The 300s Podcast – Are the Patriots Cooked Without Josh Gordon?

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After an uncharacteristically bad stretch for the Patriots, Red and Big Z dive into what ails this team plus we discuss the Josh Gordon news that broke before we even finished our coffee.

-Josh Gordon had worked himself into a key cog in the New England offense so how badly does this suspension hose the Patriots?

-Is this a fatally flawed Patriots team? Whether it’s struggles playing on the road, sloppy penalties, or just poor execution this team does not look like a typical Patriots team.

-Is Tom Brady hurt? Many have speculated recently that TB12 could be dealing with an MCL injury…

-New 300s SWAG! The 300s Store is now open and you can get our designs on t shirts, hoodies, coffee mugs, stickers, flags, hell I’m buying a literal Time Lord clock that will go up behind me in the podcast studio after the holidays.

Patriots Bills Week 16 Preview, Odds, and Storylines

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So these last two Sundays have been really disheartening. (And now Josh Gordon is gone, too! Let’s just keep piling it on!)

After a shocking loss in Miami and then a shameful defeat in Pittsburgh, the Patriots (9-5) are now sitting as the No. 3 seed in the AFC. And though they’re guaranteed to finish no lower than No. 4 as a division winner, Baltimore (8-6) and the Steelers (8-5-1) remain right on their heels. On the flip side, however, the Pats still do have a chance at a bye if they win out AND Houston were to lose to either the Eagles or Jags.

Either way, we’re not typically used to seeing such uncertainty in December, as the Pats being a top-two seed is usually a foregone conclusion by now. But things are different this year; the team just suffered two-straight December losses for the first time since 2002 and are now 3-5 on the road this season.

Now we get our second matchup of the year with a surprisingly decent Buffalo Bills squad. This time it’s at home, and this time the Bills have a much more talented – albeit more inexperienced – signal-caller leading the charge than they did the last time these two played just before Halloween.

But before we get into this week’s primer, here’s a look at where, when, and how to watch the game along with the latest lines:

  • Location: Gillette Stadium (Foxborough, MA)
  • Kickoff: Sunday, Dec. 23, 1 p.m. ET
  • TV: CBS
  • Odds (via Odds Shark): Patriots: -13 (spread) / Patriots: -755 (moneyline) / 44.5 (total)

Winners of three of their last five contests, the Bills have far exceeded my expectations this year. That’s probably because while their offense has still been pretty terrible, coming in at No. 31 overall, their defense has been absolutely nasty. Currently sitting at No. 2 overall, the Bills D has allowed just 187.4 yards per game through the air in 2018, tops in the league, and they are also the 10th-best team against the run. And since giving up 41 points to Chicago on November 4, the Bills have only allowed just over 18 points per contest in the five games since.

On offense, the Bills are a bit of an enigma, and it all starts with rookie quarterback Josh Allen. After spending the No. 7 overall pick in this year’s draft to select him, the Bills were without Allen the first time they played the Pats this season. But since returning just after Thanksgiving, Allen is 2-2 with over 1,150 total yards and seven scores.

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Allen is proving all the doubters wrong lately with his moxie and strong play.

Notice, though, that I said “total” yards; over 30 percent of those yards have actually come on the ground for Allen – with two 100-plus-yard rushing games – and he’s only completed 50 percent of his passes since making his return. So Allen can be a bit of a conundrum; while he won’t hurt you much in the air just yet, he does have the ability to do some damage with his legs.

The Pats have actually done a great job of containing mobile QBs this year; outside of the 81 rushing yards they gave up to Mitchell Trubisky out in Chicago, they’ve held others like Deshaun Watson (40), Patrick Mahomes (9), and Marcus Mariota (21) to relatively low numbers on the ground. Still, the Pats continue to be horrendous against the run overall, allowing opponents to average 5.0 yards per carry on the season and coming off of two straight in which they’ve given up over 150 yards on the ground. Allen, along with running back LeSean McCoy, who is expected back after missing last week’s game, could put up some serious rushing totals in Foxborough on Sunday.

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I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: do not sleep on this dude.

Fortunately, the Pats should be able to shut down the Bills air game with ease. As I said, Allen still has quite a ways to go as a passer, and besides this Robert Foster kid – who has come out of NOWHERE with three 100-plus-yard games (!) in the last month – the Bills have absolutely nothing at receiver. (No, really, it’s kinda sad.) The Pats also have a pretty stout secondary, and there’s the fact that a rookie QB has never beaten Belichick in Foxborough in the month of December.

All I’m saying is that Allen better put on his PF Flyers if he wants any chance of having success on Sunday.

Storylines

(What Does the Offense Do Now?): Things are looking pretty bleak for the offense right now. After a fool’s gold performance in Miami two weeks ago, Gronk went right back to looking worn out and put up a dud against the Steelers. Brady also looks off – and has for weeks – and now there’s speculation he might legitimately be hurt. Sony Michel has cooled off significantly after a hot start to his career, with James White and Rex Burkhead not really doing much behind him either. And today we find out that the Josh Gordon Experience is over in Foxborough, suddenly leaving the Pats without a true No. 1 outside receiver. Considering there’s two weeks left of regular-season play, they need to figure it out fast, and it all starts this week against one of the game’s top defensive units.

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Yeah, Gronk, I agree. That’s pretty much exactly how I’ve been looking at my T.V. these past few Sundays.

(Will This Team Ever Stop the Run?): As mentioned above, the Pats have been one of the absolute worst teams against the run this year. They’ve given up over 115 rushing yards to four of their last six opponents (including three games in which they gave up over 150!). Dalvin Cook would’ve made it five-out-of-six if the Vikings didn’t stop giving him the ball a few weeks ago after he racked up over 90 rushing yards on just nine carries. So not only do I fear that the offense won’t be able to keep up in the playoffs, but the unit won’t even have a chance to get on the field if the Pats’ opponents can simply just run the clock out on them. This week is their last chance to prove their worth against the league’s ninth-ranked rushing offense.

Prediction

I know this preview seems a bit “doom and gloom,” but, come on, can you blame me? After these past two weeks? Also, I’m supposed to have confidence that this offense, in its current state, will blow doors on the second-best defense in the league? Furthermore, the Bills solid running game might actually allow them to hang around and dictate the pace of the contest. These Bills are also tough and pretty resilient; each of their past four games were decided by four points or less. The ONLY reason I am picking the Pats to win this week is because it’s in Foxborough, but it won’t be pretty. The Pats take it 21-17.

Thor 3.5 AKA the New Men in Black Movie Just Dropped a Trailer and It Looks Awesome

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I never knew I needed to see another Men in Black movie until now, let alone another one without Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones. The most recent entry into the series, MIB 3, was excellent and an absolute tearjerker with Thanos, I mean Josh Brolin, starring as a young Tommy Lee.

I thought that would have been the perfect sendoff, but hey studios gotta make money right? Thankfully Men in Black International actually looks like a fun, self aware, action comedy, which is exactly what made the first MIB so good. Chris Hemsworth takes the mantle as the young veteran MIB agent and brings on Valkyrie, I mean Tessa Thompson, as the rookie hotshot.

Not sold yet? Well good because I’m not done. Rounding out the cast is the go to action/deadpan comedy actor of our generation in Liam Neeson.

This came out of left field entirely for me as I thought Men in Black had gotten shelved entirely after the whole Sony email leak revealed plans to create a crossover event with 21 Jump Street. That movie would have been fucking awesome, but it seems like that got canned, for now at least. But Chris Hemsworth showed in Thor: Ragnarok that he has some serious comedy chops that he’s dying to put to use so I am all in on this movie.

Men in Black International releases on June 14, 2019.

Josh Gordon Reportedly Facing Another Suspension; Stepping Away from the Patriots

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Welp that only took 11 weeks. Just when the Patriots are rolling and firing on all cylinders too. Oh wait no the team has lost two in a row for the second time this season and looks increasingly like a team in free fall ready for a Wild Card weekend exit. Ideal time for Josh Gordon to get busted once again for a to be determined drug offense.

Hopefully Gordon gets the help he needs because you need to be jonesing bad to continuously throw away opportunities to play in the National Football League. Going into the can on the Browns is one thing, but to blow a golden opportunity to be the No. 1 receiver for the New England Patriots is unbelievable. This could in all likelihood be the last we see of Josh Gordon in the NFL and thats a real shame because after watching him firsthand for the past several weeks the guy’s talent is undeniable.

This really, really hoses the Patriots though. Rob Gronkowski clearly isn’t himself, Julian Edleman is definitely dealing with some kind of lingering injury, and Tom Brady may be playing on a torn MCL. Now they’ll be without Josh Gordon and will be forced to lean on guys like Cordarrelle Patterson and Phillip Dorsett! This could be the nail in the coffin that is the clusterfuck of the 2018 Patriots season.

We’ll break this whole story down further when more details become available.

CONNECT.THAT.HEADLINE! – “Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey Sent Beard Shavings to Azealia Banks So She Could Make an Amulet to Protect Him from ISIS”

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NME –  But while her claims largely went unmentioned, they’ve been reference in a new piece on the Twitter CEO by Vanity Fair. writer Nick Bilton says: “A source who worked with him told me Dorsey had sent a rapper his beard shavings to make him an amulet that would protect him from evildoers.”

ANDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD WE’RE BACK! Episode 2 of CONNECT.THAT.HEADLINE!

What you, the readers of The 300s critically acclaimed “CONNECT.THAT.HEADLINE” column, gloss over is the cross I bear in writing these. That burden is the fact that I would love to just sit back, as most due with such a lead, and ask “what in the actual fuck?” allowing my mind to wonder. But no, I must leave nothing to the imagination and delve deeply into the subject at hand, trying to make sense of how these ad lib-ish series of words are connected.

First and foremost if you don’t know who Jack Dorsey is, he is the CEO of Twitter. I, as you know, have sworn off actual, formal research but from what I….think? I know he is a mix of more suave, nameless tech execs that have sprouted up over the last few years and Dan Bilzerian. Basically he is formal, but likes to party.

As for Azealia Banks, she’s a tough one to describe. To sum it up,  in today’s day and age it would seem that it is not uncommon for a rapper to become a “someone”, largely based off social media, and then sort of put rap on the backburner in favor of other shit. Azealia Banks in particular would appear to have put her musical artistry on hold in lieu of being just kind of a crazy person. She picks fights with whomever and is VERY into all the mystical and astrology-type shit that a lot of people on twitter tend to be. A synopsis of Ms. Banks would be that she was an on-pause musician turned voodoo witch doctor shit stirrer. An “American Horror Story” character with #bars, if you will.

I can’t tell you how ISIS, or Jack Dorsey’s specific fear of ISIS fits into the mold. Islamic militants use social media heavily to recruit so one would think their ranks would be toasting the head of Twitter and pledging to save him a virgin in heaven at their annual summer outing. On the other hand, Twitter pays really well and ISIS literally has people quitting over pay , so I could see some resentment building when you are, in your mind, dying in the name of God and some pasty fuck is making literally 1000x what you are to write computer code for a blue bird.

And so good readers, to ward off the evil wishes of ISIS, Jack Dorsey did the only logical thing and sent his beard trimmings to an absolutely not stable internet personality/rapper to make him a necklace. To defend him from those terrorists. IT MAKES TOTAL SENSE.

These are fun.

-Joey B.

 

Applebees Continues Its Quest to Kill You and Everyone You Know With $1 Jolly Rancher Vodka Drinks

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Pardon me for taking the lord’s name in vain, but Jesus Christ, Applebees. This could be the No. 1 reason twenty somethings across America black out on Christmas break. Are you trying to get diabetes? Because this is how you get diabetes.  Just guzzling sweet, delicious sour apple jolly ranchers infused with a liter of vodka. Come to think of it, this is just the properly branded version of one of my go to drinks in college: the Midouri Sour.

If you’ve never had a Midouri Sour, it’s essentially just drinking Puckers straight from the bottle. It tastes like a sweet, sweet mixer, but it’s riddled with vodka so it gets the job done. Pound down a few of these bad boys and you could dance the night away. Might even have to take your shoes off on the walk home.

So for anyone who wants to black out like an adult(ish) yet have nostalgia endorphins firing in their brain with the taste of Jolly Ranchers on your palate, then this is the cocktail for you. Excellent work, Applebees.

Is Michael Vick Having the 2004 Madden Cover as His IG Pic the Biggest Flex of All Time?

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Michael Vick in Madden 2004 is the most dominant character in video game history. He was more dominant than Bo Jackson in TECMO, more dominant than Mike Tyson in Punch-Out, I would even argue he was more dominant than the Water Temple. Oddjob from 007? Kick rocks.

Just look at the dude’s stats from that year’s Madden:

  • Overall – 95
  • Speed – 95
  • Agility – 95
  • Acceleration – 94
  • Awareness – 80
  • Throw Power – 97
  • Throw Accuracy – 84

Absolutely outrageous, good luck stopping that. I know my brother and I smashed many a PS2 clickers trying to contain No. 7. So for Mike Vick to have that Madden cover from FOURTEEN years ago as his Instagram profile pic to this day is the ultimate flex. Just has to remind people that he was absolutely unstoppable and the GOAT video game character. If only he could have sat down and actually studied film and not murdered dogs like a complete sociopath scumbag then he could have been the greatest of all time in real life too.

Secret Santa Gone Wrong

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Thank you, office secret Santa, or as you should be called, 'disappointment roulette.' #FallonTonight http://t.co/azFxNRRQur

FOX News – According to an anonymous post on Reddit, a mother allegedly reached out to her Secret Santa gifter to both say thank you for the presents, and ask for another one…

“So…I know this is kinda awkward…but the spending limit was $50 and I looked online and it seems that the blanket and chocolates only add up to about $30?” the woman’s text reads.

“do you think it’s possible you could get me something else? My kids have been spending me up the wazoo! LOL.”

You can read the entire text message exchange here. From this exchange, it’s clear that this Secret Santa handled it better than most people would. The recipient had the gall to look up the prices of the presents and ask for more, and the Secret Santa actually offered throw her a twenty! That’s saintlike!

I wouldn’t even have responded to the first text, never mind the text where she asked for a Samsung Galaxy Tab. What planet in this galaxy is she from? This Secret Santa deserves a Nobel Peace Prize for how he handled this situation.

Stories like this are the reason why I don’t participate in office Secret Santas or Yankee Swaps. I made the mistake of participating in an office Secret Santa my first year in cubicle life. The spending limit was a much more appropriate $15, so I bought a craft beer six pack for my recipient and threw in a nice bottle opener to get up to about $15. My Secret Santa got me a few cans of Corona Light, a candy bar, and a shamrock koozie.

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I didn’t care about getting something back for about $15. I was disappointed by the shameless lack of effort. My gift clearly came out of the vegetable drawer of their refrigerator and their junk drawer. At 7:30 AM that morning. I decided to sit out the Yankee Swap the next year and watched as the boss nabbed the best gift early on and no one else had the guts to steal it from him.

When I get invites to Secret Santas or Yankee Swaps now, I just buy myself another Red Sox hat and call it a day.

Wednesday Morning Movie Quote: Kill Bill 2

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“As you know, l’m quite keen on comic books. Especially the ones about superheroes. I find the whole mythology surrounding superheroes fascinating.”

One of my favorite monologues comes from Kill Bill 2 (2004), the second and final entry into Quentin Tarantino’s uber violent revenge series. Obvious spoilers in the clip above, but it’s been 14 years so if you haven’t seen Kill Bill yet thats a you problem. Bill tackles superhero mythology and what it is that makes Superman his favorite; the character’s critique of mankind.

Breaking Down Bovada’s Odds Of The Last King/Queen Standing On “Game Of Thrones”

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I figured for fans of The 300s who are into gambling, I’d break down for the two of you this list and see if we can decipher our safe plays at this point as well address any oddities.

-First and foremost, I’m surprised there aren’t a couple more Jora/Greyworm/bit character/warrior-types as long shots.

-Jamie Lannister at the bottom seems a bit odd, but if you think about it, when did he ever express a personal craving for power? It just doesn’t seem to be on his list of priorities, a list which currently consists of stabbing people and fucking his twin sister.

-Unless there’s some deep-GOT stuff regarding Bran I don’t know about, I’m perplexed he’s even on this list, let alone this high. I’ve heard the usual conspiracies regarding Westeros’ favorite paraplegic who possibly has used a bit too much ayahuasca, but none of them end with Bran himself being in a position of power, if you winkwink nudgenudge get my drift.

-Cersei being this low is either a sign of people trying to get way too #woke or that they just still don’t understand what a bad bitch she is. I don’t know which but she should be higher.

-How fuckin pissed would people if Gendry won this thing? That said, if you’ve seen my twitter avatar you know I’m #ChrisMilesForever so I am all for Joseph Dempsey’s character picking up the dub.

Onto some picks….

Arya Stark (+900)

This could be another “woke” pick but out of the contenders I guarantee you Arya is among the last few to die, if at all. She just won’t go away.

Tyrion Lannister (+1000)

This feels about right for Tyrion, who despite all his cunning and intelligence, two traits that aren’t without fragility as we saw last season, has consistently been exposed by brute force. Also, he has always just seemed doomed – at least to me. That said, a late run with an army behind him, possibly that of a fallen fellow contender, is not out of the realm (baboom) of possibility.

Sansa Stark (+1300)

Take my motherfucking money. In Sansa, we’ve seen the beginning to end of Cersei Lannister’s own road to sociopathy. She is going to be HARD to take down.

The Night King (+900)

Ya, he’s prolly gonna win.