The “Baby One More Time” Video Turned 20 Today, So Happy 20th Anniversary To Every Guy My Age!

By on • ( Leave a comment )

Image result for baby one more time

So according to Britney Spears herself’s IG the video for “Baby One More Time” turned 20 today. Huge milestone for the TRL generation. We had the intro to Britney, and a new explosion in pop music all at once.

We also had this all happen centered on a half-naked schoolgirl. I remember at the time thinking she was hot as hell and telling all the adults calling it inappropriate that they were dumb and lame. Us kids were mature! Ya!

Looking back on it WHAT THE FUCK WAS WRONG WITH PEOPLE SHE’S 16. In no wayyyyy shape or form is that ok or appropriate. Jesus.

But good Lord for those of us in 4th-6th gradeish she was our queen. #neverforget.

Top 5 Moments from Week 12 in the NFL

By on • ( Leave a comment )

In case you were too hungover to watch anything else after the Patriots game yesterday, we’ve compiled the Top 5 moments from Week 12. A lot of wild plays were made yesterday so here’s what you need to see.

Christian McCaffrey had a downright Madden kind of game on Sunday rushing for 125 yards and a TD while also catching 11 balls for 112 yards and another TD through the air. Incredible performance from the Stanford product as he continues to prove he’s more than just the “receiving” back many projected him to be in the NFL.

Speaking of Madden type plays, this one from Browns tight end David Njoku for a TD is the exact type of play in Madden that would have made me fire my controller off the wall in college. Glitch city.

We’ve got Seattle runningback Chris Carson doing Matrix type flips on the field. Usually leaving your feet NEVER ends well, somehow Carson ends up right back where he started unharmed and ready to run.

If we’re being honest, that flip and that landing really reminded me more of this than anything else:

Baker Mayfield continues to live dangerously going off for four TDs in a win over the Bengals. After the game he took ex-head coach Hue Jackson, who is now an assistant with division rival Cincinnati, behind the shed after the game.

Ben Roethlisberger just gift wrapped the No. 2 seed for the Patriots with one of the worst interceptions you will ever see. In a game where he threw for 462 yards and a TD, Big Ben completely submarined the entire day with one awful throw.

Movie Review: “Outlaw King”

By on • ( Leave a comment )
Image result for outlaw king

Unless you are the type to follow when certain movies are being made and released, which takes some effort or very specific twitter follows, you may not have known this one was coming until it dropped on Netflix a couple weeks ago. If this is the first time you are hearing of it, I still don’t blame you as although it has picked up steam and begun to make some headlines, it still has a ways to go before being declared the newest “Netflix craze” or “smash”.

“Outlaw King” tells the tale of Robert the Bruce, a 14th century rebel and “king” of Scotland who breaks peace with King Edward of England (again-ish) after the murder of William Wallace in order to gain Scottish independence. He is assisted by a ragtag group of loyal Scots physically and his young wife emotionally all the while conflicted about his purpose, goals, and, to an extent,  the ties that remain with the people he is fighting.

The movie itself is a good, I’d say important, movie to review for a few reasons:

1.) The subject matter. Not only is it the legendary story of a great rebel warrior, but it picks up where a little movie called “Braveheart” left off. Nbd.
2.) Chris Pine. He is the star of this movie. I’ll to get to why this is important in a ton of detail in a bit.
3.) It had a $120,000,000.00 budget and is one of the first of the “big movie” releases that will come straight to Netflix.

Reviewing movies is a tricky art form and I am not even an artist so Ima put on the training wheels and take this step by step.

Chris Pine, as I mentioned before, makes for a most interesting centerpiece in this one. This is because he is A.) not Scottish, B.) Not a brutish ‘warrior” type and C.) I would argue maybe not quite…a true….leading man? I know, I know, he has starred in movies like “Star Trek” and a couple others. He is no doubt A-list and a big name. But he isn’t Tom Hardy/Matt Damon/Leo. I wouldn’t say he is Oscar Isaac at this point in terms of the cerebral way a guy like that can draw you in. He might of even been surpassed at this point by Joel Edgerton. So how did he fair? Quite well actually. How did he pull off a not-quite Chris Pine-ish role? Easy, by playing it in a more Chris Pine-ish way.

To get this over with, I’m not going to bother grading the accent because how the hell can I. He didn’t over-do it and sound like an extra in “Sweet Sixteen” so I’m sure he did passable if nothing else. On to the performance, Pine, as mentioned, cannot be mistaken for a physically imposing, emotionally overwhelming warrior in the same way, for example Russell Crowe is and was when he portrayed Maximus in “Gladiator”. Pine is a tactician, and he applied that approach wonderfully here. His best weapons are a measured pace in his dialogue, the strength of his fucking powerful stare, and, when Robert the Bruce does have to fight, the kind of fast-twitch, counter-heavy approach you’d expect a not-the-biggest kind of guy to use. It all works excellently and I am sure the director (David MacKenzie, “Hell or High Water”, also starring Pine) had something to do with it as well so h/t there. The best Pine parts though were the negative spaces, just after or right before he had to speak or act when he can just use body language and expressions to convey how heavy the current situation is weighing on him.

Honestly, Chris Pine would not have been my first choice for this one. Not to get too side-tracked, but on a last note, Netflix has developed this odd habit of using non-UK native actors for UK parts (Michael C. Hall in “Safe” is another) when there is a WEALTH of talent over there. But he acquitted himself quite well, job well done.

Image result for outlaw king florence pugh


The rest of the characters and cast has quite the curve. The most notable is James Douglas, one of the Bruce’s right-hand men who is out to avenge his family’s name that was disgraced and outlawed by King Edward. Douglas heartbreak and rage is bubbling at the surface the entire movie and when it is time to fight he lets it fly. He is played by Aaron Taylor-Johnson, one of those guys whose name I read passingly all the time but honestly couldn’t tell you what the fuck else he is in. Wikipedia, however, informs me he started dating his wife when he was 18 and she was 41 (nope, didn’t flip that around) and that upon marriage they hyphenated both their names. Sure, why not. AT-J did fucking fantastic in this one.

The other notable performance/character comes from Florence Pugh, who plays Robert’s wife Elizabeth and is probably about to blow up due to the combo of this and her part in the anticipated “Little Women” also starring Emma “Mrs. Joey B” Watson. The part itself is actually kind of skimpily written, but Pugh takes every scene, word, and event and captivates you with not just her, but Elizabeth’s presence and importance.

After that the wheels kind of come off. King Edward is played by Stephen “Stannis Baratheon” Dillane who does what he can but is given a weird ass part. You can’t tell half the time if Edward hates or admires Robert, which although sometimes is a cool internal struggle to watch, here seems legit like the writers honestly couldn’t figure out which. Basically Dillane makes something out of a confusing nothing. O and have I not mentioned his son? With the elder King residing in London, the English are led into battle by his son, Edward the Prince of Wales. This character, by no fault of the actor, is a complete and total rip-off of Commodus in “Gladiator” (woops on using the same movie reference twice in one blog but this is the stone cold truth). He is an unstable, insecure offspring of a neglectful King/father who wants so desperately to win his father’s approval that he goes to abhorrent lengths to do so. The only small difference are a couple of moments of small mercies granted by the Prince, but it just isn’t enough to not see the glaring similarity.

The plot and movie itself is truly hard to put a finger on. I guess “unsteady” is the word real critics would use. Like I said, you don’t know what the King is thinking half the time, Robert himself seems half-commited to, O I don’t know, a full-scale national rebellion, on more than one occasion, and there are so many generic Scottish characters it gets a bit confusing to tell who is on what side.

Image result for outlaw king battle

While I like that they kept the number of battles on the lower side, the sequences themselves are kind of “meh”. This would be understandable as for the most part they don’t seem to be going for a gorefest, but there are a few notable exceptions to this. Maybe, one could theorize, they wanted people to focus as much as possible on Robert/Pine and his inner circle’s personal struggle and not as much on the skirmishes as a whole.

To be a little “more glass is half full”, given the acting and way Robert the Bruce and men are framed, you can’t help but really connect with them and their struggle. Elizabeth is also captivating as a beacon of loyalty and resolve.

Overall, “Outlaw King” is good, not excellent, rainy day or night-in fare for anyone that likes a solid lead and history, particularly of  the medieval variety. If you are looking for your Thrones fix and can’t wait until April, this will hold you over for a couple hours. But if you are looking for the next “Braveheart” or any kind of epic “underdog movie”, you will most likely be let down.

Overall Grade: “B-” . Not quite a solid “B” but definitely not dropping to the “C’s” either. Good stuff.

-Joey the B I

Patriots Post-Bye Check In and Quick Look at the Rest of the Season

By on • ( Leave a comment )

Image result for belichick

So mayyyyybe I was a bit too quick to say the Pats locking up a top-two seed in the AFC was a “foregone conclusion” during my last game preview. While the division is still all but ours, that abomination against the Titans last week proved that the Pats maybe aren’t quite as formidable as we thought. Also, the AFC is a lot better this year than in years past; besides Kansas City (9-2), teams like the Chargers (7-3), Steelers (7-2-1), and Texans (7-3) could all challenge for a top seed as well.

Hopefully, Bill was able to rally the troops during the bye and use the extra time off to prepare for what lies ahead in 2018. There may also be no better time than now to assess what we’ve seen from the boys so far and try to highlight what to watch for over the team’s final six contests.

So, rather than do the typical 300s Patriots weekly preview, I’ll instead give you a super short Pats/Jets primer followed by a more in-depth look at some of the top storylines to follow for the last quarter-and-some-change of the 2018 season.

Image result for jets patriots

As always, here’s a look at where, when, and how to watch this week’s game along with the latest lines:

  • Location: MetLife Stadium (East Rutherford, NJ)
  • Kickoff: Sunday, Nov. 25, 1 p.m. ET
  • TV: CBS
  • Odds (via Odds Shark): Patriots: -9.5 (spread) / Patriots: -415 (moneyline) / 46 (total)

I’d like to say this is as close to guaranteed win for the Pats as possible, but this team has severely underperformed at times this year, particularly on the road. Still, coming off a bye which was preceded by one of the team’s most pathetic losses in recent memory, I feel like Brady & Co. will come out guns blazing against a pretty lackluster Jets squad.

After starting out the year 3-3 – which included wins over the Lions, Broncos, and Colts – the Jets have now lost four straight. Their 18th-ranked defense only slightly makes up for their 29th-ranked offense, which, to be fair, has been decimated by injuries this season. For instance, rookie quarterback Sam Darnold is still questionable with a foot injury, which forced him to miss the team’s game against Buffalo before their Week 11 bye. Even if he plays, though, will we get the young hotshot who completed 60 percent of his passes and had a 9-to-7 TD-to-INT ratio through the first six games, or will he be more like the 47-percent blind newborn with the 2-to-7 TD-to-INT ratio over the past three? And if he doesn’t play at all? Then we get to face a 39-year-old Josh McCown, who posted an abysmal 35.8 passer rating against the Bills two weeks ago in his only action of the year.

Image result for sam darnold

It’s been an up-and-down year for the rookie, but Darnold definitely has some talent and could finally make the Jets respectable again in due time.

The point is, the Jets have been a bit of an enigma this year – at times pretty good but mostly mediocre to downright awful – and while each side of the ball is sprinkled with bits of talent, there’s no particular player or strength they possess that scares me. Sony Michel should have a nice bounce-back effort against their 21st-ranked run D, and Brady can have fun going against their middle-of-the-pack passing defense. Road divisional games are always a bit of a grind, so it’ll be a lot closer than people think, but I think the Pats pull this one out 24-17.

Image result for sony michel

I’m expecting a nice “remember me?” effort from Sony this week in Jersey.

But what about the bigger picture? What have we learned so far from this 7-3 Patriots squad, and what can we expect for the rest of 2018?

Well, after this week’s trip the Meadowlands, the Pats have what should be a pretty favorable schedule the rest of the way. There will be just two road games left, one in Miami and the other being quite possibly the biggest game of the year in Pittsburgh in mid-December. Otherwise, there’s a tough home game against the Vikings to get through, but then the season ends with home bouts with the Bills and Jets. At least the Pats won’t have to go through the ringer to end the season.

But as we all know, anything can happen and there are many different factors that will determine how the Pats will look come January. For now, here’s a rundown of what to keep your eye on the rest of the way:

Tom vs. Time

Image result for tom brady

No, I’m not talking about Brady’s little Facebook series; I’m talking about the real-life, long-term grind that we may finally be starting to see have an effect on our 41-year-old hero. Let me just start by saying that until I see the man fall off a cliff entirely, I will never doubt him. I AM NOT BOLDLY PREDICTING BRADY’S DEMISE HERE. I’m simply saying that he looked OLD against the Titans last Sunday – like Larry King old – even outside of that debacle of a Philly Special they tried to have him run. (On that play, he literally looked like the all-too-ambitious great uncle who tries to go out for a pass against the youngsters in the family Thanksgiving game, only to trip all over himself, fall, and break a hip off the side of the deck. Yeah, it truly looked that bad.) He’s also completed less than 60 percent of his passes over the past three games with just one touchdown. Brady could also come out and go gangbusters for the rest of the year and prove, once again, why he’s the G.O.A.T… but Father Time has to come out on top eventually, right?

Gronk vs. His Body

Gronk, love ya, bud. Mean it. But I think it’s time to hang up the cleats before you’re forced to spend the rest of your life in a freakin’ Hoveround. This man is just four months older than I am and has already had more back surgeries and lingering body ailments than a retired steel worker. This year, he’s already missed three games, which are the 11th, 12th, and 13th regular-season games he’s missed due to injury over the past three years alone. Since playing in all 16 games as a rookie and second-year player, Gronk has been healthy for an average of only 11.6 games per season otherwise. And even when he’s been on the field this year, he hasn’t been anything special; besides a seven-catch, 123-yard performance in Week 1, Gronk is averaging about four catches and 50 yards a game. He could be back this week against the Jets, but who knows how long that will last? Truthfully, we could see the end of Gronk before we see the end of Brady.

Burkhead is Back!

Image result for rex burkhead

Sexy Rexy is back on the field, folks! On November 8, Burkhead returned to practice and is eligible to play once again as early as next week (December 2) at home against Minnesota. While I do not expect him to provide me with full vindication after naming him as my prediction for the team’s offensive MVP this season, he will still be a much-welcomed addition to an extremely thin stable of backs. This is still Sony Michel’s and James White’s backfield for the most part, but don’t be surprised if Burkhead has a few big games himself toward the end of the year. Welcome back, No. 34!

Will Gordon Finish Strong?

Image result for josh gordon patriots

Since Week 4, when Josh Gordon made his Pats debut against Miami, he has hauled in a total of 26 receptions for 477 yards and two scores. Over the past five games alone, he’s averaged over four catches and 79 yards on about 10 targets per game. That’s a pretty solid return on a fifth-round pick; I don’t care who it’s in regard to. But with Josh Gordon comes “those other risks,” the off-field shenanigans that have bogged him down his entire career. So far, he’s handled himself very well in New England, but when the heat is on and he starts facing the pressure that comes with being a part of a winning team for once, will he stay the course? I’ve seen nothing that gives me any indication he won’t, but keep those fingers crossed, Pats Nation; we still have a long way to go with Flash Gordon.

A Young and Improving Secondary

I know these storylines have been pretty offense-heavy so far, but there’s really not a whole lot to sift through on the defensive side of the ball. I will say that I’ll be keeping my eye on the secondary, though; while Stephon Gilmore and Jason McCourty have the top-two corner spots on lock, there’s an interesting mix of young talent behind them battling for position, especially with second-rounder Duke Dawson coming off I.R. a few weeks ago and looking ready to make his debut. Other rookies like Keion Crossen and J.C. Jackson, the latter of whom has already made some big plays this year, bear watching as well. Recently signed former Raiders safety Obi Melifonwu is a raw, talented and still very young piece the team is taking a flyer on, too.

Again, a lot can still happen before January, so be sure to keep checking in with The 300s for all your Patriots news and notes on the march to Ring No. 6.

The 300s Bloggers’ Fantasy Football Recap – The Drew Bledsoe Week

By on • ( Leave a comment )

Fun Fact: Nirvana’s Unplugged episode came out 25 years ago this week. I got through many an awkward middle school/early high school day thanks to their angsty combo of punk, pop, and metal. And the Unplugged set? One of the more classic rock n’ roll sets, up there with Hendrix or Santana at Woodstock or Queen at Live Aid. Easily on of the most entrancing, haunting performances I’ve ever watched, in-person or through the tube. Check it out if you have some time this week.

Any way, #sports and stuff. How’d we do?

Joey B

My roommate, the blog infamous man known as Patty Blackouts has both a horrendous team and an annoying, years-old habit of only beating the shit out of me in particular and that happened again. No one really got going for my squad, dropping me to 4-7 and almost definitely knocking me out of the post-season.

Red

Despite my opponent having the focal point of the Rams offense in last night’s epic shootout, I was able to eke out a win and cling to the fleeting hope of a backdoor playoff bid. Luckily for me Todd Gurley took a backseat in the Rams 54 point night outburst and Ezekiel Elliot continued to drag the lifeless body of Jerry Jones and the Cowboys with 29 points of his own. We live to fight another day. 

Mattes

Another solid performance out of my suddenly halfway competent 1-9 team didn’t mean squat, as my opponent had Jared Goff in last night’s insane barn burner on MNF. At least I got points from Mark Ingram’s solid day against Philly; he was on the bench in my other league. Ho hum. This season blows.

I was feeling pretty good for a while in my other league. Aaron Jones started off with almost 30 for me on Thursday night, but I knew Marquez Valdes-Scantling’s one-catch performance in the same game as my FLEX would come back to haunt me. But even if I played Ingram there instead, it still wouldn’t have mattered because, of course, my opponent in this league ALSO had Jared Goff. And getting 16 points from his defense didn’t hurt him either. I can still make the playoffs if I win my final two matchups, but I’m definitely sweating it out.

The Grinch is Going With an All Out Bizarre Marketing Campaign and I Am Here for It

By on • ( Leave a comment )

I don’t quite know what the hell is going on here, but I am all in on it. Kudos to Illumination, the company behind the movie, for having the creativity to market to people completely outside their target demo using the NBA. Rather than just run cheeky ads geared towards young kids and parents like the Jim Carrey Grinch did once upon a time, they went the complete opposite direction here.

Pretty much anyone that advertises with the NBA does well because basketball players are the most self aware and marketable athletes in any league. The NBA dominates social media and fan engagement, has dove headfirst into e-sports and gambling, and is the most socially aware league so it’s no wonder the NBA is the most popular sport to anyone under the age of 30.

High Schools Moving Thanksgiving Day Football Games to Wednesday Because of the Cold. Wait, What?

By on • ( Leave a comment )

UPDATE: Braintree has reversed field and will now play on Thanksgiving after essentially everyone in the entire town complained.

This is where we were as of last night.

Softttt. Forget the high school kids for a second, who are unsurprisingly pretty pissed off, where am I supposed to drink my hot chocolate thats been loaded up with booze now?

Not to sound like an old man with the “back in my day” stories, but this is embarrassingly soft. We literally used to have practices where we would all get shovels and clear the field of all the snow as a workout. Hell, when I was in high school we used to have pond runs in the winter, which was when it got so cold out the lake by the high school would freeze over and we would run on it. We did that every year….until the ice cracked and a couple of us fell into the water and we all had to run for our lives to avoid a cold, watery grave. Ya know looking back maybe pond runs weren’t the best idea.

It’s not like the white walkers are coming on Thursday, a little cold never hurt anybody. Not to mention won’t it be colder on Wednesday night? At least Thanksgiving day would have the benefit of, ya know, the sun.

And the people? Ohh the people are NOT happy.

Boston Traffic Tips for Thanksgiving are Here and They are USELESS

By on • ( Leave a comment )

Boston.com – If your Thanksgiving plans include traveling by car, you can expect to join millions of drivers on the road this year. AAA projects that 48.5 million people will drive to their Thanksgiving destination, a 4.8 percent increase over 2017…For Boston, that means some of the “largest delays” in the country at nearly four times what’s considered typical, a distinction Boston shares with New York City and San Francisco.

According to Boston.com this Thanksgiving has the potential to be the worst traffic you’ve ever dreamt of because its “the highest anticipated travel volume since 2005.” Expect delays at nearly 4x whats considered typical! It takes me an hour to get home from work on a normal day and I live 10 miles from my office. Oh this should be fun.

The worst times to travel by car are during the early evening commuting hours, AAA officials said…For those taking I-90/the Massachusetts Turnpike, traffic in Newton was at its worst between 7 a.m. and 5 p.m. on the Tuesday before the holiday and the same times the Monday afterward

Soo basically any time you could possibly be in your car is a bad time to be on the road. Got it.

For those who don’t mind getting up early, Google thinks 3 a.m. Wednesday is the best time to travel prior to the holiday, while 4 a.m. on Sunday is the best time afterward.

Imagine the balls on Google to suggest that you get up at 3 in the morning just to beat traffic? Get to your Aunt Suzie’s house at 7 am so you’ve only got like 5 hours to kill until kickoff when it becomes socially acceptable to start boozing. Pass. I’d rather just verbally assault people in traffic on the way.

Google, which put out traffic predictions for the country’s major cities, predicts the worst time to travel around Boston before the holiday is 3 p.m. Wednesday.

For anyone who plans to put in an honest day’s work on Wednesday before taking off a little early for some pre-Thanksgiving cocktails, you’ll get hosed the worst. This is essentially a permission slip from Google to just bang out of work on Wednesday.

MassDOT will pause road construction at noon on Wednesday, Nov. 21, but officials will also evaluate conditions on Tuesday, Nov. 20, and “make adjustments” to any project schedules based on traffic

And to top it all off, MassDot even promises to stop making driving in Boston the most inconvenient activity of all time…until they decide otherwise. MassDOT reserves the right to change their mind here with a vague, but deliberate middle finger to anyone trying to get in the way of those union overtime hours.

Basically just don’t leave your house at any time on any day to avoid the worst traffic in the whole goddamn country. Subway sells turkey sandwiches too ya know.

All the Top Fast Food Burgers Got an F on Their Meat. Don’t. Care.

By on • ( Leave a comment )

Yahoo –  There could be harmful chemicals in your burger, at least according to a new research report released by the Consumers Union, an advocacy division of Consumer Reports… Only 2 of 25 U.S. burger chains were issued “A” ratings for serving beef that has not been raised with antibiotics. Both Shake Shack (SHAK) and BurgerFi strictly serve antibiotic-free beef to customers…A stunning 22 of 25 burger chains in the US received a failing grade of “F” for not disclosing any intent to stray away from purchasing beef products from antibiotic-free sources. Among those “F” rated restaurants were some familiar names such as McDonald’s (MCD), Burger King – whose parent company is Restaurant Brands (QSR), Jack in the Box (JACK) and Sonic Drive-In (SONC).

Look I don’t go to McDonalds or Burger King or Wendys or Five Guys or any one of the other fast food joints because I am looking for a quality piece of meat. If I wanted that I’d go to a steak house. So when this story came across my desk it seemed like another gigantic waste of time and money so scientists can prove something we already know; fast food burgers are trash.

Now what? The last moderately useful breakthrough in these food science experiments was seedless watermelons.

It is pretty disheartening to see one of the all-time great cheeseburgers In N Out being grouped with the likes of White Castle. That one hit close to home considering it’s literally the first place I hit when I go to Vegas or LA.

This is slanderous really.

Shoutout to Shake Shack though for getting an A on this test. Burger Fi also got an A, but that place was open on Comm Ave for approximately 6 months before getting shut down. Sooo I can’t say I’m super confident in that franchise as a whole.

All these “breaking news” food studies always do the exact opposite of what the nerds with the test tubes intended anyways. You think I’m going to stop eating McDoubles now?

HA!

Literally every time I see Supersize Me, the OG “stop eating fastfood” initiative, the first thing I do is drive straight to McDonalds and crush a Big Mac.

So to the nutritionists and the vegetarians and the scientists looking to take down fast food, I leave you with this:

Why the Celtics Need to Trade for Anthony Davis NOW…Like TODAY

By on • ( Leave a comment )

Image result for anthony davis

The idea of Anthony Davis in a green and white uniform is something Celtics fans have been dreaming about for what seems like half a decade now. However, as time wears on, it seems like the chance of that happening continues to become slimmer and slimmer.

Much of this has to do with Danny Ainge’s seeming reluctance to trade away the assets it would take to acquire a guy like Davis. There’s also the fact he did already trade away one of his precious lottery picks for Kyrie before last season. Plus, after two-straight seasons that saw the Pelicans lose at least 48 games, they had quite the resurgence last year – 48 wins and a first-round playoff series victory over Portland – and are now a respectable 7-7 so far in 2018.

Still, there may have never been a more perfect time to trade for Davis than right now, and Danny NEEDS to make a Godfather offer to New Orleans ASAP to get it done. I’ll tell you why.

I’ve already made note of the fact, as have plenty of others out there, that the Celtics offense has been absolutely putrid this year. Not only do they currently rank 24th in terms of points per game, but they are dead last in the league in terms of points in the paint.

Mattes, who cares? The NBA is all about the three-point shot now. Bigs are a dying breed – if they’re not completely dead already. It’s all about SHOOTERS, SHOOTERS, SHOOTERS!

First and foremost, while Davis is indeed listed at 6’10”, he is more than just a “big.” Even though he may only have a career 31-percent mark from deep, he has shot over 34 percent from three for two consecutive seasons, including a really impressive 40 percent last year.

He can also pass, defend the rim (3.1 blocks per game this season), and is athletic enough to get out in transition and run with all of the Celtics’ young gunners. Many people may not be aware that Davis was actually a point guard in high school, but he grew seven inches between his junior year and graduation – no, but really though – and made the switch to forward.

Image result for anthony davis high school

This man has come a loooong way.

But it’s about so much more than who Davis is as a player. There’s no denying that Davis is a generational talent – a rock-solid top-five player in the league who would improve any squad in the Association.

Here’s a stat for you: Of the teams that finished in the bottom 10 in points in the paint last season – which did indeed include the Celtics – only four of them made the playoffs. One of those teams, the Houston Rockets, were so predicated on three-point shooting that they almost didn’t even need to step foot inside the arc to win last year, so I’m not going to count them. Therefore, in sum, only about 30 percent of the ten worst teams inside the paint made the playoffs last year. Basically, unless you have all-time shooting talent like Golden State or Houston, you still absolutely need some guys down low.

ESPN’s Kirk Goldsberry wrote an excellent and incredibly stat-driven article on the state of the Celtics offense right now. I highly suggest taking the time to read it all the way through, but here’s a great quick-hitter from that piece supporting the evidence I just mentioned:

Despite the league’s rising obsession with the 3, shots near the rim remain the best looks in the game. They’re essential. Not only do close-range shots yield points at the highest rates, but players attacking the paint also elevates everything else. Things like shooting fouls and offensive rebounds tick up. Those 3-pointers see more daylight.

Any basketball fan knows that strong play up front opens things up for the rest of the offense, and the Celtics’ current group of post men just aren’t getting it done. As Goldsberry also points out, Al Horford – our $29 million “force” up front – is attempting less than three shots within eight feet of the rim per game. That is just shameful. And while Aron Baynes and Danny Theis are two tough, solid role players, there is just nobody else down low who has the talent to pick up the slack right now.

Image result for al horford

Still love ya, Al, but I’m gonna need a bit more than that.

The team has also been super skiddish in terms of their attack. They average less than 20 free throw attempts per game – only the Magic attempt less – and are all too quick to settle for ill-advised, risky jumpers.

Davis is third in the league in free throw attempts per game (8.5) and fourth in the league in points in the paint per game (14.4). He’s also tenth in offensive rebounds per game (3.5), which is another area the Celtics have struggled with mightily this season.

With a .500 record in a tough conference, New Orleans may be more willing than usual right now to listen to trade offers. And as I mentioned above, it’s also only going to get tougher to make a trade happen the more time goes on.

First, there’s the fact that both Philadelphia and Sacramento – both of whom determine the fate of the extra draft pick the Celtics receive in next June’s draft – are both playing extremely well this season, continuing to fade the value of what was once thought to be such a valuable asset. Also, as I mentioned earlier this week, with guys like Terry Rozier already starting to express their displeasure with being “just another one of the guys” on a crowded roster, the Celtics could soon lose all of the almost ridiculously unfair leverage they once held in their favor. And worst of all, another team  – e.g. Lakers, Rockets, Timberwolves, Warriors (yes, I’m serious; it could happen), etc. – could swoop in first and end the discussion altogether.

Image result for danny ainge

You might be smirking now, Danny, but don’t get too cocky.

Look, it’s not going to be easy, and the Celtics will have to give up A TON to make it happen. But rather than spitball different scenarios, I think it’s safe to say the Celtics are one of the only teams in the NBA right now with enough young talent and draft picks to make it happen. I would be willing to give up ANYONE on the team to get this done – except maybe Jayson Tatum, but even still his inclusion wouldn’t necessarily be a non-starter for me – because Davis is just that good. Davis is also locked up for the next two seasons after this one, so it’s not like the team would be risking everything for a rental or short-term solution.

Somehow, someway, we need to get this one done, Danny. Get on that horn and make a call down to the Bayou IMMEDIATELY.