Apparently Gronk is Training in Miami With Some Hot Yoga Classes

I don’t know what this means. I don’t know if Gronk’s doing Yoga to limber himself up for the upcoming season (isn’t that what TB12 was for?) or if he’s fading off into the sunset to study yoga and open the first Bro Yoga (Broga) studio in retirement?

Yoga is quickly becoming one of the go to workouts for athletes as recovery becomes just as important as working out itself. I mean we’ve heard about receivers taking ballroom dancing lessons just to improve their footwork so hot yoga classes are pretty normal. I’ve done yoga a couple times and it’s definitely a great way to stretch out and keep your spine from crumbling into dust after staring at a screen and sitting in a chair for 40 goddamn hours a week. Even Nike is getting in on it as they just launched a new Yoga-centric line of workout clothes, whatever the hell that means. Either way, yoga is hot in the streets right now. What that means for the future of one Rob Gronkowski, Tight End of the New England Patriots, remains to be seen but it would be nice if Gronk clued us all in sooner than later.

Isaiah Thomas Was Playing Pickup Ball With Random Kids at Emerson

Just a true man of the people. It really is crazy when you see Isaiah Thomas in a situation like this with some regular folks because he doesn’t look out of place at all. In fact it makes it look even more preposterous that this 5’8″ guy even made the NBA, let alone was in the running for MVP a couple years back. I’m still bummed about the way Isaiah’s post-Celtics career has gone since the trade, but the guy puts in the work (both with the pros and the normies) and is positive AF so here’s to hoping he gets back to that level we’ve all seen so often around here.

The 300s Marvel Cinematic Rewind Presents: Avengers: Age of Ultron

The300s MCU

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I have a hard time coming to terms with this movie. Avengers: Age of Ultron is a strange crossroads for the MCU. The film has some great moments and sets up a ton of what is to come in Phase 3, but just tends to stumble over itself constantly with some laughable choices and poor pacing. Even though it is the 11th movie in the MCU, it is the first direct sequel to The Avengers which obviously comes with built-in expectations. Here’s a quick re-cap for those that need a refresher.

Avengers: Age of Ultron suffers from the same problem as most of the Phase 2 films. They all sort of feel like filler. Phase 1 was able to build excitement from the promise that we were about to see all our heroes on the big screen together for the first time. Flash-forward to Phase 2 and we have more of a “been there, done that” mentality. I’ve seen them assemble, so now what? Phase 2 promised us a new direction, the lead up to the Infinity Stone plot line. So what do our heroes do in the meantime? The answer is, not much.

Ultron in itself is a plot device designed to stall. You have a self-made threat, created by Tony that is the newest danger to the existence of mankind. James Spader does fine with the character, but Ultron’s presence alone is just a stop-gap until Thanos shows up. The Infinity Stone plot line is at least front and center, with several references to the stones encountered so far and Thor claiming this all isn’t happening by chance and that there must be someone manipulating them from afar. Very astute observation, Thor.

The film does give us some new characters, most notably Vision and Scarlett Witch. Vision, who is essentially a demi-god, is a solid addition to the team. The character is played by Paul Bettany, who is best known in the MCU as the voice of Jarvis. It is kind of crazy to think just how well thought out things are behind the scenes at Marvel. Kudos.

There’s a ton that bothers me in this movie though. Thor’s lightning pool scene. Quicksilver dodging bullets all movie long to just get a shot a thousand times and die. Hawkeye having a wife and kids just hanging out at home. All things designed to distract us that this plot isn’t really advancing.

It’s tough to follow up one of the most successful movies of all time in The Avengers. Director Joss Whedon famously exited Marvel Studios after this film because it stressed him out too much. Luckily at this point we were only a year away from Captain America: Civil War, which is essentially Avengers 2.5 and feels like a more natural place to take these characters after the events of the first Avengers movie. Overall, Ultron is very meh.

Final Rating: 5.0 out of 10

BREAKING: Patriots Cutting Adrian Clayborn After Just One Season

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Ya boy is on fire right now! ONE day after I suggested that cutting Adrian Clayborn would help the Patriots fix their messy financial situation, lo and behold, the 30-year-old free-agent bust is on his way out the door.

Apparently, Clayborn “asked” for his release and is “ready for the next chapter,” per a tweet he posted just 20 minutes ago:

While I am not trying to tear the guy down – again, he was solid during stretches in 2018 – it’s just a bit frustrating that the team waited until now to cut him loose. That extra $4 million could have gone a long way toward bringing in a guy like Adam Humphries or Golden Tate, both of whom we chased and apparently lost out on over some minor change.

With most of the big-name free agents off the board, and after the flurry of under-the-radar signings the team announced yesterday afternoon (which included two wide receivers), we are unlikely to see the team focus much more on the open market. Sure, guys like Randall Cobb, Michael Crabtree, Mike Wallace, and a few others are still without a team, but I think that ship has sailed.

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Don’t get your hopes up that this guy is still coming to Foxborough.

Hopefully, the money freed up by the Clayborn move can open up some space to sign Jules or Brady to an extension. Or maybe it’ll just give them some more capital to sign what is likely to be a big rookie class in 2019.

Either way, it was a good move for the team.

Tom Brady Apparently Almost Broke His Shoulder Skiing

As a completely objective observer this is a funny video. Tom Brady has always had a pretty dry sense of humor that has helped him crush his hosting gig on SNL way back when as well as any commercial he’s ever done. But I am not an objective observer, I am a die hard Patriots fan and a Tom Brady stan. Tom says himself that this video is from two years ago, but it still makes me nauseous. Is this what parents feel like? Just always nervous your kid’s going to kill himself doing something stupid? Brady legit goes ass over end HITTING A SKI JUMP!

Dudes get hurt and wreck their careers doing way less all the time. Christ the Curse of the Bambino and the Red Sox Yankees rivalry changed forever because Aaron Boone tore his knee playing pickup basketball, which led to the A-Rod trade.

So would I prefer Tom didn’t try out for the X-Games in the offseason? Sure. But it’s that crazy competitive spirit that makes him great so I guess I’ll just sit up all night worrying about Tom until he gets home in one piece.

“Way bigger hill. Way more speed” is an A+ line though.

We Were THIS Close to Getting JP “Just Perfect” Losman Back in Our Lives

Old quarterbacks are hot in the streets right now thanks to Tom Brady winning an MVP at 40 years old and another Super Bowl at 41. It turns out that an anonymous team was trying to pry JP “Just Perfect” Losman out of the cold grips of retirement at 38-years-old because he looked good throwing the ball in gym shorts at a college Pro Day. And we wonder why some teams are just never good? The guy literally hasn’t played in EIGHT years. Lets take a stroll through memory lane shall we?

The 22nd overall pick in 2004 never threw 20 touchdowns in a season, in fact he only threw double digit touchdowns once in his seven year career. Not good.

It’s really impressive that our resident Bills fan Papa Giorgio hasn’t just sworn off the sport all together.

Never forget the greatness of JP Losman, even if a team couldn’t convince him to come out of a retirement thats lasted longer than his initial career.

The Patriots Appear to Possibly Be Committing a Cardinal Sin of Football and I’m Terrified

So I’m about to nerd out about football pretty hard. If you’ve come for a dose of the rants of a mad man, that is coming much later on in this blog and I’m not sure you’ll make it. Some of this, or most of it, is going to get pretty dry. So you’ve been warned.

Free agency, or at least the most major moves, have come and gone, probably. As expected, the Pats made a couple small quiet moves that will help incrementally (Blogger’s Note: Mike Pennel is a bigger get than it seems. He is a hugely talented player who just can’t stay off the pot. Was a surprise cut by the Jets). They also, just as predictably, let a number of key contributors from last year walk (Trey Flowers, Malcolm Brown) or keep walking (Chris Hogan, Danny Shelton) as the Pats weren’t or aren’t willing to pay them what they saw or see as their worth. Such is life for a Pats fan, watching players come and go that to an untrained eye (SEE: rest of the NFL fanbases) seem indispensable or at least good enough to retain. But we make do with what we have, playing as a team.

On a semi-related note I’ll tie in later, the Patriots made the peculiar move of bringing in notable “defensive mind” Greg Schiano to be a member of the staff this season. Red wrote about why this is kind of odd earlier this year. Most notable is the fact that no one really likes Greg Schiano. He’s what you may refer to as an ass hat. He also hasn’t been terribly successful ever since he used his bringing the Rutgers program out of the basement in the late-00’s-ish as a launching pad for his pro coaching career. Anyway, a hiring of this kind in general just seems like an odd fit and overkill for the Pats. At this point, why don’t you just allow Belichick and another Flores-esque high ranking assistant to run the defensive side of the ball? I mean there’s a reason I’m not in the New England front office but as an outsider from  a high-level this doesn’t make a ton of sense. Basically, when you have a great defensive mind like Belichick in-house why bring in a guy with so many of his own…ideas?

And this is where I start to get scared. And where things get reallly dry for a second. (Skip if you are a football diehard)

I’ll make it quick and as painless as possible, but basically defenses in football have what one refers to as “schemes”, also known as “base formations”. To dumb it down, if someone who had never seen football before walked onto an NFL (or college, high school, w.e) practice field and a coach wanted to show them what the defense NORMALLY should look like, this is the position he would line them up in. These schemes are predicated upon the front-7, aka the linebackers and defensive lineman.

What kind of scheme you run pretty much defines the shape and look of those players. For instance, since outside linebackers (OLBs) in a 3-4 (3 down lineman, 4 linebackers – one of the more common schemes) basically serve as defensive ends on a significant number of plays, they have a size-range similar to a DE, say 6’2-6’4 and 250-265lbs. On the other hand, since the pass rush is covered by the DEs in a 4-3 (4 down lineman, 3 linebackers – the other more common scheme) the outside linebackers are a bit smaller and are used for chasing down ball carriers, making tackles, and covering tight ends and sometimes running backs. They go, say 6’0-6’3 and 230-240lbs (some teams recently, in this pass-happy NFL, have been experimenting with converting college safeties, like Mark Barron (6’1 214lbs), into linebackers with varying degrees of success. There’s just not as much need for the size anymore as there is not as much power running).

We used a mess of defenses last year, but mostly some sort of 4-2 alignment. This is basically the same concept as the 4-3 except since the league is passing so much, we skewed the third linebacker in exchange for an additional defensive back to cover someone. Sometimes this was Duron Harmon. Sometimes Jonathan Jones. Sometimes even J.C Jackson. The bottom line, and what I’m trying to get at now, is that there was always someone there to step up. Someone to slot in easily, although not always successfully. And you know what? Throw all the fucking stats you want at me (NEEEEERDS) but we won a Super Bowl while holding one of the most prolific offenses ever to 3 points. So I’d say our D was just fine.

This is what I’ve been leading up to. This is why I’m worried.

One of the CARDINAL sins of football is to try and change your roster/scheme to fit your coach, not the other way around. More accurately, you should never allow a new coach to twist and tweak your roster to fit his purposes. If you have the pieces, consistency, and hell, success in place then keep it. Tell any new coach that this is what he has to work with. To that end, maybe that is why the Pats have been so successful the last couple of decades. Ultimate flexibility. I remember when Belichick started bringing in 4-3 type players when he was known as a 3-4 coach people lost their goddam minds. “But but but he doesn’t fit!” Well ya dummy Coach just switched the defense up, no biggie. Sure he probably prefers the3-4, but he’s not married to it. The conclusion/thesis is a mixture of “if it’s not broke don’t fix it” and “work with the scraps you were given.” (2pac).

Belichick one in a million though. Especially when it comes to coaching philosophy.

Greg Schiano, and no I did not do research for this blog, I read up on this when we signed him, loves his defense. Fucking loves it. He runs a weird one, almost a 3-4 masquerading as a 4-3. I say this because his line is basically three DTs and one DE, much like how a 3-4 uses three jumbo lineman, in different proportions.

So were we ever giving Trey Flowers all the money he got? Nope, sure weren’t. Were we going to hold hostages to get Malcolm Brown back? Probably not after a down year. But could we suspect there may be reasons for letting two of our primary lineman go beyond cash? I think it’s fair. And that’s terrifying.

Because although it could be debated up and down whether or not Brown ever became “that guy” he was projected to be a truly Belichickian DT – big and stout against the run (6’2 320lb) but still able to put just a little pressure on the QB when needed. A swiss army knife,if you will. Probably 70/30 towards the run. Flowers is really a 50/50 guy (6’2 265lb, plays a lot bigger) – he plays the run really well but also excels in pressuring the QB. Sure he still hasn’t passed 6.5 sacks, but he is ALWAYS in opposing backfields. You know whose system doesn’t really seem to favor swiss army knife DTs? Probably Greg Schiano, as he has three of them and he probably wants them each to do different things. You know whose system probably doesn’t want a 6.5 sack run defender? Again probably Schiano.

So were we really saving money or were we truly cashing out? Is there a reason we re-signed John Simon to rush the passer and Pennel to clog running lanes? Is Belichick really going to let Schiano do the one. Thing. That. Never. Works and reconstruct the look of the Pats D to fit his scheme’s/ego’s needs? Fuck me if that is the case.

I’m all out of steam and out of love. Tell me I’m wrong in the comments or on twitter @300sjoeyb.

-Joey B

Checking in on the Patriots Mess of a Salary Cap Situation

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Some fans in Pats Nation are a bit salted that, to this point, the team has still yet to make any significant moves so far in free agency. To be fair, it hasn’t even been 24 hours since free-agent signings and new trades became official. The Pats were also able to resign one of their own top free agents in Jason McCourty as well as receiver Phillip Dorsett. Also, the news of Michael Bennett’s acquisition – which is by no means insignificant – broke almost a week ago.

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I am pretty stoked that at least J-Mac’s been officially locked up once again.

Still, the team has also lost it’s starting left tackle (Trent Brown) and defensive keystone (Trey Flowers) over the past few days along with some wide receiver depth. While Bennett can serve as a more than serviceable replacement for Trey Flowers, what about everything else?

Again, folks, it is still SUPER early in the offseason. Plus, there’s that whole draft thing that happens every April, too. Ya know, the one during which the Pats will have six picks within the top-101 selections? That’s likely where many needs are going to be addressed.

But with how much talent there is in this year’s free-agent class, especially at wide receiver, I’ll admit that maybe it is a little disappointing we’ve received nothing but radio silence from Foxborough, besides the McCourty news and a few other minor re-signings. The team also brought in long-time special-teams standout/emergency running back Brandon Bolden after his one-year stint in Miami. Other than that, though, absolutely nada.

(UPDATE: The Patriots signed journeyman wide receiver Bruce Ellington to a one-year deal on Thursday afternoon. But, honestly, who the hell cares? In my book, it’s still “nada.”)

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One of Belichick’s all-time faves, Bolden, is back.

Perhaps it isn’t entirely by choice, though. I mentioned the other day that we might not be paying enough attention to some of the team’s current contracts, which could potentially have the front office hamstrung, no matter what they actually might want to do. Right now, Spotrac has the Patriots’ projected cap space at about $9.6 million – but, and this is key to mention, that is without accounting for any of this week’s re-signings, as the terms of those deals have still yet to be announced. As you can see, the team really doesn’t have as many resources as some might like to think they do.

While I highlighted Julian Edelman’s current deal as a speculative problem, here are a few other very real salary concerns that are worth mentioning:

  • Gronk, who has a cap hit over $11 million for this year, has STILL yet to declare whether or not he’s coming back. Truthfully, it’s an incredibly selfish move on his part. That’s over eight figures just sitting there in limbo while some of the best names continue to fly off the market. Ironically, there’s a guy out there, Jared Cook, who the team is reportedly interested in and who could ultimately replace Gronk at tight end. But, until No. 87 decides what he wants to do, it might not matter. (He and the team might actually already know and just aren’t saying anything, but right now he looks bad.)
  • The right side of the offensive line – Shaq Mason and Marcus Cannon – accounts for a combined 7.7 percent of the team’s total salary in terms of cap hit. While I will be the first one to sing the praises of the offensive line from last season, that does seem a bit high when comparing it to the rest of the roster. Especially when you consider that the O-line is more about how all five work together as a unit, and no one player really stood out above the rest, do we really need to be investing this much? Though I think Mason is one of the game’s elite young guards, moving Cannon – and his extensive injury history – would save the team about $4.7 million. (This one is very unlikely to happen due to the team’s almost non-existent lack of depth at the position, but it is an example of player maybe not entirely living up to his big contract.)
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After being ranked as PFF’s top-rated right tackle in 2016, Cannon has fallen back down to Earth quite a bit.

  • Adrian Clayborn was up-and-down in 2018 after signing with the team last offseason as the “big” free-agent addition. He really was a key contributor at times in terms of pressure, but at others he was entirely non-existent. The team might be thin at the position, but he’s just not worth an almost $6 million cap hit. Cutting him would leave $2 million in dead money, but it’s honestly worth it in my opinion. There is so much depth in terms of pass-rushers/edge defenders in this draft. And the team still has young guys like Deatrich Wise and Derek Rivers, both of whom I expect to take big leaps in 2019 if they can finally each get healthy. We truly don’t need Clayborn at that price.
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Relative to expectations, Clayborn was a bit of a dud.

  • Devin McCourty is set to make over $13 million in 2019 and is in the last year of his deal. I know he allegedly toyed with the idea of retirement recently, but perhaps a nice little extension would show him that the team truly values his presence and knows how important it is to keep him around. His brother is also signed to be here at least through the next two seasons. Plus, it would allow the team to spread out the money a bit more and free up some much-needed space in the short term.
  • Literally the same exact thing can be done with Tom Brady, who is also set to become a free agent next offseason, and his $27 million cap hit.

There are others as well who could be extended, cut, traded, etc., etc., etc. But to me, these are the ones that stand out the most.

As I said, there’s still a lot of time left in the offseason, but the clock is ticking in terms of bringing in truly premier talent. Earlier today, the Golden Tate rumors started up again, and with the pretty cold market he’s been met with so far, the team could get him at a real discount. But the guy is only going to wait so long, and he is honestly about as perfect a fit as it gets for this team and its system. I would hate to see him sign for $7 or $8 million per with another team, because that would be absolute highway robbery for a player that good.

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Please, Bill, make this happen somehow!!!

(ANOTHER UPDATE: Aaaand now Tate’s gone after signing for $9 million per year over four years with the Giants. COOL.)

Maybe they have a few things lined up behind closed doors and we’ll soon be hit with a flurry of successive contract-related news. Or maybe the team’s brass is sitting in a big conference room and scratching their heads. I’ve never had anything but good reason to trust in this team and it’s roster-building mastery, but all I’m saying is they’ve definitely got their hands full this year.

James Van Der Beek Won the Internet Today With This Tweet

Timely and relevant with a callback to a movie from 20 years ago. The perfect tweet.

Varsity Blues is still one of my favorite movies of all time. It features my guy Paul Walker, may he rest in peace, as QB1, an absolute HOF smoke in Ali Larter, drunken debauchery, and it also basically invented the shotgun empty set 5 wide receivers no-huddle offense. Classic.

The 300s Marvel Cinematic Rewind Presents: Guardians of the Galaxy

The300s MCU

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Very rarely does something just appear out of the ethos the way Guardians of the Galaxy did back in 2014. Before the Marvel Cinematic Universe really took off, I had major doubts that Iron Man could work as a film. At the time, it felt like we were reaching too far into the barrel and pulling out heroes that didn’t warrant their own movie. I mean, before knowing what we know now, the casting of Robert Downey Jr. and seeing the finished product, who the hell out there was clamoring for an Iron Man movie? I never in a million years thought we’d get beyond that surface level of superheroes, i.e. Superman, Batman, Spider-Man. Fast forward six years to the release of Guardians, which in my opinion was the exact moment comic book movies showed us what they could be if given the time and space to flourish.

Please take a look below if you’d like a bit of a refresher on the brilliance that is Guardians of the Galaxy.

So now that you’re caught up, where do I begin?

It is so rare for a virtually unheard of IP to come out of nowhere and become such a hit in pop culture. Guardians of the Galaxy did exactly that in the summer of 2014. I remember reading online years before it was released that Marvel was planning on bringing some of their lesser known heroes to the big screen. When Guardians was announced, I did some research into it because frankly I had no clue what it was even about. I remember seeing things that said the ensemble featured a talking Raccoon, a gigantic tree that only said it’s own name, and a human by the name of Peter Quill. Needless to say, I thought this movie was going to tank. “There’s absolutely no way this thing could work!” “They are getting so unbelievably desperate.” For those keeping score at home, I was completely wrong once again.

Guardians of the Galaxy felt immediate. It’s the first movie set in space since probably Star Wars where the world felt lived in and already established. The roles were brilliantly cast. I never suspected Chris Pratt could be a leading man and yet here we are several years removed and he’s one of the biggest stars in Hollywood. Rocket Raccoon and Groot went from “sounds horrible on paper” to being plastered on every toy, action figure, and coffee mug inside your local Target. And how about that damn soundtrack? James Gunn took some of the best songs from the 70s and 80s and made them the backbone of a film set in a far off galaxy and they somehow all work perfectly. The soundtrack naturally shot to #1 on the Billboard charts for several weeks.

Guardians of the Galaxy was the first movie to come along in the MCU that made me completely forget about the MCU. I suddenly stopped caring about what The Avengers were up to and wanted to see the continuing adventures of Star-lord and Company. Don’t get me wrong, I love The Avengers, but Guardians showcased exactly what comic book movies could do if they tried something different. To this day it sits in my top three in the MCU.

Final rating: 9.5 out of 10