The movie we’ve all mocked for the past 15 years and cringe whenever it comes on TV is actually surprisingly delightful right now. This movie just hits different when sports are banned.
I openly admit that this is a sign of Quarantine SZN starting to take its toll on my sanity more so than this movie actually aging gracefully. But when nobody has been able to drink a beer on Jersey Street in nearly eight months you take what you can get.
Watching this last night I legitimately started to feel like I had moved out of Boston and hadn’t seen Fenway, Cask n Flagon, Landsdowne Street etc. in YEARS.
You do start to notice little things though when you rewatch old movies, especially ones filmed in your backyard. Lets forget for a second that Jimmy Fallon is supposed to be some broke ass school teacher that has a sweet apartment in the North End and season tickets to the Red Sox. The thing that really stuck out to me was the bar that Jason Varitek, Johnny Damon, and Trot Nixon are having dinner at after the game just a few feet away from Fallon and his buddies.
Really? Had anyone involved in the writing, filming, or production of this movie ever actually been on Landsdowne Street?
Their slogan should be… "Bill's Bar: Where You Go When You Can't Get In Anywhere Else" https://t.co/8Sj44SaU27
Hey don’t get me wrong it’s a fine establishment to knock back a few Bud Lattes, but it’s not exactly the lap of luxury that the players would be having dinner at. But, I digress.
Fever Pitch is loosely based on an old Nick Hornby story about his obsession with an English soccer team. Rejiggered to focus on the Red Sox, the original script just kind of assumed the Sox would lose yet again in some brutal fashion, which really sticks out like a sore thumb when the movie peaks just before Dave Roberts’ steal in Game 4 of the 04 ALCS. Then they slap on a 30 second ending explaining the greatest comeback in baseball history and the Sox actually winning the World Series capped off with the most cringeworthy memory of the entire thing; Fallon and Drew Barrymore celebrating on the field with the players.
But hey I’ll take whatever Red Sox content I can get at this point, which is why one of the principals of marketing is that nostalgia is a powerful weapon. I haven’t been to a Sox game in slightly longer than usual and my body is already starting to go through withdrawals. And the team wasn’t even going to be good this year!
John Henry has us by the balls and he knows it. Now I’m not going to be the first guy there when the quarantine is lifted, but when the dust settles on all this I will be more than happy to buy a few a dozen $11 beers at 4 Jersey Street.
CNN – Microsoft has made its typographical decree: Two spaces between sentences is too many.
The style choice will now be marked as an error in Microsoft Word — and users who press the space bar twice after a period will be met with those dreaded blue squiggly lines…The habit of using two spaces is a relic from the era of typewriters, when typists spaced twice to more clearly define the end of a sentence. Characters were “monospaced” back then, which means they took up the same amount of space on the page — today, most fonts adjust the width of characters so sentences are easier to read.
Welp thats it guys. Even Microsoft finally got bullied into saying two spaces after a sentence is wrong.
To all my fellow two spacers out there, I feel your pain. I was a two spacer forever because thats how they taught us as kids growing up. Don’t give me this typewriter excuse, thats what we were taught on Windows 95 too. At one point in my life I was a big-J Journalist writing for an actual news outlet and we all did two spaces, but once I left that job and grammar ceased to be an important part of my life I slowly caved. This blog is filled with sentences just one space apart from one another after years of people just beating the two spaces out of me.
I’ll let this one go because I’m no longer trying to stretch everything out while writing 10 page term papers. The same does NOT go for the GIF vs JIF debate though. I’ll die on that hill.
The Bruins had the best Quarantine Content of the year last night in the form of a livestream Zoom call with the 2011 Bruins as the team watched Game 7 of the Cup, crushed beers, busted each other’s balls, and crushed some more beers. This is the kind of content we need more of while we’re all locked away in our houses. You always hear that hockey players are the most normal, down to earth guys, but this was like being a fly on the wall in the locker room as they F bombed former players, tip toed around NSFW stories, Gregory Campbell laid into Marchand, all while Lucic polished off a couple bottles of red. As would be expected this got more interesting as the night went along as everyone got more sauced up.
The hardest I’ve laughed in a while was watching Tuukka bemoan the fact that he just had a third daughter. When someone else said they just had their third son Tuukka yelled into the camera “HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT HAPPEN?!”
I am *shocked* that the Bruins haven’t scrubbed this from the internet yet, so definitely check it out before the PR team gets to it.
Lucic interjects in a conversation about how goalies are more protected in today’s NHL: “I wonder what happened to them being so sensitive.” pic.twitter.com/KIgZYGMv78
Somebody needs to do a wellness check on Julian Edelman and take away his shoelaces. But seriously, you have got to be shitting me Gronk. I’m seriously going to have to watch two of my favorite athletes of all time play together for another team this season? Holy shit did the devil collect quickly on the deal for my soul after Super Bowl No. 6.
This all came out of thin air after RapSheet tweeted Gronk was interested in coming back and was a done deal in a matter of about 30 minutes, which made it all the more jarring.
Sources: Retired #Patriots TE Rob Gronkowski has told New England that he’s interested in playing football again — and would want to do it with the #Bucs and QB Tom Brady. A trade would have to be worked out for this to happen.
Bucs close to getting Gronk @RobGronkowski tells me. Bucs waiting on word of physical. Still thinks to iron out but should be good within 24 hours @NFLonFOX
I didn’t even have time to craft a witty tweet before the next breaking news siren sounded. Now we’re just reacting to the cold hard news that is in fact a done deal.
If we’re being honest I was hoping for more than a 4th for Gronk and a 7th, but I guess objectively speaking it makes sense as he has just one year left on his deal and hasn’t played football in more than a year. When Marshawn Lynch decided he wanted to come out of retirement to play for the Raiders, the Seahawks were only able to swap a 6th for a 5th and thats probably the closest comparison.
But in the span of 32 days to lose the greatest quarterback of all time for nothing and now arguably the greatest tight end of all time for a 4th stings a bit.
Karen Guregian also reported that this wasn’t just a sudden urge from Gronk to play football again.
From @kguregian: Per a source, the all-world tight end has imagined this scenario of reuniting with Brady for quite awhile. This wasn’t a spur of the moment decision to request a trade. If Brady ever left, Gronkowski was going to join him wherever he landed.
I can’t say that surprises me all that much since Gronk confirmed rumors of a nixed trade to the Lions before the 2018 season, saying he’d retired before playing for another QB.
Gronk asked about the trade to #Lions report. “Yeah, it happened. Brady is my quarterback. I’m not going anywhere without Brady.” pic.twitter.com/PZqpEZCJJY
After a year doing TV, selling CBD, hosting music festivals, and winning WWE belts Gronk will be back catching balls in 2020 from none other than Tompa Brady. His off the field stuff was hit or miss, but let us never forget his Hall of Fame meathead moment on New Years Eve.
popculture. – The second episode of ABC’s latest iteration of Who Wants to be a Millionaire? aired Wednesday night, and it had game show fans talking on social media. Tonight’s guests featured SNL alum Will Forte, who ended five questions away from the million-dollar prize. After Forte’s run, comedian Nikki Glaser took the spotlight for a very eventful session in the hot seat…
Though Forte played well, it was a fairly standard round. Glaser, however, had only gotten to the $16,000 question when she accidentally blurted out the wrong response and even tacked on the words “final answer.” While the judges eventually decided in Glaser’s favor, it was a call that wasn’t looked favorably upon by the audience based on the tweets that followed.
I don’t mean to be that guy, but you can’t do that. You can’t change your answer after you utter the words “final” and “answer” back-to-back in the hot seat. I know it’s a celebrity edition, with teams basically, for charity, and in front of an empty audience. But rules are rules.
If you’re wondering why I’m making such a big deal out of this, it’s because there is precedent on this issue:
I’ve got no issue with Glaser. I’m happy for her that she was allowed to change her answer and keep going, because she is trying to take more money from ABC for a good cause. But I do have a beef with the judges. Allowing Glaser to change her “final” answer would be like Trebek giving celebrities two cracks at a Celebrity Jeopardy Final Jeopardy. And what if Glaser accidentally said “final answer” after unintentionally giving the correct answer? Would the judges have allowed her to change her “final” answer if it had been the correct answer? I shouldn’t even have to ask that, but here we are…
Credit to Jimmy Kimmel, though, for handling this whole fiasco with great aplomb. Don’t forget, before he took over ABC’s late night slot, Kimmel won an Emmy for hosting the Comedy Central game show Win Ben Stein’s Money. While Kimmel has bigger fish to fry, last night showed us again how good he is at helming a quizzer.
And just for kicks, here was Kimmel when he was a contestant on Millionaire way back in 2001:
It’s week 4 of quarantine. I think. Maybe. Time is sort of relative at this point, no? I know I’ve personally been unable to enter any business that isn’t a grocery store or liquor store in now going on four weeks so that’s how I’m gauging it.
If you scroll through social media or the internet in general you’ll see people clinging to varying degrees of sanity. A lot of folks are blaming this on lack of social interaction or inability to go outside their homes in general as free as they once could. That is probably it, to a large extent. However I don’t think you can rule out the pure and simple fact that we as a society by and large don’t know how to live without a destination/obligations. We simply cease to know how to exist when we have nowhere to be. Just my two cents.
Anyway I reached out to my brethren in blogs and asked them how they were holding up, and got a variety of responses. With that said, enjoy, empathize, and commiserate below.
Red:It’s Week 4 (Week 5?) of the new norm that is social distancing and quarantine SZN. Some are taking it more seriously than others, but as someone who refused to touch the railings on the T before all this, I am taking it quite seriously. Didn’t even bother with a flimsy mask either, straight up ordered a balaclava, which I’m pretty sure you’d only know what that is if you played massive amounts of first person shooters growing up or were in the Spetsnaz. The quarantine is taking its toll though as my office chair officially called it a career and took its own inanimate life last week. So now I’m working from the couch for 8-16 hours a day as the health of my spine is in a race against the clock with Amazon Prime to deliver my new office chair before I develop spinal stenosis. This is fun. Dom: (Blogger’s Note: Fuck Dom). My quarantine is different in the sense that I’m in Israel and have a balcony that overlooks the Mediterranean. It’s dope, I’m not gonna lie. But that balcony is also the only thing keeping my sanity intact. You can only spend so many hours doing puzzles and listening to audiobooks. I’ve been playing a good amount of The Show with my star 3rd basemen Rusty Weiner and lefty ace Rube Waddell. Oh yeah, I have a mustache now.
Big Z: Last week was bulky waste pick up day in my town. The show must go on, right? It was the most exciting event at my house in weeks. I call it the purge. I threw away a ton of shit, some even left behind by the previous owner of my house. Even better, I got rid of a busted TV. (Don’t buy Westinghouse TVs, friends.) Now, my town was not picking up TVs that day. I lucked out when some young men found this TV in the box, with the stand and remote control included, and took it off my hands. I wonder how disappointed they were when they got it home and realized that it had no picture.
Papa G: I’ve been writing lots of music (varying degrees of quality), reading James Bond novels, busted out Rosetta Stone for about an hour and brushed up on my Spanish 101. A few naps. Lots of anxiety.
Lippa:Pros: Sleeping in, exercising more saving money, started binging this little known show called “The Sopranos” Attempting to prove to my bosses that working from home CAN be effective. Remember these things called jeans? My wardrobe is just a mix of sweatpants and mesh shorts depending on the temperature
Cons: Would love to watch a sports game, I don’t already know the outcome to. We’d be in the middle of the first round of the Stanley Cup playoffs today (but who’s keeping track) You can only go on so many walks in a day. Remember bars? I think I’m approaching the end screen of Netflix.
Joey B: I like Red suffered a casualty of war this week as one of my pair of slippers, an integral part of my at-home life, was lost in battle. Up to that point I considered this whole viral episode to be my Shackleton’s Expedition – as long as we (myself and all my possessions) all made it out alive I’d declare it a victory. I think Shackleton and his men survived like, a year and a half living on the Antarctic sea. My slippers made it under four weeks. Other than that I am keeping my wits through a cornucopia of TV, a lack of haircuts, booze, video chats featuring said booze, and Uber Eats. We’ll get through this together.
Soap Opera Network – Viewers are flocking to CBS’ “The Price is Right” as the legendary game show is achieving ratings highs not seen in more than four years.
For the week of March 30-April 3, 2020, the daytime broadcast leader in terms of viewers and numerous demographics posted its highest viewership numbers since the week of January 18-22, 2016, according to newly released Nielsen Media Research ratings data.
If your childhood was anything like mine, every sick day you spent home from school was spent with Bob Barker. Now, as so many of us stuck at home during the COVID-19 crisis, it appears that we are spending our days with Drew Carey.
Thankfully, I’ve been able to work at home the last few weeks. I’ll be honest, though, my productivity dips around 11 AM each morning. I haven’t watched TPiR this frequently since college. Everyone remembers Plinko and Yodely Guy, but this has given me a chance to enjoy some pricing game deep cuts for the first time in a while. Which got me thinking…
You can only keep three:
Who ya got?
I’m taking Hole in One, Cliffhangers (Yodely Guy) and Race Game.
I don’t care if I’m putting from the back line in Hole in One. I’d bet my mortgage I could sink that putt if given two chances and that larger-than-regulation sized cup. Cliffhangers might be the easiest game on the show. $25/$35/$45 never loses, I don’t even need to see the prizes. And Race Game just looks fun. As long as you hustle you have a pretty good shot at taking home at least a couple of prizes.
My honorable mention goes to Safe Crackers. I used to love it when they played the Pink Panther music for that game. Also used to love Golden Road, which has offered some of the biggest prizes in the history of the show. At this point in my life, though, I really don’t have the need for an $80,000 RV.
As for Plinko… I love Plinko as much as the next guy, but no one has ever won the top prize on that game. Obviously this is the whole point, but too much is up to chance for me in that game.
The time has arrived, folks! The annual Mattes NFL Mock Draft is here! (I know you have all been waiting with BATED breath. Right, Lippa??)
With no sports on the docket now or anytime in the foreseeable future, the prospect of the NFL draft taking place in just a few weeks is truly one of the only things keeping me going during these very dark times. For those of you whom, like myself, still can’t wait till then, here’s a deep – and I mean DEEP – dive into how I think the first round will shake out come Thursday, April 23.
This ain’t your daddy’s mock either; this big boy comes complete with five trades and a full write-up for every selection. (None of that “no mocked trades” B.S. Get outta here with that garbage.)
Do I have connections or sources for any of these? Nope! Nothing but hours and hours of research and faithful Twitter surfing.
For what it’s worth, I hope you enjoy! And be sure to tell me how wrong I am on Facebook or in the comments section!
1. Cincinnati – Joe Burrow, QB, LSU: Really no need to overthink this one. The Bengals aren’t passing on the best QB to come out of the draft since Andrew Luck, no matter what they’re offered. Lock this one in. Moving on.
2. Washington – Chase Young, DE, Ohio State: Much like Burrow, Young is one of the best players to come out at his position that we’ve seen in years. (Besides maybe Myles Garrett.) While Washington could be tempted to trade back, it would take quite the haul to pass on a talent like Young. Especially with Ryan Kerrigan being on the wrong side of 30, Ron Rivera needs another talent to pair with Montez Sweat along the defensive front. To be honest, the idea of what those two could become together is absolutely frightening. (Also, for anyone thinking there’s even a chance they take Tua here after drafting Dwayne Haskins last year AND trading for Kyle Allen, you’re delusional. Please stop with that nonsense.)
3. (TRADE w/ DET) Miami – Tua Tagovailoa, QB, Alabama: Don’t fall for the smokescreens!!! There have been numerous reports this week, from very credible sources, that the Fins are souring on Tua and might instead want to draft Justin Herbert. Ironically, this was right after Tua was cleared (once again) after yet another perfect medical check-up in early March, which should finally put to rest the “injury concerns” people seem to have with him. Brian Flores has also stated he wants a QB who has “it,” and that screams Tua. (See: 2018 College Football Playoff National Championship). If anyone in Miami’s brass honestly believes Herbert is the better prospect, they need to be fired immediately. Like right now. If the Dolphins pass on Tua, they could regret it for years.
4. (TRADE w/ NYG) Los Angeles Chargers – Justin Herbert, QB, Oregon: Now, I know it seems like I just took a shot at my guy J-Herb a moment ago, but that was more about Tua’s potential for greatness as opposed to anything about the former Ducks leading man. From a physical standpoint, Herbert has the size, arm, and tools to be a very solid NFL starter, but he’s far from a sure thing. Still, the Chargers pretty much placed all their eggs in the “drafting a rookie QB basket” this offseason, and that’s exactly why they need to trade up to get one here. No, I don’t believe either the Giants or Lions would take Herbert at No. 4 or 5, but a team like the Jags (or another sneaky darkhorse) could choose to leapfrog L.A. and completely A-bomb the Chargers’ entire plan. Plus, I think Tyrod Taylor could be the perfect mentor for a guy like Herbert, who shares some similar traits. Anthony Lynn and Co. choose not to mess around and will get their guy here.
5. (TRADE w/ MIA) Detroit – Isaiah Simmons, DEF, Clemson: The Lions might win the draft simply by getting the most talented overall football player in this class, bar none, while also picking up a few more draft picks in the process. Simmons is a true rarity: a defender who can play either linebacker, corner, or safety and did so across multiple seasons at an elite level for one of the nation’s top programs. A lot of people think Jeff Okudah should go here, and cornerback is a big need. But former Belichick-disciple Matt Patricia will likely value Simmons’s versatility above all and jump at the chance to take a game-changing defensive weapon here.
6. (TRADE w/ LAC) New York Giants – Tristan Wirfs, OT, Iowa: In a class with someserious tackle talent, the Giants will have their pick of the litter. Wirfs is widely regarded as the top dog and blew away everyone at the Combine. Not only will he serve as a great protector for Daniel Jones, but his mauling run-blocking style could also help pave the way for Saquon Barkley for years to come. He’d likely start off on the right side, and then simply slide over to left once the Giants cut ties with Nate Solder.
7. CAR – Jeff Okudah, CB, Ohio State: The best corner in the draft goes to a team in desperate need of help in the defensive backfield, especially after losing James Bradberry in free agency and (for whatever reason) cutting Eric Reid. Fortunately, Tre Boston was re-signed to a three-year deal and Juston Burris was an OK acquisition. Even still, though, the Panthers really need some help, particularly on the boundary. Okudah would immediately help in that regard from Day One.
8. ARI – Jedrick Wills, OT, Alabama: Not nearly as polished as Wirfs, what Wills lacks in completeness and brute strength, he makes up for in athleticism. His ability to move in space and keep up with speedy edge rushers will help allow Kyler Murray extend plays out of the pocket. And while he does have lapses in pass-protection at times, he can develop on the right side of the line for a few seasons since the team already signed left tackle D.J. Humphries to a new three-deal in February. Besides Humphries, the Cards need O-line help in a huge way, and Wills will provide that.
9. (TRADE w/ JAX) Denver – Jerry Jeudy, WR, Alabama: Courtland Sutton broke out in his second season, and he and second-year signal-caller Drew Lock could be quite the explosive pair again in 2020. However, Lock still needs more weapons, and Jeudy is probably the most complete, pro-ready receiver in the draft. His ability to play inside and outside will compliment Sutton’s dominance on the sideline very well. Jeudy also has the jets to take it the house on any pretty much any play (24 TDs in his past 28 games at ‘Bama). He and CeeDee Lamb are very close in terms of being the top wide-out in this class, but I gotta give the edge to Jeudy.
10. Cleveland – Andrew Thomas, OT, Georgia: Jack Conklin was an excellent signing to shore up the right side of the O-line, but Baker Mayfield still needs help on his blindside. While Wirfs and Wills are the exciting, shiny sports cars with more upside, Thomas is the less sexy but super reliable Toyota Corolla who you know will always get the job done and is guaranteed to last for years. Much like the soon-to-be Hall of Fame left tackle the Browns used to have with the same last name, this Thomas will also be an anchor and team staple in Cleveland for the next decade or more.
11. New York Jets – CeeDee Lamb, WR, Oklahoma: As I said, you could easily make the argument for Lamb being the top WR in the draft, and Sam Darnold should do cartwheels if the former Sooner lands in the Big Apple. Especially after losing Robby Anderson to Carolina this offseason, Darnold needs some talent to throw to in a big way. The Breshad Perriman signing was nice, but especially with Quincy Enunwa’s health being a big question mark, Lamb would likely become the WR1 for the Jets right out of the gate. This dude is a PROBLEM in the open field, and he’ll become the best playmaker the Jets have had in quite some time. Seriously, though, just look:
12. Las Vegas – Justin Jefferson, WR, LSU: After Jeudy and Lamb, most view Henry Ruggs as the next best receiver in the class, and many might feel this is too high for Jefferson. However, Raider’s GM Mike Mayock made it pretty clear last year that he values high-character, championship-experienced guys above all else, and he doesn’t give a flyin’ you-know-what about others’ “projected draft slots” (e.g. his choice of Clelin Ferrell at No. 4 overall last year). Jefferson fits the Mayock Mold to a T, and let’s also not forget that the dude put up 111 catches for over 1,500 yards as Joe Burrow’s No. 1 guy last season. He also posted a 4.43-second 40 at the Combine. To be honest, he’s probably better than Ruggs, and he is tailor-made for the Raiders.
13. San Francisco – Javon Kinlaw, DL, South Carolina: Kinlaw might be the prospect with the highest range of outcomes in the class. A formerly homeless teen who worked his way up from JUCO to becoming an AP All-American and potential first-round pick, the dude is obviously a warrior. He’s also got an incredible blend of skill and physical traits (6’5”, 324 pounds) that would make most D-coordinators drool. However, he’s also dealt with injuries (hip surgery) and, at times, inconsistent play which gives some pause. Still, after trading away DeForest Buckner and acquiring another first-round pick in the process, the Niners can afford to take a gamble on the 22-year-old’s immense upside.
14. (TRADE w/ Tampa Bay) Philadelphia – Henry Ruggs, WR, Alabama: Jeudy was the go-to target for the Tide for the past few seasons, but Ruggs was the ace-in-the-hole, speed demon with insane 4.2-second speed. While he does possess some all-around ability, Ruggs could end up being exactly what the Eagles were hoping the second coming of DeSean Jackson would become. He’ll serve as the new deep threat for the big-armed Carson Wentz, and the Eagles will have no issue trading up to get him. If they don’t, he won’t last much longer than this.
15. (TRADE w/ Denver) Jacksonville – Derrick Brown, DT, Auburn: Once considered a top-five pick, a weak Combine performance and positional value is cause for a bit of a drop. Unlike Kinlaw, Brown is a bit more rigid in terms of where he can play along the line and doesn’t have quite as much burst. Still, he was a First-Team All-American and can absolutely dominate opponents across from him in the trenches. After trading away Calais Campbell, Brown could soon become the new anchor on the D-line for the Jags.
16. Atlanta – Yetur Gross-Matos, EDGE, Penn State: While the Falcons could go for another corner here, I’m actually a fan of Isaiah Oliver and they need more pass-rushers, even after signing Dante Fowler. Gross-Matos is a high-upside, versatile defender who can play standing up or as a down lineman in a 4-3. He also compiled 17.5 sacks and over 90 total tackles across his past two seasons for the Nittany Lions.
17. Dallas – Grant Delpit, S, LSU: While Gross-Matos would’ve been a nice replacement for Robert Quinn, the Cowboys have also needed safety help for a while now. And after losing their former leader of the secondary in Byron Jones to free agency, they need another field general to man the back half of the defense. Though he may be a bit lacking in the pass-coverage department, he can set the tone and lay the wood with the best of ‘em. Again, he lacks the range and technique many might want from a first-round safety, but the potential for more is definitely there and he was a title-winner. The team also went out of its way to meet with Delpit specifically at the Combine last month.
18. Miami – Austin Jackson, OT, USC: A lot of people might be shocked to see Mekhi Becton still on the board at this point, and they might think I’m foolish to think he wouldn’t be the pick here. However, per multiple reports, Jackson has been skyrocketing up many draft boards lately, and much like Becton people are also in love with his potential. Both are raw, but there might actually be less red flags with Jackson, specifically in terms of weight/size management. Flores and Co. are also the perfect type of crew to coach a guy like Jackson up, and there’s no doubt that Miami is in desperate need of help along the O-line.
19. Las Vegas – C.J. Henderson, CB, Florida: Henderson might be the most undervalued player in the entire draft. The 2019 First-Team All-SEC cover man put up some solid stats (11 PBUs and 33 tackles) in only nine games last year against some serious competition. The Raiders also gave up the eighth-most passing yards per game in the NFL last season. Henderson would be a welcomed addition.
20. Jacksonville – Jordan Love, QB, Utah State: Before all the Minshew Maniacs attack me for this one, this pick actually makes a lot of sense. I do not expect Love to beat Gardner Minshew in camp this season, but his long-term upside is WAY higher. (Think poor man’s Patrick Mahomes in terms of ability and playing style. Yeah, I said it!) Also, if the team was really sold on Minshew, Foles wouldn’t have had a chance of getting back on the field at the end of last year, contract-related reasons or not. This is also the second of Jacksonville’s two first-rounders this year, and I mocked them to get even more picks with my previously predicted trade with Denver. In the NFL, teams are smart to hedge their bets, and there’s really not a lot for the Jags to lose by rolling the dice on Love here.
21. (TRADE w/ PHI) Tampa Bay – Mekhi Becton, OT, Louisville: The slide finally ends for the 6’7”, 364-pound mountain of a man. His titan-esque size and power alone guarantee that he’ll be a force to be reckoned with against any level of competition. At the same time, though, these very same attributes can cause for significant issues with movement and technique. But his upside is too much to pass on here, and the Bucs are in desperate need of an upgrade at right tackle. Donovan Smith, who is a much better pass-protector, can protect new QB Tom Brady’s blindside, while Becton serves as a monster, road-grader on the other. In fact, Becton’s presence will be key for who I expect for the Bucs to take with their next selection (oooh foreshadowing). It’s going to be fun watching to see what this guy ultimately becomes, which truly could be great.
22. Minnesota – K’Lavon Chaisson, EDGE, LSU: There’s no doubt that there is a GLARING hole at cornerback after the team saw its top three from last year all leave this offseason. However, there are still a couple solid potential choices left at the position, and the Vikes can grab one with their next selection at 25. Getting another rusher off the edge is also a big need, especially after losing long-time stalwart Everson Griffen. Chaisson is a long, quick but still powerful rusher who served as one of the Tigers’ team leaders since he was a freshman, even though he did miss all but one game in 2018 with an ACL injury. Last year, he bounced back in a major way, posting 6.5 sacks, 13 TFLs, and helped secure a national championship to boot.
23. New England – Patrick Queen, LB, LSU: Queen is exactly what the Pats defense has been missing for the past few seasons. Not a major thumper or pass-rusher, Queen is instead super fast and excels in coverage and playing sideline to sideline. He could probably even play safety in a pinch, if necessary. He can be what the team was hoping Jamie Collins was going to be (both the first AND second time around). Losing Kyle Van Noy to Miami is also going to hurt a lot more than most people think. And while Queen is not the same type of player, he’ll add a new element and bring versatility to what is already a pretty loaded D in Foxborough.
24. New Orleans – Kenneth Murray, LB, Oklahoma: Murray is basically Queen with a bit more size, and honestly these last two picks could easily end up being flip-flopped. Murray takes a bit more risks than Queen, but he also has more concrete college production to back him up. Demario Davis can handle one side of the field, and Murray can be relied upon to make plays on the other. For a team with little needs, the Saints just keep getting better.
25. Minnesota – Trevon Diggs, CB, Alabama: The Vikings get their cornerback here, and maybe one of the biggest steals of the first round so far. He has it all: size, speed, strength, and four years of experience under the legendary Nick Saban. OH, and he also happens to be Stefon Diggs’s little bro (YUP!). This should be fun…
26. (TRADE w/ MIA) Detroit – A.J. Epenesa, DE, Iowa: Kind of like Andrew Thomas, Epenesa is a no-nonsense, consistent, experienced, reliable player at his position. A coach’s dream who won’t win with outstanding traits or athleticism, but someone who still put up 23 sacks the past two seasons and does very little wrong. He’s the exact type of guy Matt Patricia wants on his team and will almost be a mirror-image of Trey Flowers on the other end of the defensive line.
27. Seattle – Xavier McKinney, S, Alabama: To be honest, McKinney is probably the better all-around safety talent than Delpit, and I wouldn’t be shocked if he went first. I just think the Cowboys like Delpit better. Good for the Seahawks, who get an incredibly smart, consistent backfield leader at the end of the first round. He can bring the type of talent and leadership that’s been severely lacking since the end of the old Legion of Boom.
28. (TRADE w/ BAL) Tampa Bay – Jonathan Taylor, RB, Wisconsin: As a Patriots fan for the past two decades, I can tell you that a Tom Brady offense without a consistent running game is like pizza without a topping; it’s still pretty damn good and gets the job done, but it is far from being at its best. The G.O.A.T. uses the ground game to set up play action better than anyone, and through two seasons now, Ronald Jones has just not proven that he can be the guy. Taylor is an absolute STUD, who put up over 6,100 yards and 50 TDs on the ground for the Badgers over the past three seasons, and he can be relied upon to tote the rock 20-25 games per game right away. His presence would also allow RoJo to focus on being a pass-catching weapon out of the backfield, where he excels.
29. Tennessee – Clyde Edwards-Helaire, RB, LSU: Some people might be confused to see the team with last season’s leading rusher take another back with their first pick. But two things: 1) Derrick Henry was tagged and not given a long-term deal, and 2) Edwards-Helaire is not the same type of player. CEH will give the team an elite pass-catcher out of the backfield (what Dion Lewis was supposed to be), and he could even take over a featured role for a bit if Henry ends up leaving next offseason.
30. Green Bay – Jalen Reagor, WR, TCU: Basically a clone of former Aaron Rodgers favorite Randall Cobb (5’10”, 194 pounds, 4.46-second 40), Reagor (5’11”, 206 pounds, 4.47-second 40) is a smidge bigger and would give the Packers a counterpart to superstar receiver Davante Adams. Guys like Marquez Valdez-Scantling and Geronimo Allison (who’s now in Detroit) just didn’t work out as planned, and A-Rodg needs more playmakers. Plain and simple.
31. San Francisco – Jeff Gladney, CB, TCU: Small, speedy, and silky like his teammate taken one spot before him, Gladney would help the Niners at a position without a ton of talent behind Richard Sherman. Gladney would also be able to focus on the more explosive opponents Sherman can’t keep up with anymore, and he could learn the finer points of the game from the future HOF.
32. Kansas City – Kristian Fulton, CB, LSU: Yup, that is officially SEVEN former Tigers off the board in the first round. (Guess that’s what happens when ya win the big one.) Anyway, Kendall Fuller departed for Washington, and at this point, it doesn’t look like Bashaud Breeland or Morris Claiborne are coming back either. For a team that was already pretty shaky against the pass to begin with, they’re kind of forced to go corner here. Fulton remains the best of the bunch and is also coming off a title-winning season of his own. Fulton is also very talented and received plus marks from PFF; had it not been for a lengthy suspension for masking a urine sample a few years back, he’d likely have gone much higher than this.
NBCSports – LeBron James joined Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh in Miami promising multiple championships. But the Heat lost in the 2011 NBA Finals then lost three straight to trail the Celtics 3-2 in the 2012 Eastern Conference finals. LeBron was labeled a choker who didn’t deliver in the clutch.
Then, he turned in a performance for the ages – 45 points, 15 rebounds and five assists in a victory in Boston.
How did LeBron summon that level of focus and execution?
LeBron on Instagram Live:
My mentality was, if we lose, Pat Riley may break us all up. And I didn’t want that. It might be the quickest breakup in basketball history.And not only might they break it all up, my legacy is going to take a huge, huge hit if I don’t go out here and perform at an all-time high. Win, lose or draw, I had to be focused. I had to lock in and lead us to victory. Didn’t know if it was going to happen that way, but that was my mindset.
Despite an unprecedented run of dominance in Boston across multiple sports over the past 20 years, it’s the bitter defeats that stick with me most. I vividly remember sitting at my future father-in-law’s house in 2012 watching LeBron James rip my heart out as he went God Mode for 45 and 15 in Game 6. Just an absolutely unbelievable, singlehanded display of dominance. And it knocked out the already exhausted legs of the aging, proud, veteran laden 2012 Celtics. I’ve written about how that Celtics squads was one of my all-time favorite Boston teams many times.
Led by three Hall of Famers in Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce, and Ray Allen, but all three were well past their primes. This was a full four years after the Celtics won Banner 17. This wasn’t the 2008 Celtics, this was the Grit and Balls Celtics.
KG was 36, Ray was 36, and Pierce was 34-years-old at this point so this was going to be their last run at a chip and everybody knew it. It’s impressive they even got that far after winning just 39 games in the regular season that year.
People forget the C’s actually went down 0-2 in this series before ripping off 3 straight wins and putting LeBron on the ropes, which was oh so sweet at the time. KG and the Celtics broke LeBron two years before and legitimately bullied him so bad he left Cleveland to team up with his super friends. After the most ridiculous display in pro sports history (AKA the pre-season dynasty predicting rock concert)
LeBron and co. proceeded to get worked by Dirk and the Mavs in the 2011 Finals.
0 for 1.
So if the Heat lost yet again in Year 2, with LeBron, D-Wade, and Chris Bosh all on massive contracts, I very easily could have seen Pat Riley saying F this whole operation. Would that have been an overreaction? Yea sure, but this is Pat Riley we’re talking about not Brad Stevens.
To think we were THIS close to imploding that mini-dynasty less than 24 months into its inception like a cheap folding chair. That Game 6 literally gave birth to the LeBron James we know today. It essentially washed away the choker tag as LeBron evolved into the most dominant player in the world that night.
Yes, LeBron swung the sword that decapitated the end of the Celtics’ run and won his first NBA title in the process. But lets not forget the following season, if not for Ray Allen’s dagger 3 in Game 6 of the Finals the Heat lose to the Spurs in 2012.
I remember watching this game at T’s Pub on that crappy projector screen, turning to Big Z and saying “Well Ray just won the Finals for LeBron.” They still had to go to OT just to win Game 6 and then win Game 7 on top of that, but the hardest job was already done by Jesus Shuttlesworth.
The Heat then lost to the Spurs in 2013 too. That would have made the Heat 1/4 in the Finals with the Super Team, which would have made LeBron an ugly 1/5 in his career up to that point. Add that with losing 3 out of 4 to the Warriors in Cleveland and LeBron could easily be 2/9 in the Finals. So a couple of butterfly wing flaps one way or the other and LeBron could have left Miami with just one or even zero championships. Imagine that?
Now I love watching LeBron play, I understand I am witnessing one of the greatest to ever play the game, but goddamn was it fun to root against LeBron with KG and Pierce wanting to bury the guy more than anybody every single night.
So I’m sure the blog title comes as exactly zero surprise. Although I’m not sure how much it is discussed, it is well known that there are very few hobbies and interests that straight, white males pursue where the goal is not to “get them drawers.” It is just a simple fact of life that right around 3rd or 4th grade we abandon interest in things just because we find them entertaining or fulfilling and instead take up whatever is going to get us in the best graces of the fairer sex.
HOWEVER. There always remains a few things that a man just cannot leave behind, or picks up along the way, that in no way, shape, or form, is going to get them laid. Why we make these exceptions we don’t know, nor do we exactly notice. They just are/become part of our existence without any question as to why and life goes on – much to either the indifference or dismay of the ladies we pursue.
So without further ado, I, on behalf The 300s dot com, present you with the list of those things, past and present.
6.) Golf
Like a lot of post-college men stumbling through adulthood, a number of us here at The 300s have decided to become avid horrible golfers. Papa G bombs the ball with nary a clue of where it’s going. Red’s game is so cold he always wears pants. Me? Well I’ve never gotten within 100 yards of a green I could hit. But the ladies? Well actually they hate it. Why wouldn’t they? Their guys (or prospects) disappear for five hours on a weekend morning and come back not only shitfaced, but happy. I mean the audacity to be in good spirits after five hours away from them. But we know why we do it right, fellas? I mean whats not to love about playing a long, slow, impossible game that costs a shitload to participate in? Ya, I don’t know either.
5.) Quantity of Alcohol/Substances Consumed
Man I guess this is an inadvisable one in hindsight huh? But I am man of integrity so I must not exclude it. Because there was a time, friends, where we would boast o so braggadociously of the 10 beers (of Natty), 4 shots (of Sailor Jerry), and 5 blunt hits (of middiest mids) one ingested the night before. Did you puke and pee somewhere you shouldn’t have like in the hallway, a closet, or on your roommate? Sure you did. But legends never fucking die do they? What does die, on the contrary, are your chances with Jennifer, the cute girl from Art Survey that you invited to the party only to have her arrive and find you leglessly hitting on the fridge.
4.) Home Entertainment/Audio/Electronic Setups
I remember walking into one of my buddy’s rooms in college to find that he had a high-end Alienware laptop, three monitors, huge speakers, and like, a subwoofer. For what fucking reason pray-tell? I didn’t know. Neither did he. He was a D-student Phys Ed major who didn’t know much. Maybe God spoke to him and said it was written for him to shake the entire fucking hallway with whatever mixtape he had recently ripped off the internet. No matter which way you shake it though no girl was walking into that room and realizing with erotic elation she could bleed out through her eardrums playing “Umbrella” on full blast.
3.) Beirut Skills
There was no bigger dick-measuring contest in high school or college than determining who was the best ‘rut player. Thinking back on it I can almost hear a National Geographic narrator describing how pack power rankings were decided on Friday night, regardless of who was cooler when walking into the house, by who won the Beirut tournament. Know who didn’t give a fuck? The girls that were there. They played too, and giggled a whole bunch, and sometimes cried, and sometimes hugged dudes that were crying, and generally got hit on a whole lot. What they didn’t do was go total Niagara Falls for the guy who called “solo” last.
2.) Random Athletics Prowess
Yes, athletes get all kinds of poontang. By that I do mean players of the four major sports. However, that never stopped a group of guys from determining who was the best contestant in street/pond hockey, wiffle ball, horse or any other of the trillion ludicrous excuses for “sports” we’ve come up with over the years. Did chicks care? Fuck no. As a matter of fact we probably were only playing because they weren’t around at the time. Didn’t matter. I’d die before I let you hit my 12-6 sinker that dropped like Amy Schumer’s popularity after fourteen and a half minutes.
1.) Power Hour Playlists
BOOM. I’d be lying through my teeth if I didn’t say this relic of my past wasn’t the reason I came up with this list in the first place. I was talking to a buddy about doing a power hour over Google video as a fun quarantine activity. His response? He could never figure out how to get the music to work. It took me a solid 30 seconds to figure out what the fuck he was even talking about. Then it dawned on me he was worried sick he didn’t have the requisite time or resources to get the hallowed playlist together before doing the power hour. It was indeed considered an art form back in the day. The song selection itself was a delicate thread to weave, but getting them in the perfect order? Now that is where the true artistry was found. You know who was never impressed? Or even fucking noticed beyond a “hey, I like this song”? The girls. And I don’t blame them. Because they didn’t like doing fucking power hours like idiots like we did.
And thus concludes the list. That’s it. Maybe I’ll think of more/a part two later on in quarantine. Or maybe if it lasts long enough we’ll come up with new ones.
The 300s 