Tag: Gronk

Apparently Gronk is Training in Miami With Some Hot Yoga Classes

I don’t know what this means. I don’t know if Gronk’s doing Yoga to limber himself up for the upcoming season (isn’t that what TB12 was for?) or if he’s fading off into the sunset to study yoga and open the first Bro Yoga (Broga) studio in retirement?

Yoga is quickly becoming one of the go to workouts for athletes as recovery becomes just as important as working out itself. I mean we’ve heard about receivers taking ballroom dancing lessons just to improve their footwork so hot yoga classes are pretty normal. I’ve done yoga a couple times and it’s definitely a great way to stretch out and keep your spine from crumbling into dust after staring at a screen and sitting in a chair for 40 goddamn hours a week. Even Nike is getting in on it as they just launched a new Yoga-centric line of workout clothes, whatever the hell that means. Either way, yoga is hot in the streets right now. What that means for the future of one Rob Gronkowski, Tight End of the New England Patriots, remains to be seen but it would be nice if Gronk clued us all in sooner than later.

Coming Out of the Combine, Joey B and Mattes Discuss the 2019 NFL Draft

Blogger’s Note: The 2019 NFL Draft Combine ended earlier this week after a grueling four days where players were made to wear spandex while running, lifting, jumping, being asked if they had both nuts, and doing positional drills. Now we’ve been given the yearly transparency into how these players stack up side by side, from a raw athleticism point of view.With that in mind I kicked off a little electronic mail with Mattes, my fellow draft nerd, about this year’s class and what it could mean for the Pats.

Joey B:

Hey Mattes,

So the combine is all over and apart from the Pro days the stage is set for the draft. What are your thoughts coming out of the “underwear olympics” and of this draft class?

Mattes:

I’mma let Maverick sum this one up for me:

Post-Weekend Robert Kraft Update and a Few Other Patriots Notes

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Folks throughout the nation are still trying to process the news that broke on Friday about Patriots owner Robert Kraft, with a full spectrum of reactions ranging from “So what? It’s his own personal life” to “HE NEEDS TO SELL THE TEAM!

Myself and the boys already provided you with our initial reaction to the story in this week’s podcast, so I’m not here to rehash what I’ve already said. (To be entirely honest, it’s still a very fluid, very contentious, and very far-reaching story – for which we still don’t have all the facts – so I feel as though I’ve said all I needed to say so far.)

But many are wondering what’s going to happen next, and we did receive at least some more insight regarding the potential fallout, which all started very early on Monday morning with this tweet from ESPN’s Michele Steele:

Steele also notes later on in the thread that, to this point, Kraft is not being charged with anything implicating his involvement in any form of human trafficking.

The NFL also released their first official statement regarding the matter this morning:

So, as of lunch time on Monday, here’s what we know so far:

  1. Kraft is being charged with a misdemeanor and arrested for soliciting prostitution.
  2. Kraft, at least as it currently stands, is NOT being charged with any involvement (or knowledge of) human trafficking relating to the establishment he visited.
  3. The NFL is letting the full investigation play out before making a decision regarding how they plan to punish Kraft.

OK, so at least it didn’t get any worse than what we first learned on Friday.

When trying to project what type of punishment Kraft could receive from the NFL, it’s important to remember that the league is actually kind of limited by the CBA in regards to what it can do to reprimand owners. Besides issuing a “maximum fine” of $500,000 (which is NOTHING to Kraft), the league can simply choose to suspend him for a long time. They cannot technically force him to sell the team or step down in any way.

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Your move, Rog.

How long will they suspend him, you ask? That’s where it gets interesting. Everyone wants to bring up Indianapolis Colts owner/CEO Jim Irsay, who was suspended for six games and fined $500,000 back in 2014 after being arrested for driving under the influence (which came after a series of other previous drug-related “infractions”). Tom Benson and the Saints also lost $500,000, along with two draft picks, for the whole Bountygate scandal in 2012. And way before Roger Goodell’s time, former 49ers owner Eddie DeBartolo was fined and suspended for an entire year in the late ’90s after getting caught up in a gambling scandal.

But, in truth, a more recent example might serve as a more telling indicator of what may lie ahead. After being accused of years-long sexual misconduct and racism as owner of the Carolina Panthers, Jerry Richardson was pretty much shamed into selling the team last year AND ultimately ending up shelling out almost $3 million, all told. Especially after their mishandling of the Ray Rice situation – as well as the fact that they have STILL yet to determine any sort of punishment for Kareem Hunt – the NFL could look to make a similarly strong statement against Kraft as the one they took against Richardson; after all, these are owners who are (so they say) supposed to be held to a much higher standard.

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Richardson suffered a pretty harsh, and well-deserved, punishment just last year.

And that’s really the whole scoop on Kraft for now, with plenty more still to come in short order. Stay tuned.

In other Patriots news…

(Don’t Call It a Comeback): While we did receive word last week that safety Devin McCourty would be returning next season, we still don’t have an answer about Gronk. Apparently, he’s been seen around the team facility over the past couple of weeks, so that’s a good sign. But otherwise, all we’ve got so far is this quote from Gronk’s agent Drew Rosenhaus from last Tuesday:

“I checked in with Gronk a couple of days ago. I talked with the Patriots about it. Right now, Rob is thinking it through. He is giving it a lot of thought. Rob will certainly I think make a decision in the foreseeable future. I don’t want to put any pressure on him and give him a timeframe, but I would imagine it will be sometime in the next couple of weeks.” (h/t WEEI.com)

Cool. Thanks for literally nothing, Drew.

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What are ya thinking, big fella?

Hopefully, Gronk is considerate enough to let the team know his decision before the new league year and free agency starts on March 13.

(The Other McCourty Wants Back In, Too): After being reunited with his twin brother and having a career year topped off by a Super Bowl win in 2018, Jason McCourty made no secret of his desire to return to Foxborough when speaking to the media on Sunday. Unlike his brother, however, Jason is not already under contract and is instead set to hit unrestricted free agency this offseason. In fact, he is one of 18 Pats players scheduled to hit the open market next month. Fortunately, though, besides maybe Stephen Gostkowski, he looks like the most likely to return, and I’m fully confident both sides will get something done quickly to make sure No. 30 is back in a Pats uniform next season.

(What About Flowers and Brown?): Technically, there haven’t been any concrete updates pertaining to Trey Flowers or Trent Brown – who are easily the team’s two biggest free agents – but it doesn’t change the fact the entire offseason is predicated on what happens next with these two (particularly Flowers). Just this morning, Bleacher Report posted a story about how Flowers could be the “NFL’s top free agent” this offseason, proving just how difficult it may be to bring the stud defensive end back – especially when you consider the team’s typical frugality relating to free agents in the past. Brown is likely off to greener pastures, but the Pats’ offseason truly cannot start until Flowers’s next move is known. I am praying that Bill & Co. open up the purse strings on this one. We can’t let Flowers walk. We just can’t.

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PAY THIS MAN, BILL!!!

(Sitting Pretty for the Draft): Last week, it was announced the Patriots would be given a league-high four compensatory picks in the upcoming draft, giving them two additional picks in the third round as well as an extra pick in each of the sixth and seventh rounds. That means the Pats now have seven picks in the first four rounds (!) of the 2019 NFL Draft, allowing them to bring in hoards of young talent this offseason or, even better, using the capital they have to make a shrewd trade for another helpful piece. No matter what they do with the picks, it’s a really nice position to be in.

That’s it for now, but with the 2019 league year set to kick off in just about three weeks, we’ll have plenty more in store for you along the way. So be sure to keep checking in with The 300s for all your Pats offseason news and updates!

Patriots 2018 Report Card (Part 1): Offense

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It’s been a week since the Pats won title No. 6, and the reality is finally starting to settle in that football season is now officially over.

We here at The 300s will obviously have you covered on any and all Patriots offseason news. Of course, we’ll also be sure to provide you with plenty of hot takes, bold predictions, and passionate tirades regarding our own feelings about how Bill & Co. should do things as well.

But before all that, let’s take one more look at this year’s championship squad, as I grade out each grouping based on their 2018 performance. Today, we’re going to stick to the offensive side of things, with my take on the defensive guys coming later in the week. There’s even some accolades that will be presented at the end, which will give some well-deserved shine (or shame) to a few players who really stood out this year, for better or worse.

Let’s hop into the grade book:

Quarterback: B+

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Giving Tom Brady anything less than an “A” grade is something I never thought would occur in my life, but I must be objective here. By most NFL standards, Brady still had a pretty good season; he finished in the top 10 in terms of both passing yards (4,355) and passing TDs (29). But by “Tom Brady” standards, he was a bit off. Both his TD rate and interception percentage were the worst they’ve been in about five years.

And while he did post five 300-plus-yard games, rarely were there times when I felt like Brady was THE reason the Pats were victorious in a particular contest. There were even a few games this year where he was just plain bad (i.e. at Detroit, at Tennessee, at Pittsburgh, and versus Buffalo at home). However, he was still MONEY when it really counted, though, especially at the end of the AFC Championship in Kansas City, and there’s still nobody else I’d rather have leading the way.

Running Backs: A-

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As we’ve seen throughout much of the NFL in recent years, the Pats use a multi-back system which does not allow for one guy to get all the love; however, what makes the Pats’ system so effective is the fact that each player within it has his own defined role, and each role was executed almost to perfection this season.

While he did miss four games due to injury, rookie Sony Michel was vital in helping the team finish fifth in the league in terms of total rushing yards on the year. He hit the 100-yard mark six times in the regular season and finished just 69 yards short of breaking the 1,000-yard threshold (and again, he did so even while missing almost a quarter of the season). He also threw in two more 100-yard games in the postseason and finished with 12 TDs overall, six of which were in the postseason. Perhaps even more impressive is that he was able to do so even though the defense knew exactly what was coming, as Michel carried the ball on almost 70 percent of the offensive snaps he played. Some of that has to do with exceptional play by the O-line (more on that in a minute), but the kid also got it done when called upon this year.

James White finished with 425 yards on the ground (on just 94 attempts) and finished with five rushing scores. But, as everyone knows, his value lies in the passing game, where he led the team in targets (123), receptions (87), and receiving TDs (7). He and Julian Edelman kept the passing game alive, even at its very lowest points this year. He was pretty invisible in the Super Bowl, but he was a huge chain-mover against both the Chargers and Chiefs in the team’s other two postseason games. He was the definition of “Mr. Reliable” this year.

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White really did so much for the team’s offense this year.

Rex Burkhead could barely stay on the field this season, and besides a solid playoff run, he was pretty lackluster otherwise. Even when he played, he averaged just 3.3 yards a carry on 57 totes. Still, Michel and White were one helluva 1-2 punch this season.

Wide Receivers/Tight Ends: C-

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To be entirely honest, Julian Edelman is the only reason why this grouping gets anything even close to an average grade, as it has been a very trying year for the team’s pass-catchers. While Edelman has been exactly as good as he was before the injury/suspension, those first four games without him this season were pretty rough.

Gronk has also been a major disappointment this season. Though he came alive during the two most important games of the year in the AFC Championship and Super Bowl, he averaged three catches and 50.5 yards in the 14 other games he played. He also only hauled in thee touchdowns. Those are some pitifully low numbers when comparing them to the rest of his career. While his blocking was still on point, basically serving as an extension of the offensive line at times this season, he was almost invisible in the passing game for much of the year.

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At least the big fella still laid the smackdown on opposing defenders whenever called upon to do so.

Then there was the whole Josh Gordon saga. (Gordon and his 18 yards per catch would have provided a nice little bump to the grade if, ya know, he was still here and all.) But besides that, all the team had was Chris Hogan, Phillip Dorsett, and Cordarrelle Patterson – and, truthfully, Patterson was actually used as a gadget running back much more so than a receiver as the year wore on.

As I said above, Edelman, White, and a solid ground game were the reasons why the Pats were able to move the chains so well this year; it was certainly not due to a prolific passing attack. In fact, Edelman and White alone accounted for 43 percent of the team’s total receptions on the year. The timing-based, short-passing scheme continues to defy logic and still somehow baffles NFL defenses, but the Pats still need to add some playmakers on offense, especially as Brady gets older. This should be the first area they focus on doing so.

Offensive Line: A++++++++++++++++++++

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So I might have been a bit too aggressive with all the pluses there, but the offensive line was truly exceptional this year. (And if you followed The 300s at all this year, you shouldn’t be surprised.) Not only did they allow Brady to be sacked just once in three postseason games, but they also allowed the third-lowest pressure rate overall this season. In total, he was sacked 22 times in the regular season. More important, though, is the fact that the line barely even allowed people to get in his face, which is extremely vital to both the success of the team’s timing-based offensive scheme and, more importantly, the health of its 41-year-old quarterback. And, as mentioned above, they also led the way for the league’s fifth-ranked rushing offense.

Just for even more perspective on how much of an advantage the Pats had up front over most of their competition throughout the league this season, check out this quote from CBS Sports’ Jared Dubin:

Rather, it was arguably the single best line in the league this season, ranking third in Adjusted Line Yards, first in Adjusted Sack Rate and third in pressure rate. All for the ridiculously low cost of just $14,539,489 against the cap. By way of comparison, consider the Chargers, who took on a cap hit of $14,968,750 this year for just left tackle Russell Okung, who gave up more sacks during the Chargers’ divisional round loss to the Patriots (one) than the Patriots have all postseason.

The main group of guys – left tackle Trent Brown, left guard Joe Thuney, center David Andrews, right guard Shaq Mason, and right tackle Marcus Cannon – also started together 94 percent of the time in 2018, showing incredible toughness and durability. The O-line was absolutely dominant this season, in every sense of the word – and that still might not be giving them enough credit.

  • (Offensive MVP): The Offensive Line – I’m usually averse to giving individual awards to an entire group of players, but it’d actually be more of  a travesty if I didn’t this year. Sure, you could argue that White or Edelman would be worthy candidates as well, but much of their success derives directly from the play of the big boys up front. The O-line was the team’s keystone this year, plain and simple.
  • (Biggest Surprise): James Develin – I gotta give some love to “Jimmy Neck Roll.” The 30-year-old fullback has long been an unsung hero in the Pats offense, paving the way for the team’s rushing attack and serving as an extra piece to protect Brady in the backfield. But this year he was called upon to be much more, setting career highs in carries (6), receptions (12), and TDs (4). Considering he averaged just five total touches per year in his previous five seasons with just one career score, Devs stepped up big for this team in 2018.

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  • (Biggest Disappointment): Chris Hogan – A lot of people might want to give this one to Gronk, but at least Gronk provided something of substance to the team’s offense even when he wasn’t catching the ball. For a guy who was expected to be the team’s leading man during Edelman’s suspension, Hogan hauled in just eight catches on 15 targets in those first four games; he then went on to compile a measly 27 catches over the next 12 games he played. He wasn’t completely useless, and he did average over 15 yards a catch. Perhaps he is simply nothing more than a No. 3 option with some deep-threat ability, which still has a lot of value in today’s NFL. However, that is all he’ll ever be, and nothing more.

Be sure to check back in later in the week for the rest of the grades, when we focus on the defense and special teams guys!

The 300s Live Super Bowl Sunday Podcast Now on iTunes

The 300s Podcast was LIVE at Oak Square Liquors in Brighton on Super Bowl Sunday previewing the game, the prop bets, fan predictions, and we even diverged into some NBA Super Team talk, and MLB Hot Stove (or lack thereof) discussions. Lets GO!

Listen to The 300s Podcast on:

ALL the Highlights from the Patriots Super Bowl Parade

Considering I dutifully honored the national holiday that is the day after Super Bowl Sunday, I was not in a great position to go to the Pats parade. BUT thankfully the internet is here to live stream every second of the damn thing, so below are some of the highlights if you too were stuck in the cubes yesterday.

SUPER BOWL WEEK DISTRACTION – Breaking Down Gronk’s Senior Basketball Profile

 

Blogger’s Note: I meant to start these yesterday as we lead up to the game on Sunday. This is the most stressful week of (almost) every year and we could all use a distraction or 7. This one is Pats-related but  I promise the remaining three will be absolute nonsense and will take your mind off things….

To leverage one of the most prolifically used, intoxicating television quotes of all time, “He is a loathsome, offensive brute. Yet I can’t look away.”

That line, first used to describe not just a painting, but a perfect encapsulation of the essence of Cosmo Kramer, also applies seamlessly to this Portrait of a Young Gronk. From the head to the answers to the rest of the pose, this would give an alien who randomly landed on earth this very day an accurate representation of what the greatest TE of all time was and grew to be.

To start with the picture, I’d like to first point out that Gronk barely ages. If you look at this picture and then a picture of him now, his shaven head, which is a choice, is really the only difference. I’m sure people would point to other features of his face, but what I see is a kid still half asleep at probably 8:00am, dragged into a gym and told to put his uniform on for team pictures. The Gronk abides. Then we get to the hair. I have no doubt Gronk’s hair looked exactly like this all through high school. Papa G would agree this is known as the “Mark Hoppus circa 2004”. In Gronk’s case however, he isn’t a pop punk God who just tapped into his love for the Cure, he’s a 17 year old man-child pre-programmed to dominate varsity athletics and who doesn’t care what his hair looks like because it will either be smashed inside a helmet or matted with sweat at some point in the day any way. Probably multiple times.

Then there is the pose. HO MAN the pose. Can you imagine the energy that radiated through Robert James Gronkowski when he found out that he was invited to give everyone a sneak peek to the gun show on an otherwise unremarkable week day morning? He probably found some small dumb bells, or some resistance bands, or a freshman and got a few quick sets in to give himself some pump and tone. He through on that jersey and flexed, giving his best Blue Steel for the camera. Amazing.

Finally we have his answers. His “parents’ names” are, I suppose, not noteworthy if it wasn’t for the fact that they weren’t a bit out place. In 2019 that would be called a majjjjjor info sec breach. For “college choice” not only does Gronk peacock that he is leaving the dreary Northeast for the University of Arizona, but he is doing it on a full athletic scholarship. I can imagine he actually told the person asking him these questions (0% chance he wrote them out himself) something like “full boat for football” and the transcriber cleaned the answer up a bit. No harm no foul. Then comes the last question. The piece de resistance. Rob Gronkowski’s “hobbies”. I mentioned he was a pre-programmed sports machine and indeed he mentions sports as his #2 hobby.  That is, of course, only because #1 is working out, i.e preparing to dominate in said sports more efficiently. Then comes #3. The last but certainly not least. Chicks. Nothing in particular. Just chicks. Gronk like to talk about them. Gronk likes to talk to them. Gronk likes to do un-Christian things with them in back seats. It is and always will be his passion, his calling. If Belichick ever got him to take a vow of celibacy he’d probably go off for 120/1800/25 every year. He was close as it is.

So that is it folks. Your daily distraction in the form of breaking down a hoops profile of a young Gronk. Yo soy fiesta indeed.

-Joey B.

REAL TALK: Gronk is Now Basically an Offensive Lineman, and That’s OK

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Once one of the most dominant pass-catchers the game has ever seen, it appears as though Rob Gronkowski is quickly nearing the end of the line.

Not only has this been apparent from just the eyeball test alone, but rumors that he is once again considering retirement resurfaced yesterday as well – even though Gronk tried to downplay everything after the team’s victory over L.A.

Even the numbers don’t lie, though; since his misleading eight-catch, 107-yard performance against Miami in Week 14, here’s how it’s gone for Gronk ever since:

  • Week 15 (at Pittsburgh): 100% snaps played; 5 targets; 2 catches; 21 yards
  • Week 16 (vs. Buffalo): 79% snaps played; 1 target; 0 catches; 0 yards
  • Week 17 (vs. New York Jets): 81% of snaps played; 2 targets; 2 catches; 24 yards
  • AFC Divisional Round (vs. Los Angeles Chargers): 93% snaps played; 1 target; 1 catch; 25 yards

OH, and he’s also scored a total of zero touchdowns since the game down in Vice City as well.

There’s much more to take away from those numbers, though, besides simply saying that “Gronk looks cooked.” As a consistent, big-play, receiving target? Yeah, maybe he is cooked in that regard. But Gronk’s still played over three-quarters of the snaps – or more – for the past month, and Bill obviously isn’t going to keep him in there if he’s not providing something for the offense.

And that “something” that he provides has been excellent blocking up front. He’s basically been acting as a sixth offensive lineman for much of his time on the field lately, and it’s working.

This is not to say Gronk hasn’t been used as a blocker before; he’s actually been one of the game’s premier blockers at the tight end position throughout his whole career. However, the rate at which he’s been used as a blocker as opposed to a receiver has increased significantly. In 13 games last year, Gronk ran a passing route on 90.3 percent of his snaps, receiving 105 total targets; in 13 games this year, he’s been asked to go out for a pass on just 77.8 percent of his plays and has seen just 72 targets.

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This guy has been getting it done on the line for years.

The numbers. don’t. lie.

It should also be noted that the Pats’ rushing offense, which finished 10th in the league last season, jumped all the way up to fifth in 2018. Some may try to point out that we didn’t have Sony Michel last year, but we did have a guy named Dion Lewis, who averaged a pretty damn solid 5.0 yards per carry in 2017. So, no, it’s not all because of Sony Michel. (Yes, new addition Trent Brown and the rest of the O-line has played exceptionally well this year, too, so it’s not all Gronk. But still.)

Even Brady himself couldn’t stop from gushing about the big fella after yesterday’s game (h/t 247 Sports):

“Yeah, he’s a great blocker,” quarterback Tom Brady said after the win. “I think that’s something that goes maybe a little under the radar with his skill set, but he’s one of the most dominant blocking tight ends in the league. Again, he’s a threat when he catches it. Just did such a great job there to start the third quarter. He’s a threat any time he’s out there.”

And, as I pointed out in yesterday’s postgame piece, his epic block on Sony Michel’s 40-yard second-quarter run was the whole reason that play was even possible:

It might be hard to get a great view of No. 87’s stone-walling at first, but watch the bottom center-to-left corner of the screen, and you’ll eventually see the Chargers’ Kyle Emmanuel (No. 51) looking like an overpowered otter trying to swim upstream in the rapids. He had NO CHANCE of touching Sony on that play, and it was all because of Gronk.

He then did it again, to the same poor soul, on Rex Burkhead’s touchdown run just three plays later:

Of course, the Patriots are better with a healthy Gronk as the All-Pro tight end he used to be, but they certainly aren’t as desperate as some make it out to be without him. The team has averaged over 407 yards of offense (!) over the past four contests; the sky ain’t falling, folks. Relax.

In a season during which it’s been easy to hop all over Gronk for his “poor” play, I had to give the man the shine he deserves when doing the little things we don’t always catch during the flurry of action on the field.

You’re still a huge part of this team, Gronk. And if the team is going to be hoisting up that sixth banner next season, it certainly won’t happen without you on the field.

 

The 300s 2018 Fantasy Football All Cock Tease Team

Welcome, welcome to our awards. Before we begin I’m going to briefly kick it to our team on tonight’s red carpet…

Thank Joey! Here we see Founder Red wearing a Lakers jersey with camo cargo shorts. I’m really digging his ironic choice that is clearly a protest to our recent cooperation with North Korea. Back to the studio…

Thanks guys! Now before we proceed I should probably explain what these awards actually are about since nobody fucking knows.

We have all picked a bust or 12 throughout our fantasy football seasons, however most are of either the “reach” or “hard on” variety. A “reach”, as is well known, is a player you pick a bit too high, possibly motivated by the fear of someone else picking him. A “hard on” pick, for lack of a more enlightened term, would refer to players that we just personally really like without a ton evidence as to why and that simply don’t work out.

These awards, however, celebrate the “cock teases” – players who are picked at a good time given their value, normally put up good numbers relative to that selection point, yet completely fuck us. They don’t buy us dinner first either, just bend us over the analogous  10, 12, or 16 team table and fuck us.

So without further ado, as composed by and contributed to by our talented staff, I give you The 300s 2018 All Cock Tease Team:

QB: Jimmy Garoppolo, San Francisco 49ers
Red: I was ready for Jimmy G to rise like a phoenix out of the ashes that was my 2017 fantasy season, but in his third game the most handsome ACL in the league exploded and I was stuck with Matt Stafford at QB the rest of the way.

 

RB1: Jordan Howard, Chicago Bears
Mattes: Now, a lot of people might give me crap for drafting Howard in the second round of a PPR draft. First, I’d like to respond by saying it’s only a half-point league, and, second, the guy also had two-straight 1,200-plus-yard seasons and nine touchdowns last year on a bad team. I – like many – expected the Bears to be much-improved this year (which they certainly are), and I also believed new head coach Matt Nagy when he said he’d finally get Howard more involved in the passing game. Then came along Tarik Cohen, and there were also five games this year in which Howard averaged under 2.6 yards a carry. In fact, Cohen actually ended up finishing over FOURTY spots ahead of Howard in the overall rankings this year. Picked the wrong guy, I guess, huh?

 


RB2: Le’veon Bell, Pittsburgh Steelers
GUEST CONTRIBUTION! Patty Blackouts: I mean what is there to say besides he’s a seflish fuck who passed up 850k a week to sit out and try and protect his body to try and get a long term deal. Took him 4th overall thinking he’d show up sometime around end of September or October and nope just sat out all season sending cryptic tweets so you’d think he was going to report and next ya know he’s playing pickup basketball games at the local Y. I hope no one pays him what he wants and he regrets passing up the 14.5 mill he would have been paid this season by signing the franchise tag. But yes I’m bitter because  I used my first overall pick on him in fantasy got the same amount of points out of him as he did paychecks this season….0!

I hope he gets hurt in the next preseason.

Douchebag.

WR1: Quincy Enunwa, Goddam Jets
Red: No one, and I mean no one in my fantasy league watches more Jets games than me as the Mrs. is a huge fan. So watching a team that bad I was determined to derive some value out of it, which is exactly what Quincy Enunwa was going to do for me. Enunwa was going to be the steal of the draft as he put up 15, 12 and 10 points in 3 of the first 4 games, but then his season was derailed by various injuries. He cracked 6 points just once after September…

 

WR2: Golden Tate, Detroit Lions/Philadelphia Eagles
Joey B: Tate started the season as Matthew Stafford’s #1 option in what is normally a high flying Detroit offense. To that end, he kicked off the season with games of  17, 15, 10 and TWENTY FUCKING NINE. After that he completely shit the bed, probably became an asshole in the locker room because he realized his name is fucking Golden, and then got traded to Philly where he had one game of 20, coincidentally the only other time he’s seen the end zone since September, and seemingly is hated by all 12 of Philly’s playoff-ready QBs.

 

TE: Gronk
Joey B: I always pick Gronk wayyyy too high because he plays a position where all of 4-5 guys give you tremendous amounts of points and even among those guys he usually stands out. But this year, as the world knows, was different. He’s just broken and I’m just sad.

 

Flex1: Jarvis Landry, Cleveland Browns
Mattes: Landry wasn’t without a few big games of his own this year. Also like Cousins, Landry was a guy whom I expected to make a huge splash with a new team this season, but instead was super inconsistent. Yes, he had to deal with learning how to play with two different QBs this year, but remember that Baker Mayfield has been playing since Week 3. In the 13 games he’s played with Mayfield, Landry has put up single-digit totals in seven of them. For a guy who averaged 99 catches per season before this year, his mark of 72 through 16 games this year is incredibly disappointing.

 

Flex2: Chris Hogan, New England Patriots
Big Z: With Brandin Cooks in LA and Julian Edelman sidelined for the first four games of the season, I was certain Chris Hogan was a steal in the fifth round. He would be one of Tom Brady’s top targets the first month of the season, and hopefully stay in the mix even after Edelman returned.

Hogan scored two touchdowns in Week 2, but he wouldn’t find the end zone again for three months. By that time I had already dropped him and moved on. Just another cautionary tale of putting too much stock in to a Patriots WR/RB for fantasy football purposes.

 

D/ST: San Diego Los Angeles Chargers
Joey B: With Joey Bosa and company up front and some decent pieces in the secondary, I thought the “pressure creates turnovers” rule would get me some points on D. Instead Bosa got hurt and the Chargers are last in return yards allowed.

 

Kicker: Dan Bailey, Minnesota Vikings
Big Z: Drafting and picking up kickers in fantasy football is a bit of a crap shoot. You just try to pick up a guy who kicks for a team with a good, but not great, offense. If he plays in warm weather or a dome, even better. That’s why I love NFC South kickers and why I will never draft the Bills kicker.

Dan Bailey had a rough 2017 and got released by Dallas. But he was at one time the most accurate kicker in NFL history. When he got picked up by Minnesota, I thought he would be a good guy to take a flier on. Accurate kicker on a good, not great, team that plays its home games in a dome.

Bailey is 20/27 on field goals for the Vikes this year and his 2018 may be worse than his 2017. Yikes. God help the Vikings special teams coach

 

*BONUS: Mid-Season Pick Up Fist Fucker of the Year*

WR: Marquez Valdes-Scantling, Green Bay Packers

Red: MVS was one of the few guys I was first to the punch on in my league and he looked like a STUD. 6’4″ with 4.3 speed and Aaron Rodgers throwing him the ball? Yes please. After a quiet start to the season MVS blew onto the scene with a 4 week stretch of 13+ points. He would post 6+ points just once the rest of the way…