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Mattes

Pronounced like the general. I'm all about the Celtics, Pats, Sox, and fantasy football...and dogs. Former editor who's back on that writing flow, chiming in on all of the above, with perhaps some comic book news and conspiracy-fueled personal manifestos along the way.

Patriots Sign Austin Seferian-Jenkins Off the Scrap Heap. Mehhhhh.

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On Wednesday afternoon, ESPN first reported that the Pats would be signing the 26-year-old tight end to a one-year deal. Ho-freakin’-hum.

Now, toadies throughout Pats Nation will fall for the inevitable Belichick tire-pumping and be sure to let everyone know what a “steal” this is for the team. One article I read went so far as to say ASJ was “easily” the best tight end remaining on the market, and that he could “fill the void” created by Gronk’s retirement.

OK. Hold up. While he indeed might’ve been the best tight end left available on the market as of today, that’s really not all that impressive. Considering that Jermaine Gresham and a 38-year-old Antonio Gates (who, even if he comes back, will obviously not sign with anyone besides the Chargers) are the only other current free-agent tight ends worth a lick, big whoop. Also, he could not even sniff Gronk’s jock strap. So just stop. Please.

The media will also be sure to tell you how he’s a former first-round pick with freakish athleticism who has only been held back from reaching his full potential by unfortunate injuries.

Again, shades of grey there. Yes, I remember how much he was being talked about when he came out of Washington five years ago. I bought into the hype, too. And while the injuries started pretty much right away – he was only able to play in 15 games over his first two seasons in Tampa Bay – he did average over 16 yards per catch in 2015, which is a pretty solid mark for any player, let alone a tight end. But ever since, he has continued to regress and pile up more injuries.

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The kid was pretty solid during his college days. I’ll give him that.

UHHH, HEY, MATTES! HE HAD 50 CATCHES FOR THE JETS IN 2017! AND HE DID IT IN ONLY 13 GAMES. WHAT ABOUT THAT??!!

Again, biiiig whoop. He also averaged a measly 7.1 yards per catch that season and was only able to start 10 games. OH, and then last season in Jacksonville, he bumped his YPC up a whole yard and couldn’t even make it past October before ending up on the shelf…again. (By the way, he was also supposed to be a HUGE signing for the Jags last offseason, too. And…yeah.)

Look, I know I’m coming pretty hard at the guy here, and I’m not saying he’s entirely devoid of skill. He’s shown flashes, and maybe it really has been an unfortunate slate of injuries that has stunted his growth so far. Maybe playing with Tom Brady instead of guys like Josh McCown, a young Jameis Winston, Ryan Fitzpatrick, and Blake Bortles will help a bit, too. And with the dearth of talent at the position currently on the roster, I’m not upset at taking a flyer on him. Sure. Why not?

But for now, color me “slightly intrigued.” That’s it. This team still needs some serious help at tight end. ASJ is not the answer to replace Gronk. Sorry. He’s just not.

BREAKING: Patriots Bringing Back Stephen Gostkowski on Two Year Deal

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A mere couple hours after rumors began swirling that the 49ers were allegedly interested in signing the 35-year-old – who has been on the market a tad longer this offseason than initially expected – the Patriots beat them to the punch and re-signed their longtime kicker to a two-year deal this afternoon:

I really am surprised that it took this long, and at some point last week I honestly started to believe that maybe Gostkowski would be playing elsewhere in 2019 after 13 seasons and three Super Bowl victories with the Patriots.

Look, I know I’ve been a bit critical of Gostkowski in the past, especially coming off of what was one of his more down seasons in recent memory. He’s also missed some pretty big kicks in his career – including the 2015 AFC Championship and in three straight Super Bowls – and he doesn’t always seem to have the ice needed in his veins in the biggest moments.

But, to be fair, the dude is still one of the league’s best, and I am really happy with the move. Even saying he’s coming off a “down” year is a bit unfair, as he still hit over 84 percent of his attempts last season and has hit at least 91 percent of them in four of his last six seasons. Especially given how horrendous the state of kicking is nowadays, you’d be hard-pressed to find more guys than you can count on one hand who can still match up with Gostkowski. He also did hit two pretty big kicks in this past Super Bowl, which ended up being won by a mere 10 points.

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Terms of the deal itself have still yet to be disclosed, but it’s obviously not going to be a huge hit in the pocket for the team. Regardless, in an offseason which saw a lot of familiar faces depart – players and coaches alike – this is a very welcomed signing.

Welcome back, No. 3.

Reassessing the Patriots Biggest Needs Three Weeks Into the Offseason

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In just three weeks since the offseason and new NFL league year began, the Patriots have already lost each of the following from last year’s squad:

  • Their starting left tackle (Trent Brown)
  • Their top defensive lineman (Trey Flowers)
  • Their starting tight end (Rob Gronkowski)
  • Their top kick returner (Cordarrelle Patterson)

OH, and they could potentially lose their kicker, too, as Stephen Gostkowski still remains a free agent.

Now, it might be a bit misleading to say they “lost” each of these players; many presumed that guys like Brown and Flowers would be too pricey for the Pats to keep, and the team was likely preparing to move on from them anyway. However, the news of Gronk’s retirement certainly wasn’t ideal, and we know the team already swung and missed on multiple free agents or guys on the trade block so far as well (e.g. Antonio Brown, Adam Humphries, Cole Beasley, etc.).

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MAN, this dude would’ve looked good rockin’ the Flying Elvis.

Look, I’ve been a die-hard Pats fan for almost two decades now, and Bill always finds a way to build a competitive roster, no matter what. But this offseason saw the team take some pretty big hits, and besides Julian Edelman and a solid running game, the team’s offense is pretty barren.

The thing is, after Gronk’s retirement and a few contract restructurings, the team now has about $23 million available in cap space after having just pennies a few weeks ago. (Which, like, WTF??!!! We couldn’t have figured all this out BEFORE free agency began, guys??!! SERIOUSLY??!!) At this point, I bet they’re saving up the dough for all the extra draft picks they’ll have this year or future re-signings, as there really isn’t anything noteworthy left on the market. (Maybe we could go after Michael Crabtree or Ndamukong Suh?? Ehhhh.)

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Love ya, bud, but you couldn’t have said something in February???

While it’s always a futile effort to try and predict anything Belichick will ultimately do, here is at least a quick ranking of the team’s biggest remaining needs this offseason:

1.  Tight End

OK. This one seems almost too easy. After losing arguably the greatest tight end to ever play the game, it should be pretty obvious that attempting to replace him would be at the top of the team’s priority list. Some, though, might say that trying to find a replacement for Gronk perhaps shouldn’t be the main focus; he’s a generational talent, and rarely has a team ever had someone so dominant and game-changing at the position. Rather than trying to replicate what they had with him, maybe they should focus on improving other areas of the offense, as they’ll never again find another Robert James Gronkowski.

Sure. I get that. But the team’s current options at the position are pretty bleak. At the moment, the team has Jacob Hollister, Stephen Anderson, Matt LaCosse, and something named Ryan Izzo (?) as its only tight ends on the roster. While Hollister has shown flashes of talent when given the chance, he can’t seem to shake the injury bug and has really only proven his worth in preseason action. Anderson is a decent piece with some potential; I liked some of what I saw from him during his time with the Texans. (No really, though. I think I’ve even started him in fantasy once or twice.) And apparently the team likes LaCosse, as they made a point to sign him as a free agent this offseason. (I literally know ZILCH about Izzo. Moving on…)

Again, while they’ll never find another Gronk, the position has always been a huge part of the team’s offense. Not only have over 20 percent of the team’s total targets gone to guys playing tight end over the past five seasons, but the running game has also relied upon some great blocking from the position, too. For as much as people think of Gronk as a receiver, he was also one the game’s elite blockers, regardless of position. The team also cut Dwayne Allen this offseason, who was another great guy to have up front. Especially with the investment the team has made in the future of its rushing attack, in addition to the lackluster receiving group, something else really needs to be added here this offseason.

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Iowa’s Noah Fant is an almost too perfect fit for the team and would be a steal at the end of the first round…if he makes it to that point. (OH, and look he even wears Gronk’s number. Hmmm…)

2.  Wide Receiver

WOW, MATTES! Way to go out on a limb. 

I know, I know. Even the most casual Patriots fan knows the team needs some serious help at receiver. But it still doesn’t change the fact it’s one of their top needs, SO BACK OFF.

Anyway, while Edelman is still playing at the top of his game, the only other somewhat reliable receiver the team has right now is Phillip Dorsett. Josh Gordon is still under contract, and he was terrific during his time on the field last season. But, while he could potentially play for the team in 2019, who the hell really knows what’s going to end up happening with that guy? The team also recently signed journeyman Bruce Ellington as well as a guy with some sneaky potential in Maurice Harris. But, in reality, Edelman and Dorsett are the team’s top receivers for 2019 so far. Yikes.

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Looks like Jules is going to have to be THE man again in 2019.

Fortunately, there is a lot of talent at wide receiver (and tight end) in this year’s draft, so the team could choose to pounce on someone in the early rounds. But, Belichick’s never really been too successful going that route, and I’d still like to see them bring in another veteran guy on a cheap flyer (again, Crabtree??) or via trade. Brady is in desperate need of some more weapons.

3.  Linebacker

Here is a position that is being overlooked by Patriots fans this offseason. I don’t think people realize how weak the team was at times over the middle of the defense in 2018. And, to be honest, if we didn’t have such a stellar secondary to clean up the mistakes of those in front of them, it could’ve been worse.

While some might think I get on Kyle Van Noy too much, I want everyone to know that I do realize his value as a pass-rusher/edge defender. He stepped up big time, especially in the playoffs, and he is a key piece on D. I’m not denying that. However, neither he nor Dont’a Hightower (who continues to look older and older with each passing snap) could cover a blind paraplegic stuck in molasses if their life depended on it. Not only did the team give up the ninth-most receiving yards to the running back position last season, but in the playoffs both of these guys also allowed almost SEVENTY PERCENT of the targets thrown their way to be completed. WOOF.

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Van Noy giveth, and Van Noy taketh away.

And there’s also the fact that Van Noy and Hightower are literally the only two linebackers who played significant snaps last season. Elandon Roberts has been all but forgotten. And while I am intrigued by second-year man Ja’Whuan Bentley – who showed a lot of promise before losing most of last season due to injury – we still need another guy, specifically one with some speed. Regardless of how you feel about anyone in the team’s current linebacking corps, there’s no doubt that the depth here is super thin.

(BOLD PREDICTION: Jamie Collins, an above-average coverage guy and former Belichick special project, ends up coming back to Foxborough on a cheap deal.)

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Round 2, anyone???

4.  Offensive Tackle

Again, here’s what seems like another pretty obvious choice, but I’m not highlighting the position solely due to the loss of Trent Brown. After all, the team did spend a first-round pick on a guy last year, Isaiah Wynn, whom is expected to take over and slide right into the left tackle spot this season. And they still have a steady-but-declining Marcus Cannon on the right side as well. Pretty much, the starters are set.

But behind that, there’s really not much. After losing swing tackle Cameron Fleming to Dallas in free agency before last season, the Pats then lost LaAdrian Waddle as a free agent to Buffalo this offseason. Waddle, while not a stud by any means, is a guy who played in 30 games (starting seven of them) for the team since 2016, filling in at both tackle spots whenever needed. (He wasn’t spectacular, but he was a solid, reliable guy who knew the system nonetheless.) So, in reality, the team is down two of its top four tackles from last season.

They did just go out and sign some guy named Cedrick Lang this week – who was drafted in 2016 and has yet to see an NFL snap – and there’s some who really believe in third-year man Cole Croston. Still, though, I’d like to see another solid tackle added within the first couple rounds this April, especially in a draft that is so deep at the position.

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I don’t know anything about this Lang guy. But I guess a 26-year-old, 6’7″, 300-pounder is never a bad thing to have.

To me, these are the areas in which the team could see the biggest issues in 2019 if not addressed right away. While a lot of people may also bring up positions like the defensive line or quarterback, I feel as though the team already has enough at both of these spots to get them by for now. (The draft is also LOADED at pass-rusher, so we can feel pretty safe assuming we’ll get at least one or two of ’em.)

What do you think, Pats Nation? Do you agree with my rankings? Is there another position I overlooked entirely? Be sure to let us know in the comments!

Jerod Mayo Coming Back to New England as Patriots Linebackers Coach

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I love everything about this.

On Tuesday, former Patriots stud linebacker Jerod Mayo announced, via Instagram, that he would be joining Bill Belichick’s defensive staff, serving as linebackers coach under new defensive coordinator Greg Schiano.

This one kind of came out of nowhere. I hadn’t heard any rumors connecting the former All-Pro to the Pats before this, but to be honest it almost makes too much sense. Mayo was the consummate pro during his eight seasons with the team. Not only did he serve as one of the league’s better defenders – for at least the first half of his career before injuries took a toll – but he was also just a selfless, brilliant leader, both on the field and off.

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After being selected with the 10th overall pick in the 2008 NFL draft, Mayo burst onto the scene as one of the league’s top all-around linebackers, averaging over 130 tackles per year through his first five seasons. In fact, he was absolutely incredible in 2010, when he registered 175 total tackles (with two sacks and three fumble recoveries to boot), earning First-Team All-Pro honors. And though the team lost the only Super Bowl he was able to play in (2011), he still was one of the main reasons they were even there in the first place. Mayo was finally able to get his ring in 2014, after the team beat the Seahawks, even though he could not play in the actual Super Bowl due to the fact he was on I.R. at the time.

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He really was one of the game’s best for a couple years.

Sadly, such injuries began to really take their toll in the latter half of his career, and he was only able to play in 28 out of a total 51 games over his last three campaigns. He ultimately decided to retire after the 2015 season, at only 29 years old.

So while he may not have had the longest career in the world, there are very few players who have garnered more respect and adoration during their time in a Patriots uniform than Mayo. Everyone from former players to sportswriters to Belichick himself have shown no reservation in their praise for him and the type of person he was during his time in Foxborough. There’s no doubt that he’ll be an asset to this staff.

Especially during an offseason where we’ve seen such turnover, in terms of both players and coaches alike, this is a very refreshing piece of news. (And who knows? Maybe he can actually teach our linebackers how to cover someone!)

Congrats, Jerod! Welcome back!

Checking in on the Celtics With Just 10 Games Left to Go

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(The NBA postseason begins in less than a month, and let’s just say it’s been a rather up-and-down season for our Boys in Green. While there’s still 10 games left to go in the regular season, Mattes and Dom are here with their take on the Celtics’s play this season and where things stand with the team heading into the home stretch.)

MATTES: I’ll be honest, heading into the year I never thought I’d see this team sitting 10 games out of the top spot in the East with 10 games left to go in the season. After they were mere minutes from an NBA Finals appearance last season – without their best player, mind you – I (and pretty much everyone else) am shocked to see them sitting in freakin’ FIFTH at the moment. After two tough losses this week, the Celtics are now four games behind Philly for the 3-seed and a half-game behind Indy for fourth place. At the moment, they wouldn’t even get home home-court advantage in the first round!

If things stand pat – and they probably will, especially with Kyrie saying he’s probably going to take some time off to rest before the playoffs – the Celtics are likely to take on the Pacers in the first round. (The Pistons are 5.5 games behind the C’s, and unless The Green absolutely collapse, they should get either the fourth or fifth seed and play Indy either way.)

So, Dom, how are you feeling with just 3.5 weeks left in the season? Do you feel OK with this squad heading into postseason play? Kyrie said back in February that all that matters is getting to the dance, and basically that the regular season is overrated. Do you agree?

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Kyrie says not to worry, but shouldn’t we be?

DOM: I both agree and disagree with what Kyrie says. The big reason being that home court is important, no matter how much players and coaches try to downplay it in press conferences. The Celtics are under .500 on the road but 29-14 at home. That’s important. We’re about to start playing the best teams in the league, and although I think any team in the East will have a hard time beating us in seven games, being able to play in a building that you dominate in is a massive advantage. Combine that with the fact that since February 1, we’re 4-8 against playoff teams, so we’re going to need all the help we can get. However, I do agree with Kyrie in the sense that there’s no point risking injury in the regular season if you know where you’ll end up in the playoffs. I’d actually like him to take the less important games off so we can get Terry, Tatum, and the rest of the cast feeling better about themselves for the playoff push.

As far as preseason predictions, I’m glad I didn’t put any money on this team like I originally wanted to. That’s for sure. I think we’ll move into the 4-seed by the end of the season, as the Pacers are fading and have a really tough schedule ahead. We also get to play them twice, so that’ll be a nice postseason preview. Still, though, fourth? I’d call you an idiot if you said that to me six months ago. As for predictions now, safe money has them getting knocked out in the second round by the Bucks.

MATTES: I agree that making preseason predictions can often be a fool’s errand, but there is no doubt this team has severely underachieved. Yes, the Bucks and Raptors (especially the Bucks) are also far exceeding expectations, and Philly got even better by adding two studs (Jimmy Butler and Tobias Harris) to their already loaded roster since last year. And I definitely did not expect an Indiana Pacers team which lost their best player (Victor Oladipo) for the season two months ago to still be hanging tough with the big boys in the East. So some might say that the surrounding competition is simply a lot better than we thought it would be.

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Harris (left) and Butler (right) have been two huge additions for the Sixers.

Honestly, though, I think it is much more about the Celtics themselves, as you even said they are 4-8 against current playoff teams since February 1. That includes teams out West, who do not affect the Celtics’s position in the Eastern Conference standings. To me, effort and demeanor has been the team’s biggest issue all year long; the talent is still obviously there.

It does seem as though we’ve gotten past a lot of the ridiculous off-court drama/bitch-ass-ness that was engulfing the team a few weeks ago, and it does seem as though they’re working together much better than before. (On Wednesday night, Kyrie was a wizard on the floor, making sick passes all over the court while trying to get the rest of the team involved early on in Philly. In fact, since March 1, he’s been averaging over eight assists per game, dishing out at least 10 dimes in 4-of-9 games this month.)

But again, effort is still lacking. After being a top-five defensive squad all year long, the team has dropped to sixth in terms of defensive rating. While that might not seem like a noteworthy change at all, it’s not a comforting trend when you consider they’ve given up an average of over 122 points per game (!!!) over their last five contests. They’re also 21st in the league in total rebounding, including being 20th in terms of offensive rebounding specifically. One of the first things I texted you while watching the game in Philly on Wednesday night was the fact that I was infuriated that the team refuses to even box out at times. I get that Embiid is really good. I get that we don’t really have anyone to match his size. But letting the guy get TWENTY-TWO boards on the night, including 16 on the defensive glass? That’s unacceptable.

 

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Embiid is one baaaaad man. He could be a huge problem in any potential playoff series against Philly.

DOM: All great points there. Defensively, we’ve actually been 16th in the league post-All-Star Break, and the team’s opponents’ points per game has really been driving me crazy. I often see people not knowing who to guard on fast breaks, losing their man on switches, and not closing out with their hands up. And that’s the difference in effort between winners and losers at the end of the year. Watching March Madness, you see it all over the place: teams who consistently lay out for loose balls, have their hands up and heads on a swivel, and play team defense usually come out on top.

I would also agree the competition in the East has gotten markedly better, especially at the top. The Bucks, Raptors, and 76ers are all legit championship threats, and Nate McMillan deserves serious consideration for Coach of the Year with what the Pacers have been able to do after the Oladipo injury. However, of the Celtics biggest disappointments, the coaching of Brad Stevens has to be the biggest for me. A lot of people will point to Hayward and say for a guy making $30 million a year, he sucks! But his salary doesn’t matter. The dude had one of the most horrific injuries you can possibly have, and anyone who expected him to come back and be the same player he was before is a fucking moron. Now, I’m not saying I don’t want more out of him, but his scoring and shooting percentage have increased every month this season. If you want to talk about contract value, that’s a conversation for next season.

Brad should’ve won the Coach of the Year Award last year with all the juggling of minutes of reserves, getting the most out of his players, and managing injuries as good as I’ve ever seen. This year, it seems he’s worrying too much about the egos of guys like Hayward, Tatum, and Morris and not doing the things that made them so good late last year. Namely, keeping a rotation based on who’s hot rather than giving people a set number of minutes. Although he’s been better lately, I can point to a dozen losses from earlier in the year where he failed to call timeouts when the other team went on a run, especially late in the game. Obviously the players have to perform, but as a coach you need to be able to stem the tide and know if the levee is about to break.

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Sorry, Brad. You’re not getting away scot-free here.

MATTES: YES! Brad Stevens really isn’t getting enough flak for the poor job he’s done overall this year. I’ve always been a big fan of Stevens, ever since we first brought him on almost six years ago. Especially after last season, like you mentioned, I thought he was quickly ascending up the NBA coaching hierarchy and that we’d be set for years to come with him leading the way. But, like you also mentioned, the guy refuses to take timeouts when needed or make the tough calls, and he instead seems to be more worried about upsetting the big egos on this team. (Although, much like when he called out the team for taking shortcuts on defense after the game in Toronto a few weeks ago, he seems like he’s been finding his voice at least a little bit more lately.)

As I’ve said time and time again this year, though, there might simply be too many cooks in the kitchen. There are eight very talented guys who are averaging over 20 minutes a game for the Celtics this year, and that can’t be very easy to manage. Also, in regards to Hayward, the team plays incredibly well when he specifically plays well. (But no really, they’re almost unstoppable when Hayward is on his game.) So I don’t necessarily blame Brad for continuing to play him so much, even when he’s been outright bad at times.

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As much as people might want to get on him this year, Hayward’s been huge for the team at times this season.

But, it is now March 22, and the postseason is right around the corner. Brad needs to continuing tightening things up, shorten the rotation even more, and play the guys who are really making an effort to salvage this season. No more “figuring things out.” We’re 90% of the way through the season! Get it together, boys!

DOM: Totally agree. I’m not one of these dopes calling for Brad to be fired, and even if they were to get swept in the first round, I still want Stevens as our head coach, for now at least. He’s had five years in a row to prove himself, and one bad year isn’t enough for me to call it on him as a good coach. But you’re right, Brad needs to stick with the guys who are playing well, and hopefully these guys can start playing consistently as a unit. That’s the key to winning: team basketball, on both sides of the ball.

Here’s a stat that blew my mind, and although it’s not surprising if you’ve watched this team at all this year, it is frustrating. Aside from Kyrie and Horford, the Celtics suck in the ISO. There’s two guys in particular who need to cut the shit and stop clearing everyone out: Tatum and Morris. To give people an idea of how effective people can be out of the ISO, James Harden is the league leader, averaging 18 points per game in the ISO, and Steph Curry is the most efficient, scoring 1.1 points per possession in terms of people scoring more than one basket per game in ISO. (Technically, Rodions Kurucs is No. 1 at 1.75 PPP, but we’re not gonna count that).

The best players in the league hover around 1.0 PPP, but plenty of quality players keep it above 0.9. However, once you start dipping from there, you become increasingly ineffective. And that’s where Morris and Tatum come in. Morris is averaging 0.66 PPP and Tatum is at 0.64!! And it’s not like this is Draymond Green, who’s at 0.67 but is only in ISO 2.9% of the time. Tatum and Morris get the ball in ISO 13.4% and 9.8% of the time, respectively, and both only shoot 32% in those situations. Basically, that means that when Morris or Tatum go at it alone, they only make one of every three shots, good for two points every three trips up the court. That is GARBAGE.

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Move the fucking basketball. Somehow, the Celtics actually average 26.4 assists per game, good for sixth in the NBA. But could you imagine if the ball didn’t seem to get stuck in someone’s hands so often? On the other side of it, Horford and Kyrie are both ridiculously efficient off the pick-and-roll, averaging well over 1.0 PPP each and shooting 50% or higher. That’s insane. Keep doing that.

MATTES: Well, it’s seems pretty obvious that we both feel that guys getting over themselves, learning to defer to those who deserve it, and actually acting like they care are three simple changes this team can make right now. If so, maybe – JUST MAYBE – a second straight push for the Finals isn’t such a crazy thought after all. If not, we might ultimately be looking at one of the more disappointing seasons for a Boston sports team that we’ve seen in quite some time.

The Celtics kick off their final slate of regular-season games on Saturday night in Charlotte.

The 300s Marvel Cinematic Rewind Presents: Ant-Man

The300s MCU

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After a pretty hit-or-miss slate of movies throughout Phase 2, Marvel ended the epoch on a really good note with 2015’s “Ant-Man.”

To be honest, I had no idea what to expect from this one – not only because Hank Pym wasn’t really one of my guys growing up, but even more so because the MCU had my emotions all mixed up at the time. The studio’s second phase started off with clunkers like “Iron Man 3” and the second Thor movie, only to follow that up with two of their best ever in the second Cap movie as well as “Guardians of the Galaxy.” Then, I was absolutely disgusted with “Avengers: Age of Ultron,” which was released just two months before. (Seriously, it has to be my least favorite MCU film. I still think Papa Giorgio was being a bit ambitious with his 5.0 rating.)

Ant-Man was great, though. It truly was. Even though, as I mentioned above, I wasn’t really an expert on the storyline growing up, I was cautiously excited solely for the fact it starred one of my favorite actors/humans ever in Paul Rudd. I may actually love him more than I do some family members, and I can’t remember the last thing I’d seen with him I didn’t enjoy. So good start there.

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Then, we were also treated to the absolute GEM that is Michael Peña (more on him later). And we also got an extended cameo from Tip Harris – aka T.I. (yes, that T.I.) – along with a star-studded supporting cast that included Michael Douglas, Evangeline Lilly, Judy Greer, Wood Harris, and Bobby Cannavale.

In typical MCU fashion, the movie was obviously going to sprinkle in the funny, especially with guys like Rudd and Peña leading the way. Fortunately, though, it wasn’t overkill. The humor was placed perfectly throughout the story, and I was grinning pretty much the whole film.

As far as the action goes, there wasn’t really any actual “fighting” at all until the very end. But still, there were plenty of unique shots of what life would look like from the perspective of a man the size of a freakin’ thumbtack. For example, here’s what the poor guy had to go through after trying on the suit for the first time and discovering its insane abilities:

And there were plenty of shots like this, too:

Not mindblowing stuff, but pretty cool nonetheless. At least it’s not something you see everyday.

For those who need a refresher on the actual movie itself, here’s a (kind of) quick rundown:

We start off with a flashback to 1989, where we see Hank Pym (Douglas) walking into a small meeting of the minds at S.H.I.E.L.D., which includes Marvel legend Peggy Carter, and we find out that Pym is pretty pissed off after finding out people were trying to replicate his work. Apparently, he had been hiding the secret stuff that allowed him to change his size, because he knew how dangerous the technology could be in the wrong hands. He then resigns and says, “As long as I’m alive, nobody will ever get that formula.” So that’s that.

Back to present day, where we see Scott Lang (Rudd) getting his ass kicked in some sort of weird prison goodbye ceremony, only to then be escorted out of the gates and right into the van of his good pal, Luis. This is where we first see the on-screen magic between these two and are introduced to the comedic genius of Michael Peña, who plays Luis. From the get-go, the dude had me roaring almost every time he was on the screen, absolutely stealing the show at some parts. Peña is pure gold in this one. GOLD.

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After getting fired from Baskin-Robbins when his manager discovers his criminal past,  Lang visits Luis’s apartment, where two of  Luis’s buddies, Dave (T.I.) and Kurt, are sitting at the table, looking all shady. Come to find out, they’re interested in having Scott help them with a “score,” a request which Lang immediately rebuffs. Luis then explains to the other two that while Lang is technically an ex-con, he was actually arrested for hacking into a company which stole millions from its customers (called Vista) and somehow distributing the funds back out the deserving folks. Lang then calls himself a “cat burglar” and not a robber, trying to look as non-criminal as possible.

Over to Pym Technologies, where we see a much older Hank Pym, who is apparently no longer running the very company which bears his name. His daughter, Hope van Dyne (Lilly) is also present, along with quite possibly the most douchey character in MCU history, Darren Cross. Apparently, this guy Cross was Pym’s former protégé whom is now responsible for running the company. Cross is obsessed with continuing Pym’s research, which Pym kept hidden from him, and is miffed that he was lied to about the whole Ant-Man thing. Come to find out, Cross was able to get a hold of the formula and introduces his own miniature “hero” idea: Yellow Jacket. He also lets Pym know about his plan to sell the technology to those who want to create an army of miniature super soldiers.

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Sure, he was an A-hole, but that suit is DOPE.

Pym tries to reason with Cross not to pursue the tech any further, and he especially warns against selling it as a weapon. Cross doesn’t care, some even more douchey guys with money show up, and Pym’s not a happy camper. However, apparently he and Hope, who serves as Cross’s second hand, have been conspiring to stop Cross behind his back for a while now.

We then see Lang show up to his daughter’s birthday party, an event at which he is NOT welcome by anyone besides his disgustingly adorable daughter. Not only is he being shunned for being an ex-con, but he also realizes he needs money, and he needs it fast. At which point, he goes back to Luis’s place to ask about that “score.”

Cue the first hilarious Peña rant recap of the movie:

Lang accepts, and they go to rob the house. Come to find out, though, they’re not robbing a safe full of money – and even more importantly, they’re not just robbing any old house. Once Lang breaks open the safe, which is actually a room, we see the Ant-Man suit sitting there, which he quickly grabs and books it out of the house. We also then see a shot of good old Pym watching Lang rob his house, which seems a bit odd at first.

I already showed you what happens when he tries on the suit, which causes him to go right back to Pym’s place and “return it.” Upon leaving the house, who else is there but the cops, right? Boom. Back to jail for Mr. Lang.

OK, we’re getting a bit long here, so time for a Peña-style recap of the next chunk of the film:

  • Pym pulls a fast one, tricking the cops into thinking he was Lang’s lawyer in order to try and get him out of jail.
  • We find out that Pym had actually planned the entire thing, down to his house being robbed, because he’s been following Lang ever since finding out about his story. He then forces Lang to use the suit to escape prison.
  • After waking up at Pym’s house, Lang first meets Hope, who is nahhht a fan.
  • Pym explains to Lang why he’s there. Hope remains pissed off because she wants to do it herself. Pym seems really dead set against that whole idea for some reason. Lang tells him to call the Avengers. Pym says he’s spent his whole life trying to keep his tech away from the Starks and anyone associated with them.
  • They talk about a plan to infiltrate Pym Technologies and destroy Cross’s plans.
  • Then begins a whole training montage of Lang learning how to be Ant-Man, which is basically the MCU’s version of “Rocky III” minus the beach.

During this time, we also see Cross discover how to finally shrink organic matter without killing it. So that’s not good. And we get to see Lang fight Falcon when attempting to steal a piece of tech from the Avengers facility:

Lang also convinces Luis and the boys to help them with their plan. We also find out that Pym has been keeping Hope away from danger the whole time after losing her mother Janet (aka the original Wasp) in a mission years ago. And this is actually super important. Apparently, in order to diffuse a Russian (because of course) bomb, she had to shrink down to sub-atomic levels and enter the Quantum Realm, which had never been done before. Pym says it’s “a reality where all concepts of time and space become irrelevant as you shrink for all eternity.” He never saw her again and has spent his life trying to get her back. (He had previously been lying to Hope and saying it was a plane crash that killed her mother. *Cue heartwarming father-daughter healing scene.*)

And off to Pym Technologies…

A lot of stuff happens inside and outside the facility, everyone escapes (including Cross), and the building itself basically implodes as everyone is getting away. Lang follows Cross, who throws on the Yellow Jacket suit and becomes super tiny himself, all the way to Lang’s daughter’s house.

As Cross is holding Lang’s daughter hostage, Lang decides to take the leap and go sub-atomic to get inside the Yellow Jacket suit and destroy Cross. He’s able to do so, but he also almost gets stuck in the Quantum Realm forever. Lo and behold, he finds a way out, and with both Cross and the tech destroyed, the movie is basically over. (Pym also walks in on Lang smooching with Hope at the very end, setting up the future of the franchise. The first post-credit scene also has Pym showing Hope the Wasp suit he’s been hiding in the basement for years. SPOILER ALERT: She becomes the new Wasp.)

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Again, I had a blast watching this one the first time, and I had almost just as much fun watching it again. Rather than making it your typical “good guy vs. bad guy” cookie-cutter super hero flick, the MCU seemed to be more interested in creating an origin story that was simultaneously a redemption story for a new and really fun character.

Kudos to Feige and Co. on this one.

Final rating: 7.0 out of 10.

Hey Guys, Josh Gordon Isn’t Done Quite Yet

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Hopefully your eyes didn’t roll too far back into your head after reading the headline.

But seriously, while many in Pats Nation are ready to write off the oft-troubled 27-year-old after his de-railed comeback attempt with the Patriots last season, both the team and the wide receiver himself are not ready to do so.

First, we received this little nugget from one of the NFL’s leading talking heads, Ian Rapoport, back on Super Bowl Sunday:

Then, last week, the Patriots decided to tender Josh Gordon, a restricted free agent, at a second-round level. Basically, this means the team will be able to retain his rights, and anyone that tries to sign him away this offseason would need to give the Pats a second-round pick. (I promise you that nobody is going to do that, so he will be back in New England if he plays next season.)

And finally, we were treated to a couple of Instagram posts from his trainer this past weekend in an effort to let the people know his client isn’t ready to hang ’em up just yet. (Check the clips out here and here.)

OK, he looks great and all, but my fear with him was never about whether or not he could still get it done as a player. By all accounts, he was fantastic for the team in his brief time on the field last season; in 11 games with the Pats in 2018, Gordon caught 40 of his 70 total targets for 720 yards with four TDs. For the season, he finished with an average of 17.98 yards per grab; over his past six games with the Pats, he averaged an even more impressive 19.5 YPC.

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Point of the story: the guy can obviously still ball.

It’s all that “other stuff” that we need to be concerned about, as the guy just can’t seem to shake all of those off-field demons. Furthermore, we still don’t even know exactly when the NFL will allow Gordon to return to action. As mentioned in the Rapoport tweet above, he “may” be back by training camp, but there has been nothing concrete reported pertaining to when Flash might be able to play again. It’s anybody’s guess at this point.

But as Lloyd Christmas once famously said:

Here’s to hoping the young fella finally pulls it together, once and for all, and gives the Pats a weapon they so desperately need in 2019.

Keep those fingers crossed, Pats Nation.

BREAKING: Patriots Cutting Adrian Clayborn After Just One Season

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Ya boy is on fire right now! ONE day after I suggested that cutting Adrian Clayborn would help the Patriots fix their messy financial situation, lo and behold, the 30-year-old free-agent bust is on his way out the door.

Apparently, Clayborn “asked” for his release and is “ready for the next chapter,” per a tweet he posted just 20 minutes ago:

While I am not trying to tear the guy down – again, he was solid during stretches in 2018 – it’s just a bit frustrating that the team waited until now to cut him loose. That extra $4 million could have gone a long way toward bringing in a guy like Adam Humphries or Golden Tate, both of whom we chased and apparently lost out on over some minor change.

With most of the big-name free agents off the board, and after the flurry of under-the-radar signings the team announced yesterday afternoon (which included two wide receivers), we are unlikely to see the team focus much more on the open market. Sure, guys like Randall Cobb, Michael Crabtree, Mike Wallace, and a few others are still without a team, but I think that ship has sailed.

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Don’t get your hopes up that this guy is still coming to Foxborough.

Hopefully, the money freed up by the Clayborn move can open up some space to sign Jules or Brady to an extension. Or maybe it’ll just give them some more capital to sign what is likely to be a big rookie class in 2019.

Either way, it was a good move for the team.

Checking in on the Patriots Mess of a Salary Cap Situation

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Some fans in Pats Nation are a bit salted that, to this point, the team has still yet to make any significant moves so far in free agency. To be fair, it hasn’t even been 24 hours since free-agent signings and new trades became official. The Pats were also able to resign one of their own top free agents in Jason McCourty as well as receiver Phillip Dorsett. Also, the news of Michael Bennett’s acquisition – which is by no means insignificant – broke almost a week ago.

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I am pretty stoked that at least J-Mac’s been officially locked up once again.

Still, the team has also lost it’s starting left tackle (Trent Brown) and defensive keystone (Trey Flowers) over the past few days along with some wide receiver depth. While Bennett can serve as a more than serviceable replacement for Trey Flowers, what about everything else?

Again, folks, it is still SUPER early in the offseason. Plus, there’s that whole draft thing that happens every April, too. Ya know, the one during which the Pats will have six picks within the top-101 selections? That’s likely where many needs are going to be addressed.

But with how much talent there is in this year’s free-agent class, especially at wide receiver, I’ll admit that maybe it is a little disappointing we’ve received nothing but radio silence from Foxborough, besides the McCourty news and a few other minor re-signings. The team also brought in long-time special-teams standout/emergency running back Brandon Bolden after his one-year stint in Miami. Other than that, though, absolutely nada.

(UPDATE: The Patriots signed journeyman wide receiver Bruce Ellington to a one-year deal on Thursday afternoon. But, honestly, who the hell cares? In my book, it’s still “nada.”)

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One of Belichick’s all-time faves, Bolden, is back.

Perhaps it isn’t entirely by choice, though. I mentioned the other day that we might not be paying enough attention to some of the team’s current contracts, which could potentially have the front office hamstrung, no matter what they actually might want to do. Right now, Spotrac has the Patriots’ projected cap space at about $9.6 million – but, and this is key to mention, that is without accounting for any of this week’s re-signings, as the terms of those deals have still yet to be announced. As you can see, the team really doesn’t have as many resources as some might like to think they do.

While I highlighted Julian Edelman’s current deal as a speculative problem, here are a few other very real salary concerns that are worth mentioning:

  • Gronk, who has a cap hit over $11 million for this year, has STILL yet to declare whether or not he’s coming back. Truthfully, it’s an incredibly selfish move on his part. That’s over eight figures just sitting there in limbo while some of the best names continue to fly off the market. Ironically, there’s a guy out there, Jared Cook, who the team is reportedly interested in and who could ultimately replace Gronk at tight end. But, until No. 87 decides what he wants to do, it might not matter. (He and the team might actually already know and just aren’t saying anything, but right now he looks bad.)
  • The right side of the offensive line – Shaq Mason and Marcus Cannon – accounts for a combined 7.7 percent of the team’s total salary in terms of cap hit. While I will be the first one to sing the praises of the offensive line from last season, that does seem a bit high when comparing it to the rest of the roster. Especially when you consider that the O-line is more about how all five work together as a unit, and no one player really stood out above the rest, do we really need to be investing this much? Though I think Mason is one of the game’s elite young guards, moving Cannon – and his extensive injury history – would save the team about $4.7 million. (This one is very unlikely to happen due to the team’s almost non-existent lack of depth at the position, but it is an example of player maybe not entirely living up to his big contract.)
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After being ranked as PFF’s top-rated right tackle in 2016, Cannon has fallen back down to Earth quite a bit.

  • Adrian Clayborn was up-and-down in 2018 after signing with the team last offseason as the “big” free-agent addition. He really was a key contributor at times in terms of pressure, but at others he was entirely non-existent. The team might be thin at the position, but he’s just not worth an almost $6 million cap hit. Cutting him would leave $2 million in dead money, but it’s honestly worth it in my opinion. There is so much depth in terms of pass-rushers/edge defenders in this draft. And the team still has young guys like Deatrich Wise and Derek Rivers, both of whom I expect to take big leaps in 2019 if they can finally each get healthy. We truly don’t need Clayborn at that price.
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Relative to expectations, Clayborn was a bit of a dud.

  • Devin McCourty is set to make over $13 million in 2019 and is in the last year of his deal. I know he allegedly toyed with the idea of retirement recently, but perhaps a nice little extension would show him that the team truly values his presence and knows how important it is to keep him around. His brother is also signed to be here at least through the next two seasons. Plus, it would allow the team to spread out the money a bit more and free up some much-needed space in the short term.
  • Literally the same exact thing can be done with Tom Brady, who is also set to become a free agent next offseason, and his $27 million cap hit.

There are others as well who could be extended, cut, traded, etc., etc., etc. But to me, these are the ones that stand out the most.

As I said, there’s still a lot of time left in the offseason, but the clock is ticking in terms of bringing in truly premier talent. Earlier today, the Golden Tate rumors started up again, and with the pretty cold market he’s been met with so far, the team could get him at a real discount. But the guy is only going to wait so long, and he is honestly about as perfect a fit as it gets for this team and its system. I would hate to see him sign for $7 or $8 million per with another team, because that would be absolute highway robbery for a player that good.

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Please, Bill, make this happen somehow!!!

(ANOTHER UPDATE: Aaaand now Tate’s gone after signing for $9 million per year over four years with the Giants. COOL.)

Maybe they have a few things lined up behind closed doors and we’ll soon be hit with a flurry of successive contract-related news. Or maybe the team’s brass is sitting in a big conference room and scratching their heads. I’ve never had anything but good reason to trust in this team and it’s roster-building mastery, but all I’m saying is they’ve definitely got their hands full this year.

BREAKING: Patriots Resign Super Bowl Hero Jason McCourty

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Besides a few under-the-radar moves (re-signing John Simon; tendering Jonathan Jones and Josh Gordon; signing Brandon Bolden), the Pats have been silent through the first 2.5 days of the NFL free-agent “tampering period.” Again, even though trades and signings cannot become official until 4 p.m. today, we already know where most of the big names are going.

At the same time, the Pats also watched their starting left tackle and best defender from last season walk out the door. But fortunately, Jason McCourty will not be following behind them. Today, the Pats resigned the cornerback to a two-year deal:

McCourty was unbelievable for the Pats last year. After being acquired for peanuts from the Browns after a “down” season in 2017, Belichick reunited J-Mac with his twin brother Devin, and the two were an absolute force in the team’s secondary last year. Jason not only played in every single game, but he also ended up finishing as Pro Football Focus’s 11th-ranked cover corner out of 123 eligible players. He truly was elite.

And, for maybe the 200th time, I’m going to mention how Jason made the most important play of Super Bowl 53. Had Cooks caught that ball, that would’ve changed the whole momentum of the game heading into the fourth quarter, and Brady might still only have five rings. McCourty is seriously not getting enough credit for what he did. The effort and determination he displayed in order to get to Cooks’s spot in the end zone before he caught the ball was remarkable, and it was indicative of the type of play he displayed all year long.

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This really might’ve been one of the most important plays in team history.

Along with First-Team All-Pro Stephon Gilmore, rookie standout J.C. Jackson, and the team’s crop of other young talents at the position, McCourty helps give the Pats what should once again be one of the league’s very best defensive backfields heading into 2019.