Category: News

What’s the Matter with the Kansas Plan?

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The NFL overtime system is broken and it’s easy to see why. I’m not talking about two ties in two weeks, though. The fact that the league has to put its overtime rules on the screen every time a game goes to overtime is all you need to know. I’ve never seen Fox or ESPN have to explain how extra innings or basketball overtime works. Even the NHL with its loser point, 4-on-4, 3-on-3, and shootout formats over the last 20 years is still pretty simple – play five minutes and if no one wins we go to a three-round shootout.

The fact that the NFL has to explain the rules every time a game goes to overtime is ridiculous. That’s arena league stuff. Fortunately, the solution is easy. The NFL will eventually adopt the college football overtime system, the Kansas Plan.

The Kansas Plan won’t be coming to the NFL next year, but it probably will be in the next decade or so. A criticism of the Kansas Plan is that it takes special teams out of the game, with no kickoffs or punts. Pretty soon, though, that’s what regular football could look like. With the NFL moving kickoffs up to the 35-yard line and moving touchbacks out to the 25-yard line, it’s clear that they want fewer kickoffs returned. Same in college football, which now treats any fair catch of a kickoff inside the 25-yard line as a touchback. It may be a while before the kickoff is eliminated entirely but it could happen in our lifetimes, and eliminating it in overtime would be an easy way to start.

The NFL said it shortened regular season overtime from 15 to 10 minutes for player safety reasons. Making the switch to the college football overtime system could easily be justified for that same reason.

And all due respect to punters, but if a game can’t be decided in 60 minutes I don’t mind taking the option to punt off the table for OT. Overtime is intended to force an outcome, one way or another. To force an outcome, game play has to be tweaked a little bit. I don’t mind telling a team they lose the right to punt after 60 minutes of play.

While I don’t believe the current NFL overtime system is unfair, the college overtime system is undoubtedly fairer. The Kansas Plan obviously gives each team an opportunity to possess the football. This eliminates the possibility of another Super Bowl (or any game, really) ending without one side getting an opportunity on offense. If I were a Falcons fan, I’d still be upset that Matt Ryan never got to touch the football in overtime in Super Bowl 51.

Unless the NFL wants to play full 15-minute quarters until the deadlock is broken, which it most certainly does not, it’s time they go back to college and adopt the Kansas Plan. College football overtime isn’t prefect, but it’s simpler, safer and fairer. You could do a lot worse than an overtime system that’s simple, fair and safe.

First Set Photos Drop from Upcoming Joaquin Phoenix Joker Movie, and Maybe There’s Hope for DC Yet

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For those who haven’t heard, the Clown Prince of Crime is going to get his own standalone origin movie next year, with Joaquin Phoenix set to play the lead role and Todd Phillips set to direct.

The movie isn’t scheduled to be released until October 2019, but we were already treated to a few interesting set photos this past weekend (h/t Just Jared) as well as a close-up of what a pre-Joker Joaquin Phoenix will look like:

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(His name will also apparently be “Arthur.”)

Let me just start off by saying that I am totally on board with Phoenix as the Joker. Not only is he a brilliant and extremely talented actor – seriously, he’s probably one of the very best alive at the moment – but he’s also just batshit crazy enough to pull off a performance that could actually rival Heath Ledger’s iteration of the legendary villain from The Dark Knight.

(Side note: Jared Leto has failed MISERABLY so far in the DCEU, like embarrassingly so. If you even try to defend his portrayal of the Joker in any way, you are plain wrong and we’re not going to be friends.)

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However, I’m not as sold on the director.

Todd Phillips, a guy known for making cheeky, frat-boy-humor comedies like Road Trip, Old School, and the Hangover trilogy, is going to be in charge of building the backstory for one of the most compelling, sinister, and vicious villains in entertainment history. Though many may not like to admit it, a large part of the Joker’s ubiquitous appeal is his truly perverse, malicious, and downright sociopathic nature, and any story focused on what made him that way is going to have to be quite dark. Is Phillips up to the task?

Fortunately, Scott Silver, who wrote 8 Mile and helped write The Fighter, is helping Phillips co-write the Joker movie. Not only were both of those films pretty excellent, but they also both feature main characters who are dealing with some pretty serious personal demons and unfortunate life circumstances which ultimately end up molding them into the person they eventually become.

OK. Fine. I’ll keep the faith that the two of them together can get the job done.

It was also reported back in March (h/t Screen Rant) that the movie would indeed be an origin story, showing the Joker’s – aka Arthur Fleck’s – demise as a failed comedian and the path he ultimately took toward a life of crime. This is derived from Alan Moore’s and Brian Bolland’s 1988 classic Joker tale The Killing Joke, easily one of the most dark and macabre (and best!) Batman graphic novels of all time. The alleged theme of the film is making me hopeful that the movie will be as “super dark and real” as Brendan Schaub (h/t Batman-News) said it was going to be during an interview last summer.

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If you still haven’t read this one, do so immediately.

What makes this movie even more interesting and appealing is the fact that it is truly a “standalone.” It will not be a part of the current DCEU, which is in a state of flux at the moment, and it will instead fall under a new banner at Warner Brothers which will focus more on origin stories and other spinoffs from the universe’s main entities going forward.

Back in December 2016 (h/t Hollywood Reporter), a future Gotham City Sirens movie focusing on Harley Quinn, Catwoman, and Poison Ivy was announced. The studio has also already confirmed a Harley-Quinn-centric Birds of Prey movie, and there’s potentially even another Harley solo movie being discussed as well. Each of those films will star Margot Robbie, who was excellent as the Joker’s main gal in Suicide Squad.

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We love you, Margot, and fortunately Warner Bros. does, too.

They will also be making a Batgirl movie, too, which makes a lot of sense considering Barbara Gordon’s pivotal role in The Killing Joke storyline. Hopefully, we could even start to see other awesome and super underappreciated characters like Nightwing and Red Hood – and, eventually, Oracle – finally make their way onto the big screen as well.

So wait…what about Leto, though?

As much as I would love for his character to fade completely into obscurity, it seems as though Warner Brothers is still going to give him plenty more screen time. As first mentioned by The Hollywood Reporter, Leto is getting another chance to be the Joker in what looks like a weird, edgy (and probably entirely unnecessary) romantic comedy with Harley Quinn, which is set to come out after the Suicide Squad sequel. (So, wait, we now have to see him at least TWO more times??!!) Fortunately, this was reported last summer with virtual radio silence on the topic since, so here’s to hoping DC scraps the idea entirely and sticks with the other much better projects in process. For now, though, it seems like Leto’s sticking around, at least in the main DCEU.

Regardless, at least it seems as though the first Joker movie set to come out has some pretty solid potential, and I’m now actually pretty excited to see the finished product. And as confusing as all the DC movie “announcements” have been over the past year or so, at least the gears are turning over at Warner Bros. and things no longer seem quite so dire for DC.

The untitled Joker movie is officially set to hit theaters on October 4, 2019.

Walmart is Now Selling Bitcoin for $1….Soo What’s the Catch?

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Techcrunch – Walmart is now selling bitcoin for $1. But in a new spin on the volatile and ever-changing world of cryptocurrency, this digital currency is made of chocolate. Frankford bitcoins, are 1.42 ounces of milk chocolate wrapped in gold-colored foil made by Frankford Candy. They’re reminiscent of the regular old foil-wrapped milk chocolate coins of yesteryear. But of course, entirely different because they’re called bitcoin.

Walmart is now selling *chocolate* Bitcoin for $1. Chocolate being the key word here. Don’t think for a minute some dude isn’t going to throw a nutty when he thinks he found the greatest investment since 7-Minute Abs, only to realize his new fortune is melting in his pocket. People are dumb. People will 100% buy this thinking it’s real Bitcoin.

Ironically enough, its really not that much cheaper than actual Bitcoin these days. Back in the wild wild west of 2017, Papa G and I chased that wave. We both put some hard earned American dollars into Bitcoin hoping to cash in on an early investment. Welp, Bitcoin has plummeted from its heyday of about $20,000 per coin to about $6,000 per coin now. Or if you’re counting at home, about a 75% loss on my initial investment. Thats called ROI folks.

Papa G was smart enough to jump off a sinking ship, but I decided lets roll with it and maybe we’ll catch the next upswing. I’m holding out hope that I get to be George Costanza when he held his money in a secret stock and made a killing after Jerry dumped his shares too early.

Ever hear of a robot butcher?

Google and Facebook No Longer Require College Degree to Get a Job. Cool, Guess I’ll Just Throw Mine Out Now.

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Washington Examiner – Big companies like Google, Apple, and IBM are no longer requiring applicants to hold a college degree. This is a significant change. Historically, employers have required a college degree whether or not it was necessary to do the job.

Welp, its official. The long con is complete. The world is no longer even pretending that my college degree is worth anything more than the paper it’s printed on.

I’ve been on both the Google and Facebook campuses and I can tell you those places are packed to the gills with people smarter than I could ever hope to be. So maybe they’re sick of having all type-A Mark Zuckerberg types bombing around the campus on their motorized skateboards? I don’t know, but what I do know is this officially ends the hope of any of us normies getting jobs at a mega company like Google or Facebook.

Now the guy who was smart enough to punt on going into massive college debt and take a few Codecademy classes instead is going to be jumping into the fray too? Welp, lets all hope the blog game catches fire because these college degrees no longer promise us anything; not even pretend value.

Bridgeport, Conn. Woman Loses Fingers After Lighting Dynamite She Thought Was Candle

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BRIDGEPORT, Conn. — A woman blew off several fingers when she accidentally lit a quarter stick of dynamite in her home Thursday night, officials said.

Assistant Fire Chief Michael Caldaroni, who was the battalion chief at the scene, said the woman lit what she thought was a candle during the power outage caused by the severe storm that hit the city Thursday night. Instead, police spokesman Av Harris said, she lit a quarter stick of dynamite.

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You really can’t make this stuff up.

Let me just start off by saying that this sounds absolutely horrific, and I sincerely feel for this woman. BUT SERIOUSLY WTF???!!!

Like HOW??!! I have so many questions.

First and foremost, where in the literal EFF do you even get a stick of dynamite? And if it’s in your house, HOW DO YOU NOT EVEN KNOW??

“Honey, have we checked our emergency items stash in a while? Let’s see…we got backup flashlights, batteries, blankets, gallons of water…OK, good…OH and OF COURSE a stick of fucking dynamite!”

Secondly, how long did it take her to realize it wasn’t a candle? In reality, it should’ve taken 0.5 seconds considering that I assume a quarter stick of dynamite does not look or feel anything like a candle aside from its shape and maybe the fact there’s typically a wick on top. But once that wick starts disappearing at a rapid rate and sizzling, that should’ve been a pretty solid tip off.

Apparently, after her children called 911, police and fire officials also found another item that appeared to be a “makeshift firework” somewhere in the house.

Knowing that little tidbit of info, here’s my hypothesis: One of her brilliant offspring was messing around with illegal explosives and left one of their little “inventions” lying around the house. This poor woman, who was just trying to shed some light for the family during a blackout, is now maimed because of it.

Way to go, junior!

At this point, I am so done feeling bad for people who mess around with fireworks and other things that go BOOM. Sure, I don’t mind checking out a sweet display of explosions and color on a nice July night from a safe distance, but seriously don’t bring one of those things near me. Leave it to the professionals, people; I don’t even mess with freakin’ sparklers.

So, let’s let this be a lesson for everyone, and cheers to a speedy recovery for this woman.

But, wow. Just wow. Happy Friday.

Nike Deserves Applause for Choosing Colin Kaepernick as New Face of “Just Do It” Campaign

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I see you, Nike. Pretty ballsy move here…and I am ABSOLUTELY on board.

On Monday, it was announced that Colin Kaepernick would become the new face of Nike’s “Just Do It” campaign, which is set to enter its 30th year. The decision was announced on Twitter via Kap’s agent, Mark Geragos:

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And HO-LEE SHIT did it start a firestorm.

Not only did the company’s stock drop a few percentage points as of Tuesday morning, but all the social media warriors out there have already made sure to show off just how much they’re “sticking it” to Nike by burning/destroying shoes and other apparel made by the company which THEY ALREADY OWN AND HAVE SPENT MONEY ON.

(If you want a good laugh, Uproxx posted a wonderful piece this morning which features many of those posts as well as the hilarious responses to them from the sane and witty Twitter crowd.)

Honestly, it’s the hypocrisy of it all that kills me. These same people who decry that kneeling for the anthem is the most disrespectful thing an American citizen could do are the same people who will gladly order a chicken sandwich from Chic-fil-A without even thinking twice – because after all, these people are about FREEDOM, UNITY, and EQUALITY for EVERYONE, under one nation…unless of course you’re a homosexual, right?

And after that they’ll go to Wal-Mart – one of the country’s truly most destructive and corrupt corporate entities – and purchase a knock-off patio set that they’ll use (maybe) twice all year just to try and keep up with Bob and Jane next door, who just put in an in-ground pool with their disgusting amount of disposable income.

Oh! And then they’ll need to make sure to stop by a Mobil gas station on the way home to fill up the tank in their precious luxury vehicle. (Do I really need to get into ExxonMobil?)

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My point is there is an inexhaustible list of other corporations out there which should be shamed much more so than Nike, but people are CHOOSING to view the entire movement that Kap started as something it’s not. As a result, it’s causing them to overlook some very real and very serious issues – both related to Kap’s cause and otherwise – due the irrational and completey misguided anger that’s currently consuming them.

I’m just going to say it, and I cannot be clear enough: KNEELING FOR THE ANTHEM HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE VETERANS OR DISRESPECTING THE NATION AS A WHOLE! (That is just simply how some are CHOOSING to view it.)

Let’s take a second to let that sink in…

OK. Everybody clear now? Great. Let’s move on.

The protest was meant to bring attention to an extremely important issue that is often overlooked – or outright ignored – by those who don’t experience the prejudice and suffering many in our nation face each and every day. I don’t think I need to go into a diatribe on race relations in the United States; if you’re that ignorant or you disagree with the fact that things truly aren’t equal for every citizen in this country, then I’m not even sure it’s worth wasting my breath on trying to convince you at this point.

But at least Nike’s trying. Nike’s trying to piss people off. Nike’s trying to create controversy. Nike’s trying to push the envelope.

That’s what the players are trying to do as well. Because, let’s be honest, what’s going to get your attention more: a guy on TV in a suit giving a charismatic speech about the Black Lives Matter movement, or some of your beloved sports stars kneeling before a symbol you have loved and respected (and rightfully so!) your entire life? Obviously, it’s the second one. You know it. I know it. THEY know it. That’s the point!

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Also, it’s not an entirely meaningless gesture either. The whole point is to demonstrate the fact that they believe a lot of what the American flag is supposed to embody is a farce in our current society. They didn’t choose this route just to be dicks.

Still, some feel as though it simply goes too far, and I will admit that a part of me initially felt the same way. Anyone who unabashedly hates the country or supports any animosity/violence toward law enforcement or our service members in any way should absolutely be shunned (and, if necessary, punished to the full extent of the law). I don’t think anyone, NFL players included, would argue against that.

(Side note: I know a lot of people want to bring up the time Kaepernick wore pig socks to training camp in August 2016 – aka the first time he brought up the issue of police brutality – and I can’t say I support him on that move at all. However, it does seem like he’s matured significantly since then, and he’s done some pretty proactive things outside of the protest that deserve a lot of credit. I truly believe his heart’s now in the right place.)

Nike, just like the various players throughout the league supporting Kap’s cause, is simply trying to start a conversation. (OK, sure, they’re absolutely trying to make more money in the long run, too; I’m not gonna B.S. you on that.) But still, the courage they displayed by making this move is something I respect the hell out of, and it’s refreshing to see a multi-million-dollar corporation choose to take a hit in the pocket at first just to show their support for a truly noteworthy cause.

And maybe if more people would listen to the actual message, we could make a difference for the better. But until that happens, I guess all we’re going to get is charred Jordans and swoop-less socks – and, above all, a divided nation that could so easily be saved with a simple little conversation.

So good on ya, Nike! You’ll come up flush for this in the long run, and hopefully we all will, too.

Who Should Host SNL?

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As much as college football and pumpkin spice lattes, the Saturday Night Live season premiere is a sure sign that summer is over and fall has arrived. SNL’s 44th season will kick off less than a month from now on September 29. No hosts or musical guests for the upcoming season have been announced yet but since they asked, here are the three guys I’d most like to see host SNL.

  1. Bill Burr A comedian’s comedian and a regular on the late night talk show circuit, Burr would kill on SNL. Burr did some work on Chappelle’s Show back in the day and would bring an edge to Saturday night that SNL hasn’t had in quite a while.
  2. Bob Odenkirk Well before he took on the role of Saul Goodman, Odenkirk wrote for SNL back in the late 80s and early 90s. While he didn’t find the success at SNL that other writers did, he did find sketch comedy success on HBO in the mid-90s with Tobia Funke David Cross on Mr. Show. Currently on one of the best shows on television, Odenkirk going back to 30 Rock to host SNL would be a great story of comedic redemption.
  3. John Krasinski He interned on Late Night with Conan O’Brien in the same building back in 2000 and was a key player on The Office, one of the most important shows on NBC for nearly a decade. It’s hard to believe that this guy has never been invited to host in Studio 8H. With Jack Ryan dropping on Amazon Prime today, now seems like the perfect time for Krasinski to head back to 30 Rock.

And special mention goes to Christopher Walken, who tops my returning hosts list. Walken was a mainstay during my prime SNL viewing years, hosting seven times in the 90s and 2000s. It’s hard to believe he hasn’t appeared on SNL in more than a decade. Definitely need to see him walken through the doors at 8H this fall.

 

Who’d I miss? Let me know on Twitter @The300sBigZ

Delta Air Lines to Connect Worcester and Detroit

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Boston Herald – Delta Air Lines will begin a nonstop flight between Worcester and Detroit next year in a move that officials say will offer MetroWest travelers convenience and boost the city’s economy.

The flight between Worcester Regional Airport and Detroit Metropolitan Airport will be operated by Delta Connection carrier SkyWest Airlines and will give passengers more than 100 connecting opportunities, both domestic and international, according to the airline and the Massachusetts Port Authority.

 

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I’m shocked to hear that Delta Air Lines will be operating this flight. A direct flight between Worcester and Detroit had Southwest written all over it. Want to fly from Boston to Tampa? Have fun connecting in Chicago. Want to fly from one second-rate city to another, like Milwaukee to Cleveland, nonstop? You’re in luck with Southwest!

Look, I’m all for regional airports offering travelers more options. Let the free market do its thing. I fly a lot and more options means lower prices for everybody. Looking at the Worcester Regional Airport flight board today, it looks like JetBlue has two flights going to Florida from there today. If I were going to Disney I would take a hard look at Worcester. I just can’t imagine many folks were clamoring for more options to get to the Motor City.

“People will be able to fly to Detroit and, from there, to San Francisco, Las Vegas, China, Japan,” said Massport CEO Thomas P. Glynn. “It’s a good option for people in MetroWest.”

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That’s where you lose me, Tommy. If Detroit’s not my final destination, no way I am flying out of Worcester to get there via Motown. I’ll gladly pay the toll and sit in hours of traffic on the Mass Pike if it means not having to spend twenty minutes at the Detroit Metropolitan Airport Subway.

At least the people on the flights from Worcester to Detroit will have rows to themselves. No chance these flights will be more than half full. So we’ll see how long this lasts. Hopefully it’s part of a bigger plan to eventually attract airlines with more enticing destinations. Let me know when know I can fly from Worcester to San Diego, Phoenix or Vegas in the middle of winter and then I’ll start making plans.

In the meantime, I’ll bet Larry Lucchino is a happy man today.

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Blockbuster to Honor Last Remaining Store With Its Very Own Craft Beer

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Yahoo – Remember the excitement you felt as a child when your parents brought you to Blockbuster to rent all of your favorite movies? Well, now you can tap into that feeling as an adult with a Blockbuster beer.

While the video-rental company is now down to its last store in Bend, Ore., it seems like people aren’t ready to completely let it go extinct. Instead, those behind the company have teamed up with 10 Barrel Brewing Co. to create a craft beer in its name — quite literally — dubbed the Last Blockbuster. And according to the brewing company’s co-founder Chris Cox, it’s made to pair well with your favorite movie theater snacks. “The Last Blockbuster beer pairs perfectly with buttery theater popcorn and your favorite movie-size chocolate, with a light body, smooth finish, and hints of nostalgia,” Cox told Business Insider.

Well if this isn’t the greatest marketing promotion of 2018 then I don’t know what is. Apparently, the only Blockbuster left in the country is in Bend, Oregon. They must be falling like dominoes because we actually wrote about one of the other last remaining Blockbusters recently. How this store stays in business is beyond me. After kicking it around with Big Z the only explanation we could come up with is that internet is shit out there so streaming Netflix isn’t a viable option.

Either way, a nearby brewery, 10 Barrel Brewing Co., is honoring the last samurai of VHS rentals by brewing up a custom beer.

As a fan of all things obscure, nostalgic, and limited edition promotions, I am sitting at my desk just going back and forth between browsers looking at prices of flights to Oregon.

But, since we’re in the trust tree here I’ll just say it; Blockbuster is dead. They went from THE place to be on a Friday/Saturday night for everyone that grew up in the 90s to an afterthought. Netflix took them out behind the shed and put a bullet in them after Blockbuster failed to innovate and got passed by. In fact the Blockbuster CEO actually passed on the opportunity to buy Netflix for a measly $50 million when Reed Hastings approached him. Netflix is valued at over $150 BILLION today. Woof.

Its always risky to buy/sell a company in its infancy, but I am forever hesitant to ever sell any company I have any stake in solely because of the Justin Timberlake speech as Sean Parker in The Social Network.

ANYWAYS

The greatest thing about marketing is branding and Blockbuster seems to be throwing up a couple of Hail Marys with promos like this. They’ll obviously never be a billion dollar business renting out VHS tapes ever again, BUT if they can play on nostalgia and keep that BRAND alive then they could rise like a phoenix from the ashes.

I don’t know what that move is, but its been done before. Hell, Sears’ stock just went through the roof earlier this week after it was announced they had signed a deal with Amazon to offer a ship-to-store tire service. This is after we’ve heard nothing but bad news and how Sears is shuttering more and more locations. Its called pivoting and call me crazy, but I think Blockbuster could do it. Thats the power of branding. I haven’t been in a Blockbuster in 15 years, but goddamnit do I remember walking those blue and yellow aisles vividly to this day.

It’s too bad this is happening all the way out in Oregon because if it weren’t 2,900 miles away from Boston I would consider making the trek to the lone remaining Blockbuster to taste this fine brew. Its reasons like this we need to invest in a company credit card for The 300s.

Cape Cod Shark-Attack Victim “Punched” Shark to Escape, Making Dane Cook Proud

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William Lytton, of Scarsdale, N.Y., is seated in a wheelchair while taking a break from physical therapy at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital, in Boston, Tuesday, Aug. 28, 2018, while recovering from a shark attack. Lytton suffered deep puncture wounds to his leg and torso after being attacked by a shark on Aug. 15, 2018 while swimming off a beach, in Truro, Mass. Lytton injured a tendon in his arm while fighting off the shark. (AP Photo/Steven Senne)

Photo credit: Steven Senne/Associated Press

TRURO, Mass. — The man bitten by a shark off Cape Cod this month said on Tuesday he escaped by punching the powerful predator in the gills after it clamped down on his leg.

In his first interview since the Aug. 15 attack , William Lytton said he’d been swimming in about “8 to 10 feet” (2.4 to 3 meters) of water off Truro, Massachusetts, when he felt an incredible pain shoot through his left leg and quickly realized he was being attacked by a shark.

The 61-year-old neurologist from Scarsdale, New York, said he gave the animal a strong smack in the gills with his left hand, a move that likely saved his life but also resulted in some torn tendons. He now sports an arm cast as well as bandages and a brace around most of his left leg.

“I initially was terrified, but, really, there was no time to think,” he said, recounting the ordeal following a physical therapy session at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital in Boston, where he’s been since Sunday. “It doesn’t feel like I did anything heroic. A lot of this was luck.”

What a legend.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock recently, you know that going to the beach down the Cape this summer has been more dangerous than wearing a Big Papi jersey in the Bronx. There have been shark sightings up the wazz this year, from Nauset all the way up to Plymouth, and one man, William Lytton, almost lost his life after being attacked by one in Truro just a few weeks ago.

But now we get the full story: A 61-year-old man goes toe-to-toe with the world’s most fearsome predator, and not only comes out alive but made the jabroni shark swim away after one solid throw of the hand. (Jason Statham, eat your heart out.)

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Look, Lytton is not the first man to pull off the feat; this scenario has happened elsewhere before, as evidenced by the once-great Dane Cook back in 2003:

(I’m sure if the Massachusetts-native heard this story, he was grinning from ear to ear with his 19-year-old girlfriend, who was FOUR at the time this bit came out. Not trying to be judgmental here, and best of luck to the seemingly happy couple, but that’s just kinda crazy to think about.)

But let’s not take Mr. Lytton’s tale as a solid reason to start jumping back in the water again. The guy still almost died, had six surgeries (and likely needs even more plus weeks of rehab), and still GOT BITTEN BY A SHARK.

I know many people out there have the whole “please, it happens to like 1 in every kajillion people in the water” mentality, but I’m not taking any chances. Every time we’re at the beach, my girlfriend and I have a Mexican stand-off, where I stay on the sand and hyperventilate as I watch her swim around blissfully in the ocean. I may go out to the waist, but that water line isn’t touching the nipples or neck. No way, Jose.

So, once again, kudos to Mr. Lytton on a pretty legendary story and what will hopefully be a full recovery. But sharks are still sharks, people. Let’s not get too cocky here.