Category: Fantasy

If You’re Going to Embarrass Yourself in Public, Own It. Or Don’t Suck at Fantasy Sports

By on • ( Leave a comment )
Image result for fantasy football punishment meme

This year, in one of my four fantasy football leagues, I came in dead last. As a punishment, the winner of the league got to choose a song for me to sing at karaoke. As it turns out, the winner of the league taught me how to play drums back in middle school. I use the term taught very loosely, as I don’t know how to play drums today because I never wanted to practice. My fault, not his. Anyway, it was for that reason that he chose Little Drummer Boy for me to sing.

I was dreading this day for weeks. I mean seriously, who wants to sing a Christmas song two weeks before St Patrick’s Day to a bar outside of Boston? Well, the time finally came, and with a little help from my boy Danny aka the mic stand, I think I killed it.

If you’re going to do something, do it 100%. Whether that means singing karaoke, eating pimento loaf, or any of the hundreds of other hilarious fantasy punishments, own it. It might even get you a free Mai Tai.

The 300s 2018 Fantasy Football All Cock Tease Team

By on • ( Leave a comment )

Welcome, welcome to our awards. Before we begin I’m going to briefly kick it to our team on tonight’s red carpet…

Thank Joey! Here we see Founder Red wearing a Lakers jersey with camo cargo shorts. I’m really digging his ironic choice that is clearly a protest to our recent cooperation with North Korea. Back to the studio…

Thanks guys! Now before we proceed I should probably explain what these awards actually are about since nobody fucking knows.

We have all picked a bust or 12 throughout our fantasy football seasons, however most are of either the “reach” or “hard on” variety. A “reach”, as is well known, is a player you pick a bit too high, possibly motivated by the fear of someone else picking him. A “hard on” pick, for lack of a more enlightened term, would refer to players that we just personally really like without a ton evidence as to why and that simply don’t work out.

These awards, however, celebrate the “cock teases” – players who are picked at a good time given their value, normally put up good numbers relative to that selection point, yet completely fuck us. They don’t buy us dinner first either, just bend us over the analogous  10, 12, or 16 team table and fuck us.

So without further ado, as composed by and contributed to by our talented staff, I give you The 300s 2018 All Cock Tease Team:

QB: Jimmy Garoppolo, San Francisco 49ers
Red: I was ready for Jimmy G to rise like a phoenix out of the ashes that was my 2017 fantasy season, but in his third game the most handsome ACL in the league exploded and I was stuck with Matt Stafford at QB the rest of the way.

 

RB1: Jordan Howard, Chicago Bears
Mattes: Now, a lot of people might give me crap for drafting Howard in the second round of a PPR draft. First, I’d like to respond by saying it’s only a half-point league, and, second, the guy also had two-straight 1,200-plus-yard seasons and nine touchdowns last year on a bad team. I – like many – expected the Bears to be much-improved this year (which they certainly are), and I also believed new head coach Matt Nagy when he said he’d finally get Howard more involved in the passing game. Then came along Tarik Cohen, and there were also five games this year in which Howard averaged under 2.6 yards a carry. In fact, Cohen actually ended up finishing over FOURTY spots ahead of Howard in the overall rankings this year. Picked the wrong guy, I guess, huh?

 


RB2: Le’veon Bell, Pittsburgh Steelers
GUEST CONTRIBUTION! Patty Blackouts: I mean what is there to say besides he’s a seflish fuck who passed up 850k a week to sit out and try and protect his body to try and get a long term deal. Took him 4th overall thinking he’d show up sometime around end of September or October and nope just sat out all season sending cryptic tweets so you’d think he was going to report and next ya know he’s playing pickup basketball games at the local Y. I hope no one pays him what he wants and he regrets passing up the 14.5 mill he would have been paid this season by signing the franchise tag. But yes I’m bitter because  I used my first overall pick on him in fantasy got the same amount of points out of him as he did paychecks this season….0!

I hope he gets hurt in the next preseason.

Douchebag.

WR1: Quincy Enunwa, Goddam Jets
Red: No one, and I mean no one in my fantasy league watches more Jets games than me as the Mrs. is a huge fan. So watching a team that bad I was determined to derive some value out of it, which is exactly what Quincy Enunwa was going to do for me. Enunwa was going to be the steal of the draft as he put up 15, 12 and 10 points in 3 of the first 4 games, but then his season was derailed by various injuries. He cracked 6 points just once after September…

 

WR2: Golden Tate, Detroit Lions/Philadelphia Eagles
Joey B: Tate started the season as Matthew Stafford’s #1 option in what is normally a high flying Detroit offense. To that end, he kicked off the season with games of  17, 15, 10 and TWENTY FUCKING NINE. After that he completely shit the bed, probably became an asshole in the locker room because he realized his name is fucking Golden, and then got traded to Philly where he had one game of 20, coincidentally the only other time he’s seen the end zone since September, and seemingly is hated by all 12 of Philly’s playoff-ready QBs.

 

TE: Gronk
Joey B: I always pick Gronk wayyyy too high because he plays a position where all of 4-5 guys give you tremendous amounts of points and even among those guys he usually stands out. But this year, as the world knows, was different. He’s just broken and I’m just sad.

 

Flex1: Jarvis Landry, Cleveland Browns
Mattes: Landry wasn’t without a few big games of his own this year. Also like Cousins, Landry was a guy whom I expected to make a huge splash with a new team this season, but instead was super inconsistent. Yes, he had to deal with learning how to play with two different QBs this year, but remember that Baker Mayfield has been playing since Week 3. In the 13 games he’s played with Mayfield, Landry has put up single-digit totals in seven of them. For a guy who averaged 99 catches per season before this year, his mark of 72 through 16 games this year is incredibly disappointing.

 

Flex2: Chris Hogan, New England Patriots
Big Z: With Brandin Cooks in LA and Julian Edelman sidelined for the first four games of the season, I was certain Chris Hogan was a steal in the fifth round. He would be one of Tom Brady’s top targets the first month of the season, and hopefully stay in the mix even after Edelman returned.

Hogan scored two touchdowns in Week 2, but he wouldn’t find the end zone again for three months. By that time I had already dropped him and moved on. Just another cautionary tale of putting too much stock in to a Patriots WR/RB for fantasy football purposes.

 

D/ST: San Diego Los Angeles Chargers
Joey B: With Joey Bosa and company up front and some decent pieces in the secondary, I thought the “pressure creates turnovers” rule would get me some points on D. Instead Bosa got hurt and the Chargers are last in return yards allowed.

 

Kicker: Dan Bailey, Minnesota Vikings
Big Z: Drafting and picking up kickers in fantasy football is a bit of a crap shoot. You just try to pick up a guy who kicks for a team with a good, but not great, offense. If he plays in warm weather or a dome, even better. That’s why I love NFC South kickers and why I will never draft the Bills kicker.

Dan Bailey had a rough 2017 and got released by Dallas. But he was at one time the most accurate kicker in NFL history. When he got picked up by Minnesota, I thought he would be a good guy to take a flier on. Accurate kicker on a good, not great, team that plays its home games in a dome.

Bailey is 20/27 on field goals for the Vikes this year and his 2018 may be worse than his 2017. Yikes. God help the Vikings special teams coach

 

*BONUS: Mid-Season Pick Up Fist Fucker of the Year*

WR: Marquez Valdes-Scantling, Green Bay Packers

Red: MVS was one of the few guys I was first to the punch on in my league and he looked like a STUD. 6’4″ with 4.3 speed and Aaron Rodgers throwing him the ball? Yes please. After a quiet start to the season MVS blew onto the scene with a 4 week stretch of 13+ points. He would post 6+ points just once the rest of the way…

 

 

 

The 300s Bloggers’ Week 15 Only Big Z is Left Fantasy Football Round Up

By on • ( Leave a comment )

So Big Z is the only one to submit a blurb today, which I’m guessing means everyone else is dead. And by dead I mean their season is over. RIP in Peace. Idk how Red expects us to get a successful #sports blog going when no one can even fuckin play fantasy football. O well.

Editor’s note: I have submitted my piece for the fantasy blog, dripping with contempt.

P.S – Google “Artie Lange’s nose. My God how is this poor guy still alive?

Joey B

I’m still setting line ups, etc. as I can still get a $20 high score of the week. Instead I got beat by 30 thanks again to Gronk and a still useless Matthew Stafford. (Idk how he actually played, but like Red, Stafford has fucked me all season).

Big Z

We’re on to the Third Place Game. For the second straight year.

I lost 74-66 in an ugly semifinal matchup. Not much to say, other than Tevin Coleman scored 24 points on my bench.

If I finish in fourth place, and out of the money, for a second straight year I’m going full tilt Week 17 and dumping a thousand bucks into Draft Kings.

Red

I got smoked this week entirely on the back of third string running backs. Never seen anything like it. My opponent had the Chiefs’ third stringer Damien Williams (naturally I had Spencer Ware) and the Steelers’ backup to the backup runningback Jaylen Samuels. As expected those two had 50+ points between the two of them. My fantasy season is sheets.

 

 

The 300s Bloggers’ Joe Flacco Can Still be Elite Next Season Fantasy Football Round Up – Week 14

By on • ( Leave a comment )

The end of an era is here.

Today, The Baltimore Ravens officially benched Joe Flacco in favor of Lamar Jackson. This event was so profoundly biting to our generation, the news of it overshadowed a mass shooting in France, the #3 guy in the Vatican going down on sex abuse charges, and whatever shitstorm is the latest to roll through the American political spectrum. Just captivating.

Although there seems to be a Jimmy G, or Carson Wentz, or Josh Allen year after year nowadays, people forget Flacco was the first of the lower-tier school QBs. A 6’6″ rocket-armed, curiously mobile signal caller out of Delaware of all places. He also had a unibrow and was called a loser/shut in by his own Dad within two years of entering the league so idk why I’m so surprised in hindsight. New York Giants fans, YOU’RE NEXT QB!

(Final Note: If you haven’t and need a recommendation, give “Frontier” a watch. Engrossing).

Big Z

Week 14 was a bye week for the Z-Men, so it was a bit irritating to see George Kittle rip off 37 points and Christian McCaffrey rip off 21. Save some for the (fantasy) playoffs, boys!

With McCaffrey and my kicker Wil Lutz going on Monday night in Week 15, there is a definite possibility I will be waking up my neighbors screaming at the tv Monday night.

Papa G

Fantasy season is officially over for me. Red thrashed me pretty good in my only league where I made the playoffs. Welp, time to start my Game of Thrones rewatch.

 

Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaattttttttttteeeeeeeeees

After suffering through the worst regular season of my fantasy career, it’s nice to know that I will not be finishing in last! “Amari’s Resurrection” beat Red’s squad in the first round of the loser’s bracket and will not be the dreaded Sacko! (It’s sad how excited I am about that, but I’d never recover if I ever finished last in this league. Seriously, I just could not handle that.) And how apropos my team name is, as Amari Cooper went BANANAS again, finishing the afternoon with 46 points on Sunday. (I know. I know. But hey! I already apologized to him publicly two weeks ago for the vitriol and hatred I spewed his way earlier this year.) Now I got a tough matchup this week against Papa Giorgio to get the chance to play for the “Least Sucky Loser” title. Hey, at least it’s something.

I lost in the first round of the loser’s bracket in the other league. My opponent also had Amari Cooper…and Zeke…and Gronk. And I had Cousins, Rivers, and Sony Michel going this week…sooo, yeah. I should be able to fend off a last-place finish against last week’s low-scorer. Dear God, I hope so….

Red

Where to begin….well I lost in one league by 6 points because my opponent, the one and only Mattes, got FOURTY SIX points from the Undertaker, err I mean Amari Cooper. 

In my other league I rolled Papa Giorgio in the first round behind huge days from Christian McCaffrey, Ezekiel Elliott, and Spencer Ware. My prize? A date with the buzzsaw that is the No. 1 seed and a projected 30 point blowout loss. Keep me in your prayers.

Joey B

Lost and will finish the year in both last and last in points for. Not a great year!

 

 

The 300s Bloggers’ James Develin is a Playmaker Fantasy Football Round Up – Week 13

By on • ( Leave a comment )

Welcome back. Another week and another 3 days of the highest of highs and lowest of lows. We laughed, we cried, we screamed at the tv/computer screen, terrifying dogs and neighbors alike. Fantasy amiright?!

The two most important things to note about this past week in the NF of L was that A.) Tom Brady has more career rushing yards than Sony Michel. Which is just embarrassing; and B.) James Develin is becoming a legitimate red zone threat which, laugh at it or not, frees up other skill position players for opportunities. In the words of Aubrey, “YEEEaaa, be very afraid.”

Red

I got NINETEEN points from my kicker this past week to just barely squeak out a win. Alas, I missed the playoffs by one game, primarily because Matt Stafford hosed me last week and multiple times throughout the season. But thats what happens when you click the wrong thing and accidentally draft an asshole in the 8th round. They say a pictures worth a thousand words and Yahoo helped me summarize my season in just one image.

Papa G

Blogger’s Note: That was seriously all Papa G submitted. Please keep him in your thoughts.

Big Z

The Z-Men won 121-98 in Week 13, led once again by Christian McCaffrey who put up a cool 25 points. James Conner iced the match Sunday night with two early touchdowns. The win is my squad’s 6th in 7 weeks, enough to improve to 9-4 on the season and secure a first round bye in the fantasy playoffs.

The bye week is huge because it guarantees me a “bowl game” and a crack at at least getting my money back. Let’s just hope I don’t run up two bills in my bye week and run out of gas down the stretch for a second-straight season.

Joey B

I lost again and am last in both pure record and points for for the year. I don’t know where it all went so, so wrong. Fuck you Matthew Stafford. Fuck you Jordan Howard. Fuck every WR not named Michael Thomas.

Mattes

So I failed to make the playoffs in both leagues, and it was a struggle to get out of bed this morning. For a guy who invests way more time than the average person following fantasy football and searching the depths of the Internet for any and all things related to it – no, seriously, it might be actually be a problem – this one really hurts. It’s not like my teams were all that bad either; I was top-three in points against in both leagues, and I lost two games by less than a point while freakin’ TYING another. I know I sound like a dope making excuses right now, but I picked up guys like Aaron Jones, D.J. Moore, Josh Adams, and Tarik Cohen this year, playing the wire like a fiddle all year long. But in fantasy as well as life, it’s all about who you’re matched up against, and it just wasn’t my year. I can still win the loser’s bracket in each league, starting with a first-round matchup against Red this week in one of them. I guess that’s something.

The 300s Bloggers’ “HAHA EAT IT MANISH MEHTA” Fantasy Football Round Up – Week 12

By on • ( Leave a comment )
Image result for gronk touchdown week 12

The thing about New York sports fans is that they REALLY show up for their own. They think their players, coaches, and, for whatever reason, sports media personalities are Gods amongst men. Like there is a CONVENTION for Mike Francesa fans. To repeat, a sports radio show host has his own convention. It is kind of bizarre and really not relatable for those of us outside of the tri-state area.

Which is why it really says something that even New Yorkers hate Manish Mehta. He is a troll through and through that is not as much of a troll sports writer as he is a troll writer who decided to apply his trolliness to sports. Gross.

And he recently came for Gronk. Said he was washed and done and sad and depressed. Well, unfortunately for M-Squared Gronk came back Sunday and the Pats beat the Jets. There was a Gronk-spike and all.

Gronks have 87 lives, motherfucker.

Red

This is it. It took 12 weeks, but I am breaking up with Matt Stafford. After burying any chance I had before the turkey was even on the table with 7 points on Thursday, I am breaking it off. This is likely the last shot I had at the playoffs as even an average performance from Stafford gives me the win. I may just start an empty QB slot moving forward in a silent protest.

 

Joey B

I’m officially out of it so this shouldn’t matter. It shouldn’t matter that I lost a BARN BURNER with a final score of 60-51 (nope, no one forgot to set their line-ups). But I forgot to put in Gronk. Those points would have given me the win. Forgive me big man.

 

Papa G

It’s curtains for my fantasy teams. Shout out to Fournette getting suspended too. Appreciate the self-control. We’ve officially moved into “who should I pick for my keepers” mode. TRASH.

 

Mattes

I’d like to start off this week by apologizing to one Amari Cooper. Since becoming a Cowboy, the man has averaged 17 points a game, which included a bananas 38-point showing on Turkey Day. That performance helped me beat Papa Giorgio this week, finally giving my suddenly resurgent team more than one measly win on the year and potentially playing spoiler for my fellow blogger’s season. I have changed my team name to “Amari’s Resurrection” in his honor. Maybe Oakland really does just suck THAT bad.

A couple “coulda, woulda, shouldas” sank my other team this week. I went for the upside with Lamar Jackson as my QB2 behind Rivers, but the extra 10 from Cousins, who was on my bench, would’ve given me the win. Or maybe playing Aaron Jones over Mark Ingram this week would’ve done it, too. I now need to win this week and have two other teams lose to get into the postseason. I’m literally hanging on by the short and curlies right now.

 

Big Z

With another big win in Week 12, the Z-Men have won 5 of their last 6. Fantasy football isn’t that hard when you get steady quarterback play, contributions from a few wide receivers, and 43 points out of Christian McCaffrey.

A win in Week 13 will lock up a first round bye and a guaranteed crack at some prize money. LET’S GO!

-Joey B
Blogger | Crier | British Television Obsessive| Whiskey Dickist

The 300s Bloggers’ Fantasy Football Recap – The Drew Bledsoe Week

By on • ( Leave a comment )

Fun Fact: Nirvana’s Unplugged episode came out 25 years ago this week. I got through many an awkward middle school/early high school day thanks to their angsty combo of punk, pop, and metal. And the Unplugged set? One of the more classic rock n’ roll sets, up there with Hendrix or Santana at Woodstock or Queen at Live Aid. Easily on of the most entrancing, haunting performances I’ve ever watched, in-person or through the tube. Check it out if you have some time this week.

Any way, #sports and stuff. How’d we do?

Joey B

My roommate, the blog infamous man known as Patty Blackouts has both a horrendous team and an annoying, years-old habit of only beating the shit out of me in particular and that happened again. No one really got going for my squad, dropping me to 4-7 and almost definitely knocking me out of the post-season.

Red

Despite my opponent having the focal point of the Rams offense in last night’s epic shootout, I was able to eke out a win and cling to the fleeting hope of a backdoor playoff bid. Luckily for me Todd Gurley took a backseat in the Rams 54 point night outburst and Ezekiel Elliot continued to drag the lifeless body of Jerry Jones and the Cowboys with 29 points of his own. We live to fight another day. 

Mattes

Another solid performance out of my suddenly halfway competent 1-9 team didn’t mean squat, as my opponent had Jared Goff in last night’s insane barn burner on MNF. At least I got points from Mark Ingram’s solid day against Philly; he was on the bench in my other league. Ho hum. This season blows.

I was feeling pretty good for a while in my other league. Aaron Jones started off with almost 30 for me on Thursday night, but I knew Marquez Valdes-Scantling’s one-catch performance in the same game as my FLEX would come back to haunt me. But even if I played Ingram there instead, it still wouldn’t have mattered because, of course, my opponent in this league ALSO had Jared Goff. And getting 16 points from his defense didn’t hurt him either. I can still make the playoffs if I win my final two matchups, but I’m definitely sweating it out.

The 300s Podcast Grab Bag – Kirk Minihane, NFL in Mexico City, Olympic Melo, and Fantasy Football Follies

By on • ( Leave a comment )

It’s the week before Thanksgiving, you’re just punching the clock until it’s time to take that 5 day weekend, so we’ve got a Grab Bag of random topics here on this episode. LETS GO!

-As we pretend to be members of the local sports media I think it’d be crazy to start the show without touching on breaking news from one of the biggest names in town with Kirk Minihane officially headed to Radio.com

-The NFL took a hard gulp and swallowed their pride moving the Mexico City game back to the states.

Did you see this quote from Kyrie Irving all but putting out a job offer in Carmelo Anthony’s locker?

The disaster that is the Miami Marlins Park. I even had a Marlins fan chirping me on Twitter about it — “They’re not seats, they’re standing room”

Fantasy football update – Big Z held onto the hand grenade that was Le’Veon Bell which has now exploded in his palm.

All that and more on this episode of The 300s Podcast!

The 300s Bloggers’ Lois Einhorn Edition Fantasy Football Round Up – Week 10

By on • ( Leave a comment )

Farewell, sweet prince.

Just like that our favorite underdog has been jettisoned from the ranks of professional football. Needless to say, Nathan Peterman had possibly the worst series of spot starts in the history of the game, if not in the history of sports. Poor guy just could not get out of his own way. He’d flash some semblance of ability one play and then on the next one hit a DB in the chest for a pick 6. Fucking brutal to watch.

So with his run in Buffalo finally over, I see a full-scale Lois Einhorn situation developing here. Peterman will masquerade as some sort of female public figure in a long-con scheme aimed at extracting revenge against the world that so openly mocked and derided him. It’s coming people.

So how’d we all do this?

Red

We had a goddamn barn burner this week. Down 37 points heading into Monday Night Football I completely checked out and went to play some beer league softball like all athletes past their prime do. Matt Breida had the game of his life with two TDs and 26 pts and Sterling Shepherd chipped in with 10 of his own. So I was down by less than 5 with a minute to go with the 49ers driving. All I needed was Breida breaking a screen for a big gain or maybe punching it in from the 1! So. Much. Hype. Andddd Breida wasn’t even on the field for the final drive.


Mattes

You know when things get so bad it’s almost comical? Check this shit out.

My 1-8 team was taking on the team that is *now* in first place. After a pretty solid, 130-plus-point performance across the board, I was up comfortably heading into Sunday night with two guys left to play – Amari Cooper for me and Zach Ertz for him. Ertz then goes off for the greatest game of his life – in a game his team still loses, mind you – and I lose by 0.78. ZERO-POINT-SEVEN-FUCKING-EIGHT. Sure, my season’s already over, but it would’ve been cool to see my abortion of a team take down one of the best in the league. But again, it’s just not my year.

AND THEN – in the league that actually matters – I got unreal performances from DJ and Aaron Jones (I told you guys to grab him two weeks ago!), but the Buffalo Bills decided to somehow actually be good at football this week, and the Jets defense got me -7. NEGATIVE SEVEN. It all came down to Monday night: I was leading by 13, and all he had left was San Fran’s kicker. And guess how many points San Fran’s kicker got? Did you say 13??!! GOOD FOR YOU! I TIED and am now hanging on by a pube to a chance at the playoffs. (OH, and that last field goal Gould had was EXACTLY 30 yards; were it just one yard shorter, I would’ve won.)

I don’t know what I did to piss off the fantasy gods this year, but COME ON, MAN.

Joey B

I won a Goddam UGLY one but I won all the same. Another two excellent performances from James Conner and Michael Thomas allowed me to squeak by equally anemic opponent 91-84, and no, we didn’t forget to sit someone on a bye, etc.

Papa G

Lost in 2 out of 3 leagues this week. It’s getting down to the wire as i’m a borderline playoff team in all my leagues now. Fournette returning has seriously helped though and my bench is becoming useful again, not just a sea of RBs on IR. I’m going to need Aaron Rodgers to step it up though as i’m not getting the production I would have liked from him. I guess we’ll see how this plays out.

Side note: fuck the Jets. Bills Mafia for life.

Big Z

The Z-Men made it four wins in a row in Week 10 with a one-point victory, and led the league in points for the third straight week. You never want to lose with the second-highest points total for the week. That’s when furniture gets broken.

Christian McCaffrey led the way for my squad again this week with 31 points, but Eric Ebron was my MVP. He was game-time decision Sunday. I left him in and he rewarded me with three touchdowns. George Kittle was my closer, and his 83 yards Monday night was just enough to get me the one-point win.

Not a bad turnaround! Just hoping not to peak too soon. Again.

 

The 300s Bloggers’ Nick Mullens is Elite Fantasy Football Round Up – Week 9

By on • ( Leave a comment )

Yey, my children, behold the Week 9 fantasy football blog. The NFL itself was actually a bit of a dumpster fire this week with quite a few just plain bad games. On the other hand, was Nick fucking Mullens. The complete unknown practice squadder who jogged out there for San Francisco and was just about perfect. The best QB from Southern Miss not named Brett Favre. Only highlighting Mullens success was his counterpart on the Raiders, Derek Carr, simply forgetting how to QB and Carr’s coach Jon Gruden searching Indeed for new jobs on the sidelines. Sports, amirite?!

Anyway, how’d we do?

Papa G

Blogger’s Note: Papa Giorgio did not submit a fantasy blog this week. He is however a Mets fan and their newly introduced General Manager is indeed the slimiest seeming person since Lester Diamond so maybe he’s just in a gutter somewhere. Ts and Ps son.


Red

You wanna know why The League was such a completely unrealistic show? It’s not because of all the crazy antics they get into with NFL celebrity guest appearances sprinkled in. No it’s because I’m supposed to believe a group of grown men in their 30s are endlessly devoted to a game that is almost entirely dependent on random acts of god. On Sunday, I was greeted to a glorious “Look what I found” TD that I was so jazzed up about I tweeted it…which sealed my fate with the fantasy gods. 

I later came to find out that the refs changed their mind and just awarded the TD to someone else, thus stealing 6 points out of my front pocket. Can’t win like that guys. 

I now reside firmly in 10th place.

Joey B

3-6. No bueno. Probably out of the running at this point as it is a ten point league. The worst part in this was a 15 point loss to the number one team in the league, which is pretty fucking close. Basically all I needed was Matthew Stafford to do literally anything at all (I think he got me 5 or 6 points) and I would have got the dub. Wasted games from Connor and Howard. Just disappointing.

 

Mattes

I’ve hit an all-time low this week: I lost to a guy who started two inactives and is last in the league in points. I’m 1-8 and ashamed to even look myself in the mirror right now. No need to talk about this abomination any longer. It simply hurts too much.

After getting a combined 120 points from Michael Thomas and the Fitzmagic/O.J. Howard stack in my 2-QB, full-point PPR league, I still lost because Kirk Cousins and Tarik Cohen forgot how to play football this week. If I had just started Philip Rivers as my other QB, I would’ve been fine. I just pulled a Big Z this week and left points on the bench. Happens to the best of us, but I’m still right in the thick of it.

 

Big Z

Things are coming together nicely for the Z-Men. With 144 points in Week 9, I led the league in scoring for the second straight week and won for the third straight week.

I’m still in the running for the Horse’s Ass Trophy, too! In addition to 25 points from James Conner and 26 points from Christian McCaffrey, Tevin Coleman scored 26 on my bench and James White scored 22 on my bench. The curse of being deep at the RB position in a league that only lets you play two per week.