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The Marlins Are Replacing the Ugly Home Run Statue With Irony

That statue perfectly encapsulates the Miami Marlins; gaudy, over priced, and out of place. It’s one I’ve written about extensively in the past.

Did anyone else realize this sculpture that goes off after every home run cost $2.5 MILLION DOLLARS. That is fucking bananas. The sculpture that looks like Miami Vice got drunk and puked in a coy pond. The thing that looks like a mashup between the New York Mets apple in center field and the old Lets Go Fishin game.”

You knew it was going to be the first thing Derek Jeter kicked to the curb when he moved in. Derek Jeter is a man of class and sophistication. The technicolor pyrotechnic fish statue?

Not so much. So the team that had 39 of the 50 lowest attended games in baseball last year is solving their problem by adding the one thing they absolutely don’t need….more seats.

The Marlins couldn’t fill a minor league ballpark and now they’re adding even more seats? Brilliant. The absolute definition of irony. Hey, at least it’ll drive ticket prices down even further than they already are if I’m ever in southern Florida like Big Z was.

Keep doing you, Jeets.

#RushHourRap – Chance the Rapper – I Might Need Security

Chance the Rapper had been everyone’s favorite unknown rapper for a long time with multiple mixtapes including my personal favorite “Acid Rap” in 2013 before really blowing up with his album “Coloring Book” in 2016, winning 2 Grammys in the process.

I’m sure you heard one of his most recent singles “I Might Need Security” popping on the radio for a bit when it first came out over the summer. Chance is a really intelligent guy and one of the most socially conscious rappers out right now and that really comes out on some of the topics he tackles here like police brutality in Chicago,

And Rahm, you done, I’m expectin’ resignation
An open investigation on all of these paid vacations for murderers

he tackles subtle instances of racism he experiences himself,

I got a hit-list so long I don’t know how to finish
I bought the Chicagoist just to run you racist bitches out of business
Speaking of racist, fuck your microaggressions
I’ll make you fix your words like a typo suggestion

and then of course touches on why he’s the most famous and successful unsigned rapper of all time.

I’m the real deal
Who taught all these rappers that a big deal’s not a big deal?

While theres no hard release date for Chance’s new album, which was supposed to come out over the summer, I know I’ll be lined up to get that when it finally does drop on Day 1.

Game of Thrones Officially Premieres in April, Now I Can Plan My Rewatch

First off, every news outlet reporting that Game of Thrones has an “official release date” can kick rocks. Fake News like you read about. April is not a date, April is a month. HBO could have just told me Thrones is returning in Q1 and I’d have the same amount of information.

BUT it is exciting to know that Thrones won’t be getting pushed back to summer, which I was worried about since they’re essentially filming 6 movies. It also needed to premiere before May to be eligible for next years Emmys technically, so I’m sure that was a strong incentive.

Now its time to fire up the annual rewatch. This show has so many characters, storylines, and subtleties that you’re missing a ton if you’re relying on your memory from a single viewing. Hell, if you don’t read the books you’re out of the loop as HBO just punts on details that help clarify a lot of things. I’ve read 1.5 of the books and it’s helped immensely. But rewatching a show of this magnitude is DAUNTING.

7 seasons of Thrones is a goddamn commitment, but I’m ready to take this challenge head on. I’m just trying to avoid what happened last year. I did not allot for enough time to comfortably rewatch all 6 seasons before the premiere so I was watching like 2 episodes a night the week of the season premiere. You don’t know stress until you’re trying to cram like 3,600 minutes of Thrones into a month.

Now for anyone that wants to join me on this journey I did the math (accurately I think?) on just how long this will take. So with Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Years coming up most of us will be shutting it down at work anyways, so heres what you’ll need to breeze through every single Game of Thrones episode ahead of the final season.

  • 7 seasons
  • 73 episodes
  • Avg 60 minutes each
  • 4,380 minutes total
  • 4.5 months
  • 138 days until April 1st

Since we don’t know the exact premiere date we’ll just use April 1st as a placeholder to be safe. This breakdown gives you 138 days to burn through 73 episodes, which if you wanted to start today you would need to watch one episode every 1.8 days in order to catch up in time. May it serve you well.

Jared Goff Audibles into Romance With Next Level Peacocking

Goff using @halleberry as an audible in the #Seahawks #Rams game is incredible 😂

(SOUND ON)pic.twitter.com/IPo5I7Qf65

Everybody knows the famous audible calls like Peyton Mannings “Omaha,” which got old around the time it started. Rams coach Sean McVay actually has a well known flair for absurd audible names.

Big Ben busted out the Dilly Dilly call before Bud Light dumped a billion dollars into creating an entire mythological universe around the catchphrase.

DILLY DILLY! Phenomenal audible from Big Ben and the #Steelers #NFL #TNF #ThursdayNightFootball #Titans #TENvsPIT #ColorRush pic.twitter.com/Pt3ywAUfaa

— The 300s (@The300sBoston) November 17, 2017

And then there was the completely out of left field reference to milk products in the Patriots Texans game in September.

“Cold Dairy” may be the weirdest audible I’ve ever heard. #Patriots #Texans #HOUvsNE

🥛 🥛 🥛 🥛 🥛 🥛

— The 300s (@The300sBoston) September 9, 2018

But for Jared Goff to shoot his shot while playing on national TV for the Los Angeles Rams, just a stone’s throw away from Hollywood, is next level peacocking. The Pickup Artist himself would be proud.

AND IT WORKED! Halle Berry is smitten already

 

Hold up. @JaredGoff16 @RamsNFL – What is a “Halle Berry”?? 🤔😂 https://t.co/nQyaWHQRrn

— Halle Berry (@halleberry) November 11, 2018

Jared Goff played it cooler than the other side of the pillow too.

It’s my favorite play ever https://t.co/YLWi7c3DNE

— Jared Goff (@JaredGoff16) November 12, 2018

This guy might not know which way the sun rises and sets, but goddamnit he knows what women want.

RIP Stan Lee

TMZ – Stan Lee, the man who co-created Marvel Comics, has died … Stan’s daughter tells TMZ. We’re told an ambulance rushed to Lee’s Hollywood Hills home early Monday morning and he was rushed to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. We’re told that’s where he died. Lee had suffered several illnesses over the last year or so — he had a bout of pneumonia and vision issues.

Stan started Marvel with Jack Kirby in 1961 with The Fantastic Four. He went on to create Spider-Man, Black Panther, The Incredible Hulk, X-Men, Iron Man and The Avengers. Stan made cameo appearances in all of the Marvel movies.

Wow, what a sad and sobering headline to write. He was 95-years-old so he lived a long and incredibly successful life, but still a sad thing to see. Stan Lee made comic books cool. Fact, not opinion. Sure Kevin Feige deserves a ton of credit for nailing the formula for making a good superhero movie, but it was all based on Stan Lee’s work. Even before all the blockbusters, there were the 90s cartoons like Spider-Man the Animated Series.

But just think about the creative juices you need to have in your brain to create Spider-Man, the Hulk, Black Panther, the Fantastic Four, Iron Man, and the freaking X-Men! The guy was a genius and a lot of his comics touched on some pretty sensitive subjects way ahead of their time. While the underlying message of X-Men has become abundantly clear over the past couple of films, at its core this was a story that tackled civil rights and how they were granted to some types of people, but not others. Whether that was mutants, gay people, transgender, African Americans etc. – it was a pretty radical thing to write about when the X-Men were first created in 1963.

So Stan Lee was a wildly successful guy who created some of the most iconic characters and intellectual property of all time. The only sad part is that Disney just bought FOX and all its Marvel character rights, which is why we’ve only recently started to see crossovers like Spider-Man finally joining the Avengers. So unfortunately Stan Lee won’t get to see all his kids playing on screen together. I’m not sure what Marvel will do to honor the godfather of comic books, but after having a cameo appearance in every single Marvel movie, I’m sure it’ll be something special.

Is Kyrie Irving Courting Carmelo Anthony?

Reports came out over the weekend that the Houston Rockets are about to part ways with Carmelo Anthony after just 12 games. Then we get this vague quote from Kyrie Irving alluding to the Celtics needing a 15 year vet (like Carmelo) to help out? Kyrie, lets not mess up a good thing here. Sure the Celtics are currently tanking on a roadtrip of their own losing 4 of their last 5, but for a team that puts a premium on defense, moving the ball, and everyone being multi-faceted, adding a 33-year-old iso guy is not the solution.

I remember we all had delusions of grandeur when there were rumors of a Rajon Rondo-Carmelo-Kevin Love Big Three. And I was all in on that. Mostly because I was an impatient fan looking for anything to jump start a post KG/Pierce/Allen Celtics team that had fallen on hard times.

Thats why I’m not a GM.

Danny Ainge instead opted to play the long game and put this team in arguably the most enviable position in the NBA with the current collection of players and draft capital.

So I’m not saying I’ve never wanted Carmelo, but just look at recent history and you’ll see this is not a guy the Celtics want to add. If he were a through and through 3 point guy, then I could see adding the veteran, similar to how the Heat brought on Ray Allen in 2012 just to drain wide open corner threes. But Melo is a career 34% shooter from three. That would be good enough for 168th in the NBA this season.

While it is tempting to add another elite ball handler, shooter, playmaker — this isn’t 2010. This isn’t the “I’m Coming Home” Knicks Melo. This is 2018 Melo who has averaged 22.4, 16.3, and 13.4 points per game the past 3 seasons on 3 different teams. Thats not a coincidence.

Hoodie Melo though? Give me Hoodie Melo and we can talk…

Former High School Phenom and Celtics Player Sebastian Telfair is Dropping an Album

Former high school phenom and street ball legend Sebastian Telfair was on the Breakfast Club this morning and I was wondering why he was on the radio regailing tales of his NBA heyday. Apparently he’s dropping an album, which I’ll get to in a bit, but first I have to dive back into my long dormant obsession of one Sebastian Telfair. On the Breakfast Club Telfair even briefly touched on his time with the Boston Celtics. I’m paraphrasing here, but basically what he said was:

“Even the young guys was acting like old guys, like if that guy drives a Cadillac instead of a Bentley I’m not setting a screen for him.”

Telfair played on the worst Celtics team of my life as a fan: the 2006-07 squad that went 24-58 under Doc Rivers. Woof. That was the year Paul Pierce missed a bunch of time due to a foot injury and only appeared in 47 games. What I totally forgot though was just how young Telfair was when he joined the Celtics. In case you were wondering he averaged 6.1 points and 2.8 assists per game in his one year with the C’s. He was still only 21-years-old though and it was just his third year in the league! So its not like he was this total project of a player, which probably helped his value as he was later part of the earth shattering Kevin Garnett trade package just a few months later.

Now who was it that Telfair could be referring to? That Celtics team had a TON of young guys that were on a terrible team so I can imagine how toxic that environment was. Lets take a look at the young guys on that team. Since it was Telfair’s third year in the league, lets take a look at guys who had three years or less of NBA experience when he joined the team. Tony Allen, Ryan Gomes, Gerald Green, Al Jefferson, Kevinn Pinkney (?), Leon Powe, Allan Ray (not Ray Allen), Rajon Rondo, and Delonte West. Holy shit what a cast of characters. I don’t remember the last time I actually looked at the 2006-07 roster (why would anyone?), but I forgot how many “mercurial” players were on that team. I can totally picture Delonte West and Rajon Rondo hating on Telfair for no other reason than the publicity and fanfare he got for being good in high school. And thats before we even get to Kendrick Perkins, who is a favorite player of many Celtics fans, but is also known for being a complete prick too. My money is on Rondo and Perkins just icing Telfair out and straight up bullying him like Mean Girls.

Now it’s probably because I saw Telfair’s documentary Through the Fire when I was like 16 that I have such an affinity for the one time superstar in waiting.

Plus a closing credits song that bangs so hard its on my iPod (iPhone?) to this day.

He was one of the first high school basketball players to go straight to the pros not named Kobe, Garnett or LeBron. Jay-Z even spit a verse about the fucking guy on Dead Presidents.

Let me live out my dreams, until my heart give out
Devour cream, you know exactly what this is about
Fuck y’all mean, handlin’ since a teen
Like LeBron or Sebastian, high school graduates
Straight to the league, I ain’t waitin’ for my knee to blow
Yesterday I was needin’ this dough

Telfair was on the cover of magazines,

His high school games were on ESPN, he had the aforementioned documentary, HOV and Derek Jeter even went to watch him play. In a high school gym.

This was the real life Jesus Shuttlesworth as we all watched a 17-year-old kid decide what he wanted to do with his life. He ultimately ended up spurning the honorable Rick Pitino at Louisville to turn pro instead, going 13th overall to the Trailblazers.

After parts of 11 seasons in the NBA where he averaged 7.4 points and 3.5 rebounds over his career, Telfair went over to China just like his cousin Stephon Marbury and not surprisingly lit it up for a couple years. Now? Now we get mixtape Sebastian as Telfair is apparently dropping an album. Athletes releasing music almost always ends poorly, unless you’re Cole Beasley of course.

But we’ve buried the lede long enough. All athletes want to be rappers and all rappers want to be athletes, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t gonna give Sebastian Telfair’s debut album a listen. I literally could not find any mention of it on the internet though, which is not a great sign. But I was able to track it down after I finally landed on Telfair’s own Twitter page. So without further ado…

Bruins Start Practice Late Then Release Statement Saying Tuukka is Taking a Leave of Absence

First and foremost, hopefully this leave of absence isn’t for a serious issue or a family matter. The guy has not been playing well so it’s hard to tell if this is related to his play and a possible mental health day, but hopefully there’s nothing serious going on behind the scenes.

With that being said, this is odd. The Bruins started practice 20 minutes late and their franchise goaltender is nowhere to be found? Only for the team to release a cryptic statement saying Tuukka is taking a leave of absence? Again, I hope all is good on the home front, but just a weird situation all around.

We’ll update it when we hear more, but for now the Bruins will be relying on hot and cold Jaroslav Halak (he was very cold last night giving up 5 goals) and a player to be named later between the pipes.

Former Red Sox Top Prospect Yoan Moncada Likely to Switch Positions; Dombrowski Deserves Credit for This Move

YahooWhite Sox second baseman Yoán Moncada is “open to a position change,” according to comments made by GM Rick Hahn over the weekend. It appears to be something the club is considering as they head into their third rebuilding year, though Hahn noted that the decision would hinge on any pickups the club makes over the offseason.

It’s not the first time Hahn or Moncada has addressed the potential shift away from second base. After the 23-year-old infielder closed out his 2018 run with 21 errors and a .963 fielding percentage (eclipsed only by the Reds’ José Peraza and Red Sox’ Rafael Devers, the latter of whom committed 24 errors with a .926 fielding percentage), Hahn told reporters he believes Moncada’s athleticism will make him an “above-average defender at other positions.” Moncada himself said he’d be willing to move back to third base, a position he occupied during his rookie campaign with the Red Sox in 2016. There’s also a possibility that he could be considered at shortstop or center field, although he has yet to play either position at the major league level.

Full disclosure: I am a HUGE prospect guy. I hem and haw about every trade the Red Sox make that involves high level prospects. For better or for worse, I am very reluctant to include top prospects in a deal. Maybe it’s the Theo Epstein in me, who knows? Big Z is the exact opposite when it comes to handling prospects, but it’s what makes us different that makes us great, guys.

I think Dealer Dave has as much regard for individual prospects as a college kid has for what brand of beer he drinks, but Dombrowski deserves credit for making the right decision here.

I have been fond of beating on the drum that Dave Dombrowski primarily makes moves that any of us could make like signing the most expensive free agents in David Price and JD Martinez or trading top prospects for premiere talent like Craig Kimbrel and Chris Sale. Something that I have yet to give him credit for though is making the absolute correct decision in the Chris Sale trade.

The Red Sox coveted Chris Sale for years and the season before they finally pried him away from Chicago, reports had mentioned the White Sox wanted Mookie Betts AND Andrew Benintendi in any deal.

Obviously that didn’t happen, but when the trade was finally consummated the Red Sox and Dombrowski essentially said to Chicago we can’t give you those two guys, but we can give you our *top* prospect in Yoan Moncada, who was also the No. 1 prospect in all of baseball at the time. And again, full disclosure, I was big on Moncada so this is far from revisionist history.

Some of my commentary aged better than others

“I feel like Costanza after he ate one of Kramer’s mangoes from Joe’s fruit shop. You want to talk about excited? How about having a player waiting in the wings that many scouts say projects to be most similar to Mike Trout…Whether he sticks at 2B remains to be seen, Pedroia is signed through 2021 so that could be a logjam issue.” – April 25, 2016

So while Chris Sale has been lights out (when healthy), it was still hard to trade away a guy as talented as Moncada. Things haven’t really gone so well for him thus far though. While still only 23 years old, Moncada has been an unmitigated disaster to put it lightly.

In 901 Plate Appearances in 211 games over parts of three seasons, Moncada is batting .234/.319/.399. That amounts to a little less than two full seasons so it’s not a huge sample size, but Moncada also led the league in strike outs last season with 217 K’s, which is alarming.

But at least he can play defense right? Well, actually he made 21 errors at second base last year, good for third in the league.

Now Chicago has publicly broached the idea of moving Moncada to another position like third base, center field or even shortstop, which makes no sense. Shortstop is a much harder position defensively with a longer throw to first. It seems like the White Sox are just looking for somewhere to plant Moncada while they shuffle some roster pieces around. It’s been reported that the White Sox are going to court Manny Machado who could play either SS or 3B and they also have another first round pick coming up in the system that apparently is a stud 2B and Moncada seems like anything but a natural second baseman.

Now just to go back to me giving Dombrowski some credit for a second; the Red Sox could have very easily traded Benintendi as part of that deal instead. So lets take a look at how Benny’s numbers stack up when compared to Moncada.

Benintendi is nearly a year older than Moncada and has a bit more experience at the major league level with 1,437 Plate Appearances over 333 games in parts of three seasons. For his career, Benintendi is slashing .282/.359/.447. The power is about even so far between the two as Benintendi wacked 16 dingers to Moncada’s 17 last season. Whether you value it or not, Benintendi also topped him in steals 21 to 12 last year. I won’t get into RBIs because thats largely dependent on the team around you, which is garbage in Chicago. In another display of power, Benintendi also bested Moncada in doubles last season 41 to 32.

Benintendi has essentially been twice as valuable to the Red Sox with a career WAR of 7.0 to Moncada’s 3.5 (3.9 to 2.0 in 2018 alone).

So it would take some serious mental gymnastics to argue that Moncada has been or remains the better prospect thus far, especially with Benintendi playing such a vital role in the playoffs for a 108 win Red Sox team.

The best prospect Chicago got in the Sale trade now seems more likely to be Michael Kopech than it is Moncada. Kopech is the No. 4 overall prospect in all of baseball on MLB.com and looks like an absolute stud in the making. Just look at his MLB.com scouting report:

“Kopech throws as hard and is as difficult to hit as any starter in the Minor Leagues, which has prompted comparisons to Noah Syndergaard. His fastball, which sits at 96-99 mph, repeatedly hits triple digits with late run that keeps it off barrels. Hitters who try to sit on his heater get embarrassed by his upper-80s slider, which features two-plane break and is a plus-plus offering at its best.

Kopech just needs some refinement before he’s ready to pitch at the front of a big league rotation.”

Butttt he only threw 14.1 innings last year as he tore his UCL and underwent Tommy John Surgery because of course he did. So as big as I am on Kopech, his timeline was obviously pushed back a couple of years with the elbow injury.

Dombrowski swung and missed on the Drew Pomeranz – Anderson Espinoza trade, but he absolutely nailed the Chris Sale – Yoan Moncada trade and to that I tip my cap.