Tag: Jon Gruden

Training Camp Outside Foxboro: Colt McCoy, QB1 and Antonio Brown’s Feet Are Circumcised

By on • ( Leave a comment )

The Washington Post – “I feel like Colt, obviously, has the edge because he has the knowledge and ability as well,” Peterson said. “He’s been shown to have a really strong arm and been consistent as well.”

ProFootballTalk – “My feet is pretty much getting circumcised, right? Right? For real,” Brown said to the NFL Films cameras after pulling off his socks. “It’s kind of like a pull back right now. I’m [expletive] circumcised on my feet. Hopefully my feet are born again, and I figure to run faster. Feel sorry for me later.”

A couple of stories here to get you through the doldrums of Pats camp when you’ve read all you can that day. Sure, we all care most about what is happening with our Patriots, but it is never a bad idea to check in elsewhere. Actually, it is a cautionary tale, a reminder to savor the fact that we’ve had it so good for two decades. We could easily be part of the stories above.

Contestant number one has to come with the qualification that I am indeed a Colt McCoy fan. I think if he never got bumblefucked in the National Title Game to the point where he couldn’t feel his own damn arm and then was brought along gradually in the NFL he could have been a top 20-15 QB. Alas, it wasn’t to be. So now this headline is funny instead of tantalizing. The best part is of course we have AP inserting himself into a conversation he has no business in. If you weren’t aware, AP is kind of just an asshole like that. A bit of a pot stirrer. So now poor rookie Dwayne Haskins, from THE Ohio State University, has to look at his D-End sized RB every time he breaks and the huddle and know that the guy would rather have Ol’ Aw Shucks over there under center. Ain’t that a bitch?

And contestant number two features Antonio “The Biggest Diva Wide Receiver Since Keyshawn” Brown having no respect to ancient Jewish traditions. Circumcised feet? Never! Keep in mind this is a millionaire athlete who did not know how to properly insert the body he inhabits that is worth said millions into a cryo-therapy chamber. Nor did he think to ask the staff how to do it in order to not break said million dollar body. So he just said, “hey, how hard could it be?” and cost himself and his team 10 practices where he could have been building chemistry with Derek “I may now have too much trauma to succeed” Carr under the guise of notably batshit head coach Jon Gruden. AB, you’re a role model for every “scrappy” WR just “trying to make the team”.

-Joey B.

 

 

Oh HELL YES: Oakland Raiders Selected as This Year’s Hard Knocks Team

By on • ( Leave a comment )

Image result for jon gruden

HELL EFFING YES!

On Wednesday, it was announced that the Oakland Raiders would be the team featured on this year’s version of HBO’s “Hard Knocks,” which is set to air, per usual, during training camp in August. Merry freakin’ Christmas, NFL fans.

No matter which NFL team you root for, there is truly no better choice than this year’s version of the Black & Silver to serve as the show’s main attraction in 2019. I would literally kill to be a fly on the wall at Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum this year. Just being able to take a peek behind the curtain of what will likely be an absolute circus act all year long will truly be a treat for even the most casual NFL fan.

My goodness. This is going to be fun.

For starters, there’s Jon Gruden, the cartoon character of a head coach who could honestly provide enough entertainment just by himself to fill a whole entire season of television. This dude has always been a ham for the camera, and while he may come out and act like he’s annoyed by the entire process, you know that deep inside he will eat this stuff up. There will be no shortage of ridiculous quips, over-the-top outbursts, and just pure, fun, unadulterated Jon Gruden-ness.

Image result for jon gruden

After what was one of the ugliest superstar-team breakups in recent memory, new Raider and All-World wide receiver Antonio Brown will also be on center stage. Though I’ve soured quite a bit on the man personally after the way he’s acted over the past year or so, you know he’s not going to shy away from the camera either. In fact, he could become even more unlikable by the show’s end depending on the level of D-baggery he displays. Regardless, those type of polarizing figures do great for the ratings, so you can be sure that HBO will be all about A.B. this summer.

Speaking of unlikable players, linebacker Vontaze Burfict – quite possibly the cheapest, dirtiest player in NFL history – is also on the squad this season. There may be no greater villain than this guy in a lot of NFL circles, and some are surprised he hasn’t been kicked out of the league entirely by this point. OH, and the guy who was on the receiving end of one of Burfict’s most egregious helmet-to-helmet hits ever was none other than the aforementioned Antonio Tavaris Brown. So I’m sure they will greet each other quite warmly at camp this summer. (*He said with heavy sarcasm.*) You can’t make this stuff up.

Image result for vontaze burfict

AND how can we forget about Richie Icognito??!! Speaking of guys who are lucky to even still be allowed on the field, there may be no more volatile athlete in the world right now than the ticking time bomb that is Icognito. When he’s on his game, he is indeed one of the league’s best O-lineman, but when he snaps, HO-LEE HELL. (Seriously, just Google the man’s troubled history.) I’m not trying to make light of the personal angst the man has suffered due to what should be considered serious mental-health illness, and apparently he’s made great strides recently, which is awesome. But the potential for an absolute explosion with him – especially in this type of environment – is always very real, and Oakland better have eyes on this dude all the time. Maybe he’ll be on his best behavior in front of the cameras. We’ll see.

Image result for richie incognito

There’s also the whole Derek Carr saga. Once looking like he was tracking toward becoming one of the game’s elite QBs, Carr has had an up-and-down past few seasons, and the Raiders even toyed with the idea of bringing in a new guy to lead the way in 2019. They ultimately decided to roll with Carr once again, but how Carr responds to the rumors – which were in NO way quieted by Gruden, who has actually been one of Carr’s biggest critics – will be interesting to see. Also, after last year’s damning report about his “fractured relationship” with teammates and his “on-field crying,” he won’t be able to hide with camera crews in his face every day for weeks on end. (Is it bad that I’m expecting [and maybe, sorta, kinda hoping for] a big meltdown by Episode 3? Anyone else?)

Image result for derek carr

There’s also fantasy implications for those who want to see how rookie running back Josh Jacobs looks. He is expected to be the team’s bell cow this year after being selected in the first round of the draft in April. Other talented guys like Tyrell Williams and a strong rookie class should also help to make Oakland a much more enjoyable team to watch going forward, too.

And above all, it’ll be interesting to see how what was once one of the NFL’s most revered franchises tries to make its way back toward relevance after serving as one of the league’s biggest laughing stocks for well over a decade now.

And that’s just the beginning…

We still have about a month and a half before we get to view what should be an absolutely incredible television masterpiece, but at least we all have something to look forward to while waiting for the real, meaningful action to begin. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU, HBO and whoever had the authority to make this decision for the NFL.

Buckle up, guys. This is going to be quite the ride.

The 300s Top 10 Blogs of 2018

By on • ( Leave a comment )

2018 was a banner year for The 300s as we saw our readership grow exponentially, we rolled out a ton of new swag, and we brought some new writers onto the staff. We appreciate everyone who takes a few minutes out of their day to read a blog or watch a video or listen to a podcast. With that being said, it’s the last day of the year so we had to break down the Top 10 Blogs of 2018.

1.) David Price Continues Good Will Tour, Rips 69-Year-Old Red Sox Reporter Jonny Miller

2.) Apparently Jon Gruden’s Son, Deuce Gruden, is the Goddamn Hulk

3.) RIP Mac Miller, Dead at 26

4.) Nike Deserves Applause for Choosing Colin Kaepernick as New Face of “Just Do It” Campaign

5.) Boston Celtics NBA 2K19 Ratings Predictions

6.) The Marlins Are Replacing the Ugly Home Run Statue With Irony

7.) Tough Break for Malden Men Who Recovered Red Sox Banner

8.) Terrible News: Ed Hochuli is Retiring. Better News: His Son is Replacing Him

9.) I LOVE This Quote From Rick Porcello

10.) Brock Lesnar Possibly Playing Ivan Drago’s Son In “Creed 2”

 

 

Deuce Gruden Joining His Dad, Jon Gruden, on the Raiders Coaching Staff

By on • ( Leave a comment )

Yahoo -Deuce Gruden is the son of Jon and the nephew of Jay, the coaches of the Oakland Raiders and Washington Redskins. He was part of the Redskins’ strength and conditioning staff. And even on an NFL sideline, Deuce Gruden stands out. He’s a powerlifting champion, and looks capable of bench pressing any player on his team. Even the linemen. Gruden was on the Redskins’ strength staff and it’s no surprise that he left Uncle Jay to go be on his dad’s new staff with the Raiders. Matt Schneidman of the Mercury News had the story.

Somebody get Ryan Seacrest on the line and get these two a reality show IMMEDIATELY. Can you imagine that? It would be A+, must see television. The only reason I think they don’t do it is because it would put the Kardashians ratings in the toilet. Hey, as Gary Vaynerchuk always says, you need to always be thinking of ways to put yourself out of business so somebody else doesn’t do it for you. Pull the trigger.

I’m just picturing the 5’5″ 300 pound Deuce hulking out on the sideline when some panzy can’t finish a tackle because he’s been slacking on his squats. Throw in Chucky and Mark Davis?

Holy hell, I’m getting excited now. What would you even call it?

Chucky and the Deuce: Road to Las Vegas.

Seacrest out.

The Raiders Just Gave Jon Gruden a 10 Year $100 Million Contract to Become Their New Head Coach

By on • ( Leave a comment )

ESPN.com – The Oakland Raiders will sign Jon Gruden to the longest coaching deal in NFL history — a 10-year contract likely approaching $100 million — when it is made official Tuesday, sources told ESPN’s Adam Schefter on Friday.

10 years and $100 MILLION DOLLARS for Jon Gruden to become the new coach of the Oakland Raiders!

I love Gruden, he is awesome in the booth and I look forward to seeing him back on the sidelines, but $100 Million for a guy that hasn’t coached since 2008? That is insane. I forget who tweeted it so I can’t give the proper credit, but I saw someone on Twitter mention that by the end of this deal Raiders team owner Mark Davis will have paid Gruden 1/5th of Mark Davis’ net worth. Because as far as NFL team owners go, Mark Davis is a broke bitch. He’s worth only $500 Million.

So unless there is some sneaky ownership stake in the team included (which Gruden has denied), then Davis is betting BIG on the move to Las Vegas being a rousing success. He has every reason to believe it will be too, especially since he snaked a deal that had him put up almost none of his own money.

Is anyone better suited to bring this team to Las Vegas than Jon Gruden? Well, maybe The Rock.

But this guy is going to be electric as the Raiders move to Sin City, both on the sidelines and in his press conferences. Now is being out of coaching for 10 years going to hurt? I would say probably, but all the ESPN (lackeys) are saying its actually good for him as he’s had a chance to study the evolution of offense in the NFL. Not to mention he’s been in practices and production meetings with just about every other team in the league over the past few years so that can’t hurt.

But it is always surprising to see a guy come back after being away from the game for so long. Just look at Bill Cowher.

He was another guy everyone thought would take a couple of years off and return to coaching, but after a few years of making beaucoup bucks to work 1/100th of the hours in a cushy TV job, its easy to understand why so many don’t go back to the grind of being an NFL head coach.

Good for Gruden, but goddamnit am I gonna miss his crazy ass in the booth. The guy was legit must watch TV in a spot where the league and the networks typically lean towards the mundane. Remember Jaws and Tony Kornheiser? Woof. For a guy that made football jargon like Spider 2 Y Banana a national catchphrase and starred in Hooters and Corona commercials in his off time, it will be hard to replace him.

No matter how much fame or money a person acquires though, we’re all the same at the end of the day and Jon Gruden reminded me of that on Saturday’s playoff broadcast. The guy has absolutely. checked. out.

You earned it my man.

Apparently Jon Gruden’s Son, Deuce Gruden, is the Goddamn Hulk

By on • ( 1 Comment )

Look at that picture! Just solar eclipsing the human gun show himself, Ed Hochuli. Incredible. I don’t know how I missed this, but the NFL is just littered with Grudens and last night we got all 3 on one screen.

We got the OG Jon Gruden up in the booth on Monday Night Football of course, we got his brother the former Arena Football legend Jay Gruden coaching the R-Words and then to my utter dismay we have Jon Gruden’s son, Deuce, working as a strength coach for Washington. Plot twist though; he is the goddamn hulk.

How was this 5’6″ bodybuilder with the last name Gruden not on my watch list? I feel like I should get an internet demerit for missing this. But, make no mistake I am all in on Deuce Gruden now. I am fascinated by this kid. Imagine growing up with Chucky as your dad back in his prime as the Raiders coach? No wonder this kid is a machine.