I’ll be tuning in every night,and rooting for what could now be the two greatest words in sports AND Jeopardy! GAME SEVEN

On the Road Again? No Better Place to Be for Game 7

By on • ( Leave a comment )

As I’m sure you heard last night, this 2019 World Series was the first best-of-seven postseason series in the history of major North American sports where the road team won all seven games. Pretty remarkable. What’s also remarkable is how well road teams have fared in winner-take-all Game 7’s over the past decade. Not all that long ago you could bet your house on the home team in Game 7. Not any more.

When the Pittsburgh Penguins won Game 7 of the 2009 Stanley Cup Final they were the first team in any of the North American major men’s sports leagues to win a Game 7 of a championship round on the road since, fittingly, the Pittsburgh Pirates won Game 7 of the World Series on the road in 1979. For nearly 30 years, no road team won a championship round Game 7 on the road.

For the Penguins, they were the first NHL team to win a Stanley Cup Final Game 7 on the road since 1971. During the 38 years in between, road teams were 0-6 in Stanley Cup Final Game 7’s. Since 2009, road teams are 3-0 in Stanley Cup Final Game 7’s.

The San Francisco Giants got Major League Baseball road teams off the Game 7 schneid in 2014, when they defeated the Kansas City Royals in Game 7 of the World Series in Kansas City. In between the 1979 Pirates and 2014 Giants, road teams were 0-9 in World Series Game 7’s. Since 2014, road teams are 4-0 in Game 7 of the World Series.

More recently, the Cleveland Cavaliers got NBA teams of the Game 7 scheid when they defeated the Golden State Warriors in Game 7 of the 2016 NBA Finals. The last NBA team to win Game 7 of the Finals on the road had been the Washington Bullets in 1978. In the 38 years between, road teams went 0-6 in Game 7’s. The 2016 NBA Finals was the last NBA Finals to go seven games.

Across all three leagues (because the NFL, obviously, does not play series), no road team won a Game 7 in the 1980s (0-for-7) or the 1990s (0-for-4). Road teams were nearly blanked in the 2000s (1-for-8), too, until the 2009 Pittsburgh Penguins won the Cup in Detroit. That means road teams lost a mind boggling 18-straight winner-take-all Game 7’s. They’re 7-3 this decade, and have won the most recent Game 7’s in all three leagues. That includes the last NBA Finals Game 7, the last three Stanley Cup Final Game 7’s and the last four World Series Game 7’s.

After losing 18-straight Game 7’s from 1982-2006, road teams in all three leagues are 8-3 in championship round Game 7’s since.  So what changed? Some ideas:

  • Air travel is much easier today than it was in 1984 when the Lakers had to fly to Boston for a Game 7 in the (presumably 94°) Boston Garden (the NBA still followed a 2-2-1-1-1 format at that time). The Cleveland Cavaliers probably had a bit of an easier time flying to the Bay Area in 2016 when they defeated the Warriors on the road in Game 7.
  • With more players changing teams more frequently, there may be less of a home-field advantage.Justin Verlander didn’t pitch in Game 7 on the road in in 2017, but hear me out. He got traded from Detroit to Houston on August 31st that year. If he had pitched in Game 7 of the World Series in LA, would it have been much different for him than if he had pitched in a Game 7 in Houston? He was traded there less than two months earlier. I know that athletes don’t live like us, but his pad in Houston in October 2017 was probably more like Ryan Bingham’s condo than he would care to admit. He probably wasn’t rolling out of bed in a mansion in Houston at that time before he rolled up to the ballpark.

    Derek Jeter, on the other hand, had quite the home field advantage. In 80 career playoff games at home he hit .332 in with 12 home runs and 29 RBI in 322 at bats. In 78 road playoff games, he hit .284 with just 8 home runs and 27 RBI in 328 at bats. Playing for one team for 20 years gets you a really nice routine, I suppose.

  • It seems as if home teams have been awfully tight at home in Game 7’s recently. The Bruins at home against the Blues just four months ago seems like a pretty good example of that. I don’t know how/why the psychology of playing at home would change over the last decade, but maybe fans tweeting on their phones all game and taking selfies has changed the energy levels in these venues? That would certainly seem to hurt the home teams more than the road teams.
  • A combination of point #1 and #3. With air travel being easier (and cheaper) than ever, maybe more fans are following their teams on the road for Game 7? I bet the Boston Garden was 98% Celtics fans in 1984’s Game 7. What percentage of Minute Maid Park last night was Nationals fans? I’m not sure, but I bet it was substantially more than 2%. That could certainly change the vibe of a building, too.

Whatever the reason, one thing is certain. Boy am I glad I don’t bet on baseball.

 

Wonderful World of Golf Rules

By on • ( Leave a comment )

Image result for golf

AP – The rules have changed since Lee Ann Walker lasted played competitive golf. She found out the hard way.

Walker shot rounds of 85 and 74 at the Senior LPGA Championship at French Lick Resort in Indiana. That was before she realized players no longer can putt when their caddies have been standing directly behind them.

She had to add 42 penalty shots to her first round, turning that into a 127, and 16 more penalty shots for the second round, turning that into a 90…

She played the first round with Jackie Gallagher-Smith and Cathy Johnson-Forbes and said neither noticed her mistake. The second round, she played with Laura Baugh and Laura Shanahan Rowe. They did.

How nice of the Lauras. To point out Walker’s mistake “on 14 or 15,” as Walker recalled. At least it wasn’t a phone-a-friend calling in a rules violation from home. But still, enforcing a rule like this, in this manner, would make even Al Riveron blush. Worse, a rule like this probably would have prevented Happy Gilmore from winning the Waterbury Open, making “the tour,” and winning that Gold Jacket.

Image result for happy gilmore putting

At least Walker took the news better than I would have. [Her 127 score on round one still probably would have beaten me, too.] My clubs would have been at the bottom of the pond before I got back to my car. Maybe that’s why I don’t own clubs currently.

I’ve been unofficially retired from amateur golf for five years. I’m on strictly driving range and bachelor party circuits these days. Stories like this don’t really make me eager to go grab some clubs and drop $80, just to have some jackwagon course ranger constantly berate me and tell me I’m playing too slow.

The only desire I have to ever play golf again is if I’m on The Price is Right. I’m terrible at golf but would bet my mortgage I could make a Hole in One (or two).

Related image

 

Good Luck to Twins Fans Looking for Game 1 on Friday Night

By on • ( Leave a comment )

Related image

Bring Me The News – Game 1 of the best-of-five playoff series between the Twins and Yankees starts just after 6 p.m. [CDT] Friday, but some fans in Minnesota could have a hard time watching it at home.

MLB Network has the exclusive rights to the first game of the series, with Games 2, 3, 4 and 5 scheduled to be televised on FOX Sports 1 (FS1). If you don’t subscribe to a package on Comcast that includes MLB Network, you’re out of luck in the Minneapolis-St. Paul market.

The Minneapolis-St. Paul market is not among the Comcast network that is included in MLB’s partnership with numerous cable/streaming providers to offer MLB Network for free as a bonus Oct. 1-11.

Another great move by Major League Baseball. As if it weren’t bad enough that the game was being televised exclusively on a premium channel, MLB is going to give that premium channel away for free that day to most of the country, but not to the home market of one of the teams in the game. Because that’s how you grow the game!

Image result for great idea gif

This is worse than the NHL airing playoff games on Golf Channel. At least most people who have cable get the Golf Channel. Airing a playoff hockey game on Golf Channel, while ironic, is not much different then airing it on USA. MLB Network, though, is available in roughly 20 million fewer homes than USA Network.

When the NFL airs a game on cable, the home markets of the teams in the game get the game on free TV, too. But what the hell does the NFL know?

If there’s any justice in this world Twins fans will flock to alternatives like YouTube TV in droves for the free trial and then cut the cord for good, kicking Comcast in the teeth.

Merry Allston Christmas

By on • ( Leave a comment )

img_2460-e1567188846675.jpg

It’s the unofficial last day of summer here at The 300s headquarters. We’re heading into Labor Day weekend, and with August 31st/September 1st falling on Saturday/Sunday, Boston is gearing up for a brutal eventful Allston Christmas.

In case you’re not from the area, or didn’t go to school in Boston, Allston Christmas is the time of year when tens of thousands of college students return to the city, Allston in particular. It’s also a moving day for a good number of the young professionals who rent apartments in God’s Country. I mean Allston.

This year, Harpoon has even introduced a new brew to celebrate the holiday.

We’re doing our part here at The 300s, too. As the poet laureate of The 300s, please allow me to present Have Yourself a Merry Allston Christmas.

Have yourself a merry Allston Christmas
Let your move be light
From now on our UHauls will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry Allston Christmas
Don’t get storrowed today
From now on our UHauls will be miles away

Here we are in our Allston days
Like our college days of yore
Craigslist friends who are dear to us
May their rent checks clear once more

Through this year we’ll always be together
In our two-bed split
Snag a brand new couch from the curb below
And have yourself a merry Allston Christmas now

Craigslist friends who are dear to us
May their rent checks clear once more

Through this year we’ll always be together
In our two-bed split
So snag a brand new couch from the curb below
And have yourself a merry Allston Christmas now

If we can get Michael Buble to record this, I really think it’ll take off.

Safe travels and move-ins this weekend everybody!

More Thoughts on the Retirement of Andrew Luck

By on • ( Leave a comment )

When I saw this tweet Saturday night, I checked it five times to make sure it wasn’t from Adarn Schefter. I was just as shocked as everyone else when I saw the news. I knew Andrew Luck had battled injuries for most of his professional career, but he was coming off one of his best seasons as a pro. After missing all of 2017, Luck threw for 39 touchdowns and almost 4600 yards in 2018. But now that I’ve had a day to process the news, here are a few of my thoughts on the matter.

  • Anyone who questions why Luck is retiring instead of trying to battle through his injuries is a jackass. Here’s just the most blatant example of jackassery:

    That lazy millennial jab won’t go over too well with most of the people on this site either.

    Andrew Luck should not sacrifice one bit of his post-football quality of life for our entertainment. The people out there who think he owes it to the fans or his teammates to take a beating again this year should tell us how much fun they have at work the next time their job makes them     piss blood.

  • There seems to be a stark difference between the reaction to Luck’s retirement and the reaction to Rob Gronkowski’s retirement, and I’m not sure why. Both guys decided to hang ’em up at age 29 to avoid further wear and tear on their bodies. A lot of the scorn directed at Luck is likely due to the sheer surprise of his announcement. With three Super Bowl rings, fans probably believe Gronk had less left to prove. Still, Luck doesn’t doesn’t deserve any of the grief he is getting. No one should question either player’s decision to retire, but especially not people who didn’t question Gronk’s decision.
  • Again, Luck doesn’t deserve any of the grief he is getting but I can’t get too mad at fans booing. Luck said hearing the boos hurt and I believe him, but as Reggie Jackson once said, fans don’t boo nobodies. The fans that booed had to sit through a full preseason football game and likely hadn’t heard most of the details yet. I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt on this one. Unless fans are booing a player getting carted off with an ACL injury, I try not to get too worked up over the appropriateness of booing.
  • Hindsight is 20/20, but do you think anyone in the Colts organization today regrets moving on from Peyton Manning when they did? Should they? Luck was supposed to be the future, the guy who would run the show for the next 13 years. Instead, they only got seven years and six seasons out of him. Peyton played four seasons in Denver, three at a very high level (including the best season of his career in 2013 at age 37), took the Broncos to two Super Bowls, and won them a Super Bowl in his final season at age 39. Imagine if the Patriots had decided to move on from Tom Brady after the season he missed due to injury. That of course seems laughable. Will people look back on the Colts decision to move on from the second-greatest quarterback of all time and find it almost as laughable?

Whatever’s next for you, Andrew…

The 300s Celebrates National Chicken Wing Day

By on • ( Leave a comment )

Image result for national chicken wing day

It’s National Chicken Wing Day and we’re celebrating the holiday here at The 300s. If you’re celebrating the holiday today, too, here are some topics of debate that may come up at your get together, and my take on each one:

Hooters vs. Buffalo Wild Wings It’s Hooters and it’s not even close. Buffalo Wild Wings continually promises an experience it never delivers on. When you actually want to watch a game at B-Dubs it’s a madhouse. When it’s busy the service is slow. When it’s dead at lunch the service is slow. What keeps me coming back is a pretty good draft selection and some pretty good deals on drafts, not the wings or the service.

Hooters on the other hand doesn’t pretend to be something it’s not. Unapologetically campy,  Hooters consistently delivers great wings and ice-cold beers. Their breaded wings are the best in the business.

Bone-in vs. Boneless Unless I’m at Hooters, I’m going with boneless. If wings are the main course, sure, I’ll go with bone-in. But if they’re an appetizer, or if I have other plans that evening, boneless it is.  You’ll never catch me eating bone-in wings at a ballpark. Bone-in wings are so messy I borderline feel like I need a shower after eating them. I don’t wanna look like Costanza out there.

Image result for costanza ice cream

Blue Cheese vs. Ranch Gotta go with blue cheese dressing. The tangier dressing better compliments most wing flavors, and the thick and chunky variety is just more satisfying than ranch dressing. Don’t get me wrong I’d eat ranch dressing on anything, but the added flavors and spices of ranch dressing don’t always pair well with wing flavors.

Best Wings From a Non-Wings Establishment Boneless habanero wings at TGI Friday’s. TGI Friday’s has its own issues delivering on the experience it promises, but its boneless habanero wings are better than anything offered a B-Dubs.

Best Non-Buffalo Wing Sauce The Gold Fever sauce at the Ninety Nine Restaurant & Pub. The Gold Fever Wings at the Ninety Nine are right up there with the Fridays’ habanero wings as some of the best at a non-wings restaurant. It’s a shame that this place doesn’t exist outside of New England / New York (yet). For those outside the region, think of a mustard/barbecue sauce.

Image result for 99 gold fever wings

Coat those bad boys in some thick blue cheese dressing and your set. Wash ’em down with some $2 Bud Selects like your Vincent Chase and it’s 2009.

Yahoo! has more info on what wing deals are out there today. 

What other topics will you be debating today? Let me know on Twitter @The300sBigZ

 

New British Prime Minister Boris Johnson Has a 100 Trucking Rating

By on • ( Leave a comment )

I probably watch more cable news than any of the other writers here at The 300s but I don’t follow European politics too closely, so I don’t know much about this new British Prime Minister. All I know is that I am intrigued by a world leader whose Trucking Rating would be higher than most NFL running backs.

Image result for boris johnson gif

The fact that the new Prime Minister of the United Kingdom isn’t afraid to bulldoze an elementary schooler in a pick-up game is impressive. World leaders take note: Boris plays to win the game. He’s an OG member of the not-messing-around crew.

Image result for you play to win the game gif

I respect the hell out of Boris’s hustle. I’m the guy who runs out ground balls in adult softball leagues. (Maybe that’s why my brother-in-law’s team didn’t invite me back?) As a guy who has younger brothers, and as someone who worked as a summer camp counselor back in the day, I don’t believe in letting little kids win. What does that teach them? Make them earn it!

I once Dikembe Mutombo’d a kid in a pick-up basketball game. He cried. I felt bad.  But then he learned a very valuable lesson. The next time I went for a rebound in the corner I jammed my pinkie finger so bad my hand hurt for three weeks.  The lesson learned? Karma.

Related image

I never blocked a kid again, and that kid learned the value of the pump fake.

Image result for pump fake

Only time will tell how well Boris’s playground experience prepared him for the world stage.