Ohio State Seeks to Trademark the Word “The”

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ESPN.com – Ohio State is seeking a trademark on one of the most common words in the English language.

The school, formally known as The Ohio State University, is seeking a trademark on the word “The” for use on clothing and hats. According to the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office, the filing was made Thursday.

I guess….Ughh…I guess I could just add my “Idiocracy” introduction to every blog I write now. Certainly to this one.

We’ve all heard it. Some love it and feel it encapsulates the pure spirit and bonds of college sports. Some hate it and see it as a pretentious thumb of the nose from a school that has a number of very solid programs but only reaches truly great heights once a decade or so. Personally I’m just not bought into college sports (save hockey) enough to give a fuck.

I am of course talking about THE Ohio State University.

For the life of me I can’t imagine how this got started. I suppose there was Ohio State and Ohio University. Maybe way back when there were a couple of different state school systems in Ohio and one decided to stick it’s tongue and/or denoting article out at the other. Who knows (probably every fucking rabid Ohio State fan).

Anyway, it would seem Ohio State sees it as such an important part of their identity that they now wish to copyright the word “The” in order to financially capitalize on what is probably the most used word in the English language.

There are just too many questions to get into with this but my main ones are:

1.) Did Ohio State really think they were going to get away with this?
2.) …Wait are they?

It SHOULD NOT be possible for Ohio State to own the word “the.” I get that they are sort of trying to protect their signature propensity to add it douchebaggedly to the beginning of their name, but let’s be reasonable. If Washington State realllly wants to start going by THE Washington State then go ahead and let then. They’ll be ridiculed and derided into stopping the practice faster than Drew Bledsoe and Ryan Leaf’s average 40 time. It’s Ohio State’s thing, and, begrudgingly or not, people get that.

But you have to imagine that such a huge school has a team of lawyers, etc. who know this stuff. So do they actually have a shot? Are we in danger of losing the word the? No other school or semi-competing entity could use that on merch etc.? What a bonkers thing to think about.

Anyway, we’ll see how this plays out. Hopefully US Patent law has sections dedicated to, idk, colleges copyrighting extremely popular words used in titles and beginnings of sentences. If not I might have to hate Mike Vrabel.

-Joey B.

Joe Torre is Looking to Take Some Fun Out of Major League Baseball

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NY Post – There never has been more information available when it comes to arguments with umpires, players and managers — and Joe Torre isn’t thrilled with that fact in his role as MLB disciplinarian.

“That’s a little concerning,’’ said Torre, the former Yankees manager and now the league’s chief baseball officer, a job which includes overseeing on-field discipline and umpiring. “You take what you can get, but it wasn’t supposed to be that clear. It shouldn’t happen.”

The preponderance of that information has become more common lately, as microphones have picked up what’s said on the field, leaving little to the imagination. Torre will take the information, but he’d rather it wasn’t available to anyone with a Twitter account.

“That’s not the way I want to hear it, for everybody else to hear it,’’ Torre said Tuesday at Yankee Stadium. “I wish I could hear it, only. It makes it easy to make my decision.”

Typical, typical baseball. God forbid we let the managers and players have any type of personality. Between the Aaron Boone “savages” rant this year and the epic confrontation between Terry Collins and umpire Tom Hallion that resurfaced last year, we’ve got two viral clips that had everyone on social media actually talking about baseball in a positive way.

What’s the harm in letting these clips go public? The umpires’ reputation? Do a better job and you won’t get berated. They already are shielded enough, as only a select pool reporter from the media can even talk to an umpire after the game.

I’d even argue that in the Hallion/Collins confrontation, I gained a better respect for why Hallion and the umpires did what they did (we also of course got the famous “ass in the jackpot line.) Hallion seemed composed and calmly explained that they were directed 

So while ratings are down and games routinely go past the four-hour mark, perhaps Joe Torre and the rest of Major League Baseball should lighten up and just embrace little moments like these. 

P.S. I’m sure Joe is glad the mics weren’t hot for this confrontation.

The NFL is Partnering With Jay-Z On the Super Bowl Halftime Show and I am IN

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Washington Post – The NFL is forming a partnership with music mogul Jay-Z in a deal that allows him to help manage entertainment ventures tied to league events and is closely connected to the league’s community activism efforts.

The partnership will make Jay-Z, whose given name is Shawn Carter, and his Roc Nation agency a co-producer of the Super Bowl halftime show. It does not contain a provision for him to be the halftime performer, he and NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell said.

“He was very quick to say that he does not want this to be about him performing, that it was broader than that,” Goodell said in an interview. “It quickly went beyond that. Do I hope he’ll perform in the Super Bowl sometime in the next several years? Yes. But I think we’ll all know if that time comes. He’ll know in particular.”

Roc Nation will choose entertainers who will perform in televised NFL promotional spots throughout the season. Carter said he believes Roc Nation will have freedom under the partnership to produce the kind of entertainment that it wants.

The Super Bowl halftime show has been a snoozefest since Janet Jackson threw her titties into Justin Timberlake’s hand all those years ago.

Ever since then the NFL basically overcorrected and trotted out some of the most boring halftime shows ever. In the years post titty-gate we got Tom Petty, Bruce Springsteen, the Rolling Stones, and The Who, which are all good, wholesome bands, just not anyone I want to see headlining the biggest entertainment night of the year. At least in recent years they’ve started to bring back artists that are under 50 years old again.

Last year though was definitely some old white producer trying to appease everyone with Travis Scott, Big Boi, and Maroon 5 while still somehow pleasing no one.

So this morning I hear the news that the NFL has gone back to the big guns (and probably dumped an 18-wheeler full of cash on his front lawn) and partnered up with Jay-Z for this year’s halftime show. While it makes it pretty clear he won’t be performing any time soon, getting S Dot Carter to produce the league’s halftime show and its musical entertainment as a whole is a HUGE win for the NFL. Reasonable Doubt, The Blueprint 1/2/3, The Black Album, Kingdom Come, hell even the American Gangster soundtrack still BANGS to this day. Thats not even counting all the collabs he’s done over the years like Collision Course and Watch the Throne, which are all-time albums. Now obviously I left out most of his more recent work…but those albums aren’t without their mega hits. I actually went to the Jay-Z/Timberlake show at Fenway a few years back and the Holy Grail beat drops just as hard today. To be perfectly honest I never heard a ton of 4:44 because I’m not a schill and I’m not paying for Tidal just to get Jay’s album, but The Story of OJ is without a doubt a jam. Long story short, I have high hopes for Jay-Z and Roc Nation leading the entertainment wing for the NFL moving forward.

Although it does sound like HOVA has been paying close attention to the Ginger Hammer’s actions in recent years (i.e. Supreme Court cases for equipment violations, but wife beaters and child abusers getting off scot free) and doesn’t expect completely smooth sailing.

“I anticipate that there will be a lot of — with any big organization, in this building right here we have internal problems. Anything that’s new is going to go through its growing pains. We put what we want to do on the table. The NFL agreed to it. So we’re going to proceed with that as if we have a partnership.”

I’d be remiss though if I didn’t mention and laugh out loud at the hypocritical nature of this entire partnership as the Carters very publicly turned down the halftime show last year and chided the NFL for its handling of Colin Kaepernick.

I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt though that he wants to make some real changes by getting inside the NFL, rather than just criticize it on twitter, but at the end of the day Hov isn’t a businessman, he’s a business, man.

What’s Dom Drinking Now?

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There’s been one brewery on my mind ever since I checked out their new taproom two weeks ago: Aslin Beer Company. Many people in the Boston area may not be familiar with these guys; I certainly wasn’t when I first moved to the DC area. Once I did move, I kept hearing the name Aslin again and again when trying to find the best brewery around.

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Aslin Beer Co. houses their original location in Herndon, VA. Recently they opened up a second, much larger facility in Alexandria, VA that will house the bulk of production one it’s fully functioning.

Lucky for me, they just opened up a new taproom 15 minutes away from my apartment not even a month ago, and I was quite impressed. They make NEIPA’s as good as anyone actually in New England, mouth-puckering sours that leave you making faces well into the fourth and fifth sips (a sign of a great sour in my opinion) and some downright killer stouts. When it comes to what grabs your attention in the beer world these days, those three boxes are all you really need to check to stand out.

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Although the new location doesn’t have a ton of can stock, I do like their labels.

The top rated beers from Aslin are almost exclusively IPA’s and stouts, no surprise there. If you can get your hands on them, Single, Double and Triple Orange Starfish, Master of Oranges, Master of Karate and Mind the Hop are some of their highest rated beers on Untappd, but it seems like every IPA they make has above a 4 rating on the app. For stouts, they have a bunch of amazing styles featuring all sorts of flavor additives, while their line of sours beers does the same.

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So what do I actually recommend? Here’s a quick run down:

–Glamping Imperial Stout– Probably the best stout I’ve ever had. Made to mimic a s’more, this beer features marshmallows, graham crackers, chocolate, and the added bonus of…peanut butter! This is the first beer with peanut butter I had where I could really smell and taste the PB. Incredible. Oh yeah, it’s 15% alcohol and drinks like it’s less than half that, so watch out.
–Pisghetti Western Stout– Another 15% imperial stout that doesn’t taste like it, this is conditioned on chocolate, hazelnuts, coffee, vanilla and cinnamon. I thought this had a touch too much cinnamon, which accentuated the heat from the alcohol just a bit more than I preferred. However, all the other flavors are delicious, and it’s still a great beer.
–Master of Oranges DIPA– It’s pretty hard for me to be impressed by IPA’s these days. NEIPA’s can easily disguise off-flavors or a weak malt base by adding more dry-hops, more citrusy hops, more more more. On top of that, most people use the same four or five hops, so the difference from beer to beer is minute. That being said, this beer was fantastic, easily the best IPA I’ve had in DC. This beer is a combo of Double Orange Starfish and Master of Karate, and it blew me away.
–El Frutero Sour Ale- A light, easy going sour at first taste, every sip seems to pack more flavor. Brewed with watermelon, lime, habanero peppers and salt, this beer is a perfect pairing for fish tacos. As a matter of fact, I would actually prefer this beer with food because the habaneros really punch you in the tongue.

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I don’t play the games, but anyone who is a fan of Elder Scrolls will be excited to see Aslin came out with an entire line of beers to celebrate 25 years of Elder Scrolls games.

I really only have one beef with Aslin to this point, and it has nothing to do with the beer. The new spot is tinkering with the food menu, and we found out the hard way that it is overpriced. Much to our chagrin, the $8 deviled eggs we ordered was actually one egg, cut in half, with a sliver of jalapeno and a fried oyster on top. Considering all over Boston you can find $1 oysters and I can go to the grocery store and buy an 18-pack of Nellie’s Free Range Eggs for $5.69, that price is a rip off. I was assured they would be changing that, so I now have nothing more to complain about.

Although they don’t make it up to Boston, I highly recommend anyone traveling down to DC or Virginia stop by their locations and drink up. You won’t be disappointed.

Ed Reed Might Want to Be the Patriots DB Coach?

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::RECORD SCRATCH:: Uhhhh what?

For my money, being the dumb, economy and morality killing millennial that I am, Ed Reed is the best to ever play the Safety position. He made playing what is sometimes an afterthought of a position into art. The Ravens D of the 00’s was something fierce. It was laden with talent all over the field from Reed to Terrell Suggs to Haloti Ngata to Ray Lewis. Quick aside: it also featured CB Chris McAlister, who locked people the fuck down at a Hall Of Fame rate but will probably never get to Canton because he wasn’t a ballhawk. He didn’t fill up the stat sheet, just quietly sent wide receivers home empty handed. Anyway, the Ravens ran a fairly complex 3-4. Like the Patriots D everyone had a job. So it is a testament to how incredible Ed Reed was that at the back end of that defense he was allowed to really do whatever he wanted. O I’m supposed to drop into a cover-2 but I could tell the second they broke the huddle the guy broken out wide on my side is going to run a flag? Ok, then I think I’ll just drift over there and pick it off. NBD.

What’s wild about Reed’s sentiments here is that the Ravens and the Patriots….have not always seen eye to eye. They have been bitter rivals for a longtime now and it hasn’t always always translated into respect the way ESPN’s 30 For 30 division would like it to. Terrell Suggs in fact hates us with a passion. Just despises the very air we breathe. Doesn’t care for New England, its professional football team, or its inhabitants one stinkin bit, sir. So it is curious that Ed Reed would want to come coach our DBs. I don’t have enough of a tinfoil hat to think it’s some sort of sabotage plan or scheme to leak info to Baltimore – particularly considering none of Reed’s teammates, to my knowledge, are still on the Ravens. I would think he just wants to get a start in coaching so why not do it for a first rate organization.

And then there is of course Coach Belichick himself. Working under the Hooded One and earning his stamp of approval on the first stop of your coaching career would be a huge feather in one’s cap. For a “football guy” like Ed Reed, absorbing all that knowledge and Belichick’s approach to the game would be invaluable as well. He’d possibly leave New England a head coaching candidate. Imagine a world, even, where Ed fucking Reed took over for Belichick? I’m getting ahead of myself.

Obviously this isn’t a “right now” thing. But it is still cool to see that such remarkable players see so much value in “the Patriot way” and that the organization has been successful. Good sign of  things to come, even past…..deep breath…..the current era.

Let’s get a ring.

-Joey B

 

How Team USA Could Save the Celtics

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After what was an absolute tornado of a start to the NBA offseason, things have since settled down quite a bit. Most guys around The Association are now currently lounging out by their opulent backyard pool oases or living it up on some private Carribean island, getting as much R&R as possible before things start ramping up again in late September.

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Go ahead. Live it up for now, Bron Bron.

But for some – like the Celtics’ very own Kemba Walker, Marcus Smart, Jaylen Brown, and Jayson Tatum – there is no rest for the hungry. This past Monday marked the start of training camp for Team USA out in Las Vegas, and the aforementioned quartet make up just four of the 15 players vying for the final 12 spots on the roster that is set to play in the 2019 FIBA World Cup, which begins on August 31 in China. (The U.S. is scheduled to play its first contest on September 1 against the Czech Republic.)

While many of the league’s stars have already chosen to refrain from playing in the tournament in order to prevent injury and not gas themselves out for the upcoming NBA season, the new core of the Celtics is choosing to flout that sentiment entirely. Gone are the days where megastars like LeBron James, Steph Curry, Kyrie Irving, Anthony Davis, and James Harden lead the way for our nation’s squad; instead, the roster now seems to be structured more so with slightly less talented “stars” who will need to learn how to play together and execute true team basketball in order to be successful.

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Oh how quickly things can change…

This type of environment is one which could help anyone become a more complete and well-rounded player. But there are perhaps very few others in the league who need a crash course on just how to play in this type of atmosphere more than those who were on the Boston Celtics last season.

Look, I don’t think we need to rehash the many examples of why the 2018-19 Boston Celtics were a piss-poor excuse for a professional sports team. I think it’s in the book. However, I will say that very few times in my Boston sports fandom have I disliked one of my own as much as I did that “team,” and fortunately the franchise did take some steps in the right direction to help right the ship this offseason – most notably by jettisoning selfish brats like Kyrie Irving and Terry Rozier and then, in turn, replacing them both with an absolute class act like Kemba Walker. Above all, I also like how Danny Ainge decided not to give up, or give away, the still incredibly promising young assets on the roster, including Smart, Brown, and Tatum.

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See. There were still some smiling moments on the team last year.

While all four still need to officially make the roster, it seems pretty much like a foregone conclusion. Even if that’s not the case, they all seem inflated by the experience so far, and each of them should at least get something positive out of their time in the desert. Speaking to reporters on Monday, Kemba had this to say about his current Team USA mates and the opportunity being presented to them this year (h/t ESPN.com):

“This is like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for a lot of us. I think a lot of us are happy those guys pulled out because this is our chance. It’s our chance to get on the big stage and showcase our talent. A chance for us to do something new. It’ll be a new-look team. Everybody is kind of doubting us, but I think we’re hungry.”

Of course, he is talking about Team USA as a whole, not specifically he and his Celtics brethren. But still, that attitude is one that will hopefully translate from the court in the Far East all the way across the world to the locker room and inner depths of the TD Garden next season.

Seriously, though, look at how happy the four of them look together:

Not one of those smiles look forced (although Jaylen’s is admittedly a bit suspect). That’s some genuine, Grade-A, non-pasteurized cheesing going on right there. What a crew!

Mattes, come on, dude! It’s one freakin’ picture. It literally means nothing. Let’s see what actually happens when real, meaningful NBA action starts.

OK. Fine. Valid point. But after a season in which we were bombarded with negativity and depressing results, I’m choosing to be hopeful from what I’ve seen so far. And above all, Kemba seems like he could truly be this team’s saving grace – a real deus ex machina for a franchise which looked headed for a major setback at the beginning of the summer – because of the way he carries himself and his willingness to do anything to win. Here’s what Smart said about his new teammate after the four went out to dinner earlier in the week:

You see, my wishful thinking is not just based on pure speculation, folks.

So, again, while we have quite a ways to go before the regular season, and while summer basketball has diddly squat to do with what will happen in the months ahead, I’m going to try and continue looking on the bright side. Either way, it’ll be fun to see the future of the franchise showcase themselves on the world stage and prove to everyone that this team still has the talent to be a force in 2019-20. For the first time in months, I have hope for the future of my basketball team. I’ll take that as nothing but a win.

(THURSDAY MORNING UPDATE: Welp. Now Smart is now apparently going to be out “indefinitely” with left calf tightness, and nobody is sure when he’ll get back out on the court. But the point remains the same. The camaraderie already built up over the past week or so has been vital, and hopefully Smart heals up in short order.)

Steve Smith Has No Shame In Getting Fantasy Tips

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Just an absolutely hysterical clip taken from a Carolina Panthers practice last year. Former Panthers wide receiver Steve Smith, Sr., always known for being uhh… outspoken, has apparently developed a passion for fantasy football. And just like the rest of us, he’s looking for an inside edge wherever he can get it.

We’ve all been in the position of trying to figure out who to start in your last flex spot (which means you can start a player at any offensive skill position, Cam). But we don’t get the opportunity to go directly to the source while making the decision. And clearly, Panthers rookie WR DJ Moore knew that his performance wasn’t cutting it as of late.

Unfortunately for DJ, Steve might have been right to bench him based on how he ended the season. Including two games (in the fantasy playoffs no less!), where Moore ended up with… two points.

A little pro tip for Steve for this year when it comes to Panthers receivers, just draft Curtis Samuel instead. You’ll get the same production a few rounds later. Just don’t tell DJ that.

“Euphoria” is Worth Your Time

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Warning: Mild spoilers ahead.

Particularly in this day and age, people like to discuss what they are currently watching on T.V. I say particularly in this day and age, and I specify “currently”, because we’ve passed the time when there is a “TV season” of sorts that lasts from the fall through the spring and then you’re stuck watching either a handful of summer shows or reruns. The advent of streaming services and On Demand means that at any given time you could be at the beginning, middle, or end of your ingestion of a brand new show, whether it is still running, just ended, or has long since gone to the TV heaven in the sky (sup Twin Peaks?).

Perhaps the most satisfying part of discussing T.V is suggesting a show to a friend, having them actually watch it, and then having them actually enjoy. If you go 3/3 then that is legitimately cathartic, but convincing someone to allow your suggestion to skip their predictably endless queue is a reward in itself. But it’s a tricky science, there’s some salesmanship involved. The sugestee has to be willing and the suggestor has to have enough of a hook to make the show worth giving a shot to. Indeed I’ve tried in vain to convince my own EIC to watch Peaky Blinders for years now to no avail.

A common question one might receive when suggesting a T.V show is “what is it like?” Someone asking this is looking for a reference point. An example in their memory bank they can leverage to determine if said program is worth taking time out of their busy schedule to indulge in. And this is where I get to the point of the blog. Because although shows like Euphoria have come along before, it indeed has its unique qualities, most notably in the production and presentation, that makes the “what is it like?” question an interesting one.

Firstly, to get this out there, we don’t, and won’t stick to T.V here with these comparisons, to use the plural of “comparison” should I ever play this game again. It’s fair game to reference movies as well. As the only difference, from 1,000 ft., is the amount of time those involved wish to take to tell a story.  Cool? Cool.

But with that said, to bring up past showcases of teenage disenchantment, struggles, issues, and longing, we should start with a couple of small screen predecessors all the same. While I don’t see a ton of similarities with the two big names from the 90’s, Freaks and Geeks and My So Called Life, they did feature female leads who are sort of outcasts, and of course totally over it. That sarcasm that evokes the 90s never went away, particularly when it involves teenage girls. There are some tiny similarities between Euphoria and The O.C, in terms of economic status being a key pillar of high school coolness, but that could be said of legit 50% of T.V and movies that focus on human interaction. Then there is Degrassi, which Euphoria has been compared to a lot. I just don’t see it. While the long-running Canadian show was possibly the first to dive into issues as deep as teenage domestic violence, the entire feeling of the show wastoo sentimental, at least to me. As I’ll get to later, Euphoria isn’t want to sentimentality.

In terms of having a couple of characters from each archetype represented and explored, it is easy to start out on the movie side of things with “The Breakfast Club”. I see a lot of the Hughes classic in Euphoria. The major difference of course is while the new HBO hit deals with substance abuse, sexuality, and volatile relationships, the ultimate 80’s movie dealt with angst and pretty much angst only. It’d be too easy to look at a movie like Thirteen and make connections. That movie, however, did not aspire to find hope the way Euphoria does.

So where does that leave us?

If you asked me, Joseph of the House Ballgame, Scriber of the Outrageous, Fighter of the Inanimate, the “what is it like?” question, I’d bring up two examples.

1. Skins
2. “Rules Of Attraction”

If you’ve read any of my stuff or have seen my avatar, you know I’m an ardent fan of Skins, the mid-00’s to early 10’s anthology about the life of hard-partying, harder-loving teenagers in Bristol, England. I describe it to friends as a more blue-collar, degenerate, debaucherous version of the The O.C, but that is just simplify things for an ignorant audience. Skins consisted of three pairs of two season (plus an odd “where are they now”-ish season). Each consisted of  an (almost) entirely new cast, centered around a group of (sometimes unlikely) friends in their last two years of high school. They drank. They fucked. They loved. They hated. It got both really real and completely over the top, to speak from the perspective of someone who has been through high school before. Where it really intersects with Euphoria is where it uses a single character for the centerpiece of each episode, seeing the events of that episode through their lens and allowing the audience to feel their feelings. Due to the fact that it was located in Europe and not the US, and Europeans are in fact not pussies, it also dove into issues much more problematic for audiences to process. From abuse, to abandonment, to eating disorders, to substance abuse, to mental illness WELL BEFORE it became such a common topic, Skins feared no unturned stone. It also had a way of being honest with who its characters were. Even when complete assholes were given redemption stories, the show never shied away from the fact that they were indeed still assholes.

“Rules Of Attraction” may have come as a bit of a curve ball on my list of two comparisons. Mostly because it is about college students. However, it does share a couple of common elements with Euphoria. The first is that like Skins, it focuses in on a character at a time, dissecting them down to the marrow. You see what led them to that moment in time, the good and the bad. Whether you want to know or not.

The second part of what makes the Bret Easton E;lis adaptation so similar to Euphoria, at least for me, is a bit more nuanced. Despite the hope and dare I say underlying inspiration that Euphoria seemingly wants to purvey at times, it also presents. in my opinion, its character breakdowns in a cold, clinical way. These are their backgrounds, these are their traits. These are their flaws, that probably won’t be fixed. Not matter how sad, how terrifying. How fatal. “Rules Of Attraction” features the same, emotionless description of the players involved, though perhaps with even a hint of menace.

So at this point you’re probably asking yourself why the hell you should watch this show. To see the youth of today in such turmoil can’t possibly be a source of entertainment can it?

Yes, yes it can.

To more fully flesh out the plot, Euphoria is told through the voice of Rue, a Jr. in high school who takes us through her struggle to get and try and stay sober (opiates is implied as her drug of choice) by describing the lives and circumstances of a number of her as mentioned archetyped high school classmates, only a few months removed from a near fatal overdose. How she weaves her tale of High School’s complicated universe and ties it all back to her own life and harrowing journey is where the magic lies. Is she telling us all this because she sees a little of herself in everyone? Is she worried that she might? Or is she embittered that they all think they have it so bad but none have it as bad as her? I know, teenagers, amirite?

There’s something to be said of all options, for as in depth as Rue examines her peers, she allows us to see her own self examination as well – the losses she’s suffered, her  undefined sexuality, her vacillation between apathy and deeply caring about her sobriety. Most of the time you can’t help but care for kid. But sometimes, ya, she’s kind of an asshole.

The show builds and progresses well, although it eschews episode-to-episode cliffhangers for slower builds and mid-installment twists and conclusions. You’ll be happy for Rue and her crew one moment, especially best friend and possible love interest, trans free spirit Jules, and you’ll be crushed and afraid for them the next.

Euphoria has been picked up for a seasons 2 and as I hear the actress that plays Rue’s stock is skyrocketing it could be last which is a shame. I don’t get why they had to end Skins (fucking Brits letting the ratings drop more than all that tea probably. Zinggggg). There’s no reason they can’t morph Euphoria itself into a similar anthology-type show should the Rue character not be sustainable. That said, HBO is not as attached to long runs the way Showtime is so that isn’t probable. But I digress. Watch the damn show. Feel some feels. Maybe you went through some similar shit or maybe you observed it from afar. Either way maybe you’ll learn something about yourself, in hindsight.

-Joey B.

Top Patriots Fantasy Football Players for 2019

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Though the first official 2019 NFL preseason game has already come to pass, we’re still two days away from the first slate of live action for the 30 other teams besides the Broncos and Falcons who have still yet to play. Eleven preseason games are set to take place on Thursday night – one of which being Pats vs. Lions in Detroit – with two more on Friday and three others on Saturday night.

Unless you and your leaguemates are absolute psychopaths, your fantasy draft is still likely a few weeks away. Everyone knows you always wait until, at the very least, after the third week of preseason play has concluded. That’s because most starters usually don’t play in their team’s final preseason game, and there’s nothing worse than losing one of your top guys for the year due to a B.S. injury before the season even starts. Also, there are still a ton of camp battles currently taking place, and most depth charts aren’t even set yet.

(Quick but still entirely related side story: Our very own editor-in-chief Red learned this the hard way a few years back. For some reason, we had to do our draft a little early that year, and it actually took place during the third week of the preseason. Again, this was a few years ago, and Red decided to use his second-round pick on Jordy Nelson, which was a very sound choice at the time. Not even 15 minutes later, probably somewhere in the middle of the fourth round, we all looked up at the bar’s TV screen, only to see Jordy’s knee get absolutely DESTROYED, effectively ending his season – as well as Red’s hopes of fantasy success that year. Of course, we couldn’t restart the draft at that point, and Red was pretty much screwed. So, look, I get it; I’m chomping at the bit to draft my squad already, too. But slow down there, gunpowder. Don’t get “Jordy Nelson-ed.”)

However, it’s never too early to start talking about fantasy football. Never! And that’s why I’m here to provide you with my annual ranking of the top Patriots fantasy players for the upcoming season along with their current ADP, “Mattes-Adjusted ADP,” and other little tidbits to help you win your draft.

(Rankings and predictions are based upon a 12-team, half-point-PPR scoring format. Honestly, if you’re still in a standard league which only counts yards and TDs, get out of the freakin’ Stone Age already! Also, all average draft positions [ADP] are current as of August 6, 2019 and courtesy of FantasyFootballCalculator.com.)

Let’s begin…

Julian Edelman, WR

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  • (ADP: Early fourth round / Mattes-Adjusted ADP: Mid-fourth round)

While the recent thumb injury does cause for a bit of concern, it seems as though Jules is still on track to be ready for the start of the regular season. And there’s absolutely ZERO chance he doesn’t serve as Brady’s numero uno target in the passing game once again. Minus an injury-shortened 2015 campaign, Edelman had put up three-straight 90-plus-catch seasons before last year. And he would’ve had a fourth in 2018 if he wasn’t suspended for the first four games. Even still, he finished last season with over 70 catches and 800-plus yards; he was also on pace for 99 catches were he to play in all 16 games. He even hauled in six TDs, too. About as reliable as they come, the only reason I’m giving him a slight bump down from his current ADP is due to my concerns about the team’s offense as a whole this year. But as long as Brady can keep the ship afloat, Jules will be the first mate helping him lead the way. Draft Jules as a WR2 with absolute confidence. He is far and away the safest Patriot on the board in ANY fantasy draft this year.

Sony Michel, RB

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  • (ADP: Early fifth / Mattes-Adjusted ADP: Late fifth/early sixth)

Sony might be one of the most difficult fantasy players to peg this year. There’s no doubt that he lived up to his first-round NFL draft stock as a rookie last season with a 931-yard, six-TD campaign. And if he played a full season (only played in 13 games), he was on pace for 1,146 rushing yards; that would have been good for sixth in the league. But there are multiple red flags surrounding his fantasy prospects this year. First, there’s his extensive injury history. His degenerative knee condition is only going to get worse over time and will never go away. To be fair, a few of the games he missed last year were due to a freak injury he suffered in Week 7 against the Bears – which truly looked much worse initially – and were it not for that he probably would’ve only missed one or two contests. Still, the concerns are always there. Secondly, he’s a one-dimensional back who does not provide much in the way of receptions, severely hurting his PPR value. (Even though he’s reportedly looked great as a receiver in camp so far, I’m sorry, he’s not suddenly going to become the next Alvin Kamara.) Thirdly, there’s also still James White and rookie Damien Harris to worry about. White is the team’s main pass-catching option at the position, and Harris is a back who excels in all facets of the game. In fact, some people believe Harris could steal the job outright from Michel this year if he’s not careful. (More on that in a bit.) But for me, I still think Sony is an absolute grinder who showed a lot of toughness last year. The team still believes in him and he’ll still get plenty of burn this season, especially on the goal line. His TD upside alone is enough to keep me believing in him as a top-25 back in 2019. I guess I’m OK with him as my RB2, but if you aim to grab him as an RB3 instead, I think you’ll be just fine.

James White, RB

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  • (ADP: Mid-fifth / Mattes-Adjusted ADP: Late eighth/early ninth)

Here’s where we see my first big ADP discrepancy, but it’s not meant as any disrespect to my boy Big Game James. Anyone who knows me knows that I’m a huge fan of his, and White did actually lead the team in total targets, receptions, and receiving TDs in 2018. But that just ain’t happening again. The team’s receiving corps might have been even worse off at times last season than it is right now, especially early on when Jules was out and Gronk was a shell of his former self. Until late last season, Brady relied on White to be the keystone of the offense, but the tide started to turn in the second half. Through the first eight weeks, White was targeted an average of nine times per game; over the final eight, that number dropped to six. The team also went out and acquired more weapons in the passing game this offseason – including the aforementioned Harris, who could really cut into White’s share of the load even more in 2019. Also, White isn’t getting another 94 carries, which was 59 (!!!) more than his typical career average. I could see another 50-plus-catch season for White, which is something he’s done multiple times before. But I promise you that he will not come close to sniffing the numbers he put up last year. You can take that to the bank. Look at White as no more than a RB4/5. DO NOT draft him anywhere near the fifth round this year. Just don’t.

Damien Harris, RB

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  • (ADP: Early ninth / Mattes-Adjusted ADP: Mid-to-late ninth)

I’ve mentioned him a few times so far in this piece, but the truth is nobody has an effing clue how this kid will be used this season. For those who don’t know who he is yet, Damien Harris is one of the team’s third-round draft picks this year who served as one of Nick Saban’s lead horses down at Alabama for the past few years. Not only is he said to be a real stand-up type of dude, but unlike Michel and White, Harris is someone who is as equally adept at toting the rock as he is at catching it. In fact, many believe he has the ability to become the Pats’ No. 1 back by the end of the season. I’m not saying it’s impossible, but unless Michel’s knees completely explode, he’s too talented to cede his role entirely to Harris. Especially with the team’s continually expanding reliance and focus upon the running game, both players will still get their fair share in 2019, but Michel is still the back to own. With other running backs like Jerick McKinnon, Peyton Barber, and Carlos Hyde (*YAWN*) going around the same draft slot as Harris, though, why not take a chance on the rookie here? I wouldn’t necessarily advise against it.

N’Keal Harry, WR 

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  • (ADP: Late ninth / Mattes-Adjusted ADP: 11th round or later)

Another rookie who nobody has had a chance to even see play yet, Harry has not had as great of a camp as I expected. One of the more complete receivers to come out of the draft in years, there’s a reason Belichick made him the first-ever wide receiver he chose to take in the first round. However, Harry’s struggled with drops so far this summer, and while he hasn’t been horrible, according to reports he is being outplayed significantly by fellow rookie Jakobi Meyers as well as free-agent pickup Maurice Harris. I think that Harry has a chance to be a beast as soon as he puts it all together; especially given his elite size (6’4″, 225 pounds), he could be a key fantasy bench piece just based on his potential to be used in the red zone. But until I hear more encouraging reports on his progress, I’d rather snag guys like DeSean Jackson, Emmanuel Sanders, Keke Coutee, and Donte Moncrief, all of whom are being selected after Harry in drafts so far. But, if he does reach his potential in Year One, he could end up being one of the steals of the draft. It’s honestly just too early to tell, and he is currently the epitome of a high-risk/high-reward player.

Tom Brady, QB

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  • (ADP: Mid-11th / Mattes-Adjusted ADP: Undrafted)

Novice fantasy players might be shocked to see the G.O.A.T. so far down most draft boards – and it may be especially jarring to see that I personally wouldn’t even take him at all! However, while he is unquestionably the greatest quarterback to ever play in terms of real-life football, the same cannot be said for fantasy. There are a solid 20 or so QBs who I guarantee you will score more points than Brady this season – particularly those who will also get you points on the ground – and there’s typically only 12 who start each week. I honestly believe Brady is being drafted on nothing more than name alone, which is vastly skewing his ADP. While TB12 will have his top-12 weeks this season, you’re probably better off snagging an extra RB or WR at this point in the draft to build depth. Then you can simply stream QBs each week until one hits. Nobody loves you more than me, Tom, but you’re not going to be on any of my fantasy rosters this season.

Josh Gordon, WR

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  • (ADP: Early 14th / Mattes-Adjusted ADP: 12th round or later)

Choosing to draft Flash right now is a complete roll of the dice; I’m not gonna lie. Though he did officially apply for reinstatement with the league this past weekend, there has been less than zero indication as to when he could possibly be allowed to return to action. But after his performance in just 11 games with the Pats last year – 40 catches / 720 yards / 3 TDs – there should be no doubt that he’s still got it in him. He’s also reportedly worked out with Brady this offseason to stay fresh, so the two could start clicking again right away if and when he returns (which I think he will). If you’re comfortable with your bench and are simply taking stabs late in the draft, go for the gold with Gordon. He could truly be a league-winner.

There are other guys – like the aforementioned Meyers and Harris, and maybe even Ben Watson when he returns – who could be sneaky options at certain points this year. (And maybe, juuuussst maybe, my guy Dontrelle Inman could still come through, too. 🤞🏻) But to be entirely honest, this is likely the only list of Patriots players you should be concerned about heading into your fantasy season. Again, there’s still a lot to be fleshed out before the really meaningful action begins, but hopefully this little primer helped to whet your appetite and start to prepare you for what lies ahead.

We’re almost there, everyone! And best of luck to all in this fantasy season.