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Joey Ballgame

I'd like to take this chance to apologize to absolutely nobody.

Views from the 617.

Primarily MMA and pop culture takes from down in the rabbit hole. Sports straight out of left field.

Life Is Meaningless – Emmy Rossum Leaving “Shameless”

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First Date Fiona. The Eldest Sister/Matriarch cum temporary fuck-up cum ultimate redemption story and entrepreneur. in real life, one of my ultimate Hollywood crushes is leaving my favorite show effective after this season. Announced just a few days before the beginning of next season, no less.

I mean what the fuck man. I haven’t even read the actual post. I can’t bare to. Thinking like I do about sports when I’m being the GM On The Couch, if this was about her equal-pay dispute, I kind of get it. The show is only a few seasons from shutting the books, that isn’t really up for debate. My friend who watches the show and I have talked about it at length. We finally became full-fledged adults when we acknowledge we’d rather one of our favorite thing – be it a player, a show, etc. – retire on top then limp to a hubris-hewed but humiliating finish. So if she was demanding primo cash for an expiring career, I get the hesitance of the Showtime. Why bother?

The words aren’t really coming at this point folks. I mean what the fuck. I keep hearing that AWESOME quote from “Gone Baby Gone” regarding the forced-into-retirement Captain Morgan Freeman played. “It was an ignominious end to an illustrious career”. Except this isn’t embarrassing as much as it is frustratingly sudden and feels unfair. But I hate telling other adults, like people sometimes do with other folks in pop culture, what is fair and unfair to do with their lives. She has reasons I know. It just sucks. This show led me out of college. It has made me laugh and cry, both hysterically. And now it’s lynchpin (a brilliant William H. Macy is given a lot of credit but it’s Emmy Rossum that fuels this ship) is leaving out of the clouds.

Goddammit Fiona.

****Bloggers note as the adrenaline wears off: The money part I’m wrong on. Most shows end while cashing out their actors. It’s how they get them to stay. “Friends” notably was the first to pay their cast $1,000,000.00 at the end. Fuck.

Counterpoint: All Yeezy Clothes Are Trash

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The300s (somehow) – Despite that, Yeezy sneakers are actually fire flames. At least the Yeezy Boosts…some of the other Yeezy sneakers look like they came out of the Steph Curry “Dad has to mow the Lawn 7’s” batch.

Editor’s note: I disagree. 

I am going to make this so simple that whether you walk the catwalk at fashion week or you are a hillbilly with 3 pairs of overalls you are going to understand.

First and foremost: Style and fashion are 2 different things.

Style is how you choose to dress and present yourself. Fashion is when some chick who hasn’t eaten in 3 weeks wears a wedding cake in Paris and people call it “emotional” or “evoking early 1900’s Romanticism”.

Secondly: I understand I am a known Kanye West hater and therefore this position is going to be looked at as biased. However I am also so practical and  pragmatic it bothers even me sometimes. If it’s hot, it’s hot, if it’s cold, it’s cold and if it sucks, it sucks. I am unable to shake my own brain from the roots of common sense.

When it comes to the #1 case of Narcissistic Personality Disorder in rap and his clothing line Yeezy’s piss-yellow, road-rashed clothes and piss-yellow, retiree-approved shoes Suck.Out.Loud. Horrendous. Disgusting. If you put that shit on your body you are a lesser human being. That is Said Narcissict’s “fashion”. That is not, in any way, shape, or form, “style”. Style is clothes that don’t look like they were the victim of a vindictive house cat and a distracted Caitlyn Jenner and shoes that aren’t from the closet of a nursing home resident whomsts’ Depends failed.

Don’t be one of those people. Don’t be someone who says, “well all of the cool kids have a hoarder for a mom and no washing machine.” You look like a dipshit now. You’ll look like a GIGANTIC dipshit in a few years.

Don’t be that guy. Don’t be a tREnD.

Mychal “The Wolf of Broadstreet” Kendricks Is Going Down For Insider Trading

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NFL.Com – Cleveland Browns linebacker and former Philadelphia Eagle Mychal Kendricks has been charged with insider trading, the U.S. Attorney’s Office of the Eastern District of Pennsylvania announced Wednesday morning.

First of all, I’m completely shoving this shovel of shit down the throat of Philly and its fans as a.) Kendricks is their guy. b.) He hasn’t played for the Browns yet. c.) He was charged in PA.

So with that said:

WHAT AN IDIOT. WHAT A FUCKING MORON.

Financial gurus, Wizards of Wall Street, Stock Market mavens, cannot commit insider trading and get away with it. Yet this NFL linebacker thought he could? Ok bud, how’d that go?

It would seem like Kendricks “entrusted a friend” to “help him cheat the stock market” and “really regrets he got caught”. The best part is he is so up shits creek with the Feds that he is blatantly and fully admitting it. Full on “ya got me”. Which means between this, again, NFL linebacker and a Harvard MBA/Goldmans employee they couldn’t commit insider trading good enough to even leave a smidge of reasonable doubt. I mean it’s borderline impressive.

So Mychal Kendricks joins the Burress-Vick club of former NFL players to take a vacation at Club Fed. Or pay a steep fine wiping out his net-worth which he’ll probably regain some of because he’ll only have an 8 second suspension. It’s not like he may have deflated footballs after all.

Ts and Ps To Topanga’s Ex Lance Bass On Losing Out On The “Brady Bunch” House

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Sooo good people….I copied and pasted something else so I no longer have the link to this story. Luckily you can hit CTRL+T and just google this story as every news outlet is covering it as if some great injustice is being done to an American treasure.

First and foremost Lance Bass is the 4th most important member of Nsync. There’s Timberlake, the guy with the initials, Joey Fatone, and then Lance Bass. Yes Fatone is above him because he was in “Rent” and although Broadway is dumb because there is NO FUCKING REASON to break into song all randomly and shit, massive amounts of people consider “Rent” culturally significant. So sorry Lance, you are only above the guy who got directly threatened by Eminem.

As for the story at hand, my only real angle on this is it is interesting how badly the “Brady Bunch” house got cucked in terms of famous pop culture residences by the “Full House” house. I’m sure until Danny Tanner and the gang came along people gave many more shits about the Brady’s dwelling, but now, the Tanner’s is definitely the more well known of thw two. Yours truly even visited it when I was in SF in 13′.

This all makes the fact that Lance Bass is “heartbroken” absolutely ridiculous. Bro you were not even BORN when this show went off the air (I think, again I’ve promised too many times to not do research to only now start doing research). Stop acting like someone has violated your auction rights by backdooring you out of a semi-famous (these days) T.V house. Put on your big boy pants, take this L, be a man, and just wait to buy Demi Lovato’s house once she dies. Problem solved.

-Joey B.

In Offense To Big Z’s Defense of Dan Shaughnessy From My Column Taking Down Dan Shaughnessy

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Here’s the thing. Bill Belichick doesn’t like bullshit questions. He is not here to be reality T.V. To be dramatic. I think that is where anyone who hates him finds their disconnect. You have middle aged me now watching (BECAUSE HAHA ISN’T THIS FUNNY AND IRONIC AND I’M COMFORTABLE WITH MYSELF) the bachelor. Of course they are going to hate Bill Belichick not talking about OOOOO the Malcolm Butler benching.

But have you ever heard Belichick field a question about….football? He LOVES it. When Ebner got hurt last year and someone asked him how it was going to effect kick coverage, he went onnnnnnnn and on about coverage and the x’s and o’s and who knows what. He just does not want to talk about bullshit side stories that have zero to do with winning football games. Are they interesting for us to talk about on a rainy day or at the? Sure. No one will deny that. But they don’t matter to the Hooded One.

 

-Joey B.

Soooo McGregor vs. Nurmagomedov Is Basically ON

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If this isn’t an “I’m Back” tweet then IDK what is. After two years away from the cage Conor McGregor will be returning to fight Khabib Nurmagomedov in what might be the biggest MMA fight of all time.

Early prediction? I have no fucking clue. Khabib has mauled every last opponent thrown his way. Minus getting some ring rust shaken off him by a VERY fast Michael Johnson he has looked a man amongst boys. But it’s Conor man, it’s fuckin Conor. He has earned 9 figures making people look like folks for doubting him.

HERE. WE. GO.

The 300’s Official UFC 227 Preview

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Happy Diaz vs. Poirier Day! BUT CONCENTRATE. This weekend we have a fantastic card on our hands ladies and gents. We have two title fights and a lot more beautiful violence to cover so if you don’t mind, I’m not gonna be about the bullshit today.

The Main Event

T.J Dillashaw (C) vs. Cody Garbrandt – Bantamweight (135lbs) Title Fight

When you really sit back and think about it the first and last time T.J Dillashaw and Cody Garbrandt fought was a perfect encapsulation of who they were then as fighters.  Garbrandt was a slick as hell boxer with a cannon of a right hand and who had probably gotten just a little too cocky for his own good. That said, if you had grown up on the wrong side of the poverty line in Nowhere, OH and had risen to be the undefeated Bantamweight Champion of the UFC, you might have too.

Tyler Jeffrey Dillashaw was (and is) a world-class MMA kickboxer and had on his side the confidence that he never really lost his title, despite what the UFC and Massachusetts State Athletic Commission said.

Dillashaw won fight 1, as we all know. After getting knocked down by a Garbrandt sledgehammer, overhand right and potentially saved by the bell at the end of RD1, “Killashaw” came back to make “No Love” pay for his arrogance, ending his night with a head kick not long after.

All of the above makes this fight REALLY tough to pick, especially when you finally acknowledge, in the 4th paragraph of a blog, the animosity between these two guys. I’ve never believed an MMA feud more than this. They hate each other. So did that blind Garbrandt the first time? Will it Dillashaw this time? It’s a really hard aspect of this fight to quantify.

What makes this an even harder one to call is that, in my opinion, both guys are equally skilled at what they do. It is not like a great wrestler vs a great striker fight where you can try and guess which cancels out the other. “No Love” is a slippery-as-they-come boxer with great wrestling to boot while the reigning champ is pure poetry-in-motion with his stance changing-heavy style of Muay Thai. Oh and he is an excellent wrestler too.

So who wins? Who takes this one? For this underappreciated by his boss blogger, it is a battle of head vs. heart. My heart says Garbrandt via RD1 thud. He won’t get as cocky, he is a lot more focused, and he got all the treatment he could find for his ailing back so he’ll get the best of the champ this time. However, my head says the champ. T.J is – Godfuckingdammit I’m talking about him again – Conor McGregor-esque in his confidence. He simply doesn’t see himself losing. He doesn’t recognize it as a reality. He has probably been through every last scenario this fight might throw at him in his head.  So that’s it. I love to watch both these guys fight but I have to take the champ.

Official Pick: T.J Dillashaw retains his title by KO (RD4)
Co-Main Event

 

Demetrious Johnson (C) vs. Henry Cejudo – Flyweight (125lbs) Title Fight

This is why I get paid the big bucks. To talk about snoozers like this. I’d love to pick the upset. I’d love to say Cejudo is going to pull a Rocky and beat the longtime flyweight champ, but alas. Cejudo is ultra talented. He is an Olympic wrestler who has developed a great kickboxing game and  has still-improving but impressive hands. With that said, apart from Wilson Reis, a grappler first and second, Cejudo hasn’t finished anyone since 2013. Before knocking out Reis and decisioning Sergio Pettis, he had been beat on points by Joe B in one of the most lackluster fights the division has ever seen. I’m not trying to dump on Cejudo, but my point is I would have needed to see him DESTROY a few opponents in a row to give him a shot against D.J, who, like him or not, loves to win fights.

Official Pick: Demetrious Johnson retains his title by submission (RD5)

 

Additional Fun Fight

Pedro Munhoz vs. Brett Johns (Bantamweight fight)

In case anyone has forgot BRETT JOHNS WON A FIGHT BY CALF SLICER! CALF SLICER! LAST YEAR! That just does not fucking happen. Including that win, the scrappy, scrawny 135er from Wales won his first three UFC bouts and was undefeated before running into the Funkmaster in his last fight. That would be a wake up call to a lot of up and comers. But I think he needed that to keep progressing and should be using it as motivation going into this tussle with Munhoz.

“The Young Punisher” has gone 5-3 in his UFC tenure, but that belies the fact that his three losses were to Rafael “No one has noticed I’ve been in the top-3 for 10 years” Assuncao, Jimmie Rivera, and John Dodson – three big name, top flight guys at Bantamweight. He is a black belt in a BJJ and has a particular affinity for latching onto a nasty guillotine.

Basically, someone is getting tapped.

Official Pick: Pedro Munhoz wins by submission (RD2)

Notes

– Cub Swanson fights in the third-to-the-top bout of the night. He is one of the reasons yours truly got into MMA and always brings a boxing-heavy, fun, complete style of mixed martial arts to the cage. He fight Renato Carneiro who is a savage in his own right.

– There is a LOT of talk coming from both main event participants as well as D.J that the winner of the 135lb title fight will drop down and fight “Mighty Mouse” for his title in a superfight. We’ll see if that get’s done. Here’s betting Johnson’s gigantic sense of self-worth that it won’t.

Enjoy the scraps.

-Joey B.

BREAKING: Scary Terry AKA Terry Rozier Signs With Puma

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The Atlantic – Nothing has been straightforward for Terry Rozier early in his career. He’s only three years into the league, but he has already become a cultural icon in the NBA and sneakerhead community. Now he is embarking on a new phase of his journey, announcing Thursday that he is signing a sneaker deal with Puma….

I mean this is the biggest news of the offseason right? Terry Rozier aka Scary Terry aka TRozzay has become the latest NBA name to sign with Puma’s upstart hoops line. America’s 2nd Unit Point Guard is going to be sweating unwavering, sometimes bordering on delusional confidence through the official brand of Euro trash and, formerly, punk pop bands and their fans.

In all serious this kind of is a pretty big get for Puma. More and more folks are looking for the cool, cult of personality to imitate and get fashion/pop culture inspiration from rather than the outrageously ubiquitous superstar. Think how much niche blogs ( 😉 ) and podcasts now influence consumer markets. The legend of Terry Rozier fills that role to a T. He lends, quite plainly, the cred to the market-befuddling Puma basketball launch that the draft talent that announced their sneaker-deal allegiance to the Cat couldn’t.

So while I formerly laughed off Puma for this venture as misguided at best, if they continue to sign the Terry Rozier’s of the world I can see this possibly working. Stay in the Scary Terry, Lance Stephenson, Peach Lowry at MOST lane and I could actually see this doing well.

…..But I didn’t mean for this to become a business blog. We are a pro-#12 blog here, be it Oates, Brady, or now Rozier. To that end, our shot chuckin back-up 1 is the talk of the town right now, the cock of the walk. Women want to be with him and men want to be him. So I want to end this by offering a hearty “Congrats On Those Euro Dollars, Young Man”. You’ve earned it…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We Are Approximately 5 Seconds Into the 2018 Season and Belichick Already Gave Dan Shaughnessy a Swirly

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Of all the things that make me irrationally angry in this world, The fact that Dan “I’m a fucking asshat” Shaughnessy is SOMEHOW going to be beatified as a saint by the media when he one day dies is perhaps the most infuriating. Shank is a troll plain and simple. He is an amalgamation of the worst parts of old media and big J journalism and he delights in nothing more than writing bad stories that no one cares about while grinding whichever of his axe is the dullest that week.

Unfortunately for Mr. Shaughnessy at the turn of the millennium a new sheriff arrived in town that very simply put, was not going to put up with his shit, that was intellectually and creatively superior and who could, no matter what Shank did or said or wrote, make Boston’s worst columnist look like a child at any waking moment. To put it in terms I myself can understand better, Shaughnessy is any number of hapless, 155 pound subpar grapplers and Belichick is Khabib Nurmagomedov, just taking down, holding down, stifling, and making life absolutely miserable and humiliating for his broken opponent.

But what a weird fuckin fanbase we are for getting fired up for by this huh? While other teams have to wait for the first deep call completed in full pad drills to get stoked for the impending season, we just have to wait for our coach to verbally checkmate a jackass reporter within 3 moves.

Hey Dan, Knight to E5 (?), SOOOOOONNNN!

St. Jimmy Comes Out and Says He Thought He Was Better Than Tom Brady From the Jump

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Yahoo! – “When I first got [to New England], I thought in my head, ‘I’m better than this dude.’”

Lee pressed him on the notion several times, that Garoppolo really believes he’s better than the quarterback that’s won five Super Bowls, been to eight, and is regarded by many as the greatest quarterback in the history of the league.

“It was always a quiet confidence. I would never speak that,” Garoppolo said.

Hot take: I’m totally ok with this. Maybe it is because I will always have a “what if?” kind of fan-hood for Jimmy G, but this is the kind of confidence you like to see a franchise QB have. It suddenly makes sense why he did so well in the limited action he has seen in his NFL career – he has a fucking DEEP belief in himself and his abilities. He did a literal “hold my beer” when BB asked him to step up and take the reigns from Brady for a few games and it showed. It wasn’t that failure wasn’t an option, it just didn’t exist in his reality.

While this might come off to some, specifically the dregs of Pats Nation, as cocky, it says something that he kept this to himself. He said and did all the right things while he was here, went about his business, and was a team player, especially when it came to needing him to come off the bench. The fuck should we care how he got himself to the right place 6 years ago at age 23 to be able to survive and even thrive in the NFL?

Given “Tom Vs. Time” and the knowledge that all the pink salt and weird ass exercises weird ass Alex Guerrero gives him to do won’t sustain Brady in perpetuity, this really hits an awkward spot in my gut. We knew Jimmy G was good. Now we know he is insanely confident as well. What did we miss out on?

P.S Anyone else hear he banged a porn star? Crazy!