Tag: Ravens

Is Jakobi Meyers An Elite Quarterback? The 300s Investigates

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This past Sunday’s impressive, unforeseen victory over the vaunted Baltimore Ravens saw the New England Patriots play two different quarterbacks.

The first was starting quarterback Cameron Newton. Newton had a quite solid game, running and throwing the ball well, controlling the pace of the game, and being the emotional leader he has been for the offense the whole year. A fantastic performance.

The other man was Jakobi Meyers. Meyer’s efforts drew many an eye, were heaped with praise, and propelled the Pats to victory. Only one question remains: is he elite? Let’s dive in, using the normal standards applied to such lauded quarterback play.

Pure Statistics

On paper, Meyers had an all-time game at quarterback. First of all, his completion percentage was 100%. You know how many quarterbacks have a 100% completion percentage? None (I’m guessing). He was brutally efficient with the football. Implied in this stat, of course, lies also the fact that he threw no interceptions. Say what you want about young Jakobi Meyers but he does not turn the ball over.

But what about points, you ask? Surely I will shy away from whether or not Meyers was able to put points on the board. Alas, I shall not. Jakobi Meyers also has a perfect rate of passes thrown compared to touchdowns thrown. Imagine that? On the one pass he threw, the Patriots also scored. That is literal football alchemy. An uncanny ability to put up 6.

Arm Strength

This, for me, is the easiest non-statistical category to discuss as it is the most purely measurable, all things considered. Meyers threw the ball almost (always; on his one pass) from the near side of the field, He did so almost (completely) exclusively off his back foot, as he was facing tremendous pressure from a rabid Ravens defense. He then heaved the ball almost THIRTY (24 plus a few into the end zone) yards down and ACROSS the field to an awaiting Rex Burkhead. I mean, how many passes in the NFL REALLY travel more than 30 yards in the air? Not too many. Jakobi has a hose.

Accuracy

Despite the above circumstances he was facing, Meyers delivered a ball Burkhead and only Burkhead and absolutely Burkhead could get his hands on. If he put any less loft on it the defender bearing down on him could have possibly leaped up and swatted it down before it ever reached the trenches. A lower trajectory could have also given the linebacker covering Burkhead, Patrick Queen, a chance at breaking the play up. Instead, Meyers dropped a can of corn directly down into Burkhead’s bread basket, allowing him to secure the ball and tumble safely to the turf. Perfect.

Reads

It’s 20/20. All of the talent in the world is not going to get a QB in the NFL anywhere if he can’t read defenses/coverages. That isn’t a problem Jakobi Meyers, just ask the man he may have (probs not) supplanted in Cameron Newton. Meyers was facing extreme pressure. He possibly didn’t have the time to get it to Burkhead. The problem? Well, according to Cam, Meyers read that his checkdown, Newton actually, had been immediately picked up by a defender in coverage and just didn’t have the shake and bake in him to get loose. So not only was the toss to Burkhead an incredible one, but it was the product of an excellent read and a ballsy decision. Can’t just throw it away and ruin that perfect completion percentage.

Intangibles

Here is a list of shit Jakobi Meyers does better than other notable QBs
-Doesn’t catch quasi-STDs at prom at age 20 (Sam Darnold)
-Has all his appendages (Dak Prescott, Alex Smith)
-Does not have a unibrow (Joe Flacco, Anthony Davis**not a QB but Jesus man)
-Pays for seafood (Jameis Winston)
-Intact chest cavity (Drew Brees)
-Not an old (Tampa QB)
-Has not been forced into retirement (Entire Manning family)
-Not given his job “just for his looks” (Jimmy G)
-Flexibility of not having 17 kids (Philip Rivers)
-Career not ended in high school by a combination of systematic sports medicine malpractice and devastating injury (Lance Harbor)

Conclusion

Listen. Listen. When I set out to write this blog (on Monday) I didn’t know how it was going to end up. I was just a man with a keyboard and some game film to watch, albeit in my head. But I broke things down to the sum of their parts. I considered the greats of ours and past generations. I thought of Drew Bledsoe and how he now just owns vineyards, which was wicked off topic but something I pondered about nonetheless. And I have to say it. Between efficiency, arm talent, and the excellence of that thing between his ears, Jakobi Meyers man. He might be…..


-Joey B.

Legit Thought Lamar Jackson Blew Out His Hip After Doing the Chappelle’s Show Rick James Leg Crawl

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WHAT AM I GONNA DO ABOUT MY LEGS EDDIE MURPHY?!

I happened to catch the end of the Ravens game and I saw Lamar Jackson break this huge run only to do this awkward Rick James leg crawl before hopping back up. I’m not even a Ravens fan, but I imagine John Harbaugh had a miniature stroke seeing that on the sideline.

Maybe we don’t joke about blowing out our legs, especially after a week you missed practice because of knee injuries. I don’t know, just a thought.

And yes that is the second time I’ve referenced a 17-year-old show in the last couple of blogs. Truly is a goddamn shame that show didn’t run for longer. Obligatory embed of the Chappelle’s Show Charlie Murphy Rick James True Hollywood Stories below:

The 300s Staff NFL Bracket Update

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Back before the season started, a handful of The 300s staff made bold predictions about how this NFL season was going to shakedown. With the first round of the playoffs coming up, it’s time to check in and see how everyone is doing.

As a refresher for how the scoring works, in this round you get: 10 points for each correct playoff team, 5 points for correct seed, and 5 points for correct division winner. A perfect score would get you 220 points.

Mattes:

The Chiefs should be in that empty spot…oops

Just like everyone else, Mattes placed a little too much stock in the Browns and Jaguars. Although not everyone saw the Panthers making the playoffs, I doubt anyone thought they’d be as bad as they turned out this season. Although the Patriots are looking like anything but Super Bowl favorites at the moment, they were in a similar position last year. As we all know, the Patriots aren’t out of it until the clock strikes 0:00. Green Bay was able to sneak in for a first round bye, so although Mattes isn’t off to a perfect start, he’s still in good shape.

Total points: 90

Big Z:

Cowboys in the Super Bowl? YUCK!

Big Z may be the only person to pick against the Pats, but his bracket is full of red. Steelers in the AFC title game, Colts and Browns in the playoffs, Dem Boyz in the SUPER BOWL?! Yuck! The only thing Big Z has going for him at this point is his Super Bowl winner. Hey, at least he picked the 49ers in the playoffs.

Total points: 95

Joey Ballgame:

The Bengals? Really?

Joey Ballgame wins worst pick of the challenge. The Bengals? In the playoffs? Now, everyone in the world had a hard time picking the AFC, but that doesn’t mean a team led by Andy Dalton was going anywhere. Most people were riding high on the Browns, and Joey fell into that trap as well. Surprisingly, Joey is in pretty good shape here, with both of his SB teams and 3/4 championship teams still in it. He also picked the seeding right on 4 teams, which is better than anyone else.

Total Points: 115

Dom:

You know you messed up when you’re NFC title prediction happens in the Wild Card Round.

Just because I invented this new way to gamble doesn’t mean I’m any good at it. Red and I were the only guys to pick the Ravens in the playoffs, albeit losing to a team that’s getting a top 10 pick at next years draft. Just like Joey, I’m riding high on a Brady-Brees matchup in the Super Bowl, but since the Pats need to go through KC to get to the AFC title game and the Vikings play the Saints in the Wild Card, I’m going to have a hard time accumulating points.

Total Points: 100

Red:

Red is in surprisingly good shape here.

Last but not least, we have Red. Which is ironic, because his bracket has the least red of all. Red not only had the Ravens in the playoffs, but also was the only one to have the Seahawks in there. Even though the Eagles take on the Seahawks this weekend, Red still has a chance to get 6/8 Divisional Round teams and all 4 championship teams. However, it seems highly unlikely that the Eagles and Texans make it past the second round.

Total Points: 110

As you can see, these brackets are a huge challenge, especially in the NFL. Nobody had the Ravens or 49ers getting past the first round of the playoffs. The Browns, Jaguars and Cowboys were all major disappointments, and all of us homers were riding a little too high on the Patriots. Over the course of a season, anything can happen. I’ll be checking back next week with another update. LFG PATRIOTS!

Tulane Pulled Out the Old Fake Kneel Play to Beat Houston

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LOVE IT! Give me all the trick plays. Tulane pulled the old fake kneel out of their playbook in a tie game with 18 seconds to go. Naturally they immediately followed this up with a 60 yard hail mary TD to win the game in walkoff fashion.

I am an absolute schill for trick plays. I still remember the fake spike Brady connected with Randy Moss on for on a TD against the Washington R-Words in 2007.

Or what about the Ravens pulling out the fake punt direct snap running play against the goddamn Dolphins?

I’ll never forget the double pass the Patriots pulled off against the Ravens in the playoffs in 2014 with Edelman launching a bomb to Danny Amendola for a TD.

Hell in that same game the Patriots were confusing the shit out of the Ravens with their ineligible/eligible lineman formations. So much so that the league immediately changed the rule to prevent this.

Give me all the trick plays, hook and ladders, reverses, you name it; if you have some trickery in your playbook dump em out.

I completely forgot the Patriots also ran this fake kneel play in the Falcons Super Bowl trying to pop a walk off TD at the end of regulation.

When they finally started including trick plays in Madden is when things got real fun. I would bust out a HB toss to a downfield pass at least 5 times a game because if you connect on even one it would cause your buddy to spike his PS4 clicker. Not to mention the fake punt pass play, its just too bad every punter not named Adam Vinatieri has a worse arm than Johnny Damon.

TLDR; major props to Tulane for busting out a ridiculous fake play to help them steal a win. Need more of that in sports.

A 300s Editorial: A Guy With One Functioning Leg is Making $22 Million Over the Next 9 Months So Can Student Debt Just Be F***** Forgiven Now?

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I saw this tweet and it immediately caught my eye. For a few reasons. And my thoughts processed in the following order, which I will elaborate on forthwith:

1.)Earlenstance Thomas IV, Professional Football Safety, has one functioning leg as opposed to the preferred two.
2.)Said Professional Football Safety will now be making $22million over the next nine months as part of a new contract. He’ll earn this with the expectation of him playing pro football, which again usually requires both legs.
3.)$22million, in turn, seems like a bit much. One might use the word extravagant.
4.)I’m usually about as “capitalist” as it comes.
5.)Everyone I know has student debt though ::shrug emoji/symbol combo::
6.)Most of those that aggregate to form that “everyone” is fairly intelligent and works a decent job, that requires really only a limb or two, that pays ok as things go.
6.)There is $1.5 TRILLION of student loan debt in the USA, to be not quite exact. This is despite the fact that most everyone that signed up for it now has a decent job that pays ok, as things go.
7.)Maybe if there are people and organizations who can pay $22million to a guy with one functional leg although he needs both to render services as contracted, our economy is in good enough shape to forgive the mountain of student debt on top of people that get paid a lot less than $22million despite having all required extremities.

That’s it^. That was my exact thought process. That there is no fucking way Earl Thomas’ leg works right now or ever will the same again after what I saw happened to it and yet the Ravens just gave him Will Smith Movie Money over Baby Incubation Time. Meanwhile. the first few years out of school we had to pregame to the point of mild retardation because a full 3-4 hours at the bar meant either you were paying the rent or eating. Motherfuckers were crying for dinner.

Again, I’m normally an “earn it” and a “no one gives it to you”, you have to take it” kinda guy BUT THIS MAKES NO SENSE. HE HAS ONE LEG AND IS BEING PAID TO PLAY IN THE NFL. Can we just this once, just because, let us all go free. In the VERY LEAST we can completely weed out all the cheap ass friends that use their loans as excuses not to do stuff. Sorry Jeremy, but those don’t exist anymore. You’re just a buzzkill.

-Joey B

The 300s Bloggers’ “HAHA EAT IT MANISH MEHTA” Fantasy Football Round Up – Week 12

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Image result for gronk touchdown week 12

The thing about New York sports fans is that they REALLY show up for their own. They think their players, coaches, and, for whatever reason, sports media personalities are Gods amongst men. Like there is a CONVENTION for Mike Francesa fans. To repeat, a sports radio show host has his own convention. It is kind of bizarre and really not relatable for those of us outside of the tri-state area.

Which is why it really says something that even New Yorkers hate Manish Mehta. He is a troll through and through that is not as much of a troll sports writer as he is a troll writer who decided to apply his trolliness to sports. Gross.

And he recently came for Gronk. Said he was washed and done and sad and depressed. Well, unfortunately for M-Squared Gronk came back Sunday and the Pats beat the Jets. There was a Gronk-spike and all.

Gronks have 87 lives, motherfucker.

Red

This is it. It took 12 weeks, but I am breaking up with Matt Stafford. After burying any chance I had before the turkey was even on the table with 7 points on Thursday, I am breaking it off. This is likely the last shot I had at the playoffs as even an average performance from Stafford gives me the win. I may just start an empty QB slot moving forward in a silent protest.

 

Joey B

I’m officially out of it so this shouldn’t matter. It shouldn’t matter that I lost a BARN BURNER with a final score of 60-51 (nope, no one forgot to set their line-ups). But I forgot to put in Gronk. Those points would have given me the win. Forgive me big man.

 

Papa G

It’s curtains for my fantasy teams. Shout out to Fournette getting suspended too. Appreciate the self-control. We’ve officially moved into “who should I pick for my keepers” mode. TRASH.

 

Mattes

I’d like to start off this week by apologizing to one Amari Cooper. Since becoming a Cowboy, the man has averaged 17 points a game, which included a bananas 38-point showing on Turkey Day. That performance helped me beat Papa Giorgio this week, finally giving my suddenly resurgent team more than one measly win on the year and potentially playing spoiler for my fellow blogger’s season. I have changed my team name to “Amari’s Resurrection” in his honor. Maybe Oakland really does just suck THAT bad.

A couple “coulda, woulda, shouldas” sank my other team this week. I went for the upside with Lamar Jackson as my QB2 behind Rivers, but the extra 10 from Cousins, who was on my bench, would’ve given me the win. Or maybe playing Aaron Jones over Mark Ingram this week would’ve done it, too. I now need to win this week and have two other teams lose to get into the postseason. I’m literally hanging on by the short and curlies right now.

 

Big Z

With another big win in Week 12, the Z-Men have won 5 of their last 6. Fantasy football isn’t that hard when you get steady quarterback play, contributions from a few wide receivers, and 43 points out of Christian McCaffrey.

A win in Week 13 will lock up a first round bye and a guaranteed crack at some prize money. LET’S GO!

-Joey B
Blogger | Crier | British Television Obsessive| Whiskey Dickist

Lets Gamble! NFL Week 5

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Overall Record (14-16)
Last week (9-6)

Another week, another one of the worst beats I’ve ever seen in a football game with the ending of that Kansas City game. Just ruthless. As always, all of our betting lines are courtesy of the Westgate Las Vegas SuperBook so blame them if the numbers change. Its that time once again to start playing fast and loose with our paychecks. Its Week 5 in the NFL, LETS GO


New England Patriots (-5.5, 55.5) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers
I picked the Pats to cover and cover they did.

Sunday, Oct. 8
1 p.m. ET

New York Jets at Cleveland Browns (-1.5, 39)
There’s no way you’re going to actually put money on the Browns as a favorite are you? I sure as shit am not going to. I’ll take the Jets here.

Carolina Panthers at Detroit Lions (-3, 44)
Coming off their walkoff win over the Patriots, the Panthers have some momentum heading into Detroit. But the Lions are looking legit this year sitting at 3-1 in first place in the NFC North. It seems the Panthers are slowly figuring out the best way to use Christian McCaffrey with Jonathan Stewart together though so I’m taking the Panthers to cover here.

San Francisco 49ers at Indianapolis Colts (-1.5, 43.5)


Tennessee Titans (NL) at Miami Dolphins
No Line for this game, so nothing to see here.

Buffalo Bills at Cincinnati Bengals (-3, 38)
Call me crazy, I’m taking the Bills here. I like Tyrod Taylor to have a big game against the struggling Bengals.

Los Angeles Chargers at New York Giants (-3.5, 44.5)
A battle of two 0-4 teams. Woof. I’ve been picking the Chargers all year and they keep disappointing so its hard to rely on them here. Giants are in the same boat, but with a fully healthy Odell Beckham I think they finally get on the board here. I’ll take the G-Men to cover.

Jacksonville Jaguars at Pittsburgh Steelers (-8.5, 44)
Steelers are pretty big favorites at (-8.5) so thats asking a lot, but it is the Jaguars. I can definitely see Pittsburgh winning by 10. Fournette’s been solid in his first year rushing for 285 yards and 3 TDs, but Big Ben is rolling with Antonio Brown whos got 30 catches for 388 yards and a score. So I’m taking the Steelers to cover the big spread.

Arizona Cardinals at Philadelphia Eagles (-6.5, 45)
Eagles look like they’ve found their QB of the future with Carson Wentz and while I’m still bummed about Short Guy Hall of Famer Darren Sproles going down, Philly is still rolling along. Not a huge fan of old man Carson Palmer, especially with the non-existant run gam post David Johnson, so I’m taking the Eagles to cover.

4 p.m. ET
Seattle Seahawks at Los Angeles Rams (-2.5, 47)
You gotta be shitting me? I know the Rams are off to a 3-1 start, but I refuse to take them as favorites over the Seahawks on a (-2.5) spread. Put some respeck on Seattle’s name. I’m taking Dangeruss and the Seahawks here.


Baltimore Ravens (NL) at Oakland Raiders
Seems to be a lot of No Lines this season, soo nothing to bet on here.

 

Green Bay Packers at Dallas Cowboys (-2, 52.5)
Its hard to bet against the Packers, who are 3-1 on the season going against the 2-2 Cowboys. The Pack just continue to plug and play guys like Aaron Jones and not miss a beat, but I like Dallas here. Feed Zeke all night long and win by a FG, I’ll take the Boys.


Kansas City Chiefs (NL) at Houston Texans
Another game with No Line. Moving on.

Monday, Oct. 9
8:30 p.m. ET


Minnesota Vikings (NL) at Chicago Bears
No reason to watch MNF if theres No Line. Carry on.

Lets Gamble! NFL Week 4

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Week 3 was a rollercoaster with a lot of upsets that I did not see coming (I’m looking at you Denver), but Week 4 is a new day. As always, all of our betting lines are courtesy of the Westgate Las Vegas SuperBook so blame them if the numbers change. Its that time once again to start playing fast and loose with our paychecks. Its Week 4 in the NFL, LETS GO.

Overall Record (14-16)
Last week (6-9)

Thursday, Sept. 28
Chicago Bears at Green Bay Packers (-7, 45.5)
The Bears just keep making me look bad, but I refuse to put my hard earned dollars on Mike Glennon. And I need to see back to back solid games out of Jordan Howard before I trust him. Usually the tired rhetoric about Thursday Night Football is its sloppy, the passing is out of sync and teams lean on their running game. Welp, the Rams and Niners blew that one up last week. So I’m taking the Packers to cover here.

Sunday, Oct. 1
9:30 a.m. ET (at London)
New Orleans Saints (-3, 49.5) vs. Miami Dolphins
I gotta go Saints here. I know they’ve been up and down, but I don’t know if Smokin Jay Cutler and the Dolphins have enough offensive firepower to keep up with the saints. Saints will cover.

1 p.m. ET
Carolina Panthers at New England Patriots (-9, 48.5)
Another big spread for the Pats at (-9) which is a tricky one because the Panthers have been pretty shaky so far this year, but similar to last week against Deshaun Watson, the Pats have historically struggled against mobile QBs. I think its gonna be a game the Pats pull away, but Panthers make it respectable. I got Patriots by 10 to cover.

Los Angeles Rams at Dallas Cowboys (-7.5, 46)
Rams looked great last week putting up 41 points buttt that was on San Francisco. Cowboys gotta win by more than a TD here, whereas the Rams haven’t lost by more than 7 yet this season and have put up 40+ points twice already. But again the competition has been pretty mediocre (Indy, Washington, San Fran) so I’m picking the Cowboys to keep rolling and cover.

Detroit Lions at Minnesota Vikings (no line)
Does Westgate have something against the Vikings? There’s no line for them for the second week in a row.

Tennessee Titans (-1.5, 44) at Houston Texans
Texans could go one of two ways in this game. Defeated and beat down after dropping a game they probably should have won to the Patriots last week or they’ll come firing out of the gates for sticking with the best team in football for 58 minutes last week. I think Deshaun Watson found his groove last week so I’m taking the Texans to cover here.

Jacksonville Jaguars (-3.5, 39.5) at New York Jets
Bet on this game at your own risk. Jags cruised to victory last week, but they’re more of a running team these days and the Jets have a solid D-line if nothing else. Jets surprised me last week with a W over the Dolphins, but I think Fournette and the gang are too much for the Jets here. Jags cover.

Cincinnati Bengals (-3, 40) at Cleveland Browns
Another game I cringe to even put money on, but hey thats what leaders do, they take the ball and they bring their team down the field. Bengals shit the bed last week, but Cleveland cannot be trusted. Bengals cover.

Pittsburgh Steelers (-3, 43.5) at Baltimore Ravens
Ravens had an absolutely embarrassing game last week so they should bounce back. Problem is though, so did the Steelers. After losing in OT to the goddamn Bears, I expect Big Ben and co. to smash the Ravens. Steelers cover.

Buffalo Bills at Atlanta Falcons (-8, 48.5)
Bills are sneaky tied for 1st place in the AFC East and look a lot better than most people thought they would before the season. I think the Bills keep it within a score and cover.

4 p.m. ET
New York Giants at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-3, 44)
This year’s Hard Knocks darlings have yet to beat anyone great yet as their first game got postponed, then they beat the Bears, and then got smoked by the Vikings last week. ODB looks healthy once again, but the Giants are 0-3 and could be reeling so I’m going with the Bucs to cover.

Philadelphia Eagles at Los Angeles Chargers (-1, 47)
Despite being 0-3, the Chargers have had some bad breaks and could easily be 2-1 so I think they’re due, plus it likely will take the Eagles a little while to figure out how to best replace Darren Sproles with Smallwood and others. Chargers are due, I’m picking them to cover.

San Francisco 49ers at Arizona Cardinals (-7, 44.5)
The Niners got blown out in their opener, but then nearly beat Seattle in Week 2, which looking back now seems to have more to do with the Seahawks offensive line than anything. Then they kept it close before losing to the Rams last week. Arizona looks to rebound after an L in Dallas in which Larry Fitzgerald looked 10 years younger. Their running game is still a disaster without David Johnson, but wth Fitz and Jaron Brown stepping up in the receiving core I’m picking the Cardinals to cover.

Oakland Raiders at Denver Broncos (-2.5, 46.5)
This is a heavyweight matchup of AFC playoff teams and the Broncos are favored by a FG. Both teams had disappointing losses last week so everyone’s looking to get back on track. Oakland has been leaning on Marshawn Lynch here early and Denver is one of the worst teams to try and run on so I’m going with the Broncos to cover here.

8:30 p.m. ET
Indianapolis Colts at Seattle Seahawks (-13, 41.5)
God the Colts suck, but a two TD spread is huge for a team thats been struggling offensively. As much as I want to pick the Colts, Russell Wilson looked great last week and if the Seahawks can get him out of the pocket he’ll shred the Colts D. So while I usually hate picking the favorite in huge spreads like this, Dangeruss is looking good, and the Seahawks are at home where they are loud as shit. I’ll take Seattle to cover.

Monday, Oct. 2
Washington Redskins at Kansas City Chiefs (-7, 49.5)
I’m going to continue to roll with the Chiefs who have looked awesome so far this year. Kareem Hunt is scary good and the R-words have yet to really find a groove as guys like Terrell Pryor continue to underwhelm. I got the Chiefs covering here.

Picking Up the Pieces: Gambling NFL Week 3

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Overall Record (14-16)
Last week (8-7)
This week (6-9)

Whats that saying? Fall down 9 times, get up 10? Yea, well sometimes that applies to gambling, especially when you get your dick ripped out on the first game of the week on a backdoor cover. Rebounded nicely from our 0-5 start to finish the week at 6-9. Can’t win em all.

Thursday, Sept. 21
Los Angeles Rams (-2.5, 40) at San Francisco 49ers

Bad beat of the year. I wrote a blog entirely about how badly screwed anyone who took the Rams got on this one.
Our pick: Rams to cover the (-2.5) spread…they won by 2. So thats an L. (0-1)

Sunday, Sept. 24
Baltimore Ravens (-4, 39) vs. Jacksonville Jaguars

What an absolute abortion this game was. Those poor London fans, even when Jacksonville is good they get a shit game. Jags put the smackdown on Flacco and the Ravens, winning 44-7. Yuck.
Our pick: Ravens to cover. Thats an L. (0-2)

Denver Broncos (-3, 40.5) at Buffalo Bills

This is shaping up to be a disaster for gamblers everywhere. Did not see the Broncos folding like they did in this one, especially after how well Trevor Siemian had played the first two games. Bills are now tied for first place in the AFC East.
Our pick: Broncos to cover. Thats an L. (0-3)

New Orleans Saints at Carolina Panthers (-6, 48)

Wrong again dickhead. Despite a 100+ yard receiving game from Christian McCaffrey, the Panthers couldn’t even put two touchdowns up as the Saints cruised to a 34-13 win. Damn.
Our pick: Panthers to cover. Thats an L. (0-4)

Pittsburgh Steelers (-7.5, 45.5) at Chicago Bears

THIS WEDDING IS HORSESHIT. If you picked the Bears to beat the Steelers you are lying and I don’t associate with liars. Bears top Pittsburgh in OT behind Jordan Howards 34 points (on my fantasy bench).
Our pick: Steelers to cover. Thats a big L. (0-5)

Atlanta Falcons (-3, 49) at Detroit Lions

Okay if the Rams game was the bad beat of the year, this is the bad beat of the century IF you bet on the Lions. Thankfully I did not because I would have smashed my TV. Lions got a walkoff TD erased by a questionable replay review and per the rules the cluck had a 10-second runoff leaving the Lions with their dick in their hands at the 1 yard line.
Our pick: Falcons to cover. Thats a W! (1-5)

Cleveland Browns (-1.5, 40) at Indianapolis Colts

Here’s what I said last week: “This is the first game the Browns have been favored to win since 2015! So tread lightly here. But I like what I saw out of rookie receiver Rashard Higgins last week (7 catches, 95 yards) and the Colts are still starting the Patriots 3rd-string QB. While it is with great trepidation, I’m taking the Browns to cover. Well guess what? The Browns did not cover. Shocking, I know. And Rashard Higgins did nothing despite being freshly inserted into my fantasy lineup. Colts won 31-28.
Our pick: Browns to cover. Thats an L. (1-6)

 

Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Minnesota Vikings (no line)

Westgate had no line on this game. Soo we didn’t bet it.

Houston Texans at New England Patriots (-13, 43.5)

Patriots won 36-33, but as we predicted last week the (-13) spread was way too heavy for the Pats to cover. Here’s what I said last week: “While I told anyone and everyone to bet their house on the Pats routing the Saints last week, I’m not as confident in predicting a blowout here. The Texans defense is legit, especially upfront. And if you’ve been paying attention over the years, these are the types of teams that usually give the Pats trouble (except for last year when Brissett and co. wrecked them). But Pats also have historically struggled with mobile QBs and Deshaun Watson is that dude. So while I think the Pats win, I’m picking the Texans to cover.”
Our pick: Texans to cover. Thats a W. (2-6)

Miami Dolphins (-6, 41.5) at New York Jets

Basically every shit team won this past week, wrecking my bets across the board. The Jets throttled Smokin Jay Cutler and the Dolphins 20-6. Did not see that one coming.
Our pick: Dolphins to cover. Thats an L. (2-7)

New York Giants at Philadelphia Eagles (-6, 43)

Eagles won on a 61 yard FG as time expired, which was a goddamn BOOT. Eagles won, but only by 3 so they didn’t cover the (-6) point spread. What I said last week was “until ODB proves to me he is 100% I’m not picking the Giants because they’re just not that good without him. Plus Carson Wentz is playing well and Darren Sproles continues to be the most spry 34-year-old running back I’ve ever seen.” ODB looks to be back to his old self as he was scoring TDs and pretending to piss like a dog and I just jinxed Sproles who broke his arm AND tore his ACL on the SAME PLAY. What a disaster of a week.
Our pick: Eagles to cover. Thats an L. (2-8)

Seattle Seahawks at Tennessee Titans (-3, 43)

While the Seahawks seemingly are on the way back to being a solid offense again, the Titans topped them 33-27. I would like to just point out that even though I picked this game correctly, I also benched Russell Wilson on my fantasy team. And of course I lost because Dangeruss had 45 points on my bench. Goddamnit.
Our pick: Titans to cover. Thats a W. (3-8)

Cincinnati Bengals at Green Bay Packers (-9, 44.5)

Nailed this one. Packers won 27-24 “The Bengals are a walking disaster right now. Andy Dalton is having the worst start of his career and Tyler Eifert is back into injury purgatory (is he hurt? is he not?) so Cincy is a tough pick. The Packers don’t look like world beaters either though with Rodgers throwing a ton of shitty passes while under duress last week. Is Green Bay (-9) points better than Cincy? I say no, I think its a closer game than that as both teams are struggling. Bengals cover.”
Our pick: Bengals to cover. Thats a W. (4-8)

 

Kansas City Chiefs (-3, 46) at Los Angeles Chargers

DING DING DING. I may not get em all right, but when I tell you to put big bucks down, you better be listening. “The Chiefs are rolling, put some big bucks down on them to cover this week…I think KC is one of the best bets of the week to cover.”
Our pick: Chiefs to cover. Thats a W. (5-8)

 

Oakland Raiders (-3, 54) at Washington Redskins

Whoops. Raiders ate a bag of dicks in this game and the R-words got back on track as they topped Oakland 27-10. What is happening in the NFL this week?
Our pick: Raiders to cover. Thats an L. (5-9)

Monday, Sept. 25
Dallas Cowboys (-3, 47) at Arizona Cardinals

At least the Cowboys showed up in primetime to take care of business, despite a fantasy no-show from Cole Beasley, complete with hilarious response. Dak, Zeke and Dez all looked great. Money won is always sweeter than money earned.
Our pick: Cowboys cover. Thats a W. (6-9)

Lets Gamble! NFL Week 3

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As always, all of our betting lines are courtesy of Westgate so blame them if the numbers change. Its that time once again to start playing fast and loose with our paychecks. Its Week 3 in the NFL, LETS GO.

Overall Record (8-7)
Last week (8-7)

Thursday, Sept. 21
Los Angeles Rams (-2.5, 40) at San Francisco 49ers

Bet this one at your own risk because this has all the makings of an ugly game. But if I HAVE to make a pick, I’m going with the Rams to cover. Goff has looked decent and Cooper Kupp looks like the next young white slot receiver. Its crazy how one goes out (Edelman) and another immediately takes its place, like a goddamn snake.

Sunday, Sept. 24
9:30 a.m. ET (at London)
Baltimore Ravens (-4, 39) vs. Jacksonville Jaguars

SUNDAY MORNING FOOTBALL IS BACK! Bloodys and bacon for kickoff. I LOVE London football because it means there are games on from when I wake up until when I go to bed. Sure, its a shitshow for the teams playing, but hey as long as its not my team. Jacksonville looked good Week 1 and then looked like shit in Week 2. I think that trend probably continues, especially so far from home. I’m taking the Ravens to cover here.

1 p.m. ET
Denver Broncos (-3, 40.5) at Buffalo Bills

The Broncos have looked excellent thus far as they shut down the high powered Cowboys and Ezekiel Elliott last week. They also look like they’ve stumbled onto something with Trevor Siemian under center, throwing four TDs last week. And as much as I love Tyrod Taylor, he’s throwing to a bunch of bums and rookies out there when Charles Clay isn’t catching it. Shady McCoy is still a beast, but I think the Broncos take it to the Bills in Buffalo and cover.

New Orleans Saints at Carolina Panthers (-6, 48)

The Panthers barely got out of Week 2 alive, topping the Bills 9-3, so they’re not exactly firing on all cylinders. The Saints meanwhile are plagued by a swiss cheese defense for what feels like every year since they won the Super Bowl. Cam Newtons been getting banged up, but I think they still have enough to cover over the Saints.

Pittsburgh Steelers (-7.5, 45.5) at Chicago Bears

Bears are a dogshit football team and I cannot advise picking them in any situation outside of them playing the Jets or Browns. Antonio Brown, Leveon Bell, Martavis Bryant? Steelers roll.

Atlanta Falcons (-3, 49) at Detroit Lions

This will be an interesting game to watch. Atlanta got back on track against Green Bay last week and the Lions took it to the Giants on MNF. (-3) isn’t a huge favorite, which is why I’m going with the Falcons to cover. Remember, Detroit beat up on a NYG with a super limited Odell Beckham. Plus they murdered the Giants’ punter too.

Cleveland Browns (-1.5, 40) at Indianapolis Colts

This is the first game the Browns have been favored to win since 2015! So tread lightly here. But I like what I saw out of rookie receiver Rashard Higgins last week (7 catches, 95 yards) and the Colts are still starting the Patriots 3rd-string QB. While it is with great trepidation, I’m taking the Browns to cover.

 

Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Minnesota Vikings (no line)

Westgate had no line on this game. Cool.

Houston Texans at New England Patriots (-13, 43.5)

Jesus christ, another gigantic spread for the Pats to cover. Heavy lies the crown I guess. While I told anyone and everyone to bet their house on the Pats routing the Saints last week, I’m not as confident in predicting a blowout here. The Texans defense is legit, especially upfront. And if you’ve been paying attention over the years, these are the types of teams that usually give the Pats trouble (except for last year when Brissett and co. wrecked them). But Pats also have historically struggled with mobile QBs and Deshaun Watson is that dude. So while I think the Pats win, I’m picking the Texans to cover.

Miami Dolphins (-6, 41.5) at New York Jets

Theres no sugar coating it, the Jets are a brutal team to watch. They put up a decent fight in the first half last week against Oakland before getting stomped out in the second half. But I have very little faith in them week to week. I could see them staying with the Dolphins, but Smokin Jay Cutler looked very efficient last week and Miami’s run game is legit. So I’m picking the Dolphins to cover.

New York Giants at Philadelphia Eagles (-6, 43)

The Giants will continue to be an enigma until Odell Beckham is healthy and right, which who knows when that could be. Like I said last week, until ODB proves to me he is 100% I’m not picking the Giants because they’re just not that good without him. Plus Carson Wentz is playing well and Darren Sproles continues to be the most spry 34-year-old running back I’ve ever seen.

4 p.m. ET
Seattle Seahawks at Tennessee Titans (-3, 43)

The Seahawks offense is rip your hair out frustrating right now as the offensive line is a goddamn sieve. So until that shit improves, Russell looks like Dangeruss again (and saves my fantasy season) and someone takes that RB job (looking at you Chris Carson) then I’m not too confident picking the Hawks. For that reason I’ll go with the Titans and the Duck to cover.

Cincinnati Bengals at Green Bay Packers (-9, 44.5)

The Bengals are a walking disaster right now. Andy Dalton is having the worst start of his career and Tyler Eifert is back into injury purgatory (is he hurt? is he not?) so Cincy is a tough pick. The Packers don’t look like world beaters either though with Rodgers throwing a ton of shitty passes while under duress last week. Is Green Bay (-9) points better than Cincy? I say no, I think its a closer game than that as both teams are struggling. Bengals cover.

Kansas City Chiefs (-3, 46) at Los Angeles Chargers

The Chiefs are rolling, put some big bucks down on them to cover this week. Unless of course the Chargers miss another game winning kick and lose by 2…BUT I think KC is one of the best bets of the week to cover.

8:30 p.m. ET
Oakland Raiders (-3, 54) at Washington Redskins

Taking Oakland all day, especially with how disappointing Kirk Cousins and the R-words have been thus far. Derek Carr and Marshawn will have a day against Washington so I’m picking da Raiders to cover.

Monday, Sept. 25
Dallas Cowboys (-3, 47) at Arizona Cardinals

The Boys are back in prime time and after a beatdown by the Broncos last week look for Zeke, who had a disastrous game against Denver, to get the rock early and often here. Dallas needs that to help keep the pressure of Dak and avoid the dumb INTs. Cowboys cover.